William has been beaten (roars of anger and fists colliding harshly with his head, tumbling his world into dark), raped (flesh pounding into him from behind, ripping him apart as he tries not to become sick and bites his lip to keep from screaming), insulted (harsh words stinging in his ears: worthless, pathetic, useless, beneath me), used (you’re going to do my work perfectly for me, you hear?), and beaten down all his life.

Now, he stumbles out into the street, tears in his eyes, unknowingly pushing past (death in a human skin, his tormenters, monsters masquerading as men) people in his efforts to (die) escape.

Now, he smiles as the woman above him whispers words of forever, knowing what they mean, and agrees. Her face shifts into a dangerous form as it heads toward his neck. William gasps in (ecstasy, the life is being pulled away, he’s free, this is pure escape) pain as his lifeblood is pulled from him.


Then, something dormant inside him roars in anger, shoving its way to the surface, shouting, I will not die like this! And he bites hard into the woman’s throat, drinking his own sweet blood and though he soon weakens and falls to the ground, the roarer is laughing in triumph (I’ll not go down like that, I am alive now and so I will stay).

William wakes in darkness, and begins to panic. He shouts and screams, struggling with the cloth hanging over him until (the roarer purrs at him, whispering words of contentment and I’m perfectly fine I’m alive I’m free) he realizes he doesn’t need to breathe and can see in the dark. Realizing that he is in a coffin, he punches through the roof and digs his way up through six feet of dirt to the open air.

Once he reaches it something awakens in him, a different type of roarer, something with sharp fangs and predator eyes and he (screams in hunger blood rich red life flowing and pumping and inside my veins for me I want crimson elixir sweet sour bitter tangy powering me for ever) glares around, eyes yellow.

He sees the woman beside him and two parts of him scream for her, the demon (Sire my creator bringer of life my blood-giver devote myself to her Sire) and the poet (a dark Salvation, rescuing me from my life of being beaten down and hated, elevating me to a greater level of self, my Dark Queen) but the roar inside him quiets to a whimper (she will kill me she scares me her power her hold on me is my pain and I hate her the threat).


But now-


Spike looks at the woman standing before him and all three parts of him settle, the poet proclaiming (devotion to this creature of Heaven, this golden-haired goddess, this beautiful temptress, warrior of the light) love, the demon growling (my fit, an equal mate, the Slayer, Mine forever the match to me) possession, and the unnamable roar purring (this is why I’ve lived I’m here now she won’t hurt me my love) and he is happy.

And she kisses him and fucks him and he is happy.

And she yells at him and he is happy.

And she calls him beneath her and pathetic and he is happy.

And she hits him and leaves him and he is happy.

Spike has been beaten (her fist pounding into his nose, into his chest, kicking him and punching him), raped (slamming against the crypt wall as he pounds into her and she screams in ecstasy), insulted (you’re beneath me, the only chance you had was when I was unconscious, you’re pathetic, you’re a soulless monster, you can’t love), used (make me feel) and beaten down.

Now he smiles as he cries, laughs as he is hurt, and loves with all his heart. (Buffy, my sweet Buffy, love you forever) but he is (alive) dead, and (feels regret) soulless, and is (fighting on the side of good; helping) evil, and (he) can never (stop loving her and he feels his heart swell with) love.

And this is why he will never be saved.