Disclaimer: Joss owns them all, I’m only having fun.

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“Xander!” screamed Buffy happily.

Buffy bounded into Xander’s arms as he walked into her kitchen.

“Buff? Did someone take happy pills today?” he asked.

“No, silly,” said Buffy , backing away from her friend, “I just didn’t see you yesterday, or for the past 80 or so years. You think I need drugs to be happy to see you?”

“No, I like Happy Buffy, wait, 80 years?”

“Oh, so Anya didn’t tell you the fabulous news of me?”

“No...What happened Buff?”

Buffy turned to see Dawn walk into the kitchen with her school bag.

“Good morning Dawn,” said Buffy with a smile.

“Whatever,”

“Hey! Some sort of acknowledgement would be good here.”

“Crone,”

“Thief,”

“Hey!”

“And I say ‘Hey’ back, I’m not a crone! Look at me with the non croneness.”

“Please, don’t go on about the fact that you still have your own teeth, if I have to hear about your teeth once more I’m going to hurl.”

“Whatever, just you get to fill in Xander on the way to school ok? Have great day.”

Buffy watched Xander and Dawn exit the building, Xander confused, Dawn morose. Buffy had had a great day yesterday, waking up in your twenty year old body would do that to you. She had shopped to her hearts content, with Spike’s money, She’d visited her mom’s grave, she’d patrolled and kicked some undead ass and most importantly she‘d had I love you sex with Spike. A pretty good day. Of course there were other things to fix, to make better for her friends, and there were other things that she really wanted to do now that she wasn’t an old crone any more.

Buffy started the Breakfast dishes, just a Tara walked into the kitchen.

“I slept in, I was up really late last night doing a paper,” explained the witch.

“No problem,” said Buffy with a smile. “But I’m going to hug you.”

“O...okay,” stuttered Tara unsure.

Buffy launched herself into Tara’s arms and gave her a big hug.

“Uh...thanks Buffy,” said Tara. “Is everything alright?”

“Oh totally,” said Buffy going back to her dishes.

From behind her, Buffy could hear Tara gasp. Buffy turned to face her shocked friend.

“B..Buffy...your aura...it’s like you are really old...”

“122 actually, Willow didn’t tell you?”

“No...What happened? Did Willow do another spell?”

“Not that I know of, but if she did, Good Spell. I’m from 102 years in the future, Buffy that was here, I’m thinking she’s in heaven, cause the fact that I was pulled out just as I was about to kick it.”

Buffy winced at her own vulgar words, but shook her head. She was twenty now, she didn’t have to be a role model for the masses anymore, just Dawn, and she wasn’t there.

Buffy took another look at her friend and realized that Tara was speechless. Buffy smiled.

“Don’t worry about it Tara. I’m happy Buffy.”
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Buffy sat in front of the TV, enjoying Passions of all things. Buffy had found a couple of Spike's old tapes and had decided to veg with a lot of junk food (#3 on her list) and see what all the fuss was about. At the same time, she decided to write out a list of things she felt needed to be done.

Buffy’s list of things to do now that I’m not an old crone

1. Go to the Beach - work on tan, before the ozone layer completely evaporates - Take Dawn
2. Have sex with love of your life, as much as possible.
3. Eat junk food.
4. Shop, shop like there’s no tomorrow.
5. Bronze it up - Take Spike - Get Drunk - get the hang over of all hangovers
6. Visit Mom’s grave, if possible, look to move her out of Sunnydale.
7. Patrol, kick undead booty
8. Have talk with Willow about magic over use - possible prop, ice cream, chocolate chips and gummy bears.
9. Marriage counsel Xander and Anya (Pre marriage counsel?)
10. Put nerds in jail, possibly after diamond bust (note, what to do about Andrew?)
11. Have Giles start looking into the watcher’s diaries about the first evil - thus stopping the trip to England.
12. Get paid by watcher’s council. God knows they can afford it.
13. Find Cameras put up by nerds

Buffy put down her pen to munch on some Cheetos, and took a swig of her non diet coke. Buffy took a look at her list and added two more things to it.

14. De-rat Amy.
15. Find Rack and take him out.
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Buffy was feeling good and blob like as 3:30 in the afternoon rolled around. She had drunk an entire 2 L of Coke and a bag of Cheetos, a bag of all dressed Lays and a bag of Swedish berries. Buffy let a loud burp echo through the empty house.

“Ewwww,”

Ok make that an almost empty house.

“Dawn?” Buffy called out.

“Since when did you get so gross?” Dawn asked, coming into the living room.

“Since I thought no one else was home. How was school?”

“Blech, as usual.”

“Alright, I believe you, what are you doing on Saturday?”

“Why?”

“I’m going to the beach, and I want you to come with.”

“Can’t, I don’t have a bikini that fits anymore.”

“Oooh,” Buffy pushed the empty chip bowl off her lap and dug into her sweat pants pockets. Buffy pulled a couple of bills out, and handed them to Dawn.

“Fifty bucks? Where did you get fifty bucks?”

“My sugar daddy, use it to buy your self a suit.”

“Your sugar daddy?”

“Considering that he now knows I’m taking money from him, and the fact that he got seriously laid last night, damn straight he’s my sugar daddy.”

“Ewwwwww, impressionable youth here!”

“I thought you were 15, being on the verge of a mature 16 year old?”

“I still don’t want to hear about my sister’s sex life.” Dawn sat down on the couch, “ Can I ask a question though? Who is this sugar daddy of yours?”

“Spike.” Buffy smiled.

Dawn’s jaw dropped. “Are you kidding me!!!! You and Spike are ... making with the smoochies? When did this happen?”

“Technically...in a couple of weeks from now.”

“Huh?”

“Remember? I’m future girl, or future crone, depending on the awakeness of Dawn. I decided to move up the time table. He deserved it, and he’s way hot, completely drool worthy.”

Dawn smiled. “I’m so happy for you!” she beamed, launching herself into Buffy’s arms.

“I’d be happier if I knew that you did what I asked you last night...you did take care of that right?”

Dawn blushed, “Most of it...”

“It’s a start. So Beach, Saturday, I’m thinking potato salad and Veggie dogs.”

“Veggie dogs?”

“Oh, I became a vegetarian in 2013, or a sort of vegetarian, did you know that gummy bears have beef fat in them? I try not to think about it...”
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Feeling the gummy bears literally depositing themselves onto her thighs Buffy decided exercise was in order. Leaving Dawn to do her homework, Buffy walked to the Magic Box, eager to talk to Giles about #11 and #12 on her list.

Buffy found Anya hidden behind a bridal magazine at the counter.

“Hey, Anya, is Giles here?” asked Buffy sitting down at the research table.

“Oh, ya he’s in the back, is there anything I can do for you?”

“Actually, yes, brides maid dresses, I don’t know exactly how deep into the selection process you are, but I’d like to give a piece of friendly advice, radioactive green, not a good choice, and you might want to move the date of the wedding, it rains.”

“It rains?”

“On the day you and Xander have set...torrential down pour.”

“Oh, thanks Buffy, I knew there was a reason I wanted you as my maid of honour. I really haven’t decided on the bride’s maids dresses yet, I’m still debating between dresses or blood larva and burlap.”

“Well let me know. And Anya?”

“Yes?”

“I’m honoured to be your maid of honour. Wow, that sounded redundant, didn’t it?”

“The English language actually baffles me at times,” admitted the ex demon.

Buffy smiled.

Giles came out of the back room of the shop with his nose in a book, an accounting book.

“Anya we seem to be missing two rabbits feet.”

Anya’s eyes went wide in terror. “Don’t ask me about rabbit’s feet Giles, I refuse to touch those things!”

“Be that as it may, we are still missing the items. Oh...Buffy, welcome, you waiting for me?”

Buffy nodded. “I have a couple of things I need to talk to you about. First, I need money. No I don’t want you to give me money. I want the watcher’s council to start paying me for my services. I’ve died for them, I think I deserve to be on the payroll.”

“Uh...There is no precedent, no Slayer has ever been paid before...It’s a sacred duty.”

“A sacred duty that isn’t paying for my gummy bears Giles. Will you look into it? I don’t think that the watcher’s council really wants their non incarcerated Slayer flipping burgers at the Doublemeat palace. ...Crap!”

Buffy shook her head.

“What is it Buffy?” asked Giles concerned.

“Nothing, I just remembered something. Something else that has to go on my list of things to do. Will you do it Giles?”

“Of course Buffy, I don’t promise success though, Travers is not a man with whom precedents are made.”

“I know you will do your best Giles.”

“You said that there were a couple of things that you needed to talk to me about.”

“I need you to do some research for me, well actually for yourself, cause things are going to start to happen and we need to be on top of it this time, and that can only happen when you are here in Sunnydale with us.”

“What do you need me to research?”

“The First Evil,”

“Dear Lord, you aren’t serious, you can’t fight the first evil Buffy.”

“Oh yes I can, I have and I will. Look Giles, I need to get a head start on this, this year, not so much with the eventful, after I take care of some nerds. We can use this time to better prepare for the apocalypse.”

“But you lived through this apocalypse, it can’t have been that bad,”

“Oh it’s bad, the worst one yet in fact, and we lose a lot of good people.” Buffy resisted the urge to look in Anya’s direction.
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Buffy met Spike for patrol that night. Buffy completely had to bite her lip to keep from giggling she was so happy. And she could tell Spike was happy too.

“What did you do today?” he asked.

“Oh watched Passions, eat a spectacular amount of junk food, thereby completing # 3 on my list of things to do. Talked to Dawn, who by the way now knows the identity of my sugar daddy...”

“Sugar Daddy?”

“Yep,” Buffy took his face in her hands and pressed a kiss to his lips. “Until the council starts paying me, I think I’ll be living off of you.”

Spike kissed her back, grabbing her butt and pulling her closer.

“I want you to come live with me and Dawn.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me Mr. vampire hearing. I want you to come live with me and Dawn.”

“Why?”

“Why?” Buffy’s nose wrinkled, “Cause I love you silly vamp. Cause I want to spend as much time with you as possible. Everyone else pretty much lives at my house, how about you too? And you are paying for a full copper re-pipe of said house.”

“I don’t know how you got me to agree to pay for that mess...”

“I think it got decided sometime between the 4th and 5th time. Besides I think you like being my sugar daddy.”

Spike groaned.

“Please say you will come live with us?” Buffy rubbed herself seductively against his body, before pulling away. “Please say you will sleep in my bed and make love to me every single night for the rest of my life?” Buffy whispered, so lowly that only a vampire would have heard her.

Spike let out a growl and tackled her to the ground, pinning her arms to the grass and kissing her senseless.
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Buffy set Amy’s cage on the island in the kitchen

“So we meet again,” said Buffy peering into the cage. “This time it’s gonna be different Miss Madison.”

The rat in the cage continued to run in the metal exercise wheel.

“Oh I see you there, trying to ignore me, just you mind who de-rats you.”

Buffy lifted the metal frame off the cage and scooped the rat up in her hands. Buffy peered into Amy’s rat eyes and started muttering under her breath.

There was a flash of light, leaving Buffy and Amy the rat in the kitchen just as they were.

Buffy put Amy back in her cage and set the metal bars back in place.

“One more night as a rat for you,” said Buffy as she took the cage back to Willow’s room, hoping not to wake up the sleeping Wiccas.
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tbc...