Disclaimer: Not my characters. But I sure wish they were.
 
Thanks so much for all the encouraging reviews!
 
*******
 
Anyone who has ever had to get something to happen through a bureaucracy would not be surprised to know that hell was run in a similar fashion. There were demons and subdemons, various entities that were responsible for keeping track of who was being punished, for what, and for how long, and those responsible for keeping Satan up to speed on what was happening in his realm. There were many demonic dimensions, but his was Hell with a capital H, and he had a reputation to maintain. So when one of his chief minions came to his office looking concerned, he paid attention.
 
“What can I do for you?” Satan was nothing if not charming.
 
“Um, sir, it’s about two of our new arrivals,” said the minion, referring to a clipboard. “A William Pratt and a Buffy Summers.”
 
“Ah yes, the Slayer and her Vampire. Getting her to agree to come here was a major coup. What’s the problem?”
 
“Well,” the minion began, “They are particularly good at fighting off the demons.”
 
“This is to be expected. She’s the Slayer, and the Vampire has been fighting with her for years now.”
 
“Yes, but they seem to be… enjoying it, sir,” said the minion in a quavering tone. He was understandably nervous about telling Satan that his punishment was not particularly effective.
 
“Enjoying it?” Satan asked, sitting up straighter. “They have been sentenced to fight demons for all eternity. All the Slayer ever wanted was a rest, and the vampire had to suffer the wrath of the demon community for years since he went over to the forces of good. How could they be enjoying it?”
 
The minion gulped, “I don’t understand it myself, Sir. But they seem to heal unusually quickly, and they are working together so well that they have defeated all the demons I sent after them so far. In fact, the demons are becoming reluctant to attack them anymore. I had to threaten the last bunch with no end of torture to get them to go in there.”
 
“Hmmm,” pondered Satan. “It seems we will have to devise some other punishment. Why haven’t you separated them?”
 
“We tried, sir,” sighed the minion. “We can’t force them apart.”
 
“Can’t?” snapped Satan. “Why the hell not?”
 
“They claimed each other after death, sir.”
 
“WHAT?” roared Satan. “How was that allowed to happen?”
 
The minion cowered and said, “It happened in Purgatory. The Conductor left them to go consult with his superiors, and came back to find them all claimed and inseparable.”
 
“Two pure souls, bound to each other? No force in my realm can break that.” Satan scratched his chin and thought for a while. “I think we need to use this claim against them. They should be able to feel everything the other feels, right? Then let’s redesign their punishment with that in mind, shall we?”
 
“Very good, Sir,” replied the minion. “Would you like me to arrange that?”
 
“No,” said Satan, leaning back in his chair. “Let me take this one.”
 
*******
 
Buffy and Spike fought on and on, and time seemed to have no meaning. Minor hurts were sustained, mentally commented on, and then seemed to fade relatively quickly. They grew tired, but not exhausted, and they found they could keep on destroying demon after demon. Finally, as before, one last demon fell, this time to Buffy’s axe. Then, seeing no more foes, they flopped down on the ground again.
 
“I think I have an idea of why we keep healing so fast,” said Spike as he pulled Buffy near to him. He massaged her shoulders tenderly while he spoke.
 
“Mmm,” moaned Buffy. “I’ll listen to any theory at all – just keep doing that.”
 
Spike smiled and continued, “I think our powers have merged.”
 
Buffy thought about that for a minute. “That sort of makes sense. We each heal, what, twice? Three times as fast as a normal person? Put that together and we heal almost before they hit us.”
 
“Awfully convenient, that,” Spike agreed. His hands had slowly drifted from her shoulders to caressing the outside of her arms. He started kissing her neck, nibbling his way down to her shoulders. Buffy sighed. She turned in his arms to kiss his mouth, to entwine her tongue with his. His hand slid down to cup her breast and she moaned. Forgot how good your hands feel, lover.
 
Wonder what we have time for before the next round? Spike responded, as his hand drifted under her sweater. Buffy’s hand worked its way under his shirt as well, running over his beautiful abs and his cool skin.
 
“Are we quite finished?” said a voice.
 
Instantly the couple was on the alert, leaping to their feet and looking around. At first they saw no one, but then a swirl of mist appeared before them. The swirl widened until, with a small explosion, a man with reddish skin in a black suit appeared before them.
 
“Allow me to introduce myself,” he said.
 
“Let me guess,” Spike interrupted. “You’re a man of wealth and taste?”
 
The hell? thought Buffy.
 
Rolling Stones, Sympathy for the Devil. Have you NO musical taste at all, woman? Spike rolled his eyes.
 
Satan sighed, “Something tells me I am just not reaching you two. I am Satan, master of this realm. You may have heard of me?”
 
“Well, yeah,” said Buffy. “Not gonna lie and say pleased to meet you.” I do know the song, Mr. Know-it-all. Just couldn’t place it instantly. Buffy stuck her tongue out at Spike.
 
“If we are done making references to a certain overplayed rock song,” continued Satan, “Let me explain why I am here. You are causing me a certain amount of trouble.”
 
“How so?” asked Spike.
 
“My demons are becoming reluctant to attack you.”
 
“Oh darn,” said Buffy. “Forgive me for irritating the demons. You know, you could just send us both to, I dunno, HEAVEN together and we’ll be out of your hair in no time.”
 
“I don’t get to set the rules there,” Satan spat out. “But here, I get to alter things to suit myself. And I think you two are having just a little too much fun down here.”
 
Spike and Buffy instinctively moved closer together. They both sensed that they were taking things just a little too far. “So what now?” asked Spike, warily.
 
“Now we dance to my tune,” said Satan. The sensation of being sucked into a void struck them again and they knew nothing.
TBC