Made by nmcil




Chapter Twenty-Three:






Buffy let out a happy sigh, exiting the shower and heading for her bathrobe and towels. She gazed at the foggy mirror with satisfaction, not bothering to wipe it to check out Clean Buffy. Tying her bathrobe belt, she walked out of the damp bathroom to be greeted by a grinning Xander.

"Thank God you finally came out. I was waiting for FP-SM to knock on our door asking if one of our pipes burst," he quipped.

"That's so funny," Buffy said sarcastically, rubbing her head with a towel.

"But of course I had two hours and fourteen minutes to think about it." Xander held up his wrist and pointed at his watch.

"Hahaha." Buffy went with sarcastic again, focusing on drying her wet hair. Then, rapidly, she checked the clock on the wall. "Oh."

Suddenly, someone was knocking on their door. Buffy and Xander jumped together and looked warily at it.

"Guys, it's me!" Willow's muffled voice could be heard from outside. Buffy shook her head at herself and opened the door for Willow, who trotted in happily. She looked between Xander and Buffy in astonishment when witnessing the funny stares. "Someone died?" she asked, worried.

Buffy felt blood rushing to her cheeks. "No, we thought you were the water ministry," she mumbled bashfully and threw the wet towel on the couch.

"Why?"

"'Cause someone took all her week showers in one." Xander looked pointedly at Buffy. She glared at him.

"Aww, be nice to Buffy. She went through a lot."

Buffy twisted her wet hair into a ball and fastened it with a black clip. "Just be glad you didn't go through that effin' experience."

"Effin', huh? Starting to sound like him again?" he joked lightly.

Buffy didn't smile.

"Say, where's little Andrea?" Willow asked nervously; she probably anticipated a fight and didn't want to be caught in the old Buffy-Xander arguments over Buffy's choices in men.

"She's at Renée's apartment," Xander replied.

"And that would be…" Willow asked.

"Two apartments to the right."

"Great. Thanks. Bye," she quickly said, heading to the still opened door.

"Willow, you just arrived," Buffy called after her. "It's a long way from the castle. Don't you want something to drink?"

Willow waved her suggestion away. "Nah. It's cool. I flew here."

"All the way from there?" Buffy asked, blinking.

"Guys, it's not like I haven't done it before," Willow scoffed.

"But that's such a long distance," Xander pointed out.

"What was hard back then is nothing now." Before any questions were asked, Willow closed the door behind her quickly.

"Why doesn't she want to talk about it?" Xander asked with a narrowed eye.

Buffy also wondered about the real reason behind Willow's disappearance. It wouldn't have interested her as much if it wasn't for Willow's constant avoidance whenever they brought up the subject.

She looked at Xander and felt a rush of weariness all over her body. Right now she had other things to worry about. Like a much-needed conversation with her nice but grumpy roommate. "So, how did you know about Spike?" she asked casually, flinging herself to the sofa next to him.

"Before you were kidnapped actually," Xander replied, bringing the rim of the soda bottle to his lips.

"Yeah, Dawn told me. That's why I asked 'how' and not 'when'."

Xander took a long swallow of his soda and Buffy fought the urge to snatch it from his hand. Thankfully, he placed the bottle on the table before that happened. "I noticed how you spent more time outside than home, and knew it wasn't about Miss Arabia. So I followed you…"

"You followed me?" she interrupted angrily.

"I just wanted to know what was keeping you away. If it was a demon, I'd help." Xander held up a straight face. Buffy looked at him, not convinced. Eventually, Xander hung his head in shame. "Actually, for some reason I knew it was Spike before I saw you with him, even though he was supposedly dead."

"You figured all that out?" Buffy asked suspiciously.

He gave a broad smile. "Didn't lose my eye for nothing, did I?"

She wished he hadn't said that, because the feeling of guilt over her failure never seemed to ease over the years. Xander didn't appear to catch her remorseful expression.

"Now I get that you didn't tell me because you thought I was going to get pissy and shouty and all kinds of things that makes Xander Harris the biggest ass in the universe."

Buffy smiled uncontrollably.

"But wait," Xander popped. His finger tapped at his chin as he wore a thoughtful expression. "I remember this good-looking fellow with my name, looks like me, talks like me, and acts like me. He was the only one who took you into his muscular arms when you were grieving so hard for a certain blond vampire." Buffy felt herself blushing again, especially when he looked at her and shook his shoulders. "Isn't it strange that he’ll get pissy with you once a certain blond vampire's back? Unless that guy who was there for you was another Xander." He tapped his head now, still looking thoughtful. "Which is out, 'cause the effects of that Toth stick ended back when we were teenagers."

Buffy gave a lopsided smile. "Teenagers?"

"There's a teen in nineteen, isn't there?" Xander pointed with a finger. "Besides, I've always prided myself for leaving the nest before turning twenty." He smiled with affection at her. "Point is, Buff, if you wanna be with Spike, you had my blessing long before Sunnydale became a giant hole."

Buffy couldn't bring herself to return his smile. After hearing Xander's conversation with Spike, it was apparent how much it was killing him that Buffy loved someone else. However, right now he was stepping aside, despite his feelings for her. He wanted to move on and let her be happy with whomever she wanted.

She placed a hand on his thigh. "One day, Xander, a woman will love you just like you deserve."

"One day." Xander grinned. "But right now, I'm saving all my love for one girl." Buffy was able to smile at this moment, because she knew he wasn't talking about her. His expression was genuine and happy.

"Sometimes, I think," Xander said softly, looking down at Buffy's hand on his thigh, "The way you and I connect with Andy, how much we changed, how responsible. And then I think of Anya. I could've had this with Anya."

Buffy's hand left his thigh and started rubbing his shoulder. "You know what I think?"

Xander looked at her.

"I think we should let go of the past. Live for the future."

Xander gave a side smile. "Are you suggesting I get rid of the duffle bag?"

"You get rid of yours, and I'll get rid of mine."





~*~*~*~






"So, you're leaving," Buffy said to Spike as they both sat on the sofa of his ancient Scottish room. He couldn't keep up paying the Bow Bar for his stay, so he'd moved into the castle while Buffy was still hostage after a request from Dawn. The room was too bland for an old Victorian-styled room. The fact that Spike hadn't put his crypt touch in it made it obvious that his stay would be temporary, too temporary.

She lightly touched Reem's passport that rested on her lap. Spike and Reem would go back to LA on one of Buffy's helicopters accompanied by two of Buffy's Slayers tomorrow. Reem wasn't interested in staying and dedicating her life to saving the world; it was too much to take for the Saudi society. Plus, she had this big ambition she wanted to accomplish. So, she was leaving for good. One more glance at the bland room, Buffy figured the same was applying to Spike as well.

Spike blew smoke from his cigarette. "Someone's gotta get this bitch to Angel." He looked at her with a small smile.

She nodded and they stared at each other. She wasn't sure if she wanted to be separated from him again. How would her life have been if she hadn't let him burn? On top of her head, she knew she probably wouldn't have Andrea in her life. She couldn't picture her life without her. Andrea, just like Dawn, was such a huge part of Buffy that no matter what happened, she could not sacrifice her.

Her train of thought was interrupted when Spike broke the eye contact. She blinked a little and looked down at the passport.

"So…"

"Buffy…"

Both of them stopped short when the other spoke. Spike smiled politely, gesturing for her to speak first. Buffy shook her head and nodded to him to do so. No one talked, though; instead they just stared intensely at each other. It felt like ages since she looked right into his blue eyes, so close yet so far. She caught herself before swallowing any forming saliva, not wanting to show how nervous and aching she was. She yearned for the connection they had years ago, when he was the only one who understood her, the only one she could trust and never hold back with, that deep connection that pulled them together.

Her heart swelled with genuine surprise while her eyes widened little by little the second Spike leaned closer. She gripped hard on the passport in her lap in anticipation and fear. Spike's lips hovered over her lips, and Buffy's breath was caught in the moment. Then there they were. A set of cold lips brushed against hers; her heart beat in her ears. The unfamiliar gentle nibbling on her lips left her on edge, unsure what her next move should be. Her heart thudded hard when his tongue tickled her lips with tentative touches, so afraid to make a slip and ruin everything.

She captured his lips with her own, kissing back. Her eyelids slid down as she breathed him in, taken by the smell of cigarette and leather –so familiar, so good. His lips parted, inviting her tongue in, and then she started stroking his tongue with hers. She sucked deep on his tongue, tilting her head slightly, her nose brushing against his. She lost herself in the kiss, moaning low in her throat when he took the lead. The slight brush on his shoulder broke the magic; it was when she realized that only their mouths and noses touched, but their bodies stayed apart.

She panted into his face, eyes locked in his. "If we," she started between deep breaths, "if we meet again, what… what would happen?"

Spike gazed at the passport in her lap. "Maybe stop lying to each other?" he said before arching an eyebrow at her.

"Also stop hiding things from each other?" she replied with a squinted eyebrow of her own.

His smile deepened and he leaned again for another kiss. She met him half way with an aggressive one, her fingers digging into the passport. She delved inside with force and pictured herself swallowing Spike's face, but that didn't stop her. She ran her tongue as far inside his mouth as possible, breathing heavily through her nose. She couldn't help it any longer, and then she heard the thud of the passport hitting the floor. Her hands cupped his face, thumbs pressing on his cheekbones. She pulled him to her desperately, a mixture of emotions swirling inside of her, so close to the surface.

With no control of herself, she jerked back and inhaled strongly. Her eyes caught the way Spike's tongue licked his wet lips. She was too focused on how to kiss him that she didn't pay attention to how he kissed her. She swallowed, almost regretting how she'd been too caught up on sending her message, some of it anyway. She let out as much as she could, so hard to let go completely, and she hoped he understood what she was trying to say with her kiss. One look into his eyes and she knew he got it. All regrets were off.




~*~*~*~




Buffy hugged Reem close to her chest, feeling her hugging back with too much force. They had shared a lot with each other, had been through more than they could handle. Hunger, isolation, stinking clothes and bird-nest hair had made them the friends they were today. Buffy smiled against Reem's blonde hair as memories rushed into her head; she'd never forget that experience.

They broke the embrace and stared into each other's eyes. Each one hoped the best for the other. Buffy hoped that Reem would work things out with her mother and become the doctor she was destined to be. Reem's eyes told her that she hoped Buffy would find the connection she was seeking with her daughter, her friends and her current life.

"Thank you for everything," Reem whispered with a wavering voice.

"Take care," Buffy said, smiling.

Reem cast her teary eyes at Spike with a pointed hope-he-gets-it look. Buffy's response was deepening her smile. Their fingers squeezed together before Reem headed to the helicopter.

Spike stood next to Buffy. "Hope she didn't give me the whammy with her hag-witch eyes," he commented, referring to Reem’s previous pointed look.

"Be gentle with her," Buffy warned. "I know what she did to Angel was bad, but… she's just a confused teenager."

"They're always confused teenagers," Spike scoffed. "Would it be better if I didn't talk to her?"

"I guess," Buffy replied with a sigh. So here they were. Spike was leaving, again. Maybe forever. This was possibly her last chance standing side by side with him and she wasn't even looking at him. She glanced at him and found him gazing at her. He was probably waiting for his goodbye hug.

Instead of hugging him, Buffy turned fully to face him. "Will you come back?" The question was direct and to the point. Just like she wanted.

Spike shrugged. "Will I be a secret for the third time?" Now he turned to face her.

"Spike, you gotta learn to have faith in me." Her arms crossed her chest and she gave him a defiant look. "So, will you come back?"

Spike looked into her eyes for a moment. "Do you trust me?"

"That depends. Do you trust me?"

Spike smirked and let out a small laugh. Their faces were too close to each other while their eyes bored holes into one another's. Buffy felt his cool breath on her warm skin and her heart was beating fast. Spike's eyes never blinked as they gazed at her with so much force and intimacy. Their faces lingered too close, but that was it. Nothing more was going to happen. Their eyes said everything they wanted to say.

Spike turned around and walked to the helicopter. Buffy watched him get further and further from her. Her throat locked when he stepped into the helicopter. He took a seat next to Reem who waved at Buffy with a grin. Buffy waved back halfheartedly, giving a weak attempt of a smile.

When Spike's eyes were back on her, Buffy's fingers fluttered in the air and hastily stopped waving. She slowly lowered her hand to her side and returned Spike's stare with a sad one. The helicopter started going up and the eye contact was never interrupted. It seemed like forever before the helicopter heading to its direction tore off the invisible thread between their eyes. As she kept her eyes on the retreating helicopter, she knew Spike had no clue if he was coming back or not, but she trusted him enough to. And she knew he trusted her enough to wait for him.



~*~*~*~