Chapter 9—Ice Is Forming

Ice is forming on the tips of my wings—Pink Floyd, Learning To Fly

Giles’ return to Sunnydale found measured chaos. The first Scoobies meeting was as frigid as the arctic, with glares and cool looks all around. Nobody spoke, which spoke volumes.

He looked around the room, and removed his glasses. “Yes, well, er, while I’m terribly pleased to find Buffy alive and well, however different she may seem to all of us, I must ask about the spell used to resurrect her.”

Dawn sat on the stairs, listening to the silence thundering in the living room. She hugged her knees, just as curious as Giles obviously was. Spike refused to tell her anything; he’d avoided the upstairs and Buffy like the plague, only coming out of the basement when he heard no other movement in the house.

Buffy…well, she was just scary. She wasn’t the same as when…before she left. She was really outspoken, not Anya-outspoken, but close. When Dawn first got home from Janice’s house, there were hugs and tears. Spike had been strangely quiet, not even watching television. When the time came and went for Passions, she knew there was something stormy on the horizon, she just didn’t know what.

Giles cleared his throat, and tried a different tack. “Buffy, tell me about the effects the spell had on you.”

She smirked. “I think it’s kinda obvious, Giles. Was dead, now alive. End of story.”

Giles rolled his eyes and sighed. “Willow? Spike? Someone?”

Xander shifted, then said, “Well, Willow said that Buffy couldn’t, uh, survive hell…being the Slayer and all. So, uh, we decided that we would search for her and try to get her out. We didn’t tell you or Dawnie because we didn’t want to get your hopes up if it didn’t work.”

“Very well. Willow, how did you create the spell? Do you still have it?”

“It’s at home.” She glared across the room at Tara and Buffy where they sat on the couch. “I was trying to save her. I didn’t expect her to attack me when she came back.”

“And I didn’t expect you to pull me out of heaven. No matter whether I wanted to be back here or not, Willow, I thought you were my friend.” She stood, and started pacing in the living room between the chairs. “You know, I was able to watch you all from where I was. I saw what you did. Saw how you abandoned Dawn. Saw you pursue a spell to bring me back, for no other reason except to make you feel better. You perform magic for selfish reasons, Willow. Reasons that have nothing to do with improving anyone’s life but your own.”

“That’s not true!”

“Oh, but it is. What about the ‘will be done’ spell? Was that not for selfish reasons? And look what it did to us, the people you claim to love.”

Willow whined, “But that was just a spell that went wonky.”

“Willow, all your spells go wonky. Don’t you understand? When you do things for your own reasons, they don’t turn out right.”

Willow’s mouth twisted in a bitter moue of disgust. “Well, you don’t have to worry about that any longer. I think my magic is gone.”

Giles stepped in. “Gone? What do you mean, gone?”

“I tried to do a little spell last night. Just a little one. Nothing happened.”

“Nothing?” Tara looked closely at her ex-girlfriend of one day. “You mean, nothing noticeable.”

“No. I mean nothing. I couldn’t even conjure a fairy light.”

Tara moved to sit in front of Willow on the couch. She put her hands, palm outward, in front of her, and they touched palms lightly. Tara looked at Willow's aura, and saw it clearer, though still darkened with resentment and anger. She closed her eyes and concentrated, sending a magical pulse from her core down her arms to Willow, where it rebounded into her, throwing her back from the table and tumbling her to the floor.

Spike bent down, and helped her to her feet. “Well, Glinda? What’s the verdict?”

“S-she’s a null. There is no magic in her anymore. Magic will not work for her anymore, or work on her.”

Giles removed his glasses and cleaned them thoughtfully. “What could have possibly had that effect?”

Surprisingly, it was Spike that answered. “An influx of magic too great for her center to handle. Or a spell too great for her development to handle. Too much or too little, that’s what does this.”

Buffy gaped at him. “How do you know that?”

He smiled softly at her. “Been around a while, pet. You pick things up as you go.”

“Yes, well.” Giles replaced his glasses. “Willow, I’m inclined to side with Buffy on this matter. You should not have been performing spells outside your realm of capability.”

“I could have done it. Something happened to me that night. I don’t know what it was, or who did it, although I have my ideas,” she said, looking pointedly at Tara and Spike, “but I have no proof. So I’m a null now, huh?”

Giles looked around the room. There were no signs of guilt on any of their faces, no shifting eyes. Spike forced himself to meet the Watcher’s eyes, icy blue clashing with cerulean. He was relieved when he looked away. “Willow, I cannot see where anyone would benefit from you losing your magic.”

“No, I guess you wouldn’t, Giles, but I do.” She stood, glaring at Tara, and headed toward the front door. “I know when I’m not welcome,” she glanced at Buffy, “or wanted,” glancing at Spike, “so I’ll be going. See you around, Xander.” The front door opened and closed quietly, and a heavy feeling descended on the living room.

“That was uncomfortable.” Anya looked around the room. “Why would Willow think that any of us had anything to do with that?”

“She can’t take responsibility for her own actions, that’s why. She’s too immature to realize what effects she had on other’s lives.” Giles looked around the room, and sighed.

“Willow was only thinking of Buffy!” Xander stood, defending his friend. “She wouldn’t do anything to hurt her, she just wanted to make it better.”

“Did she really think that I was in hell, Xander?”

“We all did, Buff. All of us.” Xander fell back onto the couch, all the passion draining from him. He was so tired. “We all thought you went to hell. We had no idea that you could have gone to heaven. We thought the portal only opened onto hell dimensions.” He was near tears now. “We didn’t want you to suffer, Buff. We knew…what Angel went through…and we didn’t want you to suffer.”

Buffy went to Xander's side, and put her arm around him. “Is that the fate you think they would allot to the Chosen one? Really, Xander, think.”

“I know. It makes sense, more sense than you being in hell.” He buried his face in his hands. “I don’t know what is what, anymore.”

“Don’t cry, whelp. It’ll all turn out.” Spike stood from his leaning position against the wall, and looked at the group. “Feeling a bit peckish. Carry on without me.”

Xander lifted his eyes and glared at the departing back of his hated enemy. “And why is he still here again?”

“He is here because I want him here. That’s enough reason. This is my house, Xander, and my life. And I don’t want to remind you of it daily, so learn it in one. Buffy isn’t looking for love or approval anymore. From any of you. There’s a lot of time for reflection when you’re in heaven, and one thing that I realized is I can do this. On my own, if I need to.”

She looked up at Giles, and he shivered at the tone of her voice. “I don’t need anyone to tell me my choices are the wrong ones. Don’t need anyone to second-guess me. Don’t need a moral compass, I have one of my own.” She glanced around the room, and then past it to the staircase. “What I do need is people that love and support me to help me. Can you be that for me? Any of you?”

She let the relief show at the nods around the room. “Then, that’s enough. Now, what happened while I was gone? Besides the spell research?”