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Out of darkness
 
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Disclaimer: All the characters are Joss Whedon’s
 
Thanks so much to the loyal readers who stuck with me through this, my first fan fic! Thanks especially to Mazza and MarzBar, who reviewed practically every chapter. Feedback feeds the fire!
 
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It was black when they became aware again. They reached out and found each other’s hands. Spike pulled Buffy into his arms and held her. They could see nothing, not even each other. There was no sound, no outside sensation of any kind. But they could feel each other, and they could still hear each other’s thoughts. Where are we now? Buffy wondered.
 
Dunno, love. Spike responded. The phrase ‘the earth was without form, and void’ came into his mind. It had been an awfully long time since Sunday school for him, but some Bible verses came back at random times. I think we’re in the Void. Big, biblical emptiness before time and all that.
 
What’s going to happen to us? Buffy was suddenly afraid. This darkness, this nothingness was beyond her ability to grasp.
 
Shh. Just stay calm, love. He blindly stroked her hair. He ran his hand down to her chin and lifted her face into a kiss. She clung to him and returned the kiss, running her hands down his arms. She would know the shape of his body anywhere, even in this endless blackness.
 
Will we forget each other? Buffy asked. Despite his solid presence she could scarcely contain her rising panic. Dear God, I couldn’t bear that.
 
Oh love… Spike’s heart was breaking. He gripped her tighter. I can’t forget you, ever. Since the moment Drusilla turned me in that alley in… He stopped. He had meant to say that she had meant more to him than anything since his turning, but he realized that he couldn’t remember…
 
Spike? Buffy rubbed his arms, concerned. What were you saying?
 
I can’t… I can’t remember where I was born. A cold fear gripped his heart.
 
England, right? Buffy felt nearly certain that was right.
 
But where? Spike struggled not to panic. Oh God, pet. It’s like a hole, in my mind. The memory is just… gone. He started running through a mental list of various facts: his name, his parents’ names, Drusilla, Dawn. Most of it was still there, but there were gaps in the list, and it terrified him.
 
The full horror of what this final punishment would mean crashed in on both of them. Oh Spike, Buffy sobbed. Hold me. Just hold me.
 
Time kept passing, slowly and inexorably. Their memories were slipping away, so slowly that it was almost unnoticeable at first. But they would begin to realize more things were missing. My mother’s name? What was my mother’s name? What year was I born? I had a stuffed animal on my bed… all those years. What did I call it? They clung to each other, desperately.
 
After a time, Spike realized the futility of trying to hold on to the memories. He kissed Buffy again, slowly and tenderly. Don’t worry about the trivia, lamb. Spike said finally. There’s just us. You and me. I love you. If everything else leaves, that will remain. I know it. I don’t know anything else for certain now, but I know that.
 
I love you, William. As long as I exist, I love you. Buffy wrapped herself even tighter around him, and kept repeating that mantra in the darkness. I love you. I love you…
 
******
 
The day of the big company retreat was a typical warm L.A. day, and the event was shaping up nicely. Angel had started the day with a talk about what they hoped to accomplish and so on. Everyone broke out into groups led by various consultants, engaged in a variety of ‘trust building exercises’ and Lorne had arranged a delicious lunch for everyone. They had time to socialize, came up with bold plans and brainstormed new solutions. Everyone was having such a positive experience that they scarcely noticed that by late afternoon Angel, Wesley, Gunn, and Fred had disappeared. Lorne stayed behind to be the life of the party and cover for them, while the others made their way back to the empty office building.
 
“Is everything ready?” Angel asked, as they took the elevator up from the parking lot. He had asked them this about twice an hour for the last 24, but they quietly reassured him once more that everything was as ready as it was ever going to be.
 
Fred and Gunn split off from the group and headed down to the subbasement while Angel and Wesley got in the elevator that led to the White Room. As Angel was about to push the sequence of buttons to take them up there, Wesley laid a hand on his arm. “Are you absolutely certain about this?”
 
“It has to be done,” Angel stated flatly. “Are you ready to do your part?” He resumed pushing buttons.
 
“You’re going to grab hold of the conduit, when I finish the incantation for the portal,” Wesley recited. “The amulet should channel the energy through the portal. The portal is tied to the locator spell – it will only open where they are. They should get sucked through and end up in the field generator, if we set all this up correctly.”
 
“Now or never, then,” said Angel. He took a deep breath, and pushed the last button. As the elevator started up, Wesley started muttering the words of the locator spell. The door opened onto the White Room just as Wesley began chanting the words to open the portal.
 
Angel stepped out into the room. The large black panther stalked back and forth, warily. Angel approached it slowly, stretching his hand out. Wesley’s chanting grew louder, and the panther paused in his pacing to stare menacingly at Wesley.
 
“Angel! Now!” yelled Wesley, and he cried out the last phrase of the spell. Angel lunged forward and tackled the panther. They rolled over and over, the panther snarling and clawing. It bit down on Angel’s arm, tearing at him like a rag doll, but still Angel hung on, wrestling with all his might.
 
Then there was a sound like a hurricane behind him. The amulet began to glow, and he could feel power coursing through him. He turned and stretched out one hand toward Wesley as the power shot out of his fingers like lightning into the swirling vortex. The power burned worse than holy water, but Angel set his teeth, gripped the writhing panther with his legs and other arm, and held on for dear life.
 
******
 
Eons passed as the lovers continued to cling to each other. Almost everything they knew had been stripped from them. The names of everyone they had ever known, every place they had ever been, were lost. They had no idea what they had done to bring them to this void. They knew only that they were called Buffy and Spike, and they loved each other. No last names, even the word William had vanished. But they still knew – they were Buffy and Spike, and they loved each other.
 
Then out of nowhere, they saw the faintest bit of light. They shrank away from it at first, frightened. They had no memory of anything but this blackness. Then the light grew, and became a silver swirling circle. A voice, the first voice other than the ones in their heads that they had heard in millennia, called their names. “Buffy! Spike!”
 
“What is it?” cried Buffy, clinging to Spike. Her voice was rusty with disuse. She was bewildered by this new entry into her dark world. What new torment could this be?
 
“No idea, but let’s go!” Spike grabbed her hand and jumped, pulling her along. He had no idea what this thing was either, or why it was calling his name. But instinct took over and he jumped.
 
They fell, and they fell, and finally landed in what seemed like a sea of white fire. Power crackled around them crazily. They clung to each other, bewildered by what was happening. They saw two somehow familiar faces flickering in and out through the wall of white. “It’s working!” called a voice. What’s happening? Spike? Buffy was panicking.
 
Can’t tell. Hold on. Spike braced himself for whatever was coming next.
 
********
 
Up in the White Room, Wesley heard a thunderous crack and looked toward the portal. He saw two figures fall into the opening and continue spiraling downward. “We’ve got them, Angel!”
 
Angel kept channeling energy through the portal. “We need to power the generator!” he ground out through clenched teeth.
 
Wesley saw the opening of the portal shrinking. Where there had been a yawning opening obscuring half the room there was now a 2 foot circle on the floor. Power still spiraled out of Angel’s hand and down the opening like water down a drain. Suddenly, Wesley became aware of a deep, rumbling sound.
 
“What the bloody hell is that?” shrieked Wesley, whirling around.
 
Angel was covered in blood from bites and scratches. His skin was burned in places and his face was contorted in pain. “Wes!” he shrieked. “The building! It’s going to come down! Get the others out.”
 
Wesley realized what Angel was saying. “Angel, no!” he pleaded. “You’ve done enough! Let’s get out of here.”
 
“Go!” Angel screamed. “Get them out!” Wesley almost hit the ground as the room rocked around him again. With one last look at the struggling vampire, he dived into the elevator. He pushed the button for the subbasement and held on as the building rocked again. He found himself on the verge of weeping as the doors closed, obscuring his coworker and friend.
 
Down in the basement, Fred adjusted dials on her equipment. The room had started shaking. Gunn urged her to hurry as they both watched the glowing column of light in the center of the room get brighter and brighter. Two figures coalesced, and gradually grew more and more distinct. There was a surge of power and a blast of air from out of nowhere. Then the light winked out, leaving only the room lighting.
 
Gunn and Fred squinted, momentarily blinded by the flash. When they could see again, they saw two figures in the center of the room, surrounded by Fred’s apparatus. A slender, leather coated man was staring wide eyed and panting at a small blonde woman. Buffy and Spike were back. They had done it.
 
Buffy was also gasping for breath. What just happened? Where are we?
 
Spike was just as stunned. My memories. They’re back! he realized with complete joy.
 
“We’ve got to get out of here!”
 
Wesley appeared in the doorway, his frantic voice breaking through their reverie. “Wesley??” said Buffy, shocked. “How? What…?”
 
“No time!” yelled Gunn. He and Wesley grabbed Buffy and Spike by the arms and pulled them toward the door, with Fred on their heels. The five of them ran headlong down the hall as the building continued to shake. Lights fell on the floor and smashed, bits of masonry started raining down on them, but they kept running. They found a flight of stairs, and dashed upward, through a door, and into the main lobby. Glass was breaking, and the floors were buckling. They dashed outside into the night, followed by a cloud of smoke and debris. They kept running until they were nearly a block away, before turning to look behind them.
 
The Wolfram and Hart building shuddered and cracked. Windows rained down, and floors began to collapse on each other. Buffy and Spike clung to each other in confusion. “Angel!” cried Gunn, suddenly realizing who was missing. “What happened to Angel?”
 
Angel was still in the White Room, sucking power out of the conduit. As the building grew more and more unstable, a voice like thunder came out of nowhere saying, “What do you think you are doing?” The Senior Partners had finally caught on.
 
Angel grinned through his pain. “Hopefully, pissing you off,” he growled defiantly. Then the power surged again, and he started to burn. As he grew brighter and brighter, the voices of the Senior Partners roared incoherently. Angel closed his eyes and smiled. How was that, Whistler? was his last coherent thought, before exploding into nothingness.
 
Outside, the building shuddered once more, then began to crumble. The little gang of survivors turned and fled to avoid the falling debris. When they looked back, the building was a twisted pile of concrete, girders, and dust.
 
“Oh God, Angel!” sobbed Fred. She buried her head in Wesley’s shoulder.
 
Buffy and Spike were still staring at each other in shock. “We’re back,” Buffy said, disbelieving. She cupped Spike’s face. It was cool and solid, and exactly as she remembered.
 
Spike reached out to her face as well, felt her warmth, heard her heartbeat. Alive. She was alive, and unless hell had redecorated, they were in LA. Spike turned to the others. “What just happened?”
 
The other three looked at each other. Finally, Wesley spoke up. “We pulled you out of hell. Angel… “ he swallowed, then continued, “Angel used that amulet of yours to power a portal to pull you out, and a generator to make you corporeal. I… I don’t think he made it.”
 
Spike and Buffy were stunned. “Angel did that, for us? Why?” Spike asked. He couldn’t fathom it. Angel? Sacrificing himself for Spike? Buffy he could see, but him?
 
“Spike, Angel felt he had wronged you, wronged everyone,” explained Wesley. “He thought he had gotten too far off from his mission. You two are destined to thwart great evil. He needed to bring you back, at any cost.”
 
Tears welled up in Buffy’s eyes. Although she had not had romantic feelings for Angel in a long time, his sacrifice touched her deeply. He had still cared, after all this time. Spike’s eyes misted up as well, and they wept together as they embraced. They could not get their minds around all that had happened. Relief, confusion, and sorrow fought for prominence in their thoughts. In the end, all they could do was hold each other and cry it all out.
 
After a few minutes, Gunn spoke up in a tired voice. “So now what?” The others had no response – they were all at a loss. They had been working with Angel for years. They couldn’t fathom what could possibly be the next move. The LA branch of Wolfram and Hart was clearly not going to be open for business tomorrow. They looked at each other, then at Buffy and Spike, waiting for someone to make a move.
 
Buffy eventually extracted herself from Spike’s chest and looked around at the three people who had pulled them out of hell and nothingness. “Thank you. I don’t have words to thank you enough. You… have no idea what it was like.” She shuddered at the memory. Shh, love. Don’t think about it now, came Spike’s soothing response.
 
“You two did not deserve to be there,” said Wesley. “Angel figured that out. You have some role yet to play in the fight against evil. Just make sure that his sacrifice wasn’t in vain.”
 
Spike stared straight into his countryman’s eyes and grasped his hand. “I give you my word; we will take up the fight.” Wesley knew that Spike did not promise anything lightly. He shook the vampire’s hand with a nod.
 
“Spike?” said Buffy. He turned to look at her. She was pale, and still shaken. He didn’t imagine he looked much better himself. “Can we just… rest now? Please?” Her eyes pleaded quietly for a chance to process this ordeal. Coming back from beyond the grave twice in one lifetime was wrenching, to say the least. Buffy felt desperate for some quiet, some sleep, and some peace, if only for a little while.
 
Spike looked around once more in gratitude at Fred, Gunn, and Wesley. “We need some time. But we’ll be near.” The others nodded, still stunned. Then Spike turned, put his arm around Buffy’s shoulders, and they walked off into the night together.
 
*****
 
                                                       Epilogue
 
Dawn finished her last class and headed back to her dorm room. It was Friday, and she was grateful to have a chance to relax. She had nowhere in particular to go that weekend. She figured she would catch up on her sleep, do her homework and vegetate for a while. It was these quiet weekends when she missed Buffy the most. Even when Buffy had been silent and withdrawn, she had at least been there, sitting on the couch watching old movies with her.
 
With a sigh, she sat down at her computer to check her email. Xander had sent a note from where he was collecting a new slayer in Morocco. Giles had sent one of his periodic missives about applying herself. Then scrolling down the list, she noticed an unfamiliar address: BSWP@netmail.com
 
Curious, she clicked on the message. Her jaw dropped open slowly as she read:

Dear Dawn,
You’re probably going to think this is some kind of a sick prank, but it’s not. We’re back. Spike and I, we’re back. Angel pulled us out of hell, and brought us back. I am still a bit shaky on the details of how he did it, but he died to save us.
 
I know I hurt you, hurt everyone. I know how hard it is when everyone leaves you again, and again. I regretted what I did every minute that I was gone. I thought about just staying out of your life for good. But then I realized I would be making the same mistake that Spike made. You deserve to know the truth.
 
We’re not going to be coming back to the Slayer fold. I have had enough of that life. Giles and the others can handle and train the new slayers. Spike and I have a new mission of our own to fulfill. We’ll be there if there’s a major crisis, but we need to be on our own for a while.
 
If you’re angry at me, and never want to speak to me again, I would understand. But I just want you to know that we love you. Spike and I will always love you. We’re together now, and we always will be. If you ever need us, ever want to talk to us, you can reach us at this address. You can decide for yourself when and if you want to tell the others. Just know that we are out there, and we’re ok. Take good care of yourself. Make us proud.
 
Love,
Buffy and Spike
 
Dawn shook her head back and forth, stunned. For long minutes she read and reread the note. Her emotions cycled between disbelief, anger, and hope. Her fingers hovered over the keyboard. Was this a hoax? Someone’s cruel idea of a joke? And if it was real, how dare they? How dare they do this to her? What right had Buffy to break her heart like that? She hesitated.
 
Then, taking a deep breath, she hit ‘reply’.
 
The End.
 
 
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