CHAPTER FOUR

Buffy was again frozen, completely caught up in what she was seeing. Her eyes ran over his body; his heavy shit kicker boots... his dark denim jeans... the tight black tee shirt that clung to every muscle of his stomach and chest... the trademark duster that billowed when he walked and lent him that lingering scent of distressed leather...

And when her eyes finally reached his face, her breath hitched.

He was exactly the same as before. The same angular, razor sharp cheekbones, the same full lips, the bottom one slightly thicker than the other... the lips that felt so good against her skin. The same canine tooth that he was currently flashing at her sheepishly that she found so strangely sexy... the scar on his dark eyebrow... the short, slicked back platinum hair, and... His eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes that saw right through her, through every lie, every mistake, every evasion... through everything she did.

She wanted to rush at him, throw herself into his arms and press her lips to his. She wanted to hold him in hers. But she couldn’t. For one thing, she’d fall right through him. And besides... maybe he didn’t want her to... maybe he didn’t love her anymore. Why else wouldn’t he have let her know he was back?

Instead she glanced at Angel, who was staring between them with such intensity she was surprised nothing caught fire. “Is...” she cleared her throat before continuing quietly, “Is there anywhere we can go? That’s quiet? I... we need to talk, in private.” There was no mistaking which ‘we’ she meant.

“Take my office,” Gunn offered, before his boss could speak. “Hell, it seems to be the place to duke it out.” He cocked an eyebrow and smirked good-naturedly.

Buffy felt a twinge of guilt at the way she had spoken to him before, and nodded gratefully. “Thanks, Charles.”

“Please, call me Gunn.” He smiled, before turning to the other two Slayers. “You guys hungry?”

Even Faith wasn’t blunt enough to miss the suggestion: get out of the building before the yelling match and physical violence started. She stood up and beckoned Kennedy to follow. “Sure, G. What’d you have in mind?”

“Willow, you coming?” Kennedy turned to her girlfriend.

“No, I think I’ll have to pass. I need to see some of Wesley’s books. I think I have an idea of what to do...” She trailed off, gave her lover a chaste kiss on the cheek and followed Wesley and Fred out of the room, avoiding Spike’s eyes.

“How ‘bout you, Kermit? Angel?” Faith asked, already halfway out the door.

“Love to, peach pie,” Lorne laughed, a little offended. Faith smirked. “But I’ve got a lunch date with the Olsen Twins in an hour.”

“Suit yourself,” Faith shrugged and led the other two out of the room, “See you round, B.” She shouted, winking at the blonde vampire on her way out.

Buffy offered Lorne and Angel a wan smile before leaving, Spike cautiously following behind her.

Lorne sat next to Angel, who was leaning on the desk, his expression dark and preoccupied. Classic Angel. “I know playing saviour is what you do, Angel-cakes, but this time, you’re going to have to let them sort themselves out.”

Angel looked for a second like he was going to protest and Lorne’s claim, but nodded and headed for elevator to his room.


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Buffy shut the door to Gunn’s office quietly behind her, standing a few inches from it with her eyes on the wood for a few long moments. If she didn’t look at him, she might be able to think coherently. If she didn’t look at him she wouldn’t crumble.

She could ignore the hurt.

Spike moved to the centre of the room, his hands still tucked into his duster pockets. He watched her warily, his whole body burning, yearning to reach out and touch her, to hold her. His dead heart felt like it was breaking as she continued to stare at the door. Look at me. Please, Buffy. Look at me.

“Buffy...”

“You’re back.” She murmured, closing her eyes tightly.

“So it would seem.” Spike couldn’t keep the hope out of his voice. He felt like crying. She was here, but she wouldn’t look at him. She was here, and he couldn’t touch her, make sure that she was real. God, why wouldn’t she turn around? Why wouldn’t she look at him? Had she forgotten him? She never really loved him... so it wouldn’t be so hard for her to move on.

Please, look at me. God, please.

“You died.”

“Yeah, pet. Buffy squeezed her eyes shut tighter at the nickname, blocking tears. Why did he have to call her that? She could barely hear the hope in his voice as he added, “But I’m back.”

“You. Bastard.” Buffy ground out, her jaw clenched. She felt the tears burning in her eyes, blurring her vision completely. Spinning to face him, she was glad her tears prevented her from seeing him clearly. If she couldn’t see his face, his expression, she wouldn’t hurt.

“Buffy...?”

“You died. I told you the fucking amulet was dangerous. I told you it was volatile.” She spat. Buffy clenched her fists at her sides, her knuckles turning white. “And all you did was joke. You wore it anyway. You died, you burnt up and you left me. You left me all alone like everybody else in my life does. You promised me you would always be there!”

Buffy was yelling now, the tears spilling out over her face. Spike took a step towards her, but she stopped him with a glare.

“Stay away from me!” She screamed, stumbling back a few steps. “You died, Spike. You fucking died. And... and when I told you the truth, you brushed it away like it meant nothing. I love you, you son of a bitch. But do you believe me? No, you tell me I don’t, thank me like I was some sort of fucking convenience and then...” Buffy sobbed, drawing in a wracking breath. “And then you died.”

Buffy had fallen to her knees, her chest heaving as she covered her tear stained face with her hands. Spike stood frozen for a long moment, staring in awe at the girl on the floor. He felt like he was going to melt onto the floor. She was falling apart on the floor, but one phrase was echoing in his mind. She loved him? Truly?

Stepping forward he knelt in front of her, and reached out to let his hand hover half an inch from her cheek. “Buffy... love?”

Buffy glanced up at him, a thousand emotions burning in her eyes. Fear, anger, insecurity, rage, longing, pain... Meeting his eyes, she felt something break within her. He was staring at her with those eyes, he saw right through her. They glowed with happiness, with joy, hope and surprise, and she felt like she could completely lose herself within it.

“You didn’t call.” She whispered lamely.

A soft smirk graced the vampire’s lips, warming his worried face. “I’ve only been back for about two, three hours, pet.” He assured her quietly, smiling slightly at the guilt that appeared on her face. “I wanted to call, I did. The first thing I did was ask about you... after the ghost-shock wore off. But the Science Queen wanted to run tests, and well... he wouldn’t give me your phone number.” Buffy glowered at that. “Not exactly in the position to be turning the pages of address book, am I?”

Buffy giggled, wiping at her tears with the back of her hand. She reached out to touch his face, her fingers passing ineffectually through his cheek. Still, Spike closed his eyes and leaned into the not-there touch, his lips parted. A small smile touching Buffy’s lips, she withdrew her hand slowly.

“Three hours?”

“Give or take, pet. I promise, I would have found a way to call.” Spike hesitated, before lowering his voice and searching her eyes. “You... you really meant it, love?”

Buffy could only nod, her focus falling to her hands. Spike felt his chest swell with ecstasy, and he grinned.

“I... I had to get you out of there, Buffy. I had to brush it off.” His hand hovered over hers, and his irritation at being a spook grew. “Couldn’t risk you dying, love. I couldn’t bear it.”

Buffy nodded again mutely, tears still tumbling down her wet face.
They stayed quiet, completely still for what could have been hours, days or weeks even by Buffy’s reckoning, she was so lost in her mind that she jumped as a knock echoed against the door. The sound pulled the two blondes out of their little world, their private bubble, and Buffy jerked up to a stand, wiping hastily at her face. Spike moved out of his kneel slowly, eyes on the Slayer.

Inhaling a steadying breath, Buffy turned her attention to the door. “Come in.”

The door opened slowly, and Willow smiled nervously from behind it. “We think we’ve found a solution.”
 


TBC

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