A/N: So my beta's forsaken me for needier pastures, and I was going to use that as an excuse to turn my attention towards scholarly pursuits. But that failed miserably, due to everyone's lovely reviews, and so I'm back again! But please, if you see a major mistake, let me know - and REVIEW! (*grins*)


"Oh God oh God oh God..." Buffy was pacing the floor of her dormroom, Xander and Willow watching with bewildered helplessness from Willow's bed. Xander had been helping Willow move her things back to the dorm when Buffy stormed in, eyes wild and dazed, and began delivering a convoluted soliloquy on inevitability, soullessness, and Eddie.

Willow, finally tiring of her confusion, leapt to her feet and grasped her best friend by the shoulders. "Buffy! Breathe!"

Buffy did as she commanded, chest heaving as her eyes flickered over the faces of her friends, the comforting familiarity of the room, the dull light that filtered through the curtained windows. She didn't resist as Willow led her to the bed, seating her between herself and Xander, who wrapped a calming arm around her shoulders.

"Wanna try explaining all that again for the non-telepathic among us?" He asked, squeezing her against him.

Buffy just nodded, staring blindly ahead. Willow and Xander exchanged concerned looks, but settled in to wait.

And wait.

"Now would work for me," he followed up.

Buffy shook herself and smiled apologetically. "Sorry, guys. Just... big day. Big, big day. Huge day. Massive."

"Kinda large, then?" Willow smiled.

"A little bit," she smiled back.

"Break it down for us then, Buffster." Xander pulled her back with him and Willow followed so that the three of them were arranged against the headboard, arms wrapped comfortingly around one another.

"First there was the morning, right? I got coffee with Riley because other-me says he's a nice guy, and he really likes me, even though he's incredibly normal..."

"I thought that that's what you wanted?" Willow asked tentatively.

Buffy stalled for a moment, eyes widening. "That's what Angel told me I should want." She turned to face her friend more fully, lower lip trapped between her teeth. "Think about it: Parker, Riley - they're just... Angel substitutes. Except human. And... I don't want to be with Angel."

"You don't?" Xander's comforting voice had undertones of incredulous glee, and Willow scowled at him. Buffy just shook her head.

"He left. Another guy who left. And even if I love him, I don't... I don't want to love someone like that."

"You still love him?" Willow asked.

Buffy shrugged. "Kinda? I don't really know. Do I love him, or do I remember loving him? And if I still love him, do I love him like I used to, or do I love him in the he-was-my-big-high-school-romance way?"

Willow prodded Xander when he started to say something scathing, and the boy subsided and altered his comment to something a little more helpful.

"Well, Buff, I think you having any questions at all means you don't love him like you used to. Back then, you couldn't see anything but, well, forever with him."

"When'd you get so smart, Xander Harris?" Buffy asked, eyes teasing.

"All that time reading comic books while you guys do research; they're big into solving the great moral conundrums." He grinned and dodged the double smacks that were sent his way.

"So what was babble-girl babbling about? When you showed up?" Willow asked, bringing them back to the original question.

"Oh!" Buffy's expression fell as she remembered. "Well. So Riley and I had coffee, and I asked if he minded that I was so much stronger than him. He was all blow-offy, like it was impossible, so I..." She reached over Xander to grab the purse she had dropped onto the night stand and extracted the tableknife she had mutilated earlier. "Well, I gave him a demonstration."

"This is awesome!" Xander enthused, running his fingers over the knife's torqued handle.

"It is," Willow affirmed. "But Buffy, was that all that smart? I mean, Giles and other-you have told us some not-so-nice stuff about these guys. What if he gets all 'demon bad' and comes after us?"

"Y'mean like Xander?"

"Hey!" He protested. "I wouldn't!"

Two arched eyebrows were all that met his comment. "You weren't the one telling me that it was ok for Eddie to get tasered last night?"

"This would be one of those moral lessons I can't get from Stan Lee, wouldn't it?" He flopped back against the pillows resignedly.

Buffy shrugged but got up, shifting him over to the middle of the bed so that she and Willow could curl up against either side of him. "I guess that, with everything other-me's been saying about what I am and what she and Spike have been telling me about the demons who don't want to harm humans, I'm really really starting to see some grey areas. And I suppose that part of me's worried that, if you get mad at me for something, you'll start blaming it on my," and she scrunched up her nose, "demon germs."

Willow chuckled, but Xander only stared at her. "You really think I would?" His voice was hurt, and Willow patted his shoulder.

"You are kinda kill-'em-all guy, aren't you?"

"But... That's what we do! When did that become wrong?"

"Maybe when you started dating Anya," Buffy answered, almost spitefully, but Willow soothed her petulance.

"Maybe it's always been wrong. We learn from Giles, and Giles learns from the Watcher's Council. It's not like they have any interest in differentiating between good and bad demons. They just want a slayer that will kill anything non-human. It's..."

"Racist," Xander breathed.

"Does Anya have a soul?" Buffy asked, her voice honestly questioning now.

"I don't know," he answered. "But I think so. I think she always did. I mean, she was recruited to be a demon because of something she did while she was human, and it's not like what she did troubles her conscience now."

"And she did try to get me to help her get her gem back," Willow added.

"So Anya might have had a soul the entire time she was a demon, but now she's really trying to get along, right?"

"But it's not like she's seeking redemption or anything, like Angel," Willow countered.

"If she never really thought it was wrong in the first place, then..." Buffy cocked her head. "The other Buffy said something to Giles about Spike, and he told me, but maybe it applies to Anya to?"

Xander's look was questioning.

"Well, Faith went bad after she killed someone, right? And we tried to help her - you tried to help her - but it just didn't take. But Angel got her to turn herself in, in LA. So what if, well, people like Anya and Spike, who've done hugely bad things but are kinda part of the gang, just need us to try to help them?"

"You mean, like, counseling?" Willow's expression was dubious, but Xander's eyes lit.

"No, not that! Well, that if they want it, but they don't really feel guilt, do they? But Anya's stuck, now, in a human body, and part of the reason she's trying so hard to get along is that she doesn't want to be all alone, now that everything's different. And Spike, well, he traveled with Drusilla for ages," he didn't comment on the dark look that crossed Buffy's face, "and now he can't kill and is stuck with us. Maybe if we just, I dunno, tried to be friends with them? I mean Spike, mostly, but..."

"I should be nicer to Anya," Willow established, voice determined, and Xander sighed with relief.

"I'd appreciate it. For me as much as for her, really."

Willow's face crumpled a little. "I've been sucky-friend, haven't I?"

Xander laughed. "Not so much. Just, well, everything's all topsy-turvy this year, and we're still settling in. But we'll figure it out, right?"

Willow nodded and dropped her head onto his shoulder. "What about you, Buff? You on the Spike-and-Anya friend bandwagon?"

"All aboard, Wils," Buffy jested. Then her expression hardened. "I still don't know what to do about Riley, though."

"So what happened? You just went Magneto on the knife and left, or what?" Xander asked, sitting up a little.

"Nah. I gave him this big speech about how I was still human, just with an upgrade, and that I just wanted to be honest with him if this whole relationship thing is going to work."

"There're still relationshippy vibes?" Willow asked.

"I dunno, really. I mean, he's nice, and he likes me, and he's an in to this weirdo government facility thing... I figure I'll give him a shot while Giles and I try to get the Initiative shut down, and that way I'll both find out if I want to keep him around for awhile, and hopefully keep him and Dr. Walsh from deciding I'm their next big science experiment."

"Kinda callous, Buffy," Willow warned.

"I'm thinking of it as, well, dual-purposed. I mean, I was all set with the green-light before future-me popped in with this whole 'why would you want normal, anyway' speech, and a demon-hunter isn't exactly normal, anyway... What harm can it do?" She asked.

"Great, you jinxed it," Xander moaned. Buffy swore.

"Is that all that happened today?" Willow queried. "I mean, you didn't mention any of that in your little...thing," she waved her hand at the open space in the room where Buffy had been pacing.

Buffy sighed. "Very, very much no." She sat up and swiveled so that she faced her two best friends, sitting cross-legged on the bed. I sparred with the other me, which was mucho fun, and then she sparred with Spike."

"Whoa! What happened to Chip-Boy?" Xander asked, bolting upright.

Buffy forestalled him with an upraised palm. "Apparently some witch went all Maleficent on her and she doesn't register as human anymore."

"And she's okay with being around him like that?" Willow asked, voice shrill.

"That's where the wig comes in," Buffy sighed again, eyes fixed on her laced fingers. "Apparently, by her time, Spike's died. Twice. And both times he saved the world."

"What!" Xander and Willow screeched in harmony.

"Tell me about it. But it's even weirder. I mean, the two of them were... together."

Xander pretended to faint, and Willow smacked him half-heartedly while maintaining her focus on Buffy's bowed head.

"Willow, did you ever read anything that Giles had on vampire claims?"

"Like, mating claims?" She asked.

Buffy nodded.

"Not much. Just enough to know they take blood and," she stuttered, "sex. And there's a ritual, but it can happen without it. Um... Oh! And they're actual love-claims. I mean, the people who do them have to really be in love."

Buffy ignored Xander's bug-eyed expression and focused her attention on Willow. "See, that's part of what I don't get. Angel told me that demons can't love."

Willow shrugged. "I kinda just figured that was his excuse for why his demon didn't love you." The harshness of what she said struck her mere moments after her words hit Buffy. "Oh, God."

Buffy's eyes widened, and her lip trembled, but she didn't say anything, just turned slightly away from them. Before Willow could compound her mistake, Xander grabbed her by the shoulder and dragged her over so that the two of them could wrap their arms around Buffy's trembling body. "It just means something's wrong with him, Buffy. Maybe that's why he left; his soul loved you, but you know how much influence his demon had on him. He went all fangy the first time you kissed, remember? If his demon couldn't love you just as much as the soul did, then the demon was an idiot. And hey, we all knew that already."

"Maybe," Willow offered, voice shaky, "his demon didn't want to love? Angelus was pretty mad about being stuck inside of Angel for so long. And, well, think about Spike and Drusilla. We know Spike can love - he and Drusilla were together for pretty much ever. And he doesn't have a soul, but he's really, really different from Angelus..."

She was still talking when Buffy cut her off. "He claimed her."

"Who claimed whom?" Willow asked.

"Spike and Dru?" Xander tried to clarify.

"No," Buffy shook her head. "The other me. Her Spike claimed her. She said they didn't mean to, just... there was sex, and blood, and they loved each other."

Xander made a face. "Now there's a bad mental place."

Willow giggled. "Well, he is pretty, for a vampire."

"Tell me about it," Buffy snickered.

Xander just groaned.

"So how'd you find out?" Willow asked. Buffy's serious expression fell back into place.

"That'd be the huge part of the really big day." She rearranged them so that, once more, they were leaning against the headboard. "While they were fighting, Spike knocked other-me around pretty badly. He was touching her to see if she was okay, and he, like, got this great big shock. He had Giles and I all riled up, telling us that she had some kind of demon magic, when she finally yelled at him until he figured it out."

"But..." Willow trailed off, shaking her head.

Buffy caught her eyes and nodded. "Yeah. She says she's gonna love her Spike forever, and because this Spike feels something for me, his demon can sense the claim, and it confuses him."

"Spike loves you?" Xander's eyes were huge.

"I don't know," Buffy shook her head again. "He said it was just something leftover from Willow's spell, but..."

Willow's squeaked apology went unnoticed as Xander held her attention. "What about you, then? If there was still magic going on, wouldn't you, y'know, feel it too?"

"I ended the spell!" Willow protested.

"Wils, you made us fall in love for a day. And unless we wiped our memories, there'd still be all kinds of weirdness attached to that." Once again, the witch subsided, and Buffy returned to Xander's question. "I dunno, Xan. I mean, you've seen us. Just the other day you were all complainy-guy 'cause Spike and I were making nice. He hasn't been a complete jerk - except for in the basic, let me snark at you because that's who I am kinda way - for a while now, and I actually like him hanging around. And when the other Buffy told me last night how she felt about him, it didn't freak me out like I expected it to. And then today, well," she shrugged. "Obviously I wigged, but part of my wiggage was about how I wasn't wigging. I mean, he said it, and it was basic 'ohmigod he likes me' weirdness. Like when you asked me out, except weirder." Xander scowled at the reminder. "Sorry, but it's true. Just, someone I never thought of like that. But I didn't freak on the whole vampire thing, or the soulless thing, really. The other Buffy says he turns into a good man, and I don't know if I believe her or if I just want to, but... I want to."

"Huh," was all Xander could say.

)))

"Oh, thank God it's you. Giles's been after me to do research all friggin' afternoon, and Spike went walkabout right after you left. I'm dying of dust-mites!" Portal-Buffy opened the door to Giles' flat with a huge grin, barely pausing for breath during her welcoming speech.

"Whoa. Who gave you coffee?" Buffy asked, a smile working its way onto her face in spite of the sobriety of her mood.

Portal-Buffy stuck out her tongue. "Giles. Told me there was vague hope of me retaining consciousness for the duration if I was appropriately caffeinated."

Buffy gave an appreciative snicker. "That'd be Giles. So. When's he wanna call the Council?"

Portal-Buffy craned her neck to check the clock on Giles' mantel. "We've got a bit over an hour."

"Want to take a walk?"

Portal-Buffy's mood shifted instantly to something more serious. "You want him along for this?"

"I'm thinking this is something I need you for, actually." Buffy shrugged. "I suppose I should talk to Spike, too, but..."

"Kinda weird, right now?"

"All kinds."

Portal-Buffy nodded. "He should be back here later tonight, but you don't have to talk to him if you don't want to." She turned her head and called to Giles that they were heading out for a bit, making a face at his warning to be careful. She stepped out into the early evening and closed the door carefully behind her. "He really didn't expect that to come out the way it did, you know."

"I know," Buffy nodded. "Doesn't make it any less unexpected."

"You're taking it a lot better than I ever did."

Buffy turned to her with surprise. "Really? How so?"

"Well, I didn't find out for more than a year after this. I don't think he did, either. I mean, he knew later that he'd always had a thing for me - is there really any way to say this without sounding totally stuck on myself? Just assume that anything I say is something he told me, okay?"

Buffy nodded, wide-eyed.

"I've only been here a day, and things are already changing so much. I mean, this is probably the time that he and I got along the best, really. There'd been some pretty nasty fights, and we yelled a lot, but there were a few weeks there when he and I got along pretty well."

"Is that why you came here now?" Her voice grew slightly sharp. "Did you mean for this to happen?"

"Nah. I couldn't have pinpointed exactly when it was. Giles just went through his journals and picked the time when the least was going on. Willow, Dawn and I talked him into letting us try to change things up a bit, but that was mostly so we could avert some pretty heavy-duty disasters. I didn't really think about what this whole thing would mean for Spike." She shrugged, but her voice caught. "God, but when he started talking last night..."

"How long ago did he die?" Buffy was sure there was a more tactful way to phrase the difficult question, but it wouldn't come to her.

Portal-Buffy sucked in a sharp breath. "Over a year ago, the last time. I haven't seen him in more than two."

"You didn't see him in between?" Buffy asked, incredulous.

"Nuh-uh." The pain was so stark on the other girl's face that Buffy reached out to grasp her hand as they walked. It felt strange, some mystical tingle as their demon germs interacted, she supposed. "I didn't know he was back until he was gone. I didn't tell him until the end, you know." She pulled at their joined hands, leading Buffy off the road and into one of the less-patrolled cemeteries. "That I love him, I mean. God. The world was falling down around us, he was burning so damned bright, and I couldn't help but love him."

"You didn't before then? But I thought, the claim..." Buffy was confused.

"Oh, I did. No question. But it's why I said the claim wasn't complete. It relies on absolute, gut-wrenching, devoted to the end love. And I could barely let myself whisper it with my head under my pillow." She turned to face Buffy, so solemn and still that she could have been carved from stone. "I took out everything on him, for over a year. My past with Angel, Riley, Dad, even Giles - everything I wanted to say, I pounded into his skin. I hated my friends sometimes, and I worked that in there, too. Mostly I hated myself, hated my calling, hated that I could never stop fighting. Of course, if I'd ever tried to stop, the boredom and guilt alone would have killed me. But I wasn't much for sense. He used to tell me, over and over, how much he loved me, and I'd tell him every time that he couldn't. That he wasn't capable. That I wasn't capable."

Buffy watched her in horror. "What the hell happened to you?"

Portal-Buffy's chuckle was dark. "A whole lot of things that you'll never have to deal with. And even if you do..." She gripped Buffy's shoulders. "It's been a day. A goddamned day. And you are already so much better prepared. Just watching you, the way you talk, the way you listen... When you fought me today. Have you ever fought like that before?"

Buffy was confused by the change in subject, but she was quick to reply. "Not that I can think of. Sometimes, against Spike, it's similar, but never the same."

"For a few years, right before and after everything went to hell, Giles sent me all over the place on vision quests and spiritual retreats. I even went into this nifty little pocket dimension and met the men who made the first Slayer. I have a better understanding, better access to my power, than anyone I've met. And you held your own against me today. I gave you a twenty-minute pep-talk last night, and you're already as strong as I am."

Buffy cocked her head, considering, and started them walking again. "I'm not sure that's all it is."

"What do you mean?"

She held her hand out, palm up, in front of her, and waggled it. Portal-Buffy pressed her own palm against it.

"Feel that?"

Portal-Buffy looked at her. "Nope."

"Didn't think so." She dropped her hand. "Every time I touch you, I get tinglies. You don't, so I'm thinking it's something affecting me. And since I did some major slayer-tapping this morning that I'm sure I couldn't do yesterday, I'm thinking too that whatever's changed in your slayer that makes it different from mine - like a virus mutating, or something - is making mine change, too."

"Like the my slayer is teaching yours, or something?"

"Yup."

"Huh." Portal-Buffy pondered that. "Neat."

"Yeah." They walked in silence for a few moments, pondering subjects that would have seemed beyond them at casual appraisal.

"Slayer-tapping?" Portal-Buffy finally asked.

"Huh?"

"You said you tapped your slayer this morning. What happened?"

Buffy shrugged. "I was out with Riley and I asked him if he was okay with me being stronger than he was. He got all laughing-boy, like the thought of me kicking his ass was some big joke, and I just, well, turned the slayer on."

"Meaning?"

"Giles keeps harping on me to focus, to expand my senses, to pick up the demons around me. Without even thinking about it, I could feel two demons passing for human and a vamp in hiding, and I could see and hear a lot better than before. I dunno. I just felt... ready."

Portal-Buffy grinned and nodded, but didn't say anything.

"Y'know, this learning by proxy thing is pretty neat. You think that maybe, after you've rattled around for another twenty years, you'll drop by and let me soak up the advanced course?"

The two girls were still giggling when the first fledgling of the night approached.

)))

Almost half an hour had been spent in the jubilant dispatching of various demons. Though the local population had been low recently - due to the Initiative's influence - something about the two slayers fighting together had called out the worst of the local baddies. After only two cemeteries, however, the influx subsided and Buffy was once more caught up in thought. They turned without speaking, heading back to Giles' and the phone-call that might change Buffy's life forever.

But that wasn't what was on her mind.

"Was it because he loves you?" She asked, startling her companion.

"Huh-wha?" Portal-Buffy asked, eloquently.

"The tinglies he got from the demon. He's only known you for a day, but if he liked me, and he said you're a nicer version of me, and all grown up and stuff, then..."

Portal-Buffy threw her head back and laughed. "In which universe does Spike like nice?"

Buffy smirked, but repeated the question. "Seriously, though -"

"No. It's not me."

Buffy's voice grew soft. "Then it's me?"

"Is that such a bad thing?" There was something forbidding in portal-Buffy's tone, but Buffy didn't hear it.

"God. Ask me a week ago, and I'd've said yes, no question. Now?" She shrugged. "I remember being in love with him, y'know. Not real love, but all sugar-sweet and soft."

"Do you miss it?"

Buffy shook her head. "No. It was too... obviously fake. I loved him like I loved Jeffrey in high school, when holding hands and exchanging notes was everything. But sometimes I miss - God, I'm pathetic."

"What? Seriously, girl. What're you gonna say that shocks me? Up until two days ago, you were me."

"I miss the cuddles." She said it fast, her eyes closed, and nearly tripped over the raised edge of an inset plaque marking someone's grave. Portal-Buffy caught her and laughed.

"He's good at those."

"And I miss..." She trailed off, and portal-Buffy gave her an encouraging nod. "I miss him supporting me, backing me up in the fight, and... not looking at me like he hates me. When the spell was over and I thought about it, I was almost sad. Not because I wanted to be in love with him, but because I missed having him on my side."

"I can't say he'll always be on your side, because really, his life kinda sucks and he wants to change it. But if you try to make him happier with where he's at - I'm not saying throw yourself at him, or anything; just, I dunno, accept him - then he'll be the best fighter on your team, and he'll always have your back."

Buffy's eyes lit at the thought, and she chuckled. "I talked with Willow and Xander today," she began.

"Yeah? What'd they have to say about all this?"

"That we should hop aboard the Spike-and-Anya friendship bandwagon."

She cocked a disquieted eyebrow. "I hope you're paraphrasing."

"Really, really not."

"Hmm. Well. Good to know you kids can get along without the sage advice of the local wise woman, then." She and Buffy shared a disparaging grin, and turned into the courtyard of Giles' apartment.