Chapter 5: Sister Thing

“Come on, where are you?” Buffy muttered. She was bent over the weapons chest in the living room, packing her bag for patrol, and couldn’t seem to find her favorite axe.

“Okay.” She straightened up, took a deep breath, and closed her eyes. Maybe that memory trick would work, if she pictured the last place she saw it. She had a vague recollection of leaving it under her bed. Had that been before she died, or after? The fact that she had to make the distinction brought back the nauseous feeling she’d had most of the day. As she started up the stairs, she nearly jumped out of her skin when she almost crashed into Spike coming out of the dining room.

“Oh!” Regaining her composure, she shot him a dirty look. “Bell. Neck. Look into it.”

Spike smirked at her. “Come with a nice leather collar, does it?”

Buffy rolled her eyes and folded her arms across her chest. “What are you doing here?”

“Came in the back. Was looking for you.” He leaned casually against the wall, blocking her path up the stairs.

“Found me. What do you want?”

He hated that every conversation with her seemed to take them right back to the beginning. No matter how much she opened up to him, the next time they met they always started over again with the same defensiveness. Guess it was just in their nature.

Spike’s smirk widened into a wicked grin. “Encore of last night’s performance?” No use fighting nature, after all.

Buffy blushed furiously, which only made Spike’s grin broader. He’d been very proud of himself for his behavior – he hadn’t even been tempted when she started her striptease on top of the sarcophagus. Well, maybe just a little. But he hadn’t acted on it, and that was the important part. So he felt he’d earned a turn at poking fun at the Slayer. “Don’t worry, love. You passed out before most of your clothes came off.”

He hadn’t thought she could turn a brighter shade of red, but he was wrong.

“What do you want?” Buffy repeated, this time through gritted teeth.

Instead of answering, he studied her expression for traces of a hangover. “S’pose you were feeling it when you woke up today. Made a pretty good dent in my stash last night.”

Buffy shrugged it off, willing her face to return to its normal color. She knew she must look even redder compared to the pallor of a vampire.

“I’m fine.” She started up the stairs again to look for her axe.

Spike stopped her, grabbing her arm as she passed him. “Take a night off, love. I’ll patrol tonight.”

“By yourself?”

“Hey, I can handle myself.” He pushed off the wall and straightened to his full height. She acted like he’d never patrolled before. “But if it’ll make you feel better, I’ll take a Scooby or two. Where’s Red?”

Buffy sighed and relented. “Will!” she shouted up the stairs. When the redhead appeared in the hallway, she asked, “You up for patrolling tonight?”

“Well, sure.” Willow was surprised that Buffy had changed her mind about patrolling alone. “But I thought you wanted to…”

“With Spike.” She jerked her thumb in the vampire’s direction. “He thinks I’m still too hung over to fight the baddies.”

Willow’s expression changed a little, but she maintained an assured smile. “Oh. Okay. Hey, you can have a girls’ night with Dawn. Sister thing.” She looked down at her long denim skirt. “Lemme just change my clothes, okay?”

As soon as she disappeared from the landing, Spike said, “’S not the hangover I’m worried about, pet.”

Buffy’s lips parted in surprised at his concern, but she quickly covered it with a mask of guarded emotion. “I don’t want to talk about that.” Her tone and facial expression told Spike she meant business, and so he didn’t press her further.

With Willow re-outfitted in more suitable slaying attire, Buffy saw them out the door and headed upstairs. She didn’t know about Willow’s suggestion of girls’ night, but she did need to talk to her sister.

“Hey, Dawnie?” She stuck her head in the room.

Dawn looked up from writing in her diary. “Thought you were patrolling.”

“Willow and Spike went out tonight.” There was an awkward pause as Buffy tried to think of some way to ease into the conversation. “Whatcha writing about?”

Dawn adopted that teenage “how stupid are you?” expression. “Like I’d tell you.”

“So it’s about a boy?” Buffy teased.

“Not telling.”

“Or me? How awful and horrible your big sister is?”

“Getting closer,” Dawn deadpanned.

“You should read what I write about you in my diary. Listen, I wanted to talk to you about something.” Buffy sat down on the edge of the bed and faced Dawn. “Please don’t get upset about this.”

“What is it?” she asked, suddenly alarmed.

Buffy took a deep breath. “Willow and Tara are moving out. They’re going to find their own place, you know?”

Dawn’s eyes narrowed and Buffy braced herself for one of her sister’s classic temper tantrums, the ones that usually ended with her shrieking until Buffy left her alone in her room to sulk.

For now, the temper seemed to be simmering under the surface. “Why?”

Buffy really didn’t want to explain her reasons to her sister – she couldn’t, or hello to the questions she couldn’t answer without spilling her secret. For a moment, she considered telling Dawn. She hadn’t been involved in the resurrection idea, so she wouldn’t feel guilty if she knew the truth. But she would be furious at the Scoobies. There would be no way Buffy could keep her from taking them to task about it – and that was the last thing she wanted, and definitely not the way her friends deserved to find out.

And Dawn didn’t deserve the weight of her pain. She shouldn’t have to think about the depression or suicidal thoughts that were tormenting her older sister. She shouldn’t be questioning whether Buffy even wanted her around, when she was pushing her friends away and withdrawing from everyone else. She shouldn’t have to know what hell on earth feels like.

So Buffy tried to look cheerful and said, “It’ll be just you and me again, like it used to be.”

“I like having them here,” Dawn said through clenched teeth.

“I know, but I think it’s better this way, okay?” Buffy held her breath, waiting for the inevitable explosion, but Dawn just grumbled a little under her breath and crossed her arms over her chest.

“It’s not like we won’t see them,” said Buffy. “I’m sure they’ll be over all the time, just like Xander and Anya.”

Dawn let out an exaggerated sigh to express her disapproval of the plan, but then grudgingly admitted, “I guess it’ll be nice not having to share the bathroom with three other people.”

“See? Just think of the happy.” Buffy smiled, inwardly breathing a sigh of relief at Dawn’s reaction. Maybe her little sister had matured some in her absence. “There’s going to be some ground rules though. I don’t know what things were like over the summer, but I still have to look after you, even without the whole Key thing.”

Dawn rolled her eyes. “What kind of rules?” She could just tell, Buffy was about to get even more protective than she’d already been.

“I don’t want you going anywhere alone at night. You tell me when you’re going to a friend’s house, or anywhere, for that matter. I want hourly updates. You don’t check in, I send hordes of Scoobies out to find you, and I promise they will do their best to embarrass you in public.”

“What about Scooby stuff?”

“You can help with research.” Dawn’s face lit up. “But,” Buffy went on sternly, “I don’t want to hear any complaints if we say that you can’t go with us somewhere or do something dangerous, or – or –”

“Or anything else that might expose me to the horrors of the underworld?” Dawn finished with sarcasm.

“Exactly. And when I’m out patrolling, either someone stays with you, or you go stay with them. I don’t want you here alone.”

“Buffy! I’m not a kid! I can stay home alone.”

“Hey, recently raised from the dead here. Humor me, will you?”

Dawn groaned theatrically and flopped back against the pillows on her bed.

“Look, I know you think you’re too old for a babysitter, but you’re the only family I’ve got now. I can’t risk anything happening to you.”

“What about you? You’re the only family I have, too.”

“I can take care of myself.”

Dawn cocked her head to one side and raised her eyebrows skeptically, an expression Buffy was sure she’d picked up from Spike. “I don’t know about that,” said Dawn. “I’m the only one in the room who hasn’t died twice, y’know.”

“Hey, I died saving your ass,” Buffy shot back, but with a smile to show Dawn she was just teasing. It was important to be light-hearted around her sister. No matter how she felt about dying, or her second (third?) chance at life, she never wanted Dawn to feel like it was her fault, or that Buffy blamed her for anything. “And I’ll be damned if I’m doing it again, so you better stay out of trouble, all right?”

Dawn shook her head, but she started to smile back. “Can Spike take care of me?”

“Has he – has he been doing that a lot?”

“All the time,” Dawn laughed. She paused then more seriously added, “Spike’s been hurting so bad since you died.” Buffy looked down and began tracing the pattern on the bedspread. “He loved you,” Dawn continued, “and I think he feels guilty about breaking his promise. Now he won’t leave me alone.” She rolled her eyes again. “Like, ever.”

Buffy had to smile a little. After all, Spike was doing what he said he would do – protecting Dawn, until the end of the world.