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Hearts Breaking Even by slaymesoftly
 
Seventeen
 
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Chapter Seventeen

Spike spent the day in Buffy’s bed; reluctantly kissing her good-bye when she insisted that she had to go to school, if for no other reason than to see Giles and Ms Calendar and find out how the re-ensouling spell was coming. After a shower that took much longer than expected, due to Spike’s joining her in the bathtub, she finally was able to dress and leave. In spite of his insistence that he was too pumped on Slayer blood to sleep, she could see the advancing daylight causing his eyelids to droop, leaving her no doubt that he would be sound asleep a few minutes after she left.

He gave a grumbled assent to her instructions not to answer the phone, lest it be her mother calling from San Francisco, and forced her to promise she would eat a hearty breakfast and drink a lot of water all day. With one last, lingering kiss, she let herself out the door and hastened to Sunnydale High School to do her best imitation of a perfectly normal seventeen-year-old virgin.

In the library, Giles and Jenny continued to work on the spell needed to reinstall Angelus’ soul. Fortunately, it was a slow day for the computer teacher and with few classes, she was able to concentrate on her work. With Willow’s record as an “A” student, she had no trouble getting the novice witch released from class to “help” her in the library.

She felt sure that she would have the curse spell figured out and ready to go within a day or two and she praised Willow’s enthusiasm and research abilities, as well as commenting on the magical potential she could feel in the excited redhead.

“Buffy! “ Willow greeted Buffy’s arrival at lunch time with an excited squeal. “Miss Calendar says she can feel all kinds of magic in me. She thinks I’m going to be a very powerful witch. Isn’t that awesome? Think of the ways I’ll be able to help you then!”

Buffy smiled indulgently, happy that her friend had found some confidence even as she found herself wishing they were alone so that she could share her own exciting news about the loss of her virginity. Somehow she was sure that information was not anything her Watcher either needed or would want to know, particularly considering that the man in question was not one of her schoolmates but a 124-year-old master vampire.

“That’s great, Will. We’re going to be unstoppable. Like the three musketeers – or maybe the two musketeers? Have you heard from Xander? He wasn’t in class.”

“No. I haven’t seen him either. I guess he’s still mad at us.” Willow’s excitement over her newfound skills was tempered somewhat as she remembered how angry her oldest childhood friend had been when he slammed his way out of Giles’ apartment. “Maybe he stayed home today so he wouldn’t have to see us.”

“Sure, that’s probably it….” Buffy’s voice held just the slightest tinge of fear. She’d never known Xander to stay angry for more than a couple of hours and she hoped that their friendship wasn’t going to be ruined over her decision to restore Angel’s soul rather than dust him. “You don’t think he would have gone out…No, that’s ridiculous. Xander is too smart to go out after dark – especially with Angelus and Dru out there somewhere.”

Giles raised his eyebrows at her insistence that Xander was “too smart” for anything, but kept his own counsel about the young man. Knowing how much the two girls cared about the boy, he sincerely hoped that they were right and that Xander was just staying home to nurse his anger.

Packing their books, computers and supplies up for the trip back to the watcher’s apartment, the adults offered to drive Willow and Buffy home. Buffy blushed slightly as she said she had to go back to her house to get Spike. Her watcher’s jaw tightened as it became clear that the vampire was sleeping at the Summers home, but he held his tongue, just asking mildly, “And what is the plan for this evening?”

Blushing again, Buffy stammered that Spike was completely recovered and that they intended to confront Angleus and Drusilla as soon as the sun went down, catching them in the warehouse before they had time to begin the evening’s hunt. There was no argument from anyone about the necessity of ending their brief reign of terror as soon as possible. The news had been full of stories about the many citizens who had met a bloody and untimely end the night before, and no one doubted who was responsible.

Speaking up timidly, Willow ventured that maybe they should move the spell casting to Buffy’s house. With her mother out of town for the rest of the week, and the basement a perfect place to chain up a vampire, it seemed to make more sense than the Watcher’s small apartment.

When Buffy agreed, they all decided to meet her back at Revello Drive when they had picked up what they needed for the night. Willow went with Giles and Jenny so that she could pick up some clothes before going to Buffy’s for the night, and the Slayer told them she was going out to pick up Spike and go after Angelus and Drusilla. She promised to leave the door unlocked if they were gone before everyone got there.

After assuring her watcher that she would be bringing either Angelus or his dust with her when she got back, she waved cheerfully as she set off for home. Excitement and anticipation fed her energy and she made the walk to Revello Drive in record time.

Letting herself into the house quietly, she cast a look over her shoulder to see that the sun was still a good twenty-five minutes from being down far enough to make it safe for vampires to be out and about. She tried to smother the thoughts of what they could do with that twenty-five minutes, but lost the battle the minute she closed the door and a partially naked vampire pinned her to it, crushing her lips ravenously as he complained about being without her all day.

Buffy giggled at his growling description of what her blood had done to his body and how he’d spent the entire day with an aching hard-on, waiting for her to come home.

“All day?” she asked archly, rubbing her hand along the bulge pressing into her. “And you couldn’t think of anything to do about it?”

“Well, I might have had a good wank or two,” he admitted sheepishly, “but it wasn’t even close to having the real thing around me. My poor, cold hand is a poor substitute for your warm little---“ He slid his hand under her skirt and cupped her already dampening sex.

“Gah!” His move had caught Buffy by surprise and she felt her knees give way as he worked his fingers past the elastic on her underwear. With his free hand, he quickly unzipped and he was soon pressing his hard cock against her entrance.

“Want you so bad, love. Let me in now, Slayer. Let me feel you…”

As he spoke, she was reaching one leg up to hook around his waist, resting her full weight on one arm as he poised her over his cock. When she just nodded dumbly rather than answering him, he plunged home, pinning her back to the door and sighing with relief.

“You feel so good, pet. Missed you all day. Wanted you so bad…need you…”

He began moving, pushing her into the door with each thrust and forcing small grunts from her as he did so. He was just about to ask if he was hurting her when she wrapped the other leg around his waist and began to raise and lower herself on him, spinning them around so as to be riding him against the much-abused door.

When it became clear they weren’t getting the kind of friction desired, Spike turned away from the door and allowed himself to fall backwards, landing on the hall carpet with the Slayer on top of him. She put her hands on his chest, making it clear she was taking charge of their activities and he grinned as he relaxed and let her play.

She slid her hands up his bare chest, pausing to pinch his nipples before leaning down to lick them. His strangled “Buffy” told her she was having the desired effect and she took one in her blunt teeth, biting it until his growls turned to snarls. Sitting back up, she smiled innocently down at him and began to bounce up and down on her knees, slamming down into his hips harder each time. With a wicked grin, he grabbed her hips and began rising to meet her, using his hands to help him hit the spot for which he was aiming.

Her head thrown back and her long hair hanging down behind her, she looked like a fantasy come true; she was beautiful even as her face scrunched up in concentration as she lost herself in his expert movements. When he could contain himself no longer, he reached between them and took her clit between his fingers, twisting and rubbing until he felt her begin to shudder around him. He held her tightly in place as he spent himself inside her, not releasing her to collapse on his chest until he felt the last fluttering of her walls.

They rested together quietly for a moment, both suddenly aware that they had probably just made love for the last time. His arms tightened around her as he whispered in her ear, “Bloody hell, pet. I didn’t mean for our last time together to be like that. Wanted to—“

“You didn’t do that, I did,” Buffy replied, her voice muffled by his shoulder where she had buried her head. “I don’t know what I was thinking…I just needed you in me and I wanted to…”

“You wanted to be runnin’ the show?” he smirked, tilting her head up until he could see her blushing face.

“Is that terrible?” she asked tremulously. “Does that make me some kind of ho-bag slayer? That I would attack you like that?”

“No, sweetheart. It just means you are a warm, passionate woman. I s’pect the Slayer in you is more than willing to be in charge, and not shy about it either. I just wish we had some time to explore that side of your…”

“We don’t, though, do we?” she whispered, dropping her head again so that he couldn’t see her eyes. “This is it. You’re going to leave with Drusilla and I’m going to put Angel’s soul back—“

She was interrupted by another snarl.

“You are NOT going to go back to seeing that bloody pillock, are you? Bloody hell, pet, if Dru could make him that happy, just thinking about getting into your knickers is like to be enough to send the soul packing again! And if that happens while you’re…vulnerable…”

His face was flashing in and out of his vamp features as he wavered between fear for her safety and anger at the thought of Angel’s touching her. She stared at him in astonishment, happiness at the obvious jealousy she saw on his face warring with her growing anger that he would think he could tell her who to see when he was gone.

“Are you or are you not planning to take your precious Drusilla and leave here forever?” she asked through clenched teeth.

He sighed. “Yes, pet,” he answered quietly. “I am. And I know I’m a bloody hypocrite for trying to tell you what you can do after I leave, but ….” He sighed again. “Buffy, love, if I think there’s any chance you’re going to trust that sadistic wanker after this, I won’t be able to—“

Keeping her face buried where he couldn’t see it flaming, she muttered, “I don’t think you need to worry a whole lot about me seeing anybody else after this.”

He chuckled briefly, the vibration sending pleasant tingling through her body. “As chuffed as I am to hear that, pet, it’s going to happen. You know it and I know it. Might not be the great poof -- and I hope it isn’t, for your sake. But it’s going to be somebody.

“A warm, passionate girl like you isn’t going to want to be alone, not now that you’ve had a taste of… I just hope whoever you find is close to being worthy of the wonderful gift he’ll be getting.”

They rested together quietly for several minutes, neither one willing to be the first to pull out of their intimate connection. As Spike realized that remaining where he was, buried inside the warm walls that felt so comfortable and at the same time so exciting, was going to lead him to initiate another round, he groaned and reluctantly rolled her off onto the floor.

Buffy gave a little whimper as he slipped out of her, feeling the moisture sliding down her leg onto the rug. Making a little face, she sat up and straightened her clothing, sighing as she saw the wet spot on the carpet. “It’s a good thing this rug was already dirty,” she groused, rubbing vainly at the spot.

He laughed, saying, “It’ll be dry by the time your mum gets home. She’ll never notice, pet. Now, those sheets on your bed…”

“Oh my God! I never thought about the sheets!”

She leaped up and made to go up the stairs, stopping when he grabbed her ankle.

“Relax, Slayer. Just so long as you get them washed before your mum gets home, you’ll be fine.”

Twitching away from him, she said, “I need to go up there anyway, to change into something I can fight in.”

“ Alright, love,” he agreed, sitting up and zipping his pants. “You go change into poof-catching clothes and I’ll go fix you something for dinner, yeah? Jus’ bring my duster and boots down with you if you will, pet.”

“You aren’t coming upstairs with me?” she asked in a very small voice.

Before she could blink he was holding her tightly, face buried in her hair as he growled, “If I go up there again, love, I’m never going to be able to make myself leave. And I doubt your mum would fancy coming home to find a vampire living in your bedroom…” He tried to finish with some humor, but the way he was clutching her to his chest told her all she needed to know.

With shaking shoulders, she began to cry softly, holding on to him as if to a lifeline in a storm. Kisses and murmured endearments and comforting words did nothing but make the upcoming parting loom even more painfully, and for a brief flash the vampire seriously considered allowing her to dust his unfaithful lover so that he would not have to leave Sunnydale or the girl he had found that he was just as enamored of as when he’d been a young boy.

With suspicious moisture in his own eyes, he held her while she cried quietly until the sobs had trailed off to hiccups and she stirred, pushing herself away from him slowly.

“I’m sorry,” she sniffled. “I didn’t mean to be a big baby about this. Some warrior I am, huh?”

“Even warrior elf queens are allowed to cry sometimes, love,” he whispered huskily. “If the reason is good enough.”

“Okay,” she said briskly, giving herself a mental shake. “We have vampire butt to kick and I’m wasting time crying when I should just be glad for –“

She didn’t finish, just pushed him toward the kitchen and started up the stairs once again. She got as far as the landing when there was a light knock on the door and she returned to answer it. Expecting Giles and the two spell casters, she was surprised to find a slightly disheveled Xander looking at her apologetically.

“Xander! Are you all right? We were worried about you when you didn’t come to school...”

“I’m fine, Buffy. I just needed to do some thinking and I think I’ve got my head on straight now.” He looked at her appealingly, his warm brown eyes pleading silently. “Can I do my groveling inside?”

“Of course you can. Please, Xander. Come in.”

As she spoke, Spike was listening from the kitchen, growling softly when he realized who she was talking to but opting to stay out of the way if the boy wanted to apologize. It was several precious seconds before he realized that, while he could hear the conversation easily, he was only picking up one heartbeat. He sprinted for the hallway, calling Buffy’s name as he moved with vampire swiftness.

He was afraid for a second that he’d been too late, as he found Buffy back down on the same rug upon which they’d just made love, a vampire at her throat. A vamped-out Xander was on top of her, his mouth uncomfortably close to the Slayer’s neck, but Spike could smell no blood and sighed in relief even as he moved toward them. The newly-risen vamp had made a fatal mistake, stopping to rip at Buffy’s clothes and rant about the smell of sex and the way she reeked of Spike, rather than biting her immediately while he had surprise on his side.

Buffy was holding him off with one hand, the other scrabbling frantically for something wooden when suddenly he was gone – yanked off her body and thrown through the front door by a fully vamped-out Spike. The new fledgling was no match for a furious master vampire full of Slayer’s blood, and it was only a few seconds before he was lying semi-conscious on the ground, Spike sitting on him and holding out his hand for a stake.

“Slayer, now!” he ordered. When nothing happened, he looked up to see her staring at her old friend with tears pouring down her face. The stake she’d picked up held loosely in one hand, the other over her mouth to smother her sobs. He began to curse fluently, knowing that Angelus had set the scene so as to weaken the Slayer with grief before attacking her.

Suddenly her eyes grew big and she screamed, “Spike!” as she burst through the door and into the yard, too late to prevent Angelus’ attack from carrying him off Drusilla’s new toy and into a nearby tree. While the two vampires ripped and tore at each other, Xander staggered to his feet and stumbled toward Buffy, still more intent on ripping off her already torn skirt than killing her. She raised her stake shakily, keeping one eye on Spike and Angelus and one on the advancing fledgling vampire wearing the face of her only male friend.

When Drusilla glided out of the shadows, moving with slow grace toward the Slayer and her fledgling, Buffy felt the first tremors of fear. To her surprise, the vampire stopped Xander in mid-attack, ordering him with an angry hiss to “wait his turn” as she advanced on the waiting slayer. Making sure to avoid the old vampire’s eyes, Buffy went into a fighting crouch, her stake held tightly, ready for any opening.

Drusill, however, continued to move around the slayer rather than attacking, swaying and crooning words all the more frightening for being uttered in such a soothing voice.

“Naughty Slayer, to give to my Sweet William before Daddy got his taste. Slayer must be punished and William must be punished. Daddy wants to punish the Slayer. She is his to play with. William was a naughty boy to think he could –“ She caught sight of Buffy’s neck and the two rapidly healing marks there, and her entire demeanor changed as she hissed and slashed at Buffy’s face. “He marked you. My William marked you. Slayer blood and he didn’t have to kill you for it.

“Be in me,” she commanded so forcefully that Buffy was meeting her eyes before her common sense could kick in. She felt herself begin to sway with the insane vampire and called out quickly, “Spike!”

“He won’t help you, little girl,” Drusilla hissed. “He is—“ She was interrupted as Spike lunged for her, pulling her to the ground and away from Buffy.

“Time to switch, Slayer,” he growled, trying to hold the screaming, spitting, snarling vampire down.

Without answering, Buffy leapt toward the advancing Angelus, hitting him in the chest with both feet and watching with satisfaction as he staggered backwards, surprise evident on his face. Without waiting for a quip, she followed up with a flurry of punches, keeping the stake in her hand but not holding it out as a weapon.

Her fury over the death of her friend, anger at Xander for allowing himself to be caught and turned, rage that once again Drusilla had almost had her in thrall and her unhappiness at Spike’s impending departure fueled her kicks and punches. Slowly, inexorably, she beat him back, allowing not so much as a punch to penetrate her defense as she systematically reduced her former boyfriend to an unconscious heap on her front lawn.

Just as she was turning to see if Spike needed help subduing Drusilla, Giles’ little car sped into the driveway and the watcher jumped out, Willow and Jenny right behind him. He was holding a set of chains, which he quickly used to restrain Angelus’ arms and legs and to chain him to the tree under which Buffy had left him.

Willow’s face was a study in fear and anguish as Xander turned toward her and she saw the demon wearing the face of the boy who’d been her first and only close friend since kindergarten. Jenny grabbed for her arm as the crying girl reached toward the boy she still thought of as her best friend, pulling Willow back just before the vampire’s gnashing teeth could take off her hand.

Buffy placed herself between Xander and the other humans, holding her stake and saying firmly, “Back off Xander. I’m not going to let you hurt them.”

“What’s the matter, Buffy?” he snarled. “Are you jealous? Don’t worry, there’s more than enough of me for both of you. I’m what you want now, right? If you let me have a taste of what I want, maybe I won’t kill anybody. If you’re any good, maybe I’ll even let you live.”

He paused to think, then sneered, “Oh, who am I kidding? I’m a monster just like them. And you and Willow are about to become my first meal.”

The Slayer shook her head sadly, shifting the stake and beginning to cry as she readied for his attack. She knew there was no way a newly-vamped Xander would have a chance against her and she steeled herself to dust the demon wearing his face.

Willow’s anguished, “Buffy!” stopped her planned staking and she flipped Xander over her head to give her time to see what Willow wanted. With sobs tearing from her throat, the novice witch tried to speak quickly enough to
get Buffy’s attention before the vampire staggered back to his feet and attacked again.

“Don’t dust him! Please. It’s Xander! You can’t kill him. We can restore his soul when we do Angel’s!”

Buffy shot a quick look at Jenny Calendar, who shrugged and nodded, before meeting Xander’s charge with a hard right to his jaw. She took his now-unconscious body and dragged it over to the tree where Angelus was just beginning to recover from his beating. With a long-suffering sigh, her Watcher took another set of chains out of his car and quickly secured Xander to the same tree as his grandsire.

All eyes turned back to Spike who was still wrestling with a snarling, screaming Drusilla. The infusion of Slayer blood from the previous evening had made him more than capable of restraining his sire, but nothing he did or said would calm her down or make her stop fighting to get to Angelus. With a final sign and a soft, “Sorry, pet” he brought his fist up into her chin and sighed with relief when she collapsed at his feet.

Once he was sure she was going to remain unconscious for a while, he turned his attention back to the small group of humans watching him. When his gaze shifted to the tree and the two groaning vampires chained to it, his face darkened and he whirled on Buffy.

“What the bloody hell are you doing?”

‘We…we’re going to put their souls back,” she said defiantly. “If Angel can have a soul, there’s no reason Xander can’t.”

“Why would you want to?” He glared at her in bewilderment. “Buffy, he tried to rape you! And he was going to rip your throat out.”

“That was the demon,” she insisted. “Xander is my friend. He…he loves me and so does Angel. I can’t kill them –not if we can put their souls back.”

He stared at her, disbelief and anger clearly visible.

“He did just what I said he would – came after one of your friends and sent him to kill you. How can you even think about not dusting him? And your ‘friend’ there,” he sneered at the still unconscious Xander, “You think those thoughts just appeared like magic when he got turned? Losing his soul just took away the tight rein he was keepin’ on those feelings. You put it back, you’re just letting him hide them again. Doesn’t mean he won’t still be thinking….”

Spike’s face was flashing back and forth between demon and human as he fought the rage that the idea of leaving her with both Angel and Xander still alive evoked.

“This is my decision, Spike. Not yours. I don’t kill the people I care about if I don’t have to. And if Willow and Miss Calendar can put their souls back, I don’t have to. They won’t be soulless vampires any more. They can be my friends again.”

Spike’s human countenance was firmly in place as he looked at her sadly. With no thought to the other people looking on, they stepped closer together until they were only inches apart but not touching.

“So only vampires with souls are welcome in Sunnydale. Is that the way it is, Slayer?”

Buffy swallowed hard, fighting the urge to touch him one last time.

“That’s the way it has to be, Spike. I can’t believe I’m letting you take HER away.” She gestured at the still unconscious Drusilla. “I should stake her right now.”

“Why don’t you then?” he said coldly, moving slightly to put himself between Drusilla and the Slayer.

“Because you love her, and I wouldn’t do that to you unless I had no choice,” she whispered, dropping her head and then lifting it again to look at him with firmness. “It’s up to you to keep her so far away that I never have to choose.”

He nodded tightly. “Alright, then. I’ll just grab my stuff from inside the house and we’ll be out of your hair.”

Without another word, he strode into the house and up the stairs. He was back within a few minutes, boots and duster on. He tossed the tee shirt he’d worn earlier to the watcher with a “Thanks, mate,” as he walked over and picked Drusilla up. He put her over his shoulder, walking to the tree where Angelus snarled ineffectually and strained against the chains holding him down.

“I hope you enjoy that soul they’re gonna put back in your useless body as much as you did the first time round,” he said calmly as his grandsire’s demon visage glared at him. Spike leaned in closer and spoke in a voice only the other vampires could hear, “If either one of you makes any attempt to touch or hurt her, I’ll make you suffer in ways that even you, Angelus, couldn’t imagine.”

Straightening up, he looked around at the small group of humans one last time. He exchanged nods with the watcher and a flat, hostile stare with the gypsy who was going to make it possible for Angel and Xander to remain in Sunnydale with Buffy. He winked at Willow, who gave him a tentative wave and then he focused on the Slayer.

Buffy was holding herself upright by sheer force of will as their eyes met for the last time. Her nostrils flared as she fought the tears threatening to fall, but pride kept them in check and she lifted her chin to stare at him defiantly. For the first time since she’d been called, she felt the full weight of what it meant to be THE Slayer and she caught a glimpse of how unlikely it was that she would ever be able to have a normal relationship; one that wasn’t affected by her calling. She had a brief moment of regret that she hadn’t staked the insane vampire that first night while Spike was unconscious, wondering if he would have been willing to give up his life of evil had he not had his insane sire to care for.

Spike stared at the tiny girl who had not once, but twice in his lifetime, stolen his heart within a period of days, and wondered if things would be different without the presence of his sire. Her goodness and innocence radiated from her – affected not at all by the passionate lovemaking they’d shared. It was a purity that transcended bodily needs and he saw no place in her life for a soulless vampire; even one who loved her as much as he was coming to realize he did.

The air was fairly vibrating with tension as the two blond super beings tried to say the things that needed saying using only their eyes. Common sense told them both that to move closer or touch was to invite disaster. There would be no good-bye hugs for them. No last, lingering kisses to tempt fate; instead they were left with an exchange of anguished looks that lasted until the watcher cleared his throat and made to usher Jenny and Willow into the house.

The stir snapped them out of their mutual wordless sorrow and with a final sigh the vampire turned away.

“Take care of yourself, love,” he said clearly as he headed for the old warehouse and his car.

“Good-bye, William,” Buffy’s whisper barely carried to the humans, but the vampire’s ears had no trouble picking it up. “I’ll miss you.”

There was no response as the black shape with the while bundle on its shoulder vanished into the night.


 
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