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Free Cable? by BloodEnvy
 
Confessions
 
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CHAPTER TWELVE-                          CONFESSIONS

Buffy hesitated, turning back to face him. He’d moved silently from the bed and was standing a foot and a half from her. She inhaled shakily, catching the scent of distressed leather, cigarettes and a strange earthy scent that was uniquely Spike. Closing her eyes, she held them shut for a few moments before finally speaking again. “Spike… I… you don’t have a soul.”

“I can still love.”

The words were out of his mouth before he knew he had even thought them, and his shocked expression was a ghost of hers. Did he really just say…? Fuck. He’d just thrown his love for Drusilla onto a sword to die and thrown himself on after it. He’d just told Buffy- the Slayer- that he- a vampire- loved her.

And he wasn’t even the bloody poof.

Fuck.

“You… you love?” Buffy whispered, her eyes wide. God, what the hell was he saying? He couldn’t possibly mean…

Spike shook his head, arms hanging uselessly by his side. Running a hand through his hair, he looked up at her. She was staring at him, almost horrified. Figuring a final twist of the proverbial sword probably wouldn’t kill him… her soon to be incoming stake would… Spike shrugged, almost bitterly. “Yeah, pet. I love. How d’you think me and Dru survived a century together?”

“You love Dru?” Buffy couldn’t manage structured sentences, her mind tumbling words together into incoherent thoughts. She also couldn’t help the quiet note of disappointment that rang in her voice. Was she just filling the void?

“I loved Drusilla. I did. But she’s gone. I…” Spike broke off, drawing in a shuddering, unnecessary breath. He looked so pained. “I killed her. Tied her up, and let the sunlight have her. I killed her. For you.” Spike paused, meeting her eyes. “I… I didn’t want to know it, to… admit it to myself. But yeah, I love you. I think I’ve loved you since that first night.”

“In the… In the demon bar?” Buffy murmured, brow knitting together. She dropped her eyes again.

“The first night I ever saw you. Dancing in the Bronze, laughing with your friends. I think I fell in love with you the first night I saw you, but I couldn’t admit it to myself. I don’t have a soul Slayer, but I can love.”

Buffy met Spike’s eyes again, teeth worrying her lip. He loved her? He was in love with her? This had to be some kind of joke, some kind of trick to get her off guard. Some part of an evil plan…

It had to be… something… not this. It couldn’t be this…. It couldn’t…

But he looked so… honest. Taking a small step towards him, she studied his face. He was standing there completely still, his eyes on hers. His jaw was set tightly, almost painfully. His eyes were searching for a reaction, any reaction. God… Oh, god, they were so beautiful. She could have melted in those clear blue eyes.

She closed her eyes against his gaze, a small crease forming between her eyebrows. The last time… the only time she had ever loved anyone was Angel. She’d loved him completely, trusted him completely. Given herself to him completely.

He’d gone evil, hunted her friends, threatened her family, and killed Ms Calendar. All because of love.

Buffy let out a short puff of air through her nose in a bitter laugh. Opening her eyes, she found Spike’s again. He stood exactly as he had before, watching her. The only thing that had changed was his eyes. The honesty was still there, but underneath there… was pain. His eyes shone with pain and uncertainty so strong that she felt tears well up in her eyes.

Spike watched Buffy as she closed her eyes, her brow creased and her expression worried, thoughtful. God, he’d blown it. Why hadn’t he bloody just let her go? She was chewing her lip, and he had to stop himself from leaning down and catching it between his own. God damn it. He was so fucking screwed. She didn’t love him. She could never love him.

He should just walk out, leave for good. Leave her a few bucks for a cab and just go. Buffy opened her eyes, focusing on his face again. He saw tears form in her eyes, and he swore his unbeating heart shattered. Again, he had to stop himself from moving forward, his body screaming for him to comfort her.

Buffy frowned, taking a cautious step towards Spike. Angel had killed, tortured and terrified those around her because she had given herself to him. He had turned evil, because she had loved him, she had let him in. And Spike…

She had let Spike in in a foolish attempt at revenge against Angelus, wanting to hurt him like he had her. She’d let Spike do things to her, followed him here and, despite her better judgment, followed him inside.

She hadn’t woken up to an empty bed, alone and confused. Spike hadn’t tried to murder all her friends and family after sex. He’d tried to do it before, but now…? Now he kept fridges full of pig’s blood instead of hunting down teens in dark alleys.

He hadn’t turned evil.

Leaning up on her toes, Buffy pressed a kiss to Spike’s mouth, her tears flowing freely over both their faces. Running her hands up to rest on his chest, she broke away, only to place a light kiss on his cheek.

He’d tried to be good.

Spike’s eyes widened as Buffy closed the distance between them, and her mouth met his. He could feel her tears spilling out over his face, and he returned the kiss as hard as he could while his own joined hers. This had to be a goodbye.

When Buffy pulled away, he felt hollow, empty. She pressed a kiss to his cheek and stared up at him, her hands still alighted gently on his chest.

“Spike, I—“ Buffy whispered.

“You know what, pet? Just forget I said it.” Spike pushed away from her, heading for the chair in the corner to grab his things. How could he have been so stupid?

“Spike. I don’t… I don’t love you.” Buffy murmured, watching his shoulders slump and his head hang down. She took a step forward, closing some of the distance between them until she was mere inches away. Putting a hand on his shoulder, she forced him to turn around to face her again. Spike avoided her eyes, his own blues focused on the floor. “I don’t think I… think I can. Not yet. It’s… too soon, after Angel. After Angelus. I can’t love you… yet. But…” Buffy inhaled shakily. “I think I’d be willing to give it a shot, you know… If… if you wanted to?”

Spike glanced up at the girl standing in front of him, his eyes wide. Did she just…

“Buffy, love… are you sure? Do you really mean…?” His voice was low, husky.

Buffy didn’t answer. Instead she stood up on her toes again and pressed a soft, yet demanding kiss to his mouth. She pressed her lips twice more to his as she pulled away, and smiled up at him softly. “I’m sure, Spike. I’m willing to try… to try and love you. I am.”

Spike beamed at her, throwing his arms around her and pulling her up off the floor to crush his mouth to hers. Feeling her giggle joyfully against him, he rumbled deep in his throat, and his hands slid down to cup and grip her ass. Buffy’s legs slid up his legs and folded around his hips and her hands rested on his cheeks. Running one hand around to tangle in his platinum hair, Buffy moaned loudly.

God he felt so good.

Stumbling towards the bed, Spike dropped Buffy onto it and fell on top of her, managing to do so without breaking away from her mouth. He smiled against her lips as she moaned throatily. He was going to take it slow.

Raining kisses over her jaw, her forehead and her cheeks, Spike kissed her nose before meeting her mouth again. Feeling her hot lips press against his cool ones, he couldn’t help the low growl that ripped through him. Tentatively, he let his tongue trace the shape of her lower lip, and pushed it into her mouth as she sighed in response.

The long, languid kisses Spike was treating her too were driving Buffy mad. She pressed her lower half against him, trying to wrap her legs back around him, but he maneuvered his hips so her knees were trapped beneath him as he ground lightly, slowly against her. She felt his hands slide over her waist to hold her hips, and she gasped as he cold hands slid under her top to caress the soft skin of her sides and lower back.

Pulling away from her mouth to let her gain her breath, Spike moved to press kisses along her jaw and down to the hollow base of her throat.

“Buffy…”

“Spike… please.” Buffy whimpered as he pressed a kiss to her throat and another to her hammering pulse point. “I want you. I… need you.”

Spike pulled away so she could see his smile, and he was rewarded with a dazzling grin so happy he almost wept. She was with him, here. She was truly with him.

Kissing her collarbone, Spike slid his tongue up her neck and behind her ear, reveling in the shivers dancing down her spine. He ran his hands up over her sides, dragging her shirt up with them. Breaking away from her skin to pull her top over her head, Spike crushed his lips to hers, pushing his tongue slowly into her mouth again. Groaning, he squeezed a naked breast and rolled the nipple between his thumb and finger, pinching it to a rosy nub.

“Oh, God. Spike…” Buffy moaned, arching into his palm as his mouth traveled down to her other nipple. “Please…”

“It’s alright, love.” Spike whispered, his breathe brushing against her hardening nipple. “I’ve got you.”

He pressed a light kiss against her sternum before sliding up her body to press one to the base of her throat, to her chin, up to the slight bump of her nose, her forehead, her chin again and finally, her lips.

“I’ve got you.”

Unbuttoning his jeans, he pulled her shorts down, and slid his length over her slit, against her clit. With a sigh, Buffy let her legs fall open, and she wrapped her legs around his hips, sliding them down to drag his pants off of him.

Kicking the denim off, Spike angled himself above her and slowly pushed himself into the hilt.

The two blondes gasped in union at the feeling of fulfillment… of being complete. Spike dropped his head onto Buffy’s shoulder, and inhaled a shaky breath before beginning to move, slowly pumping in and out of her hot, quivering centre.

“I’ve... Got… You.” Spike breathed with every slow, loving thrust. Buffy arched beneath him as he circled her clit with his finger. She gasped as he kissed her again, and he felt her edging the precipice, close to climax. “Slayer… Are you with me? Are you with me, love?”

Buffy reached up and tangled her fingers in his blonde hair, tugging his head demandingly down to her neck. He kissed and suckled on her pulse point again, and she pushed harder against his head. There was no mistaking the invitation.

Face morphing, Spike let out a feral snarl and sank his teeth into her golden, buttery flesh, taking long, deep pulls of the Slayer’s blood.

The feeling was extraordinary. Having him inside her, filling her up completely… his fangs… his cock… both buried deep inside her. Even as she felt him drink, draining her, she had never felt so full… so complete. This was everything.

As Spike took a fifth, long pull of her blood, Buffy felt her inner walls clench around him, and she cried out in sweet, agonizing release.

Spike felt her walls strangling his cock, and pulled his teeth out of her flesh, licking the wound closed as his face reverted back to its human visage. He watched Buffy as she came down, still slowly pumping inside her. He took in her too-bright eyes, her flushed cheeks… her heavy breasts and soft, happy smile.

Bloody hell. She was beautiful.

“Are you with me, Buffy?” He murmured.

Buffy reached up and touched a hand softly to his razor sharp cheekbone, her fingers brushing lightly against his temple. Her smile was sweet and content as she whispered back to him.

“Always.”

And with that, Spike came.



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NB: This is the second last chapter, and I will post the last one as soon as I feel like I'm getting a good response XP Yes, I know I'm cruel.
 
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