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Distance by Herself Brit Girl 09/23/2012 04:49 am Sixty-one Can't say anything else other than WOW!!! That goes for all your other stories too! I don't know if you'll even read this as it's now 2012 and you finished in 2008 but I just had to congratulate you on making me be able to imagine these as actual Buffy episodes (Minus the incredibly hot sex of course. Thanks James for getting the kit off even though I've seen footage since saying he had to as SMG had a clause in her contract that she wouldn't do nudity). Don't you wish they would have made it even more of a late night show? Each year it was on we were growing up with it so would have been great. Or they could have made a pg version and edited it for kids and left the full version for adults. Anyway, great imagination and not too out there like some other authors and thank god no miracle babies so far! I wish you would reply as I just wanted to ask one question: Are you a Brit who lives in the states? It's just the way you describe things and phrases that Spike uses are so like I would especially the fact that you know Pratt over here means idiot so it is a very unfortunate surname to be saddled with. Anyway as Spike might say "Cheers Love!" Thanks for making this Brit Girl very happy but now sexually frustrated too :-) x If you ever read this my email address is bezziemate@gmail.com. I would love a reply if you can. That was gut wrenching, complicated and delightful... though not at the same time... ;-) Peace, Blue http://www.tthfanfic.org/authors.php?no=12717&list=profile Freaking incredible. 04/07/2010 04:35 pm Sixty-one darkover 12/06/2008 02:26 am Sixty-one Glad Spike and Buffy are finally together. It was a long journey. This story was awesome. I get why people write post season7 stories with Spike being into the mission. Nothing wrong with that, but it bugs me sometimes when Spike is supposed lyout of love with Buffy. Well, duh, its sad and I get the basis for it but I hate it. Anyway, glad Spike realized he still loved her. Thanks! dro 11/16/2008 08:44 am Sixty-one wow...just...wow. im floored. what a rollercoaster! you've an amazing talent ... keep up with it! Thank you! nea 10/28/2008 10:53 pm Sixty-one This story was absolutely amazing! I loved how all the insecurities and issues we were left with at the end of the two TV shows was brought out in this fic and resolved so beautifully. It took a hell of a ride to get to the beauty, but that was what made it so great. You put so much thought into writing this; it's very obvious. The writing was beautifully crafted. I'm so glad they got their happily ever after. This is how Joss should've made it. Thank you so much for writing this story. It brings a wonderful closure to all that was left in tatters on the shows. pearlseed 06/10/2008 01:14 am Sixty-one Miz Herself, I was so smitten with this story in the spring. Almost couldn't convince myself to re-read it in case I was not as over the moon as I was--silly me. I just spent a fabulous revisiting of the fine world you created, with all the hundreds of feelings all over again. Cried my eyes out over the last two (or 20) chapters, man, what you put together is just total--it's brains, body, heart and soulful high. Yeah, I'd say you kicked some and took names!! As soon as I can breathe easily again, I'm going to think thank you to the nth power again. Ta darlin' girl, Youse some kind of wonderful, you writer you!! wOw! i loved it! 05/30/2008 10:18 am Sixty-one Absolutely amazing! Stacy 05/08/2008 08:13 am Sixty-one Very good. I really liked your characterizations. Thanks for writing. Thank you so much for this excellent story - it was wonderful to read both the journey that Spike and Buffy both had to pass through to find themselves and each other - it was a hard path for them as it was for you - Wonderful to see them truly united at last. Your Spike and Buffy characterisations are truly superb, warts and all. A tour de force that will be a pleasure to return to. jess 04/29/2008 06:56 pm Sixty-one i sad to see it end but happy with the ever after. *stands up and applauds* youbegoodbaby 04/28/2008 07:04 pm Sixty-one *CLAPPING* Great story - love how Spike pinched the champagne. Amy 04/28/2008 04:07 am Sixty-one I saw this as finished and I had to read it again before I read the last chapter. I am at once happy and sad. To say I love this story seems to be a weak description of my feelings. This is THE BEST post NFA fic I have ever had the pleasure of reading - along with one of THE BEST SPUFFY fics I have ever read as well. You have written Buffy and Spike so beautifully, I have tears in my eyes. Those tears are also because the story is over...I'm going to miss the excitement of coming to the site and reading another well written chapter that has me so engrossed that I am panting for the next installment. Typically I do not read a story unless it is finished, but you had me hooked and trying to wait (...patiently...) for the next chapter. Thank you for giving me some much needed escapism from my hum-drum life and giving me what could be described as closure for this Spuffy Lover. Not that I am going to stop reading Spuffy...but, this is how I would have liked to see it end for Buffy. Can we hope to see any further peeks into this Wonderful Life that Buffy and Spike have made? Maybe the possibility of that child they discussed earlier? They would make such a pretty baby...this Spuffy girl can only hope... ~ Amy Thanks, Amy. I don't know if there'll be a sequel to this, but I've written S/B babyfic if that's what you're interested in. All my prior stories are available here. sue 04/27/2008 06:47 pm Sixty-one Your characterisations of Spike and Buffy in Distance are so well-defined, so well-choreographed that really, very few words can really express to you how great this story makes me feel. Ok, so the fantastic ending helped, I admit it, but even so, even when you were having trouble way back, even then you caught something with these two that stuck, worked and when you very bravely pulled the plug, returned with the revamped (!) continuation well, it just got better and better. With this story, that appears way beyond canon you have acknowledged this timescale and evolved both Buffy and Spike; not just because of their further experiences but because, really, they should always have been clicked back together. Angel Series 5 - that ridiculous chapter in Rome when they came virtually within feet of each other and she was completely unawares ......well. And you've put that so, so right. Did I say that words could not express....... ? I lied. I needed to wax lyrical because your work should be applauded, and here is my verbal handclap. If there was a button for the perfecto way in which I could have hoped that they would someday be...... then you, with your story, has just pressed it. Bravo. ya_lublyu_tebya 04/27/2008 06:00 pm Sixty-one A lovely end to a beautiful story. It's been a rollercoaster but I've loved every minute. akarinacj 04/27/2008 12:28 pm Sixty-one Lovely happy ending. Thank you very much. :-)) I hope you write something more soon.... fyreburned 04/27/2008 10:37 am Sixty-one So sweet! Have loved this fic from beginning to end (and even the little recant in the middle!)...and I am so sad now to see it end...I wish we could see more of these Pratts now and then...windows into their world. Thank you so very much for this journey...I, and I know I'm not alone, jumped, literally, when I saw an update from you was posted (after frequent visits to the site "watching the pot boil" so to speak)...I will miss not having that thrill of another chapter from this story and you. I sincerely hope you will be writing and posting more fics here or some accessible Spuffy site again soon...VERY soon! I'm also wondering if you will every incorporate any of the elements from the portion you recanted into another fic, developing the ideas more??? There were some interesting and luring ideas there (and I sure am glad I saved that version to disk as well). And again, thanks! For the entrancing read, to share your journey writing it, and for Happy Pratts we never got to have or see. ~~Kara~~ ~~fyreburned~~ fyreburned@yahoo.com Tamara 04/27/2008 10:31 am Sixty-one Fantastic ending. And Buffy really should know better than to think Spike would forget any anniversary. nxm 04/27/2008 06:39 am Sixty-one loved - loved - loved it! it was perfect and gorgeous and wonderful! thank you. Excellent ending; loved every word! Wished there was more! loved "Practice." fine tale, thank you. pearlseed 04/27/2008 04:04 am Sixty-one Miz Herself, goddess bless you and this wonderful story "soft slow seductions he seemed to invent on the spot, as lordly and controlling as they were tender" "his lordly nudity" "You join us together now." Think you wrote some other story that his nudity was as regal as kingly robes...bad paraphrase, great concept!! 'Cakes, m's some powerful words--Spike's so much more as her strong lover--His take on their lives, that she could be the boss in front, while he was the boss in their world. Wise man, wise woman to balance themselves in this way. Been waiting for this story to come to fruitation and it has delighted and tormented me every step of the way. You do reader hold 'em real fine. Thank you so so so--you done right by us and your story. We'll be ready when you go again!! Ah, it's been a long, hard ride hasn't it? But here's our happy ending. And theirs. I suspect this one will become one of your fics that everyone considers a "must read" and that goes on HDs all over the world to be reread and savored again and again. Pam S 04/27/2008 03:43 am Sixty-one A happy ending.. loved it .. and I am sure she punished him well.. LOL .. and did it have a white picket fence? *applauds wildly* LOVE love love this story; you always give a good happy ending, but still keep them in character; I love the ones where Buffy realizes what she has in Spike. Amazing story; can't wait to read more from you!! spuffy chick 05/28/2008 12:27 am Sixty what an amazing story! really liked it! job well done... beautiful vows, beautiful read, thank you. So. Thanks for the wedding. Thanks for the beautiful vows. Thanks for making me CRY! And was it your intention to have me scared to death the whole time that it was nothing but a dream, or a hallucination?? The way you wrote it, it seemed like the tension was ramping up and up, and any minute now Buffy would wake in her bed, and it was all a dream adn Spike was missing or something! It was a truly, TRULY amazing chapter; absolutely beautiful wedding scene; i want to marry my husband all over again and steal your beautiful words. Can't wait for more! Dee 04/10/2008 06:53 pm Sixty That was really very sweet. akarinacj 04/10/2008 04:38 pm Sixty I was just re-reading the review I made to you this morning and I must have been half-sleeping because some of the things I wrote didn´t make sense. When I wrote about the award winning thing I was of course meaning that I hope YOU win an award for this story, and specially for this chapter, which was so great written. I really love the way you write and I have read most of your stories, and even though you are cruel to the characters some times and make the suffer so much, with such an ending... or at least with such a wedding... (Suberb) Everything bad is forgotten. By the way, I´m really happy that you re-edited some of the last chapters, I liked much better this way... ;.)) akarinacj 04/10/2008 09:28 am Sixty The best chapter I have read in a very ,very long time, (if not ever). Their vows made me cry, i have never read anything as nice, heartfealt, and romantic as those vows. Just for this vows, has all the angst you have put os through with this story been worth it. Really. I bow before you. And I hope to get an award for this.... Just perfect. Brin_Londo5 04/10/2008 08:11 am Sixty Gawd... fuckin'... DAMN.... Wow. i don't think anyone else has simultaneously wowed me AND brought tears to my eyes the way you did with this chapter, other than Kallysten and Joss Wedon himself. Take a bow, you earned it with this chapter. Nothing more to be said than "what a beautiful marriage ritual and ceremony." - I just love their exchanged vows - elegant simplicity yet profound. Well Done - pearlseed 04/10/2008 03:07 am Sixty Geezlouise, now them's some vows!! Then I read the part about someone sobbing and it was me....cried the whole wedding==Spike's vows, tough as nails--Buffy's sweet as Spike sees her. Thanks for Faith, I loved her when Spike was with her in Cleveland, and I'm so glad she showed up!! Does this mean we're getting a happy ever after....great description of how she felt connected and buoyed up by the people around her--thanks dearie, it's beautiful Very sweet - forming her name, Buffy, Buffy, against her skin, whispering it into her flesh. The best vow of all. jess 04/10/2008 01:25 am Sixty Is ths the end? or will spike be shanshued. Laura 04/09/2008 11:34 pm Sixty Th wedding was so sweet That was so beautiful, I had to read it twice! Superbly done! 04/09/2008 10:23 pm Sixty How breathless. How tearful. How RIGHT. Huge thank-you. Couldn't have been done better "Hello, cutie." Now if thats not come full circle.. *in tears* This chapter was everything I could have hoped for - their vows to each other moving but not sentimental. Simply superb. This chapter was the most beautiful thing I've read in a long time and Spike's speach was the most beautiful thing I've read ever. Today I found out that the love of my life got engaged. I thought nothing could make me smile. You did. Thank you. Pam S 04/09/2008 09:15 pm Sixty Love their vows and acknowledgements to each other.. And we have a wedding... Thank you.. Hello Cutie... how appropriate.. LOL ya_lublyu_tebya 04/09/2008 09:13 pm Sixty Awesome wedding. Got me all teary! And loved that bit with Faith at the end. As always, beautifully-crafted work. fascinating chapter, thank you. If anything happens to screw up this wedding, I'm gonna be very upset; maybe it's not wise to threaten an author before she finishes a story, but I'll be VERY upset!!! LOL!! Can't wait to see what happens next!! sue 04/07/2008 07:02 pm Fifty-nine Fantastic chapter. Worth a million smiles or two. i don't mean to be the sour puss of reviewers, cause i really do love this one. read all that you had of the other version, and the courts still out on which one i like more. but i think it's gonna be the other one, mainly just cause it had more plot. i'm all about steamy sessions, but the last verison had more beef, and this ones kinda heading down the pwp road. i dunno. i really like it, and it's super well written, but i dunno. keep it comin' hotstuff, a spuffy wedding is what we've all dreamed off. :) Hehe. Sneaky pre-wedding session! Lovely chapter though- just love how happy they are. akarinacj 04/07/2008 10:55 am Fifty-nine Lovely and hot. As usual. Please, update soon :-) pearlseed 04/07/2008 07:15 am Fifty-nine Man, that's the taste, innuit? love(melt, swoon, ohmy!) Spike doing that manly man talk... "incredibly exciitng, to be ruled by him.' "wet an' flushed from what I'm gonna do to you". You made my day Miz Herself!! Never expected you to get a fix on Sunday--so very happy to catch the read, especially this one--hotcha! Whew was that hot! Dee 04/07/2008 03:08 am Fifty-nine Can I just say how surprised and pleased I am to be reading fluff from the wonderful Herself! Who would have thunk it. Amy 04/07/2008 03:01 am Fifty-nine That was HOT...Spike, the dirrrty little boy that he is, will love it when he sees her knowing the blush on her face isn't from make-up. I am absolutely certain Spike is the kind of guy who craves cunny...lucky bitch... :) Time to bring on the pretty!! Buffy gorgeous in her wedding dress, and Spike hot as hell in his suit. Please tell me something horrible isn't going to happen to keep them from getting married? Pretty please... WOW - what a steamy "before wedding" encounter - loving all the "let's get fully connected" scenes - Wonderful update - Pam S 04/07/2008 01:40 am Fifty-nine I am almost afraid to read each time you post a chapter... wondering if this is the one where Spike is torn away from Buffy and each time we get more and more of their passion and love for each other.. That was quite a time! As always, looking forward to more. Hot and beautiful! Can't wait for the wedding! xxx The best prenup agreement ever! sweet read, thank you. Pearlseed 04/05/2008 06:56 am Fifty-eight So, the hand that can rev the roller coaster up to way past frightening can also bring an easy way of it to the story that has kept my attention so well. What a sweet scene--I can feel them readying up for a prowl--I'm still sorta imagining a demon tumult at the wedding--hope they find their way. You make good with the sweetness, smut, and strife--Are they there-- Great Update - how romantic and sad at the same time - Ah, a lovely sweet scene. Do you suppose they will ever really be sure of each other? Nice scene, but the business with Spike having sex with Buffy while she's wearing his mother's earrings is a little bit squicky. I think your first paragraph is too long. You might try breaking it up a little for us modern attention deficit readers. Another wonderful chapter - I love how they're so honest with each other. They deserve bliss. Pam S 04/04/2008 08:06 pm Fifty-eight wondrous... 04/04/2008 07:56 pm Fifty-eight that was just beautiful. Their openess with one another is beautiful. I see he couldn't wait to give her her present. Looking forward to the next, as always. very good read, thank you. sue 04/04/2008 03:39 pm Fifty-seven Superb couple of chapters. The solicitors? A total gas. And all that information, that poignant cache from his past, his human past and then Buffy's most perfect reaction to the jewellrey and his mother ..... with the added fillip of Xander's predictable yet benign (for him) reaction to the sex talk. Old days and new. Lovely. This revised work is going from strength to strength. Awwwwww, so sweet, and another hurdle (hopefully the last) removed! I love this story and will keep saying so! xxx I've been a little out of the Spuffy loop recently so I was beyond excited to see that you've been updating again! I am so completely in love with this fic again and could not be happier with the rewrites even if I had written them myself. You started over at exactly the point I felt the story had derailed and entirely remade it. It feels like this new direction really validates everything Buffy and Spike have been through and shows the progress they've both made. I hope you are feeling much more satisfied with this work because it is truly great! I've been a little out of the Spuffy loop recently so I was beyond excited to see that you've been updating again! I am so completely in love with this fic again and could not be happier with the rewrites even if I had written them myself. You started over at exactly the point I felt the story had derailed and entirely remade it. It feels like this new direction really validates everything Buffy and Spike have been through and shows the progress they've both made. I hope you are feeling much more satisfied with this work because it is truly great! Spikez_tart 04/04/2008 02:39 am Fifty-seven Lovely mix of funny, serious, sentimental and sad. I'm still reading! Just really, really busy with RL crap and not doing much in the way of leaving reviews for anybody ATM. I like the way the Spike in this rewrite seems to be integrating all the parts we saw earlier on. Lovely chapter, you gave Buffy just the right words! I had time yesterday to go back and reread this story from the beginning and I have to say, it was only better the second go round. pearlseed 04/04/2008 01:35 am Fifty-seven "Willow could forget, often, that Buffy was more than fighting chops and quips and occasional "blonde" remarks. She could also be incredibly sensitive, astute, and breathtakingly loving." As you seem tio be also and thanks for such a lovely dear moment with friends in a little out of the way bar. Such sweetness you've written. NICE - the chapter is as wonderful and lovely as their relationship is at this phase - lexcellent connect with the series and his family life. Their happiness is contagious - I'm all smiles. Pam S 04/04/2008 12:09 am Fifty-seven Creating quite a picture here.. One I didn't think would be part of the storyline.. Kind of like the last love story .. and then putting it to rest.. *sigh*; sometimes Buffy makes me want to slap her with the things she says, the way she acts, or the way she treats Spike. Then sometimes, just sometimes, somebody writes a scene where Buffy is tender, and loving, and devoted, to Spike!, of all people, and yet they do it in a manner that is completely believable. You've managed to do this beautifully. So thank you very much, I can't wait to see more. Spikez_tart 04/03/2008 02:53 am Fifty-six Mmmm, thoughtful Spike. Nice chapter. Liked the way Spike got upset and conflicted about his mother's things *sigh* That was an amazing chapter; the thoughts of his mother, twined 'round with his thoughts of Buffy... absolutely beautiful. Can't wait to see what Buffy thinks of her prezzies... pearlseed 04/03/2008 12:40 am Fifty-six lovely side trip with Xander and Willow, liked the twist of a vampiric lawyer establishment forever. Didn't realize there was bookkeeping in the unlife. lol-- man, there's this other shoe out there waiting, that's what my slayer (story reader) senses tell me, all tinglies with possiblities.... "The jewels began to glow. Buffy won't be left to wonder, should anythin' happen to me when she's not there to see it with her own eyes." Now, we won't be needing that, will we, Miz Herself? I've got a real bad case of roller coaster plot burning away--you've got me trained. Still loving this story up one side and down the other!! pearlseed 04/03/2008 12:40 am Fifty-six lovely side trip with Xander and Willow, liked the twist of a vampiric lawyer establishment forever. Didn't realize there was bookkeeping in the unlife. lol-- man, there's this other shoe out there waiting, that's what my slayer (story reader) senses tell me, all tinglies with possiblities.... "The jewels began to glow. Buffy won't be left to wonder, should anythin' happen to me when she's not there to see it with her own eyes." Now, we won't be needing that, will we, Miz Herself? I've got a real bad case of roller coaster plot burning away--you've got me trained. Still loving this story up one side and down the other!! Reb 04/02/2008 10:21 pm Fifty-six So much is conveyed in this exchange: Willow was shaking her head. "I can't believe you have money. You've had money all along? Then why did you—" "I always preferred gettin' along on my wits to drawing on my allowance like a bloody ponce." Another thing Darla and Angelus used to mock him for. You've surprised me with the new direction the story has taken. It's so happy, but I can't shake the feeling of impending doom. ya_lublyu_tebya 04/02/2008 09:28 pm Fifty-six Frankly, awwwwww. Lovely. Liked that he included Xander and Willow. Just plain loved the whole chapter. Always looking forward to more. Smashing chapter - very atmospheric. akarinacj 04/02/2008 06:23 pm Fifty-six This is getting better and better. I just hope the can get married without more angst to it. They´ve already had more than enough. More please, more...!!! Great having some of the family history and how so many of his memories of human love were wrapped up like his mothers in that box - it was like a writing box with the letters being written in visual language. A lovely chapter - so nice to have something filled with Love and Beauty come to Spike and Buffy. Pam S 04/02/2008 05:27 pm Fifty-six Wondered about Spike and money... didn't think it would be Demon- Run.. and legal of sorts with a little magic thrown it. Nice twist and yet so honorable. I never would have expected a trip to ones solicitor could be so touching! Once more you astound me! I love this story, xxx I love that your muse is giving us so many new updates! Loved that he included Willow and Xander in his visit to the solicitors. Xander's actions show he just might be growing up yet. it is a pleasure to "hear" them talk honestly to each other. very good read thank you. Amy 04/02/2008 04:09 am Fifty-five I absolutely applaude your courage to do a re-wirite. And truth be told I like this version better. I love how they are so open with each other. I felt that towards the end of Buffy 7 they were headed in this direction, ya know? We just didn't get another season of them together to see thier relationship flouirsh and grow into what it should have been. Thank you for giving that to me in this story. So...when are you going to crash my entire world? I am waiting for the proverbial shoe... ***silence*** :) Very solid sex scene, H. I know how hard you must have worked on that to get it just right. I feel the sword of doom hanging over our lovers heads. Grrr. 04/01/2008 11:46 pm Fifty-five Like all your stories, this is a truly remarkable achievement. I applaud your courage in withdrawing so many chapters in order to make this the best it can be, and I believe that you have, once again, created a genuine "truth" in this fandom. They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but once again, I am astonished at how the imitators can, on rare and beautiful occasions, surpass the originators. Thank you. Laura 04/01/2008 11:18 pm Fifty-five I just love every chapter! Laura 04/01/2008 11:07 pm Fifty-five I just love every chapter! jess 04/01/2008 10:56 pm Fifty-five maybe he can be a boy slayer... Pearlseed 04/01/2008 09:14 pm Fifty-five Myohmy, love with the beloveds is an awesome undertaking--10 days....10 days--there's this little naggy hitch in the get-along here. So far so good, it's not a dream it's not a dream? No April fool's? Love the pictures you puzzleword piece together for us. Still enjoying (what am I saying? loving!!!) the wait for the other show to drop... only maybe it can not drop? and everything can be A-OK?!?! I love their closeness, it was about time. "Well, it is that, a bit. Strength, an' a kind of freedom. An' I wasn't a happy fellow, when I was alive. Not much there I'm nostalgic for." another great update - and I really like this ending - One of the things that I never understood was Angel's attachment to wanting to return to his human status. Since, IMO, he was in search for forgiveness and redemption, spiritual qualities, being in a human body had nothing to do with his journey of redemption. Spike, I think is right, our history makes who we are, he can use all those experiences to move forward and while the idea of human form Spike is tempting, I think that Buffy does not need a normal human I think she needs her counterpart consort to be a strong warrior as well. We know that normal humans can be warriors and heroes, whole point of the series, but I just like Spike with all his vampiric strengths - having to give up the daytime really sucks, but its the price he has to pay - The Slayers have their own burdens and prices to pay. Dee 04/01/2008 06:04 pm Fifty-five Well, that was a lovely chat. Don't know that I have ever read them so content at your hand, of course, they still have filthy mouths but you write that so well. Wow - another chapter - I love how they're being so open with each other. God I hope it lasts! Thanks for the second update in two days. It just gets better and better; each chapter is exquisite. Can I just say I love how honest Buffy is being? If this turns out to be a dream, i'm going to be wicked mad!!! LOL!! Can't wait to see more, please more soon?? Pam S 04/01/2008 04:30 pm Fifty-five Ten days, marriage, and then Paris... ? I guess she likes a little monster in her man... rough lovin' there. Still wondering... now that is a breakfast. very good read, thank you. akarinacj 04/01/2008 01:01 pm Fifty-four Lovely chapter :-)) More Please!!! Pearlseed 04/01/2008 08:40 am Fifty-four "I don't want to think about it, because I can't imagine my life anymore without you in it." That woman just said a mouthful!! Complete? No--I look there first away!! I'm so glad you let us back "under the kivvers" with our beloveds. I love that she knows her tears make him hard and now, "My sweetheart. My sweet man. My husband." He spent with a long shudder." Keep 'em safe, donchaknow? I know you'll take care for us--as always, more please... Love the fact that your Buffy seems to understand what she almost lost, and is making a real effort to make Spike understand that she loves him. Thanks for that; can't wait for more. Wonderful to see them so in tune with each other. Not sure I dare hope it's permanent just yet! What a wonderful romantic scene - it's really nice to have this grand couple and characters finally connecting in a mature and with a positive life force energy - You have given them a lovely moment - Great to see a glimpse of their domesticity. The are so loving with one another. ya_lublyu_tebya 03/31/2008 04:32 pm Fifty-four Lovely! Simply lovely. Hope nothing messes this up. Pam S 03/31/2008 04:27 pm Fifty-four Enjoying the development of the relationship... young lovers..full of lust and the moment.. Wondering where you are going with the storyline.. ? So sweet and hot! Loved it!!! Please don't make them go through much more hardship! *bats eyelashes* xxx some doubt still haunts spike. fine read with just a hint if disaster to come. ya_lublyu_tebya 03/29/2008 12:20 pm Fifty-three Two very lovely updates! More please. (also, really loved Willow in the last chapter, bossing Spike around!) Buffy - better elope to Las Vegas or Scotland or something ASAP. 03/28/2008 02:16 pm Fifty-three Fucking and fighting? no. but Spike forgot the final, essential part, the part they have in spades - loving. With that added, then yes, I think they have enough. More than most, in fact. Ah, Spike. Still not sure of what they have. Or of what she wants. Lovely reunion chapter. At last they're together but it still feels kinda shakey somehow, what with Buffy's odd eagerness to phone home and Spike's self-doubt. You've kept that undercurrent of unease brilliantly. A wonderful new, but also very scary, new phase - and I can't help feeling just a little apprehensive with buffy's need to make that call so quickly. pearlseed 03/27/2008 06:18 pm Fifty-three Ohmy, 'a sumptuous fuck' 03/27/2008 05:29 pm Fifty-three I´m so happy they´re finally together. :-)) Very nice and sweet chapter!!! It just gets better and better--you're such a fabulous storyteller. I eagerly await each new update. sue 03/27/2008 05:02 pm Fifty-three I can see them, these two, these some years on, in your expressive and very evocative writing. It is a joy to read. Oh, no more doubts Spike, please!!!!!!! I never thought of the idea of the two of them getting married outside the fluffy-Spuffy framework, but you lead them into it so perfectly it all makes sense! I love this story, you are awesome! jess 03/27/2008 04:00 pm Fifty-three he better not pull a Xander. Pam S 03/27/2008 03:09 pm Fifty-three To love and be loved .... is enough.. for Spike and Buffy even though the fight for him seems to make a difference.. And in L.A. where they would be together as equals.. And so what else? very good read, thank you. delightful chapter ending. Wow! That question really surprised me. Great roundabout way to get there though. sue 03/27/2008 04:54 pm Fifty-two And there it is: ".....he knew he'd finally managed to bypass his racing brain, that the words came from his soul." and Spike - the real Spike, had re-entered the building. What a wonderful piece between he and Buffy: far more equal, her less desparate than of recent - thank god and finally .....Finally! Comfort food, this, without the calories. Laura 03/26/2008 07:53 am Fifty-two I was dying for an update and am not disappointed. Liked no nonsense cursing Willow. I absolutely loved your description of how Buffy wanted to convince Spike to be with her and it's connection to " Seeing Red'. I think you captured the emotions of that moment perfectly. fyreburned 03/25/2008 06:54 am Fifty-two Oh, WOW. Didn't see THAT coming! It's sweet, kinda like the simple, plain Will was. Sad how withdrawn & resigned to her bleak fate she was. And, LA? Ironic, as previously both of them hated it there, were done & shed of that city at points in their existence. But it comes back a full circle, eh? Honestly, I'm not sure which version of this fic I like most. This, so far, is seeming ultimately lighter in feeling. Yet, the original had something way unique to it, including the totally perceivable-to-the-reader feeling of being time-tossed, jumbled, spatially mixed up; yet in that very sense, it dragged on, bogged down a bit, as if it was just too hard to get the point over of something humanly impossible to describe----the point really, as those principles involved were not human: a God, a vampire, primarily, followed by deceased-and-defunct other vampire, fighters, watchers, yadda yadda, demon armies, etc...even slayers, witches, ad nauseum. But the attempt, even mind-boggling, was at the least, a fascinating ride. This, the re-furbished version, is cleaner, neater, and does get from point A to C more clearly and neatly. I'm not sure if that is better or worse, but it settles to the spirit easier. And, again, not sure if that's better or worse, as like I tried to describe above about fic-V.1, it was unique. It did disturb, did shake your feelings up a bit. It was nice to see Buffy able to be happy, for that while, tho' unlike the regular happy sappy love story fics we all often read that comforts us so. Not to say V.2 is or will be a typical sappy, sugar-sweet ending to a hard pilgrim's journey. We, the reader, don't know the ending yet---for all we know, a hard-reached love including marriage, could just be the beginning of an arc in your fic. Good to see Buffy relent from being above Spike, even as the Victorian Gentleman in him squeaks past his guard to get down on one knee and propose. Perhaps the dancing dizzied him up a mite! Another bit where Spike-the-Victorian snuck out for a few moments...And Buffy seems to respond well to that him, like it calms her, when in their personal space. I'm oh-so-very interested in where this still has to go. Please don't just slap a pre-fabbed typical fic ending on this to get it over and done with! This is and has been a very fascinating ride & read; your words drew so many of us, the readers, out---quite literally---and teased us, no, lured us into the storyline, wrapping us and our minds into it literally! Readers yakked on tag-boards and chats, emails about this fic, chomping at the bit til the next update was out===that is how much it affected us by it's rare difference. Thanks for that experience. I do hope you continue to write more & more again in this fandom. ~~K.~~ ~~fyreburned~~ fyreburned@yahoo.com Tav 03/25/2008 02:37 am Fifty-two How lovely! I love the direction you took them in this chapter. Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful story with us! Wonderful chapter H. Hope you're not going to spoil it. Loved Spike's proposal. 03/25/2008 12:10 am Fifty-two No caveats: are you still in love with Buffy?" the words came from his soul. Bloody hell, I'd ask you to marry me I'm free to live how I need to live, to love who I need to love. Kisses on the cheeks and lips of Willow--And Faith, although her test was a little more questionable at first. Goddess love the good girlfriends of the slayer. You know I had no idea I could hold my breath long enough to read it all, but I did. I made hard copy, just devoured it over and over and played with the words and read it outloud and wallowed in it like my cats in stinky stuff. And yes I'm a massive weepy teary girly girl, and no I understand it won't ever be done between 'em til one or the other or both are dust--but what a helluva!! story you done made--take care of 'em. Miz Herself, Queen--owns Spike's beautiful voice, knows when to write it deep and soft, sharp as his cheekbones, goddess, how you have delighted. Thank you--I'm so reading the next 17 chapters!! (There's more, right?) Okay, didn't see that one coming. :) But yay for Spike. The question now is, are you going to let them have that? Or are you going to yank their (and our) hearts out again? :) Wonderful way to handled this "meeting again, connecting again." Speaking from the heart and instinct and desparation of another loss in life - that instant of the most real and vital. Asking her to be his wife was a surprise and I hope that it works out - Liked this section very much - "Don't quite feel like they did happen. Not exactly to me." The admission made him feel even more off-balance. They stopped at an intersection to wait for the light to change. "Remember it all, but it's like it happened to someone else. Like I was a sort of made-up toy for Buffy. Simple an' innocent. Easy for her to give herself to, easy to hold up in front of the others, because what did my past matter if I didn't know any of it?" Thanks again for the regular updates - you are s model of the "Best of Buffyverse FF writers," - excellent work and with the effort to bring out the work on a regular basis - Thank You your latest chapter. jess 03/24/2008 04:53 pm Fifty-two yeah finaly all the angst was killing me. I'm so happy I'm tearing up (I know, I'm a weird person, OK? But 'Distance' rocks my world! You rock my world, with this wonderful fic of yours!) And though I'm afraid the road may still be bumpy ahead I wanna thank you for this update! xxx This was so worth the wait! Loved Willow in this chapter, for not letting Spike cheat himself out of what he and Buffy deserve. The imagery of their meeting was beautiful. Can't wait for her to be Mrs. Pratt! 03/24/2008 04:11 pm Fifty-two At long last!!!! It was about time the found together again. I just read the last 4 chapters again, after you changed them, and I´ll tell you that I like this version much more. Please update soon. Love the story. Thank god Spike snapped out of it - the hangdog act was getting a little tired. I was afraid he was going to stay stuck in ATS5 mode for good - but I have hope for them now. Buffy has been surprisingly sensible. *Laughs out loud while clapping hands joyously together* THANK YOU!!! I can't wait for the grand finale; amazing chapter. Pin 03/24/2008 02:30 pm Fifty-two Incredibly nice and actually quite unexpected. I was preparing myself for more angst, so having them move forward is such a delightful surprise. Thank you! Pam S 03/24/2008 02:20 pm Fifty-two Wow... never expected that ending... And Buffy finally talking and the voice of reason. But still the misunderstanding that Spike wants to be fighting the battle on his terms.. his area.. but with her... Mrs.Pratt.. A wedding... loved faith's move. very good red, thank you. spike can be a bit stubborn, can't he? BT_ 03/19/2008 05:29 am Fifty-one I like your changes. Spike thinks entirely too much. Loved the "guys are situational" line. and silence on her end. Stubborn, sad, angry, he couldn't tell Definitely liking the rewrite. It feels more fluid and does not have the angsty jerking back and forth. Thanks for your efforts. Surprising selfless Faith there, honest too. Dare we hope something good will come of this? Laura 03/15/2008 02:40 am Fifty-one I liked Faith's kick in the pants. Dee 03/14/2008 09:41 pm Fifty-one This was a great chapter. Makes me glad for the rewrite. I like the Spike/Faith interraction. Like the realization he has. Yay for Faith, for coming through like this! And yay for Spike finally trying to get in touch with her! Can't wait to say how their meeting goes *keeps fingers crossed* xxx NICE encounter with Faith and Spike - I always thought that Faith and Angel would have been so good together - good for each other. Thought she was wonderful in this chapter. I loved her line about "clarity" ___________________________________________________ Could all that be all right? Or was it—the idea dug its claws into his mind and could not be torn loose—was it that her painful career had so warped her that she was ruined for a real man, real love? Her desire for him the principal symptom of a terrible, an unfortunate, pathology? ___________________________________________________ Good questions because so much of their history, IMO, was fracture and made tragic by her past - Pin 03/14/2008 05:24 pm Fifty-one Very nice; loved the conversation with Faith, who would have been a contender, if his affections weren't so thoroughly captured. And Buffy, hovering and hoping. Lovely. Reb 03/14/2008 05:20 pm Fifty-one The dialogue in this chapter is loads of fun, but the bit about putting on a pot of coffee for friends far away . . . just stunning. So simple and evocative. sue 03/14/2008 04:22 pm Fifty-one Absence makes the heart ......... and a perfect picture, those tears on the runaway, supposedly 'ambivalent' vampire's face. Lovely. ya_lublyu_tebya 03/14/2008 04:08 pm Fifty-one Very good chapter. I was ready to get very pissed at Faith... but she did good (in a weird, twisted sort of way). Hope they can talk and fix all this badness. Can't wait for the next chapter, excellent as always! Pam S 03/14/2008 03:14 pm Fifty-one Thank you.. Faith.. Made him have a few realizations.. Step 1 - I guess.. Maybe a few battles with demons and Buffy.. at another Hellmouth would put things more into perspective.. he does love watching her fight.. Enjoying.. pearlseed 03/14/2008 03:12 pm Fifty-one "He believed her, but still wasn't sure." Oh, gawd, he does still love her!! Thank you thank you--and if I ever get off this addicting roller coaster of a story, I think I'm gonna hug your neck. She is grown up now--is Spike finally there too? Take care of them (and us) I'm so glad to be reading your story again!! Saggit 08/13/2012 04:38 am Fifty Buffy saw herself thrusting the axe into Willow's keeping and throwing herself into his arms. He'd catch her and lift her to his mouth for the long restorative kiss that would make everything right. A couple of breaths passed before she recognized that she wasn't actually doing this, and neither was Spike; he remained at a distance, hands thrust in his pockets. *************************** Brilliant. Not just the bait-and-switch, but the way it shows Buffy second guessing herself. I think I like these revised chapters better than the original; I knew buffy's fear that once Spike was back to himself he wouldn't want her anymore would come back to bite her again; it certainly looks like it! Can't wait to see more! pearlseed 03/14/2008 11:18 pm Fifty If only if only if only if only.....is the lesson here that no matter what is happening things can still get busted? How do you do this, in the tiny space of one sentence, I'm on the rooftops over the moon joyous, grateful, safe, able to draw a breath that doesn't cause my chest to ache, then 10, 15 words later, I ain't worth shooting. Dadblame you are good! Love reading this. "The words, rather than being heard, seemed rather to appear to Buffy, branded red into the black air in front of her. Hanging there, sizzling a little at the edges, for contemplation and reference. Need time. They looked like a rebuke, and also a plea, and also a dismissal, and also an assurance. She couldn't sort that, so she squeezed her eyes shut on them, picked up the little glass, and swallowed. " really love this section, the section right after as well - terrific update . Wonderful to have this work back again - Hope you find this more rewrite more satisfying - Certainly is an excellent piece of work - Oh, poor Buffy - this is so sad. Wipes away a tear. Oh. That turd. lol. Whoa! Different direction! I think I like it - more angst potential, and yet more hopeful. Really anxious now to see where you plan to take this new tack. ya_lublyu_tebya 03/13/2008 06:20 pm Fifty Sad, very sad. But still so brilliant! sue 03/13/2008 05:34 pm Fifty This Spike is making Buffy (and me) totally bereft. Of course it's not payback and that, somehow, is worse. Because that means there is no something making him act this way. He is acting this way because he appears to feels nothing. Or, if anything, barely a whisper of antipathy. It seems that Buffy is in freefall; just about hanging on, just putting one foot in front of the other in order to act normally. To just be able to breathe. Willow's rare moment of snapping at Spike is shown to be just thoughts, not actually spoken, or aimed at him. Go on, Willow, give him a reality check. For this is the reality. He is back and alive. Buffy is alive. And loves him. And the irony of that, now? The girl loves him unconditionally. You're not making this easy for anyone, are you? It's great! I feel so sorry for both of them - their prospects seem to get bleaker and bleaker. Pin 03/13/2008 04:35 pm Fifty I like this reworking of the section. I'm going to go back and read the whole story again, but I really like the way this version flows. There's more hope now. Although, I'm still getting used to you writing a Spike & Buffy story that isn't in the Bittersweets universe!! Thanks again for this new and very appealing story. I went from relief to sadness within mere lines! I don't know how you do it, but your writing is magical! xxx Thanks for the update, it wasn't at all what I expected. Well done! Dee 03/13/2008 03:07 pm Fifty I like this new direction. I feel the cohesiveness of it. The sadness is so palpable. Pam S 03/13/2008 03:05 pm Fifty And now for the difference..but this Spike.. still not wanting Buffy..rather the fight.. Awesome 04/07/2010 03:40 am Forty-nine Ew - pigeons. Good Illyria - glad she hasn't been tainted by human emotions. Great changes, I very much like both version - very exciting while also filled with such a sorrow for Spike's condition - veryt effective use of Illyria in this restored phase. I sure hope that she will allow Spike to stay or if she has taken him that he can survive her need to stay connected with Wesley through Spike - Man. What a kick in the guts for Buffy! How sad :( Excited to see what else you decide to change next!! ;) Wow, he's gone again, can't wait to see what you have in store for us. P.S. Wow, he's gone again, can't wait to see what you have in store for us. P.S. Brilliant chapter. Hope Illyria hasn't taken him this time. Good work. Pam S 03/12/2008 02:43 pm Forty-nine Wondering... Spike seems to be back... trying to protect Buffy.. Love the Mission.. Enjoying... jess 03/11/2008 06:47 pm Forty-eight i desperately want a happy ending Ah, you took a powerful chapter and made it more so. Heartbreaking. Now to see what the new direction is and how wrenching it's going to be for both your characters and your readers. Great to have your back - but what a horror you bring with your Spike and Buffy - Powerful but how very very sad for her and how devasting for him to be in this living hell of between times and realities. So glad to see that you have taken this up again - Spikez_tart 03/11/2008 02:10 am Forty-eight Woo hoo, angsty craziness. ya_lublyu_tebya 03/10/2008 09:22 pm Forty-eight Wow, that little break definitely breathed life back into your writing. Amazing amazing stuff. So glad you're back with us and can't wait to see what you're going to do with it differently. Oh god you made me cry .. pearlseed 03/10/2008 06:59 pm Forty-eight Glorious--I knew you'd be back today and the intensity of the vision that drew us in is there--I scarfed up all the words in a big gobble and now I'm re-reading them for improved comprehension and to ease myself into the exquiste pain. Miz Herself, glad you found your answers, your way--abstinence makes the heart grow fonder--love them, take care of them. The beloveds' demons want their due, I'm still holding on for hope and love. Blessings, thank you more please. sue 03/10/2008 06:02 pm Forty-eight Welcome back. You sure know how to turn the proverbial screw because this is still a distant, very distrustful, disbelieving Spike and then he suddenly remembers - and ours, and much more importantly Buffy's hope is dashed. This realization that Spike's continuing coldness can not not be blamed on amnesia, cuts Buffy to the quick. The moment that her nudity becomes painful to her is the awful moment she realises that she is still being denied the Spike she yearns for. He is just not there. So glad to see you're back with us! I'm looking forward to more soon. Yay, Distance is back! And guess what? It's making me cry again! I love whatever you do with this story, though it hurts seeing them so many steps back! But I'm here for the entire ride and I know I'm going to love it! xxx If this is really Spike now, he must have stuck to his intention to move on, following the Girl in Question. All very sad. Pam S 03/10/2008 03:44 pm Forty-eight Been waiting... wondering where you would begin again... Need to reread a few chapters to get back into perspective.. Obviously .. still in pieces of himself.. and this version does not love Buffy and only has contempt for not being "dead" with Angel... a coward. Enjoying.. Poor Buffy :( I feel so bad for her. So glad to see an update tho! by the time spike is whole again, buffy maybe fragmented beyond repair. another very good read in a fascinating tale. You're breaking my heart, do you realize that??? ARGH! Awesome chapters; can't wait to read more; this is an amazing story, and I love the quick updates IT 02/02/2008 09:04 am Forty-seven They'd better move fast if they want to catch Spike before he takes off. I hope you don't have him run too far, we really need him to go to LA and sort it all out! Lovely writing, thanks. Buffy just keeps breaking my heart right along with hers! I really hope the trip to L.A. fixes Spike, completely this time instead of this crazy back and forth. He's so lost that it's making him act differently than he normally would, a bit paranoid. Want everything to finally be out in the open! pearlseed 02/02/2008 01:24 am Forty-seven weeping, heartsick, remember the roller coaster, oh, god poor Buffy, poor Spike and furthermore--more please and still wit'cha cap, Painful, lonliness, leaning into the computer screen to try and get as close to the story as possible--touching it like a lover, love phone vid Spike who adores Buffy. Love angry Spike who just wants to "throw a fuck into the Slayer". Want all of my boy back in one piece safe. Waiting, patiently yeah. Well that's a dandy dilemma. thank you evil writer. "because the girl was nothing special to him anymore", what a sad statement. Please give us some more soon! At least Willow is thinking straight! They need to go soon. Can't wait for more. Having seen the last season of ATS, I know a number was done on them and I get that Spike is still in the throes of that battle. It's just so angsty for a reader to juxtapose such vastly different time frames. Another roller coaster. I just hope that Spike can be integrated at some point for the sake of himself and Buffy. akarinacj 02/01/2008 04:44 pm Forty-seven I love this fic, even though it's very confusing some times, with all Spike's personalities... More please!!! ya_lublyu_tebya 02/01/2008 04:40 pm Forty-seven Heartbreaking, really. I just want to bang heads together and somehow make everything right! You are doing a completely stupendous job!! More please. Pam S 02/01/2008 03:52 pm Forty-seven Sad.. for both of them.. Maybe the merge of the two will bring some sort of resolution.. But maybe not the together happily ever after.. Waiting to see how its ends. Enjoying. Brilliant and heart wrenching... as always! I hope the end of their journey will be worth their pain! xxx jess 02/01/2008 03:35 pm Forty-seven poor spike still doesn't believe that buffy loves him. Cause i don't for a second believe that he stopped loving her. i hate that the gave us no closer on ats5 very good read, thank you. find the ending intriguing. Spike is more stubborn than Buffy. Wonder what's happening in his head at the end? Cleveland! That's too cruel. Oh goodness gracious i am in awe!! Ive marathonned this fic for the past 48hours and i am beyond hooked. Blessed be you as an author for updating so religiously!!! Melly 02/01/2008 02:05 pm Forty-six I like this story - I really do but I'm becoming very confused and frustrated with how it's going. I worship at your feet for the quick updates but I wish you would let us in on what's going on with Spike and why he's still suffering with memory loss. I won't get started on how close I am to an overdose of angst. I think I may have to walk away from this one for a while if things don't start looking up for them. Please end my misery or at least show us a little beacon of light at the end of this long tunnel. ya_lublyu_tebya 02/01/2008 01:39 pm Forty-six Arghh! You're killing me! Please don't let Spike leave without talking to Buffy!! Cleveland and Faith -- that'll be the final straw for Buffy. She's done the best she can and look where it's got her. Payback time, maybe, but it's heartbreaking - for both of them. IT 02/01/2008 09:42 am Forty-six I can feel the despair coming off Buffy! And the confusion, hurt and anger off Spike. Can't they get together soon? Please?! pearlseed 02/01/2008 08:57 am Forty-six oh my now your story has stripped us of everything--my chest hurts for Spike, like someone stole my heart away. Gawd, how bloody damn awful to know from your eyebrows up but not know in your heart. Oh, my dearest one--are the beloveds never to be in one place and together and happy--is this not allowed by the PTB-fight for them for us please if you will. Thanks for the early post-- Well that would give anyone a headache! Wish Dawn would just open her big younger sister mouth and tell everything before Scared!Buffy just lets him leave. 02/01/2008 08:42 am Forty-six More, please, more. Poor Buffy, with Spike that doesn´t want to speak to her... I really hope that changes next chapter. Thank you so much for updating so often. All teared up again... I don't want him to leave! And Buffy had been so brave up to now, why couldn't she just face him and tell him the truth? I realize this is the Spike she dreaded would reject her from the beginning, but this is also the Spike that jumped through hoops for her! Oh, come oooon, Buffy, take that leap! Don't let him leave!!! Please update again soon, XXX Deb 02/01/2008 06:23 am Forty-six This chappie a bit heartbreaking for Buffy. He doesn't need her. Ouchie! *sinff* Poor Buffy. Poor Spike. I want to hug them both. Oh my, this heart wrenching! Please make it better! Pam S 02/01/2008 03:38 am Forty-six Strange... and still the mission.. That again he has escaped death.. and wants nothing else.. And Buffy's place.. in his dreams? Enjoying and perplexed. Ah - a mystery. Is he dreaming? Is he hearing her thoughts? I just keep finding chapters - and I love it! More, please. :) giles has questions. as was often the case, he doesn't have the right information. very fine read, thank you. Poor crazed Spike, and now he's about to be grilled by Giles. Oh no! Buffy was so worried he'b be mad at her, but this treating her link minemeat has gotta be way worse! She was so close to getting what she wanted, only to have it ripped away. I feel so sorry for her. And it's gotta suck for Spike finding out everyone died. Loving all these lightning fast updates, btw! ;) 01/31/2008 10:26 pm Forty-five AHHH!! you had to end it THERE? You are most definitely trying to kill me! that's it, I can't wait till tomorrow. seriously now, what if my computer goes down---what if I die. you're just gonna have to e-mail me the rest of the story. you know just in case.... Wonderful..or not? And what is Giles up to? IT 01/31/2008 08:19 pm Forty-five Another good chapter. Thanks for all the quick updates. You're doing great work here. Another excellent chapter down, leaving lots of questions and me anxious for more. Reb 01/31/2008 06:29 pm Forty-five Buffy must think all of her fears have come to pass. All that good behavior down the drain, poor thing. Hmmm. Has she suffered enough? You get to decide! Thanks for all the timely updates. I feel so sorry for your poor Spike - what a living hellish nightmare his existence is - Dee 01/31/2008 05:57 pm Forty-five You know this is just like the chocolate cheesecake that I make. It gets better, richer, sweeter with every slice but you just know that the end is near. PamS 01/31/2008 05:41 pm Forty-five The Mission first... And Buffy doesn't seem to be on his mind.. Somewhat back to normal.. Enjoying.. ya_lublyu_tebya 01/31/2008 05:37 pm Forty-five Spike makes my heart hurt. Or maybe that's just your fantabulous writing! Keep up the good work. Stupid Giles, interrupting when the only person who could probably get through to Spike is trying to keep him from taking off. And poor Buffy, she probably feels like this is her worst nightmare come true. Love how well you showed the anguish and confusion Spike is experiencing and hope things finally start to get better for him! I'm so hooked I just read this and want more!!! Please let Spike remember all of it! I know she's hurt him a lot and in part deserves what she's going through now, but for his own good, for his peace of mind he has to remember! And what did happen in that fight? What is it that has caused all that? I know it took me a while to wonder about that, but I was too lost in the Spuffy drama :( LOVE it, please can I have some more??? XXX pretty_in_fangs 01/31/2008 03:46 pm Forty-five Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. I thought it was too good to be true - this is LA Spike who thinks he's moved on from Buffy! The parts need to become a whole - get them to LA!!! Fantastic read 04/07/2010 12:31 am Forty-four another piece of memory. not the best, but a place to explore. very good chapter, thank you. I'm really enjoying the see saw...very plausible. Good to see more recent memories surfacing. Oh - what a perfect timing change - this story never stops being first class - Well, wasn't expecting that! Strange that what triggered this recent crazy spell and more memories was Dawn's scent. Love how you're writing Xander! I can tell he's trying to be different for Buffy but he's still the same hateful person he's been throughout this fic and I can still hate him. Glad Spike's getting closer to being himself again! pearlseed 01/31/2008 10:26 am Forty-four Thought I could just not sleep tonight and win my treat early--Patience is a virtue that neither Spike or I possess. Did Angel and the others? They get out too? So many pieces and parts to consider. Give a nickel to see you work--it must be something. Thanks for your story now--it's needed. ¶ IT 01/31/2008 05:48 am Forty-four Thanks for the update. Looking forward to more. Joanne 01/31/2008 04:32 am Forty-four Hi, I started reading your fics in 2003 and have been a fan since. I' sure this story is as good as all the previous ones but I'm saving the reading of this one until it's all done. I've peaked here and there and I love it Thanks for all the wonderfull hours of reading you have given me! Poor Xander - all this time, and still stuck with Spike. Loved the Squeers reference. LOL Reb 01/31/2008 01:46 am Forty-four As much as I enjoyed the possibilities of "facets 'o Spike", I hope he's almost all there. Just the last few months of memories missing seems as good as can be hoped for, and even those will likely creep back in short order. As someone who has actually had a short bout with amnesia, this chapter ending feels very, very real. Now, I'm thinking ahead to the mystery of the Battle of the Alley. I'm thoroughly roped in. Reb 01/31/2008 01:44 am Forty-four As much as I enjoyed the possibilities of "facets 'o Spike", I hope he's almost all there. Just the last few months of memories missing seems as good as can be hoped for, and even those will likely creep back in short order. As someone who has actually had a short bout with amnesia, this chapter ending feels very, very real. Now, I'm thinking ahead to the mystery of the Battle of the Alley. I'm thoroughly roped in. 01/31/2008 01:26 am Forty-four Love it, just don't stop :-) pearlseed 01/31/2008 12:55 am Forty-four please stay healthy until finished, please no weddings, funerals, babies birthed--trips to the grocery, walk the dog--nothing until all is said and done please becos the only thing keeping me from evoking wolves is having this treat. Please maintain balance in your clever agile brain, lots of water--has anybody mentioned that your story is amazing becos it doesn't fit any niche I've read yet--is dark, but not dreadful, is funny but not goofy, like a wooden roller coaster you can hear the tracks singing in the background tying it altogether and the track here I'm hoping is love between the beloveds and peace. But I'm wit'chew chile, til all said and done. ya_lublyu_tebya 01/30/2008 05:09 pm Forty-four Interesting development... You've got me hanging on tenterhooks here! But thanks for all the many glorious updates! ARRRGHHHH! sorry, had to get that out of my system! :P So now he knows things up to the alley but still has no clue she loves him? This has me tied in a knot! Still loving it (more by the chapter really!) xxx And there he is...this is so exciting! I can't tell you how much I'm enjoying this story! Absolutely brilliant -- I can't get enough of this fic! Thanks for updating so regularly. Pam S 01/30/2008 04:35 pm Forty-four Well, thank Marla for unscrambling the scrambled.. Now to find out why they didn't come to help.. and what happed to Angel and Company.. And more important.. the future for Spike and Buffy.. Enjoying.. this buffy is fantastic. and your spike superb. very good read, thank you. sue 01/30/2008 01:25 pm Forty-three I love this Spike - and even more so I love seeing this Buffy, a Buffy made whole and sane and so completely and mentally together for dealing with this lost, wayward Spike. Having this momentous 'task' of saying and doing all the right things around this trigger-response vampire has grounded the girl; this is just as important to her, if more so, than any given apocalypse. At any rate, she is exerted the same amount of resolve, except this time she must do so without brute force and a weapon in her hand. As such, her deft touch and word are that much more astounding and wonderful, because this is Buffy - you know, the word-mangling, emotive coward, best runner-away from the truth, in all Sunnydale. This is just great. Angi 01/30/2008 01:24 pm Forty-three I love all your wonderful, painful, brilliant fics, but I think this is becoming my favourite. "The man in the video was no more the complete Spike she'd loved too late than the anguished version sitting beside her, but she'd stopped caring so much about such nuances; she loved him in all his states, even as she knew he needed to be restored before he could fully choose or reject her." There are so many truths and such a pure kind of love in this passage, I can´t say how much I adore this. Simply the best. Deb 01/30/2008 10:58 am Forty-three Well, Spike is feeling quite contrary. But then again, he's love's bitch. He will surely get around to trying Buffy out for her offer, as of course he's not an idjut. Phew that's one seriously edgy Spike - I love how you're showing his different aspects. Thank god they'd done that video! God I love this! It's so... Spike! Whether William-esque or angry and fangy it is all him, and I love how Buffy is there through it all, patiently waiting for her lover to be returned to her! LOVE this... now more, please? *bats eyelashes* xxx IT 01/30/2008 07:34 am Forty-three I just love this story! I get all excited when I see an up-date but then I'm so tense at the end of the chapter because you just keep laying on the angst and leave us hanging!!!! Argh! More soon, please! Poor, confused Spike! I feel like I keep repeating that, but I keep feeling so sorry for him. He has Buffy but is too confused to really be happy about it. It's all just so heartbreaking! Hope Willow can do the spell again soon. Reb 01/30/2008 06:31 am Forty-three His concern for his hair is a terrific touch. pearlseed 01/30/2008 06:09 am Forty-three Well good morning, Herself, I'm staying up and checking this place twice to see what's next. Myohmy, lions, tigers, and vamps OH MY. Talk about running hot and cold!! I'm worn out now--glad that Buffy made the little vid--off topic a bit, but remember the oscar show where there were all the flavors(history) of Madonna. I feel like I'm getting re-introduced to all the Spikes--angry dangerous Spike is HOT! Buffy is beyond restrained and grown up--a little payback all this pain. Thank you--of course more please. I love her patience with him. Wondering what it will take for him. 01/30/2008 03:55 am Forty-three Poor Spike, every time you make it hurt so different that it keeps things interesting , deep and painful. I love it what a wonderful story you are creating - Ah - another chapter. You make me ache for both of them. Loved the image of him watching the video over and over - but still so suspicious. Thank you for posting again so quickly. :) Pam S 01/30/2008 03:22 am Forty-three Forgot about the video.. Smart Girl. What a head .... this is for Spike. And let's get a bottle and forget about it for a while.. LOL Don't blame him. . Now let's see what happens this time with Xander.. now that he knows the chip is out.. Enjoying.. Wonderful that work well buffy. good read, thank you. True or not you'd think Spike would take advantage of this situation! At least this Spike! Not sure how he can usually know Buffy so well and not see the truth. Loving the time with this Spike! That was great - I love crazy Spike and turnabout for Buffy. pearlseed 01/30/2008 12:27 am Forty-two Golly moses, now what? Buffy reminds me of Cesar Milan, the dog whisperer, who doesn't even flinch when he gets bitten--who owns ever so many pit bulldogs--she's walking the line for Spike and I am so curious to know when/how/what comes next--I'm not sure now if I could quit reading this if I tried. Let's hope they survive the path back to the present. More please if you will and thank you. kamla 01/30/2008 12:09 am Forty-two ugh!! you had to end it there? You are killing me! that's it, I can't wait till tomorrow. what if my computer goes down---what if I die. you're just gonna have to post chapter 43--you know just in case.... Oh, ouch! So much for fairytale kisses waking up the loved one! Just the fact that he isn't reveling in her actions is a sure sign that he's not in his right mind. LOL Poor Spike. Poor Buffy. Poor readers who have to wait until tomorrow for the next chapter. :) Dee 01/29/2008 09:22 pm Forty-two This just gets more and more twisted with every new chapter. Reb 01/29/2008 08:45 pm Forty-two "My friend. That's a laugh, Slayer." I almost thought she'd relate the "love's bitch" speech back at him, to see if it would jog any memories. Spike's anxiety is so heart rending. Well done. I feel like a blockhead with yet another - "Great Update and Thank You," but that is just how I feel. Great tension and emotional trauma for both your characters and your readers. Love how all the Magical Cure is making both Spike and Buffy look at their history. How important this going back and facing your past life is just as important for Buffy - of course, much more for Spike, but maybe while Spike begins to heal, their past lives together may also. Because, Buffy so needs to find her true core, strengths, and full capability to love - The question of Why she never reached out to him must be running through her mind continuously - faced with her love for Spike in this time she has to understand and face that crucial point - why did she repress all her own thinking about her past life with him. Thanks for sharing for sharing yet another fabulous chapter! I'm so sad for them both and anxiously waiting to find out what happens next! Pam S 01/29/2008 07:57 pm Forty-two Two steps back... with this version, Has a history with Buffy that he remembers that isn't so nice.. Now what? Enjoying.. IT 01/29/2008 07:50 pm Forty-two Argh! Not again! What about showing him the cell phone video? Love it - more, please! jess 01/29/2008 07:10 pm Forty-two awesome its torture but i love it. ya_lublyu_tebya 01/29/2008 06:21 pm Forty-two Oh dear. Don't know if that was a good thing or not. Surprised Spike hit her, but I guess he's all confused. Please update soon! NOOO! You are an evil, evil writer!!! But I guess you know that! Please update soon, I love that Buffy is going all out and Spike is reluctant, but I hate his discomfort and his inability/unwillingness to believe her (though I totally get where he's coming from!) God I love this fic!!! xxx Not the reaction I was expecting!! You're really twisting the knife now. very good read, thank you. and love the chapter ending. I think this may be my favorite chapter so far; I love how you've had so many different Spikes in this story; two completely different amnesiac Spikes; I don't think I've seen that before! Really enjoying it, and can't wait to read more Was waiting for him to ask that question! Cant wait to see his reaction when she answers him! Are there gonna be more incarnations of Spike through the years? Despite the fact that I want all this amnesia business resolved, I love this turn of events. I would love to see more versions of Spike and see Buffy discover that she loves all of them! 01/29/2008 05:42 am Forty-one pearlseed 01/29/2008 02:32 am Forty-one oh, Herself, what a dear sweet knock my socks off line-- way he looked at her, furtive, shy, his eyes full of repressed longing. - Wonderful - love cranky Spike. We've been missing him. Loved the Escher metaphor, too. Poor Spike - from one confusion to another. I really feel for him. Dee 01/28/2008 07:45 pm Forty-one Who look at all the nice tools we get to leave comments with :) I am absolutely loving the twists and turns of this story and the one constant is always Spikes Love for Buffy. IT 01/28/2008 07:23 pm Forty-one You write the different aspects of their characters so well! Really looking forward to the next chapter. Reb 01/28/2008 07:17 pm Forty-one Facets of Spike. This is really interesting. I'm glad Buffy is feeling empathetic, 'cos I sure am. Thanks for all those weekend updates! ya_lublyu_tebya 01/28/2008 05:51 pm Forty-one Wow! Totally threw me... Is this a good turn in the story? Spike seems very angry/ hostile but I guess this is still where he's hiding his love for Buffy. Can't wait to see where you take this. And also, three updates in a day!! Glorious!! I can hardly wait for more! Thank God he begins to wonder about what's happening instead of outright denying it! (Cuz that's what happens, right? The next chapter won't start with him yelling that she's hexed him or something, huh? Who am I kidding? You're not gonna answer that:P) Good thing you update frequently, cuz this story is keeping me on edge!!! xxx 01/28/2008 04:00 pm Forty-one Well, again.. if there is one constant for Spike ...it is Buffy.. something she can count on.. no matter what version or Spike we see. Hopefully.. So will Willow leave "well enough alone". Think not. But maybe this Spike will say enough. Love me like this or let me be.. kath 01/31/2009 12:25 pm Forty great story. Love the smooth return of season 4 Spike. this is not a willow disaster, but a starting point. expected much worse (but then i always do.) very good chapter, thank you. Very unexpected and interesting...going now to read 41. God - the spell's made things worse! They need another plan. What about the alley in LA? Not quite what I expected but perhaps a step in the right direction. At least he's Spike again even if he only has a fraction of his memories! I'm going to be optimistic that the headache is a sign of memories to come and this is the beginning of better times. Deb 01/28/2008 08:34 am Forty Well I believe in some respects, she got what she was after. Still, it seems so sad that he's back to the despair of the initiative times and that Buffy's there as an enemy. I do love the way that you bring them a little moment of peace and then a bit of miasma for them to suffer through. Excellent writing and loveley reading for us. OMG! Please, please, please fix this!!! I'm all teared up, at work (yeah, I know, shouldn't read from work, couldn't resist though!!!) Please fix this! *bats eyelashes* xxx Sotia Nell 01/28/2008 07:07 am Forty This comment is mostly to let you know that I'm reading and thoroughly enjoying this. Your stories are always amazing, although sometimes rather painful. I'm hoping for a happy-ish ending to this one ... Oh and I love your depiction of how "Into the Woods" Spike felt about Buffy -- wanting to be "trampled 'neath her neat little feet" strikes just the right note. IT 01/28/2008 06:42 am Forty Oh how you torture them! Looking forward to what happens next. kamla 01/28/2008 04:39 am Forty ohhh so very interesting. I love it.....I have no idea what's going on. this is a great story. and I love the timely updates. you are great. Dee 01/28/2008 04:05 am Forty This is so good. Spike is worse not better. I can't wait until it is all settled, then of course I will be extremely sad because it will be all over. You can't win for loosing! :) I knew Willow would screw up. Thanks for a great chapter. Pam S 01/28/2008 02:51 am Forty dilemma... From bad to worse.. But still Spike attracted to the Slayer. His other self.. Slowly going back in time? nat 01/28/2008 02:40 am Forty Oh! Wow! I knew Willow's spell would go wonky! karen 05/29/2008 08:15 am Thirty-nine I am really enjoying this ... can't wait to read on! bill did have a way with words. very good read, thank you. Amazing chapter; I absolutely love your fics (I think the Bittersweet series may be your crowning glory!); you've got me scared to death now about Spike's reaction, and I think you write a frightened and fragile Buffy beautifully; still amazingly the Slayer, but also just a girl, scared of losing the guy she loves. Looking forward to more Lovely chapter! Just the right amount of angst mixed with love. I agree with Spike that maybe Buffy's perspective of events is not the shared perspective. Hope all goes well with this spell! Very nice, perfect sonnet. thank you so much for including the sonnet - wonderful chapter - such a beautiful time together before his journey - will our Spike come back or some hybrid - so looking forward to your next chapter. And Thank You so very much for all the fast updates - this reader is most happy and appreciative - nat 01/28/2008 01:27 am Thirty-nine I hope all goes well with the spell. I don't have a lot of confidence in Willow's spells though. I hope this is one that goes right and Spike wakes up and says, "hello cutie" to Buffy. I have so much sympathy for Buffy in tis fic - she's really doing it hard. A perfectly wonderful evening! Hopefully the shoe doesn't drop too hard.... The angst is killing me. Pam S 01/28/2008 12:59 am Thirty-nine Well, I think we are all hanging on to see what happens. And if Buffy's worse fears come about. He loved her before as he loves her now. He just didn't think he was good enough.. she's here now to prove him wrong. Wondering.. will he remember himself? Another fabulous two-hander. You've really nailed their characters. IT 01/27/2008 11:24 pm Thirty-nine I'm really enjoying this fic, but I get so frustrated when things start to go right, then go totally wrong for them!! :) I know you're going to keep stringing us along - just, please, don't make us wait too long between updates! Many thanks for yet another beautiful chapter! I can't tell you how much I'm enjoying your gift for telling a story! I look forward to each update! Gentleviewer 01/27/2008 10:46 pm Thirty-nine I think they are doing the right thing, trying to retrieve his memory. They are just far too restless together like this, not at peace. Can't wait for what is to come. pearlseed 01/27/2008 10:38 pm Thirty-nine Oh, that wasn't me checking by 5 times to see if there was a new juicy chapter tidbit--Gosh, I think I love Spike--I'm with you on this--don't exactly know what has hooked me so hard to this story--you write smooth, soothing even if it's not always comfortable--and the sexy bits are pretty revealing about them--Spike is pure in that way--could he make love like this to anyone, or just Buffy? Pretty cool stuff you be posting, well, we'll see what we see past door#1 won't we? I'm not going to cry. I've been reading and reviewing on insanejournal, but I couldn't resist when I saw it posted here :P I've loved every single chapter and I'm hoping everything turns out for the best for both of them! They've both been hurt so much and deserve to finally be happy! xxx very good chapter and fitting last line by spike. thanks Well, that was... confusing. I suppose that's how Willow felt being inside Spike's mind and how he feels every day now. Glad to see Willow being honest about the possible outcomes! How can there be nothing there when William's persona seems to be asserting itself as an integral part of Spike? I find this perplexing and I'm eager to see how you resolve this. This story is very intriguing. jess 01/27/2008 05:10 am Thirty-eight OH boy are we gonna get our spikey back or is some big wizard blocking what really happened. Great Unpdate - I hate how exciting I find the wanting to know considering what terrible things might be coming from the magical attempted cure - Yet again, I am loving this story - Holly Watson 01/27/2008 04:13 am Thirty-eight Amazing story! Sorry it has taken so long to comment, but truly incredible plotting, voices, pace and concept. I really look forward to reading the updates and appreciate how fast they are coming. Thanks! Marvelous description of the whirl in Spike's brain. Ironic how Willow, who's screwed up so often, can be so confident. Really appreciate your frequent posts. IT 01/26/2008 11:06 pm Thirty-eight Looking forward to more - thanks! Pam S 01/26/2008 10:09 pm Thirty-eight So something or someone is blocking Spike's past.. Maybe because it didn't "suck" him into the portal and was only able to take his mind.. Curious.. Enjoying.Yes Red.. TMI on Buffy LOL Was interested in the portal and who was on the other side. Possibly not going in that direction. Yikes! Let's not be hasty. Wonderful imagery, thanks for another fabulous update! Loving it 04/06/2010 06:20 pm Thirty-seven Katie 05/30/2008 11:35 pm Thirty-seven Its wonderful I love it but right now I'm very nervouse about what Willow will see! excellent read, thank you. hope the first clear memory spike has is his attitude towards magic. 02/04/2008 03:36 pm Thirty-seven I love this story. I am reading with delight and awe. Thanks About time there was some magical intervention! Curious about what Willow is going to find. All these nasty misunderstandings between Buffy and Spike are getting harder and harder to read. They just keep getting worse the closer they get to each other. Hoping things get better soon! Loved Giles Snarky aside about Willow. Is she getting too big for her britches again? I hope so. The paragraphs were Spike realizes he isn't acting the way they expect him to are intense. Odd vibe from Willow? dee 01/26/2008 06:14 pm Thirty-seven With all the angst I almost forgot that there are probably going to be a big surprise for why Spike has no memory. I am expecting something spectactular of course. No pressure though :) kamla 01/26/2008 03:42 pm Thirty-seven another nail biter! what is that little witch gonna find? Gentleviewer 01/26/2008 01:31 pm Thirty-seven Oh. What in the world will our Willow see on this psychic tour. Is Spike right in being so fearful for Willow's safety? Can't wait to find out.... ya_lublyu_tebya 01/26/2008 10:01 am Thirty-seven Hmmm, don't know whether to be worried about this spell... If it helps poor Spike though. More soon, please! the moment of truth for not only Spike - this is so exciting but scary - What in the heck are they going to find - such an excellent story. Typerbabe57 01/26/2008 03:34 am Thirty-seven Really loving this story. Glad you're updating so frequently. Looking forward to Willow's trip into Spike's mind--I have a feeling it might not be what anyone expects! Pam S 01/26/2008 03:15 am Thirty-seven Waiting for the big show... And wanting Buffy there with Giles/Willow seeing the tenderness between them was... nice. Most definitely reading! Thanks so much for the extra chapter, I hope that doesn't mean we won't get one tomorrow. So glad Buffy is there for him. very powerful and emotional read, thank you. He smiled, and it was like the smiles she remembered, randy and knowing and a little daring. Tip of the tongue appearing for a moment between the lips. "Do I know how to be gentle?" And the winner is Herself!! You write the beloveds so sweetly, even when their story is harsh,scary, or mean. Good gosha'mighty--that was a knee trembler wasn't it? I am on Spike's side, as though he needs protecting, wish I knew wherever you might be heading, dear author, don't suppose it matters a fig as long as you keep putting words together that absolutely transfix my thinking. I adore being here in this story, a fly on the wall, eagerly waiting until he knows and can love her as fully as they both need to love. Spike has to be a Scorpio man, with some strong Capricorn--passionate and loyal, funny too, yep--Buffy, Pisces or Cancerian, the latter I think, so sensitive, passionate, hard on the outside, eyes on stalks to see others' faults, not her own, devoted unthinking to the ones she loves. Sorry to blather--love your story, have no clue of you, except you are one determined, passionate, and hard writing siren. Thanks every day. Dee 01/25/2008 06:04 pm Thirty-six This is all so slippery and messy. I don't know how you come up with it all. The turmoil and angst. It suits the characters so well. ya_lublyu_tebya 01/25/2008 05:58 pm Thirty-six Another heartbreakingly wonderful chapter! Please let Buffy be grown up about this. Pam S 01/25/2008 03:46 pm Thirty-six And will the knowledge of the past make him the Spike that he was? Seems to be more of a man/vampire that is learning to control the demon inside. Wondering if Buffy could love this reincarnation? Enjoying. Yet another wonderful chapter, as always, I 'm anxiously awaiting the next! find spike fear understandable, but you know things arennot right when he considers red magic an option. very good read, thank you. what a sad game of tug & pull - I must be living in such a dull RL world 'cause I just can't imagine what Buffy is doing and how, for all the love and desire for both of them, this is very cruel, IMVHO, and disturbing for Spike. Funny the time Giles is trying to support and understand her need for Spike to be a part of her life, Buffy is making things extremely difficult for both of them. Nice treatment of Xander last few chapters. Nuffy isn't really picking up on Spike's fears. Gentleviewer 01/25/2008 12:17 pm Thirty-five ...hand starfishing. I've never heard that before. How absolutely lovely. Poor girl is so afraid that the real Spike doesn't love her that she keeps hurting this one in an effort to keep him. They just need to let Willow do the spell and hope that the time they've had together recently is enough to change things! Awesome twisty argument. Excellent. Oh wow; imagine waking up to find yourself doing that to the person you loved; I think you're mirroring the episode SR beautifully, in a different way than's been done before; showing Spike's fears of violation, in his new, clean-slate existence. Really, really enjoyed this chapter; can't wait to see more. Got my attention--I really have to caution you that driving your reader 80 mph and hitting a brick wall is oh, shocking. I am worn out from this chapter, you have incredible range of emotions which you weave beautifully. I am eager for every twist. I'm going into the shop now and get the front end re-aligned. What's it gonna be Herself, are we going back to the alley in LA? Thanks for your hard work and all the thrills. Hah! I knew it wasn't going to go smoothly!. :) Wonderful, beautifully done chapter. Their frustration is palpable. jess 01/24/2008 03:59 pm Thirty-five okay just so you know i am no officially obessessed by this story. Which is a very very good thing. :) jess 01/24/2008 03:58 pm Thirty-five okay just so you know i am no officially obessessed by this story. Which is a very very good thing. :) great to "hear" buffy say the many things that always needed to be said. very good read, thank you. MMMMM Spuffy. LOL re Andrew. Feeling much better about this story! All the truth and cuteness was just the up I needed. Now I'm fully prepared for the next ride on the angst train. Still hoping there are more memories in the not so distant future. Ah a lovely, lovely talk. Truth, finally. Just the sweetness of it brought a tear to my eye. No doubt that means you're about to do something awful to them. LOL But I can go to sleep knowing that, at least for now, they are sleeping peacefully too. Together. *sigh* Feed Me!! I love reading your story--I love the beloveds and how they sound. I want them to be safe; I'm going where you take me. I love it that you surprize me. I'll be ready for my next fix tomorrow. Take care, write when you can post often and swell up with pride. "I was very sick with sadness. I think you kept me alive those months, even though what we had was so black... love this line - A wonderful conversation. Honesty suits Buffy. jess 01/23/2008 05:45 pm Thirty-four i love it! even redeemed Xander a little. I think he needs a regular girl. Great chapter, thanks so much for giving us our daily fix! Pam S 01/23/2008 03:39 pm Thirty-four Truth and Confessions.. Enjoyed.. great ending to a great chaapter, thank you. I totally loved the twists and turns of Xander's dealings with Spike and Buffy - awesome. Much, much better! Although that was only their relationship in a nutshell, I'm glad it's out in the open. Glad Xander finally checked in with reality but still not forgiving him just b/c he said some pretty words in front of Buffy. This Xander may as well be dead to me! Glad that things are back on track, at least as much as they can be! Big Sigh!! Thank gawd that's by--I found myself doing isometrics throughout this chapter, trying to help Spike/William be safe. Story is good, solid and keeps surprizing me and drawing me in with the sweetest little twists--I am wickedly hoping for more wonderful "pillow Pilates" in this next chapter and a total lack of monsters, disasters or end of worldy stuff. Deb 01/23/2008 04:03 am Thirty-three Amazing story! Started this and have been compelled to read straight through. What a lovely if sometimes bittersweet situation that our characters find themselves in here. A bit of rapture and bit of dispair, makes for a compelling read. Can't wait for updates! Beautiful chapter, glad everything has come out. Good to see Xander do something to redeem himself. Looking forward to the next installment. Buffy was never more eloquent. Great chapter. Laura 01/23/2008 12:04 am Thirty-three After the last chapter, I couldn't see Zander being anything but the "bad guy" but you pulled it off. I really liked how you did that. Don't have any brilliant observations to pull out of my ass; just really REALLY love this story. Amazing chapter. Please, more? Gentleviewer 01/22/2008 10:06 pm Thirty-three I feel a great sense of relief after this chapter! Terrific chapter. splendid update - Pam S 01/22/2008 07:31 pm Thirty-three So Xander tried to make amends by telling the truth..of course, in front of Buffy.. And finally came to the realization.. Buffy wants Spike and that is what makes her happy and what she deserves.. Don't see.. the end.. waiting to see what happens next. very good timing buffy. very good read, thank you. Nothing to be said but "what a great chapter" I think this work just might end up as one of my favorites of your work. I just loved this line and section. "She was stripped of life forever. No new chance to clarify things, to get her right, to make it up to her. No way to ever assuage ...." JO 01/22/2008 01:17 pm Thirty-two I absolutely hate that F--- Xander, I hope Buffy knocks him through a wall, Really good chapter , is she finally gonna tell him all? I hope so. Can Xander have a nasty very painful accident, or better yet Buffy cutting him out of her life will hurt more. I find myself wishing I could slam a dense enormous door on this story, but I'm just too weak to stop reading. It's intriguing, painful, utterly heart-wrenching and it's a testament to your talent that I continue to read. Although, it was a pretty close call there until Buffy showed up. I could not hate Xander more if he had staked Spike or pushed him into the sunlight, at least those would have been less cruel and vengeful! The venom and garbage that spewed from Xander's mouth was accompanied by tears as I realized I could no longer feel sorry for him and poor, sad, pitiful Buffy would have to work 10 times harder to get things right between her and Spike. I hope she finally comes completely (or almost) clean with Spike about their past! While I wish you would just end my misery, I am thankful that quick updates keep me from wondering where it could possibly go from here! Pam S 01/22/2008 12:28 am Thirty-two Glad Spike had an air of detachment from Xander's lies .. even when he believed him about the rape. And caught the "eye" remark. Felt Buffy would save the day.. wish she would have inflicted a little more pain on Xander and she probably won't ever know the real meaning of why he shouldn't have gone to confront Spike. Waiting to see her reaction to Spike's almost demise. She is already there.. if she loves him she will let him go..if that is what he wants. Waiting to see what happens with L.A. and the portal. Enjoyed.. Spikez_tart 01/21/2008 11:19 pm Thirty-two Great and intense chapter - Loved the way Xander is just boiling in envy and bitterness. Can Buffy kick his butt a little? And I was thinking Xander might have has some shred of decency!! I hope Buffy can be honest with Spike now. Great chapter. Oh thank God; my heart was in my throat, I swear. But what a place to leave it! You are toooo cruel!! LOL! I knew Xander would skew things to suit his own outlook, but my GOD, the bitterness he still feels... wow. Amazing, awesome chapter; will this be the start of the big confrontation of the truth b/n B & S?? Can't wait for more, please update again soon! Excellent update, can't wait for the next. ya_lublyu_tebya 01/21/2008 10:57 pm Thirty-two WOW!!! This has major fallout written all over it. Silly Xander. akarinacj 01/21/2008 10:45 pm Thirty-two Great, great cliff hanger!!! I´m so happy she heard that. Can´t wait to see what happened next!!!!! I really hope she tells Spike the truth, ones an for all!!!! Dee 01/21/2008 10:43 pm Thirty-two Bloddy Brilliant! Gentleviewer 01/21/2008 10:07 pm Thirty-two Ouch, cliffhanger. It seems Xander is carrying a lot of guilt about Buffy being in a 'bad way'. And instead of coming to terms with his part in Buffy's resurrection he's blaming all that happened in the aftermath of her resurrection on Spike. What a spiteful exchange. Bring on chap 33 please! so not the time for xander. well there is never a time for xander. good chapter, thank you. Spikez_tart 01/21/2008 11:14 pm Thirty-one Good chapter - I guess Xander is going to "Fix" everything. Willow should have her butt kicked. Maybe Dawn can put the love birds back together. JO 01/21/2008 04:15 pm Thirty-one Oh god , I hope Xander doesn't tell him , it shouldn't come from him. I feel so bad for both Spike and Buffy, But am really loving this story, like all your stories . Won't ask for a quick update because i've been reading you for years and know your MO already . Thanks for writing such fab spuffy fics. Oh God, no. If Xander tells Spike, he'll DEFINITELY kill himself!! My heart was right in my throat during that scene! Please, PLEASE update again soon!!! Amazing chapter! ya_lublyu_tebya 01/21/2008 11:15 am Thirty-one Oh wow, that was a completely heart-wrenching chapter. I almost wish someone would just sit Spike down and give him a bit of background...maybe Xander will. And Buffy, running off to Malta without even telling him...stupid girl. Great work! Another cracking chapter - I'm scared to hope Xander will try to be fair but it is a possibility. He's had plenty of time to stop blaming Spike for being back instead of Anya. Miz Herself, is there a possibility that Xander can provide that link for Spike/William? I think it's so very intense that he loves her, knows that in his heart of hearts and doesn't have a clue about the pain, but knows that as well. What a grotesque purgatory he resides in, all alone, even when he's "shagged" into good humor. Buffy, is twice pitiful, watching her is one of the hardest things I can imagine. Appreciate the notices that the next chapter is happening--wish I could stop reading til they are whole or gone--but I can't. The dance they evoke is too compelling, so knock you down and find a frilling answer, please Goddess, that I log on feeling a great deal like Spike, need your story, Miz Herself--want it and want to turn away as well. Means it's good, doesn't it, cos surely I'm not that perverse. akarinacj 01/21/2008 09:08 am Thirty-one What an ending. Talking to Harris, can never be good... Poor Buffy. But then on the other hand, if she had told him before... I hope you update soon I´m really enjoying your story.... Ok, so not really feeling much better! Spike starts to dust himself but can't without letting Buffy know he did. Like somehow knowing is going to make her feel better than not knowing? Now Xander wants to tell Spike who he is. That is so many kinds of bad I don't think I could list them all. The best I can hope for is that maybe something will jog Spike's memory but I'm feeling very disheartened by it all. wonderful chapter - not quite sure why Buffy's is feeling so guilty. What is driving her actions to this extreme levels of fear. By the time Spike burned away in Chosen they must have some to some better place about their destructo relationship. She must certainly know that someone will eventually tell Spike, and give a very limited account, of his life in Sunnydale. Spike could also have Willow to help restore him via magic and what would be so terrible about that? This would only put them back to the time when Spike returned and they could talk honestly about their lives and choices. Thank you so very much for all the regular and fast updates - I really appreciate being able to read your story without long breaks. wonderful chapter - not quite sure why Buffy's is feeling so guilty. What is driving her actions to this extreme levels of fear. By the time Spike burned away in Chosen they must have some to some better place about their destructo relationship. She must certainly know that someone will eventually tell Spike, and give a very limited account, of his life in Sunnydale. Spike could also have Willow to help restore him via magic and what would be so terrible about that? This would only put them back to the time when Spike returned and they could talk honestly about their lives and choices. Thank you so very much for all the regular and fast updates - I really appreciate being able to read your story without long breaks. Xander in this equation can not be good. Can't wait to see what happens. Thanks again for the regular updates. Veronica 01/21/2008 06:01 am Thirty-one Wow, what a chapter! Although I'm not sure that Xander is the right person to tell him about his past. Looking forward to more! Gentleviewer 01/21/2008 04:36 am Thirty-one Oh Xander, have a heart, as much we all want the truth to surface, there are ways and there are ways! Then again, maybe its best he hears the worst possible version of his past - then the truth, his truth, his memory, when it comes (and I am hoping it does) won't be so damn hard. PamS 01/21/2008 04:01 am Thirty-one Wrong person Spike.. this Xander so full of hate will enjoy turning the knife and make him feel less of a man.. twisting what ever happen that was good into something evil. Revenge. Was hoping you weren't going in this direction... making him less than himself.. Bloody gripping! :-) 04/06/2010 05:32 pm Thirty powerful chapter, thank you. Ok, while I'm far too invested in this fic to stop reading I found it hard to keep reading through that last part of the chapter. I'll be the first to admit I like to read a good bit of Spike suffering occasionally but this seems far more cruel than physical torment. I think I'm just feeling a tad hopeless! I like a good emotional rollercoater; I feel like the last few chapters have been really down and I really need a good up chapter. Plus, I'm a big Spike fan and I'm starting to miss his true presence/persona in this fic! Hopefully the next one will have me feeling better! Kiska12 01/21/2008 03:32 am Thirty Wonderful story, thank you for writing it. I am really intrigued!!! IT 01/20/2008 06:48 pm Thirty Aaahhhhh! Just when it seemed they were both ready for each other! More, please! fangfaceandrea 01/20/2008 02:08 am Thirty god this story is so brilliantly painful. Beautiful, powerful chapter! Thanks so much for sharing this wonderful story! PamS 01/19/2008 10:46 pm Thirty Guess she realizes now she should have been more truthful about the reality of their relationship .. and the bathroom scene.. I assume. She should have told him. Too painful to remember and his only choice is not to touch her.. Enjoying. God the heartbreak of it...amazing, devastating chapter; please please need more story; I'm dying to see what happens next; absolutely loved the flashback to the attempted rape; Poor Spike, not understanding what's happening; they should all just TELL him!!! love where spike chose to end his night. very good read, thank you. ya_lublyu_tebya 01/19/2008 05:23 pm Twenty-nine Hmm, I'm sure there was plot here but you had me lost at the idea of Spike macking on a cute guy....Mmmmmmm..... Good work!! I feel for both of them but they certainly need some time apart. nat 01/19/2008 12:45 pm Twenty-nine Poor Buffy just can't win a trick. Seems like Spike would rather be anywhere than with her. Do you think he could show her a little compassion, after all she is trying her best. kamla 01/19/2008 12:14 pm Twenty-nine i can't begin to tell you how good it is to be reading a new story written by you. some of the most powerful thoughtful spuffy stories i've read and cried over, have been penned by you. i find myself once again checking a website daily for updates (it's been a while). i can't wait to see where your going to take our friends. Glad Spike has someone he can think of as a friend, someone who makes this all easier. Just wish Buffy would come clean or Willow would do a remembering spell so he could stop suffering and Buffy could stop torturing herself. IT 01/19/2008 06:13 am Twenty-nine Two chapters in one day - woohoo! Spike's getting really interesting. Buffy had better get her act together fast or she's going to lose him! Great work - keep it coming, please! Thanks for the extra chapter today! Looking forward to more tomorrow. Reb 01/19/2008 02:06 am Twenty-nine I appreciate the double update today. This chapter is delightful. Everybody is on best (for them) behavior. Teaching Bakhita to swear is so sweet, so Spike, so Dawn's big brother, that Buffy must see that he's the same guy. I hope she doesn't wuss out with the "I" statements. There's the Spike we all know and love; a sucker for a Slayer, especially one that's having a rough time. Love this chapter; can't wait to see more! "Let's start with you gettin' the swear words down. Once you've got those, you can ease your mind, an' the rest will come." Yeah, now that's the ticket--glad he's almost home safe--good grief it feels like we're getting too close to that last thing that happens right before the horrible train wreck. Want someone to end up happy outta all this and wish like hell Buffy would just do it whatever it is--kiss, tell, get off the p....you connect so nicely with Spike, feels right what you write--Buffy, is there enough therapy in the world... MBJ 01/18/2008 11:56 pm Twenty-nine If you are planning on there being any Spike/Bakhita please tell us now so I can stop reading. This is a great story but I'm just not interested in a fic where Buffy's heart is broken by seeing Spike hooking up with another. I don't think she deserves it and I just can't take the angst and heartache right now. 'bout time buffy open up to someone. it should have been spike. very good read, thank you. That fight was along time coming and eventually Buffy and the gang are going to have to give in somewhat. Love Buffy opening up to Willow, even if it took some coaxing. Worried about drunken Spike out with humans though. He's just going for a nightcap, isn't he? Not supper! the frantic laughter gave way to sobs my heart hurts at this line for Buffy; as much as she frustrates me sometimes with her ability to ignore her own heart, I think at this point you've really brought her to a place where she realizes the mistake she's made, and what she's lost. Bravo. Can't wait for more; please, update soon??? jess 01/18/2008 09:21 pm Twenty-eight okay seriously buffy needs to just fess up and does she seriously think that spike wasn't still in love with her casue like duh! loving the story keep it coming Talk about the suspenseful place to leave your readers - NICE CHAPTER Pam S 01/18/2008 04:58 pm Twenty-eight I guess some things never change.. They fight and he goes off and gets drunk. Now he knows why Buffy has not be forthcoming and Willow a little more knowledgeable about the Spike/Buffy relationship. Hope he doesn't give his buddies a reason to "unwelcome" him. Enjoying. Enjoyed my daily dose of this story. Can't wait to see what happens next! kim 01/18/2008 04:40 pm Twenty-eight Can't help rooting for Spike getting to do something that feels natural. The smash and bash, but no killing. Hope he's careful about daylight coming. About time Buff starts confessing to *somebody*! very good read, thank you. I guess things will have to get worse before they get better. kim 01/18/2008 11:35 am Twenty-seven Ah, she admits it...well, she's kinda right. If he was a normal man, then they could wait for the organic return of his memories, but he isn't and wasn't, and he deserves the truth. Nice that Spike found someone to connect to on his level...it's lonely feeling so out of your depths, like coming into a giant inside joke, except it isn't a joke here, it's his life.....and they keep denying him the only thing he craves. Knowledge. Miz Herself, I love the story. I am scared to read cos something "bad" might happen--okay like being a vamp and a slayer doesn't sorta fall into that box. So, I guess what I'm saying is write--I'll read--yes I understand there are no guarantees. You might have guessed by now, it's kinda good what you're doing. I am one of those major romantics--I do so want happy endings--like people in really warm climates want ice water. Thanks for all your hard work!! In a way she is failing him by selfishly keeping him in the dark about his past, their past. Though I doubt that what's she means. Like that Spike finally got a chance to feel normal, like someone's equal with Bakhita. Really wish they would just let Willow try to fix him already! Poor Buffy; I can only imagine how she feels; Spike won't be happy without his memories, but she fears he won't want her anymore with his memories, but he WANTS his memories, and around and around we go!!! Awesome chapter; can't wait to read more; please, more soon??? Kat 01/17/2008 07:00 pm Twenty-seven This fic is so deep and so very written. Hope you're not turning Spike into William, are you? Nice idea to have him be able to develop separate relationships. I like the idea that Giles is actually reasonable in this story. Looking forward to seeing WIlliam in true Watcher Tweed. Thanks! Loved Spike's interactions with the other slayer. Such a wonderful story, I hope Buffy will be more forthcoming for Spike's sake. Pam S 01/17/2008 04:58 pm Twenty-seven Depending on where you take this... I think Buffy is frustrated.. trying to keep secrets about the "bad" of their relationship. And befuddled that he is not under her control .. to be the Spike he was and wants him to be. And Spike, uncovering parts of him that he hid before, and developing relationships like with the Slayer he hurt.. with a calmness and a sense of purpose... gone is his previous all encompassing desire for Buffy's love. The tables seem to be turned. surprised by reasonable giles. thought he would be hand in hand with xander. very good read, thank you. thanks for listing all your links - great to have the new chapters. Very Much enjoying this story. Like that Giles is willing to give him a chance to get back his memories - plus will give Giles a great opportunity to learn about the truths and events from LA - I'm glad Giles is coming round. I can't tell you how much I love reading your updates every day! I knew the fighting was a bad idea, although I can see why Buffy might think it would help. Too much too soon. Giles was surprising - I hope it's not a cunning ploy of some sort. IT 01/17/2008 08:44 am Twenty-six I've just found this fic and have read it through from the beginning. I can't wait to find out what happens next. I really like the Spike/William duality that is coming out. But no tweed, please! :) First, I have to say I've found myself becoming more engrossed in this fic with every new chapter. Just when I think I'm gonna be reading more of the same Buffy defending Spike that is so prevalent in this story you throw something unexpected at me. Spike hurting that slayer is a great example! Second, I think BSV is a great place for you to be posting. Strictly as a reader it it the first place I check for new fics and updates of what have become some of my favorite fics. I really love the quality and community here! Also, those of us who enjoy leaving feedback don't expect individual replies. I just like to know once in a whle tha you're reading and enjoying it! pretty_in_fangs 01/17/2008 03:31 am Twenty-six I sat down and read this story from start through, well, here. I've really enjoyed it and I can't wait to see where you're going with it. (And I really liked to Spike/Giles interaction.) Liked the conversation between Giles and Spike - I'd think Giles would tell Spike whatever he wanted to know and maybe some things he didn't Wow - romantic nights in the woods, a bit of the Big Bad and another meltdown that leaves a slayer injured. And Giles is being reasonable. This chapter had it all. :) Jen 01/17/2008 02:40 am Twenty-six Love the fic! "Hello my darlings" damn, chile, now that rocked me right back in my chair--if I had been in that room I think I would have burst into fearful tearfuls. Spike/William--I'm trusting you to take this story where it needs to go--it's so unusual that I am really in a fog as to what might be coming and that's part of the delight of this experience. I am enjoying reading the careful phrases you write--man you can laser some spots so crisply. Good words good words--more please, as you will or can. Then his shoulders rolled, neck curling. He stepped forward with a smile. "Hello my darlings" That line gave me goosebumps; awesome chapter; so scared of what Spike is going to think when he comes back to himself and finds the way they've treated him; it's almost as bad as the way they treated him previously; now that he has no memory, they treat him like one of the Scoobies; he's going to wonder why they couldn't do the same when he returned with his soul... Poor Spike; can't wait to see what happens next; excellent chapter!!! Gentleviewer 01/16/2008 10:00 pm Twenty-six The threat of the return of his memory is always there, looming. Will it come, I wonder? I have been checking for updates of this story most days - and have been happy to so frequently find a new chapter - thanks for your hard work! PamS 01/16/2008 06:22 pm Twenty-six Spike's new persona. I like it.. but I have always preferred Spike over a whimpy William anyday. But I like this Spike.. apprehensive but a man trying to control and understand his demon. And preferring a different set of clothing should make Buffy realize that this is not the same Spike and unless something traumatic happens I can't see him changing direction.. Your choice of course.. since you are the Author.. just a guess. Waiting for the portal in L.A. jess 01/16/2008 06:17 pm Twenty-six loving the fic so far can't wait for more. bitchee 04/30/2008 05:22 pm Twenty-five 'love could change you the way the sea changed things.' Words fail me... beautiful. Another story ( like so many of your others) I will find myself revisiting when I need to escape life for a little while. xander is a perfect ass. very good read, thank you. akarinacj 01/16/2008 10:00 am Twenty-five I really like this story. I hope you update soon. And I hope she tells him more about their past together before Xander qets the chance to give his version of the story... NXM 01/16/2008 06:46 am Twenty-five You write the best spike and buffy i've ever read. hands down. this story is wonderful! thank you. Poor, bitter, deluded Xander! He's always thought that one day he'd get Buffy never realizing that maybe there would never be a day where she'd want him back. I just know he's gonna do something stupid b/c that's just the way of angry Xander. Wondering what other memories are ahead for Spike. Terrific scene with Xander - I sort of missed the snarky Spike come back. Hope you let Spike smack him later to make up for it. Loved the way Spike figures out that he had sex with Anya. Reb 01/16/2008 02:28 am Twenty-five I love this story. BUT I am on my last nerve with everybody walking on eggshells. Please tell me that the next chapter will contain a monologue like this one: "I should listen to my own speeches. I'm doing it again, keeping it all in. You have every right to know something of our checkered past. We did have a, um, sexual relationship. Before. Before you got your soul. But we weren't really lovers, because I never let you love me. Not the way you wanted to, tried to. I was horrible to you. I'm so ashamed of how I behaved, and so afraid you'll hate me when you remember how awful I was." Now really, Buffy, is that so hard? Ah , Xander, Xander, Xander...such hate and bitterness. But it could be what Spike needs to hear, who knows? That's one scary Xander - disturbing. The chapter crackled with it. Thank god Buffy and Spike have their moment! Damn Xander! I can't tell you how much I'm enjoying this story! More soon, please! Pam S 01/15/2008 05:47 pm Twenty-five Poor sad Xander. Jealousy and hate. And how intuitive of Spike to realize that he and Anya had sex. And to realize for him, due to Buffy. A strange detachment, yet understanding of what is happening. And I almost prefer hints of the past slowly letting him know what he was and where he has been. Prefer this over the scene in the woman's basement where Spike remembered he was killing again. Great scene though. And Buffy trying her best to develop a relationship before he does..and decides it is best to stay away as he did before. Enjoying. Oh, she's gonna have to tell him; I think Spike's gonna be more pissed off that she didn't tell him things, then that she "took advantage" of his amnesiac state to become involved with him. Either that, or he's just going to be hurt that she couldn't fall in love with him until he wasn't himself. And Xander??? I'm gonna kick him. HARD!! More please!!! Really enjoying it. Thanks. 04/06/2010 04:49 pm Chapter 24 I don't know how I managed not to read this story last year. I have been completely hooked from the first chapter but had to review (despite it being so belated and probably obsolete) as it is the best yet. I love Spike's flash-back in this chapter, your Buffy and her self-realization despite her fears is fantastic. I can't wait to keep reading. I feel spoilt that I don't have to wait for updates and I know I am not going to be able to do anything until I have finished the whole thing . . . Thanks for writing such an engrossing, wonderful story. pearlseed 07/24/2008 10:04 pm Chapter 24 "The blood of the others, made them tireless. They'd won ...they careened out of town in a dark green roadster. He could feel the car around him, the rattle of the gearshift under his palm, but that was all, driving off into an abyss of absence. Memory cut off like a reel of film, flapping useless. " I know I've left comments--I apologise for putting in another bit, however, I excuse myself becos this story is RICH--and whenever I re-read chapters I get that wonderful feeling that the words produce---the smells, the sights, fills my chest from words. That line above is so tasty, which of course you already know since you wrote it. His whole remembering of this time this spot of his life is so intense--good thing that James Marsters is the actor he is--saw one of the commentary things that Mr. Whedon was talking about how he could change so drastically and how well he worked. You have skill with the voices as well and so Thanks again and I'll try to "read to myself". Thank you Miz Herself. bitchee 04/30/2008 10:11 am Chapter 24 As usual, your writing is like slipping into a dream. I find I have read chapter after chapter without being conscious of the time that has passed. I love your Spike, the aura he carries of brevity and isolation, the economy in his observations. They leave me feeling a sense of loss that lingers beyond the reading of the tale. Your writing is the reason I first felt the urge to write myself and it remains beyond anything I could hope to aspire to. So glad to see you have not abandoned this verse. Poor Spike remembering his past in strange bursts like that! More horrible things about himself that he discovers out of context. Love that he already wants to keep Dawn smiling and happy! Hope more memories are on their way! JO 01/16/2008 04:51 am Chapter 24 God your good , i've read all your stories and have loved them all. Reading this chapter my heart was speeding up with anticipation at what jerko Xander was going to say, and the flashback to the dance hall i felt like I was there. I see you've posted chapter 25 i'm going to read that one now,but one thing ,i'm on your email list but didn't get word of this fic, what's up with that? Jo, Thanks so much for your enthusiasm! I only notify that list about finished stories, which is why you didn't hear about it there. If you're on LJ, you can join my locked fic comm herself_nyc_fic (which is also mirrored at insanejournal, where it's open to any viewer). That's where I've posted works in progress; I only started posting this WIP here because I was encouraged by one of the site mods. And will probably continue to do so, but if you go over to LJ there's also often some discussion in the comments you might be interested in seeing or participating in. The memory flash takes me back there with him; almost like I can see the dance hall; I loved Xander's comparison of Spike to Jesus; amazing; absolutely love this story; please please more!!! Miz Herself, you are so scaring me--I'm afraid for Spike/William to be hurt--scared too that he's going to harm himself or someone. Willow is a little edgy, feels like her when she was safe before, just not totally safe now. Will she be a friend to Buffy or the spoiler? Xander needs both sex and regulation therapy. How long can he be angry? Love what you write, sweetpea, loved loved loved the remembrance--It came to him then, sudden as a trap-door opening under his feet, and he was there, in the moment the blatting band fell silent, the collective moaning sigh of the crowd that gave way to a hum of chatter, shuffling feet, complaining voices, a woman sobbing, the air stinking of human sweat, coffee, Irish stew, home-brewed gin, hair burnt on curling tongs, an amalgam of different cheap perfumes, colognes, oils and tonics, an undernote of urine. A hall, wooden floors, wooden walls, no windows, a mirror-ball overhead, ceiling fans slowly twirling, somewhere in one of those warm Southern places, Mobile or Baton Rouge, an all-night dance, no, not just a dance, not just one night, a marathon, young couples competing to keep going for days, the last ones down taking the prize, cash money tantalizing in that first year after the big crash. He'd been there with her, his dark princess,sucked me right out of the castle in Scotland to my hometown Mobile, and what would have been then. so POTENT--I was very much as Spike, seduced and besotted of the imagery--I could feel it all over me, in my brain my body--smelled and tasted it so fine. Felt it lingering like Spike, had to really work to get from under a memory so lush and cruel, hardest to shake off. Good Powers That Be--that was inspired--truly. So to be so long winded, but I'm jazzed up from that passage--it's also very sexy very compelling when you make these simple "his cock in her cunny" statements absolutely shocks and gets me on task. I can so see Spike's mind working around this image, that he would have been hard from the remembrance...you are a laser with this chapter, just burning away all that not Spike and Buffy and Dru as it turns out. Hot and compelling--a lovely combo from you. Intense chapter, what with prime Xander hatred and Spike barely keeping it together. Brilliant. The fighting is not a good idea! Gentleviewer 01/14/2008 10:14 pm Chapter 24 Please keep posting this story. All your stories are so compelling! "A variation in kind of the brute in the watcher's books, a little dandy of despicability. He wanted to slither free of all that, like a snake" NICE - wonderful lines and description, they make me think of a bizarre contrast image of Lucifer and the snake - Spike/Eve/Lucifer elements of the fall and resurrecton of a new being. Thank you so very much for this update - Love this piece - it seems like it could become a wonderful long work - So many things that could evolve from this circumstance - I feel bad trying saving the same thing each time "Great Story" but I just feel like I want to acknowledge how very much I am liking your new work. jess 01/14/2008 06:30 pm Chapter 24 loving it so far and why is xander being such a jerk. but worried is spike really gonna be mad at buffy or like blow up for a minute and then feel like a jerk. cause lets face spike's about his slayer. I can't tell you how much I'm loving this story, I check for updates constantly! It's so well done! Pam S 01/14/2008 05:44 pm Chapter 24 Seems that he might remember.. not wanting to .. Wants to be more William than Spike. Wondering if the Spike persona will take over Or ? Enjoying. astrodex 04/28/2008 04:19 pm Chapter 23 I know it has already been done, but I still have to say that Xander has killed people. He called Sweet. He didn't know what would happen, but when people started dying he stayed silent. All he had to do was 'fess up and they could have ended it. More people died because he was embarrassed and he only came clean when it became obvious that he would be found out. I've always been a little disappointed that this was never addressed on the show. sin amatic 01/18/2008 07:05 am Chapter 23 I'm compelled to point out Xander was responsible for (several) deaths even though it was by proxy. To be honest... I was hoping both males would show more maturity and benevolence. Personally, I've always disliked the shows having Xander see everything in black and white when it proved convenient. (Remember how indignant he was when Buffy/slayer went after Anya for having a whole roomful of young men killed. There are too many such incidents to ignore.) At least with Giles the lost of Jenny and being tortured by Angelus gives some credence to his issues with Vampires. Hopefully, one or both of 'em will see the light and be a better "white hat" for it... But, I'm not holding my breath. Please keep up he fine work. Ta! I really like this vulnerable Buffy! You can tell she really loves Spike and probably did mean it when she said it in the Hellmouth. But his death and failure to tell her he was back made her close it off as if it never existed, much like Willow's earlier thoughts about Buffy keeping her feelings close. Now that she's let it out again she's afraid she'll end up hurt and alone yet again! Hope the returned memories aren't too far off. Great Story - very much have enjoyed everything about it thus far - eagerly await the next update - Fabulous conversation - and their fragile happiness. Gripping. pearlseed 01/13/2008 08:13 pm Chapter 23 Distance is wonderful, dear Miz Herself. I am glad to be getting announcements of new chapters as they appear. I do have gifts, patience not being anywhere near the top half of the list, so this is both delighting and frustrating me to devour this story slowly and savor each word. I'm afraid for Buffy, that she's going to be lost again after being so close to heaven on earth--I'm afraid for Spike/William, becos I do not want to see him endure any more pain (sound like my mother lol). He really is a gentle soul in so many ways, he is, at his core, so beautifully lonely and longing for human touch, in both his life and unlife. I'm thinking you love him too and will bring him and Buffy, through this story, exactly where they need to be. I see your story through the beloveds' voices and you have them spot on, even Willow whose cadence is difficult to suss. I can see the moonlight on William's skin, hear it (the "longing for the night sky"--James Marsters did that a lot in the show)in William's voice. The coupling you write about causes my head to reek with all the heavy, liquid, potent sex smells--all through their voices. Buffy is so conflicted on a good day, it's kind of you to give her some relief, kind of you to provide her an opportunity to stand up for herself as well as Spike/William, to finally say most of what needs to be said. I didn't almost read this becos she was being so frozen in the beginning--I almost couldn't bear the idea that she would be so hard hearted to him, didn't realize she was as close to death as he was. Thank you, Miz Herself, thank you (hurry hurry hurry please--oh, I apologise I know you have a life and want to do other things--consider me a persistant 4 year old)I'll keep reading whatever you're willing to share becos it's all good! JO 01/13/2008 04:18 pm Chapter 23 I can feel her anxiety at his regaining his memory ( if this is truly what's wrong with him)It almost comes right off the screen at you. I Looooved how Buffy stood up to Giles and Xander,whose personalities you got down pat, couldn't stand them on the show , like them even less in this fic , morons. I;ll be looking for an update everyday in hopes that there is one. By the way r u still in "The village"? . I lived in Brooklyn Heights for 31 years, now i'm in Staten Island"Yuck" If she was good to him every hour of every day from now on, maybe this delicate new happiness knitting itself around them like a shell, would remain intact. Never be broken Oh, the longing, and the fear in that sentence. You've utterly captivated me with this story; please, please another update soon??? PamS 01/13/2008 02:29 pm Chapter 23 Both afraid the other will change...when he remembers. And that the happiness will disappear. So what will be the trigger ? Enjoying.. Knew the questions would come. Glad Dawn was honest with him, someone needs to be. Also, enjoyed the smut! It was this great mixture of feelings and pure hotness! More soon, please! It's wonderful to have Buffy mad with love. Pam S 01/12/2008 11:16 pm Twenty-two Did Willow.. not put a ward at the door.. or? Waiting to see what the Portal leads to.. Enjoying. So glad that Dawn & Willow are behind them on this one; can't wait to see what happens next; please, please update soon! loved the last line. and really enjoyed "It really doesn't matter." good read, thank you. Awww! That was a great Buffy speech. I'm sure it will raise questions and Spike will want answers. Loved the last line....so touching. I can't tell you how much I'm enjoying this story. Pam S 01/12/2008 11:08 pm Twenty-One Quite the sermon..and glad the sea parted.. Buffy in top lecture form. Oh my God *wipes away tear*. Ok, so for the first time, I actually liked one of Buffy's speeches. Absolutely wonderful. Great chapter. round one to buffy. very good read, thank you. Xander and Dawn? I wonder when that started - before or after Spike's arrival when he was still doing the jealous act with Buffy. I hope they'll be very happy. It certainly doesn't look like it's going to be that way for Buffy. Knew Buffy was gonna win that one! Dawn was right about Buffy falling in love with Spike now rather than any other time. Find myself sympathizing with her over her dislike for Xander and Rupert. Pam S 01/12/2008 11:03 pm Twenty Some people never change... too bad. Xander and Giles... couldn't appreciate someone saving their behinds.. The Hellmouth should have sucked them in.. Nice to see Xander and Giles being so reasonable, the year hasn't improved them any. To the castle. Home Ha ha; neener-neener, Giles & Xander!!! LOL! So glad Buffy stuck to her guns; nice to see her being the adult for once; great chapter; more please! Love this glimpse into Buffy's true feelings! I can't help but wonder if she even realizes the things she's admitting both to him and herself. What will the welcome be? That I said. You are the love of my life. That started before I found you in L.A., and it will continue even if ... even if. 'Bout time she realized it!! Glad she told him tho; dying to see what the Scoobs & Slayers say; I hope she does kick ass! love, love, love this story! red can keep from babbling! very good read, thank you. Poor Willow! She never could lie, so better to avoid. But they can't keep the truth from him forever,especially at HQ. Glad to see she's as surprised as I am that Buffy thinks Spike will be angry when he remembers. Supercool Willow. Loved the conversation b/n S & W; always felt like they should have had the opportunity to clear the air; more, please! red might know buffy as well as spike did in the past. very good read, thank you. I always love when those around Buffy see her as she really is rather than who she's expected to be. Loved seeing this situation, especially Buffy, as Willow sees it. Gives a lot of insight into the reality of Buffy's life without the buffer of denial. I dread to think what awaits. Hidden away close in her heart. That was how she loved That's probably the best explaination I've ever heard of for Buffy's mistakes, failures and triumphs of the heart. Great chapter playful sex, an identity crisis, milton and buffy makeing things worse. great chapter, thank you. NICE - Milton always so splendid - makes a wonderful connection and contrast with the Garden and Eve's temption. I guess it would only make sense in Buffy's world for her to have sex with a vamp she loves and for him to lose it afterwards. PamS 01/12/2008 10:37 pm Sixteen From past to present.. and yes how able to sense it..and deal with it on a level of detachment.. from the outside looking in And now which past is she dealing with.. With every shock comes a new Spike/William Enjoying this quite a bit.. it has been a while. This just gets better and better - a real tour de force. Yum, more feral Spike!! *Spikefan dances happily around the room* Love how you've got all the different personalities of Spike/William playing around; great chapter! very good read. great ending scene and fantastic thoughts running across buffy's mind. thanks fotrthe fine read. "You flatter a fellow, how you thrash an' spend." Okay, that pretty much just slammed me sideways--hot and ready, industrial strength, teflon coated, world class SEXY--this whole seduction you have invited us to observe(hell, experience). Did you set out to totally completely without a doubt rock all our socks off? This chapter is enough to raise the bar on making out for oh, the next 50 years. You cashed the check of Buffy and Spike's bodies and there aren't enough ooo's in smooth for the praise of it. Ta, dearie, well done. it is so wonderful how you are weaving their series history within your story - well done indeed For someone who is afraid for Spike to get his memories back, Buffy sure is concerned with making sure he does. Love that she's constantly bombarded with memories. Swoonable. awesome chapter; so glad you've at least let Buffy & Spike have this moment; I'm afraid I fear the future!! Can't wait to read more! Beautiful! a start for buffy. very good read, thank you. I just can't stop reading! I start a new chapter promising myself it will be the last one tonight, but I get to the end and have to read another. I really love how Buffy is dealing with the feelings she has for both versions of Spike even if she doesn't quite realize that's what she's doing. Scrumptious! I'm addicted to this story. Thanks so much for the 3 chapters at once. I can't wait for more. Thanks for sharing your wonderful work! oh oh oh!!! Thank God! The UST was driving me crazy!!! 'Pet, I've got such a mouth on me'; absolutely love that line!! Awesome chapter; more please? *spikefan approaches with hat in hand* excellent read, thank you. and a fine way to end the chapter. So it's worse than I thought. Spike lost more memories, recent ones of him learning who he used to be. Hmmm... Also, think it's inevitable that Buffy's gonna have to fess up about their past. Yikes! I love that even amnesiac Spike knows Buffy better than she knows herself; dying to see where this goes; please more? very good read, thank you. strange spike in the last paragraph. Poor Vamp! I can't imagine not knowing who I was only to find out that my past is filled with horrible deeds. I think Buffy handled that as well as she could be expected to. Poor Spike - the confusion gets worse. Good thing Buffy's keeping it together. Oh god, poor Spike. But I LOVE that Buffy trusted him enough to not fight him; it seems like Buffy is the one that's going to be relearning both who Spike is and who she is, as well. Awesome chapter; can't wait for more. Pam S 01/12/2008 06:21 pm Twelve William/Spike Trying to contend with what he is.. what he was.. and what does the Slayer really want. Enjoying.. Was expecting the aggression. Didn't know its purpose. Guess this Spike is more William. Sweet. 04/06/2010 02:49 pm Eleven Sweet. 04/06/2010 02:48 pm Eleven I think she's afraid to get too attached to this Spike because she's afraid the real Spike doesn't love her anymore. That's the only way she could feasibly expect him to be angry for being this close to him. Wish she would just realize this Spike is the way Spike always wanted to be with her. JO 01/12/2008 03:59 pm Eleven Just read all 11 chapters and am so glad that one of my favorite fics writers is still writing spuffy. This story is so good can't wait for more. Laura 01/12/2008 10:10 am Eleven I'm enjoying your story ya_lublyu_tebya 01/11/2008 01:06 pm Eleven Wow, just stumbled across this...and it's brilliant! Love that Buffy just can't resist sweet lovely amnesiac Spike. Wonder what will happen if/when he's got his memory back though... Nonn fat yogurt. Yuck. This is a wonderfully sensous story. Looking forward to more. Buffy's afraid that the reason Spike didn't come to her was b/c he didn't love her anymore; that's why she won't sleep with him now, isn't it...is it wrong that I want to shake her??? LOL! Awesome chapter; can't wait for more. I'm enjoying all the updates...keep them coming! sweet read, thank you Very silly girl to think she ever have to ask that question of Spike, amnesia or not. And she believes in facing facts, dealing with reality? Ha! This is way too nice to last. Pam S 01/11/2008 03:53 am Ten Soft and lovely.. But wondering where you will go.. you are not always sweet to our Dear Buffy.. Will it end as your last. You did mention death again. And when he remembers which Spike will it be? Sweetheart? "silly girl" indeed. Loving this story! She'd always been someone who believed in facing facts, dealing with reality Oh, Buffy, you're still in Egypt girl!!! LOL! Awesome, awesome chapter; I almost cried at the last line; can't wait for more. sweet, tender and sad read. well done, thank you. Sobs? Poor Buffy is hurting far more than she'd like to acknowledge or show. I suspect it's the type of pain only Spike can fix! Great chapter. These two are still nuts. Fabulous. More soon, please! I just adore the way you write Spike's voice! It's like an unaired episode that the evil Joss wouldn't have given us Spuffy fans anyway, but it's soooo good! Please, may I have some more??? PamS 01/11/2008 02:34 am Nine Oh, Buffy... let it go. Just afraid he will leave you again.. And if he would never get his memory back. He still knows you. Thanks Herself... enjoying your latest she can't deal with will any better than she did deal with spike. very good read, thank you. As long as Buffy keeps doing what she thinks is right rather than what feels right she's just going to keep making things worse. OH man - didn't see that coming. *sob* Ok, my heart is breaking, although I really love how Buffy went from not wanting anything to do with Spike to being so upset that he wants someone else! You cruel, cruel woman!! I'm assuming you've got the whole story written since you're posting so fast, so, post already!!! LOL! Loving it. Thanks. 04/06/2010 02:22 pm Seven "my girl" and "she cozied...." seems they both are functioning better on an unconscious level. very good read, thank you. Seems Buffy has finally gotten over her slayer death wish. It's nice to know that Spike is still in there somewhere with the words and instinct to protect his girl. my girl - I caught that. she cozied at once into that same good place, against the column of his neck, and was out. That would be a GREAT place to fall asleep!!! LOL! Awesome chapter; luv luv luv it! Please more! good chapter, thank you. love the lack of trust with red. Well, that was intense! Hope they figure out what's in that alley. Oh yes - call Willow and get her to screw things up. Great chapter. Oh, calling in Willow can only result in badness! And poor Spike! What the hell is in that alley??? Can't wait for more, please update again soon! Now we've moved on to avoidy denial mixed with a dash of guilt! She's scared to feel things she's convinced herself she doesn't feel. She even acknowledged that it would've been better to just let him all the way in those years ago rather than continue the way they did. tickle of mistrust of Willow - oh yeah. How did any of them ever trust her again. Excellent chapter - I like the back and forth between Spike doing things he used to do, but being different as well. Very interesting. Why is it Buffy seems to see her friends so clearly, and yet when it comes to Spike she's always got blinders on?? Crap, that girl frustrates me!!! ARGH! So obviously, good story! Good job! LOL! Please more! very good chapter, thank you. fine two lines to end the chapter. More avoiding, on both sides now. At least he's asking more questions. Buffy is such a liar - can't believe she's lying to Spike. That's bound to hit the fan when he remembers. You're building up tension very nicely. Love your description of Spike dancing; please, please give him his memory back soon! He sounds soooo unhappy! LOL! Awesome chapter, and you've got a couple others posted already! *Squeals* Yippee! buffy's actions reflect her feeelings better than her thoughts. very good read, thank you. "It was hard to look at him, because his face was full of things she didn't like to recall, the house on Revello, the smell of cigarette smoke, her mother's voice, the loneliness before battle, the absence after resurrection. He was still blond, still had all the little expressions that came back to her now in an inventory of past ambivalence and attraction and revulsion, ultimately so jumbled up she couldn't make a decision about them. If she'd known he was in Los Angeles, she wouldn't have sought him out. She was sure of that." You are breaking my little Spuffy heart - it sometimes is so tempting to forget how much their relationship was all about the darkness in both of them. Now I feel like she's back to living in that place in Egypt! She seems to be trying to convince herself that she doesn't care bit acts as if she does. I think that after losing everything she did in Sunnydale she's tried to close off that part of her that remembers because it hurts too much. Like the mood and Buffy's ambiguous feelings. Spike seems almost childlike in his responses, his questions... you do his voice so well! Can't wait for more, please update again soon! Excellent - I have completely fallen in love with this story; this is really connecting on a very emotonal and powerful way. This is, IMO, what is the best in angst buffyverse fiction, making you feel so connected with the characters and their experience. On to see what will emerge from the water - makes a beautiful metaphor for resurrection and baptism. She's starting to seem a lot like avoidy Buffy! She's been the one to take care of Spike a few times now, and it seems like she's afraid of what will happen if she stays. And poor amnesiac Spike! Nice and creepy oooh, sometimes Buffy seems so heartless to poor Spike! And she's telling herself that she doesnt' love him, huh?? Typical! LOL! Awesome chapter; can't wait to see what happens next; please update again soon! enjoy the starting point. loved "That's all you Indians need to know." wonderful ending - so glad to be able to read another of your works - this really gets to my "bleak side" mind set of their relationship - "She made up her mind there and then that Spike's surfacing was no reason to leave Scotland." fine lines, but oh so cold and hard; scary and really got to me. In so many ways a perfect picture of Buffy and their relationship. There was a part of Buffy that would be so cruel and heartless and angry. Even if it all came from some very deep and troubling self-doubts and self-hatred, there was a big part of her that was very difficult to accept or like. It hurt me a little for Buffy to admit that she didn't love Spike! I guess it makes sense that with the trauma and craziness of the two years after she was brought back she could never quite allow herself the chance to really love him. But she did care, enough to strangely compel her to go to him. very nice card metaphor. Buffy deserves a smack for being so hard hearted. Intriguing beginning; Spike's feral (I love him like that, yum!) and doesn't know Buffy? Obviously a sign of the apocalypse! So glad to see a new story by you; absolutely LOVE your work! Any new Bittersweet on the horizon?? *hint hint?, LOL* Can't wait to see more of this new one; update again soon! | |||
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