Disclaimer: Joss made ‘em, I play with ‘em.

Author’s Note: This chapter deals with ‘Womanly problems’ If reading about menstruation, menstrual blood and the whole pad/tampon thing gives you the heebie geebies, I would suggest that either you read with caution, or read with a buddy, cause the rest of the fic...ya it isn’t going away. Spectacular thanks go out to Bloodytearsoflife for betaing this chapter. *Hugs* go out to Aribelle who is busy with finals! Thanks to Comedy of Errors, Joyfuldayz, Spet, Space lord, Marzbar, Idk, bubble_blunder, wulfie, and jane for the fab reviews.
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Chapter 9:Therapy

Buffy led the way down the stairs for patrol, Spike's duster floating out behind his body as Buffy went down the stairs.

“Out for patrol?” asked her mother, coming out of the kitchen.

“Have to get rid of the urge to hit my boyfriend some how,” muttered Buffy.

“Will you be gone long?”

Buffy shrugged Spike’s shoulders. “I don’t know?” admitted Buffy.

Joyce nodded in understanding. “I’ll make up the spare bed for you Spike,” said Joyce with a smile.

“That’s right kind of you Joyce,” said Spike fiddling with one of Buffy’s stakes.

Buffy groaned to herself at the absurdity of it all. Her mom being all flirty with her vampire. “Can we go?” asked Buffy in a gruff voice.

Buffy reached for the doorknob, only to be cut off by the sound of someone knocking from the other side.

“Great! Giles is here!” said Buffy, falsely happy.

She opened the door, letting Giles brush by her in a rush.

“We, uh, have a problem Buffy,” said Giles looking directly at Spike in her body.

“Over here Giles,” reminded Buffy, waving Spike’s hand in front of the watcher’s face.

“Oh, right, sorry Buffy,” muttered Giles, running his fingers through his hair nervously.

“You have news Mr. Giles?” asked Joyce.

“Right. Given our less then spectacular success with the katra spell, I have been investigating where we went wrong. Naturally I cannot find out the cause...”

“Naturally,” mocked Spike.

“And so I contacted the one other person in North America that has any expertise on these kind of spells,” continued Giles.

“Yay, bringing in the big guns. When does this mega expert get here?” asked Buffy.

“Oh he’ll be here in two hours or so. But that is not the problem,” he admitted hesitantly.

“Then what is?” asked Spike before Buffy had a chance to say anything.

Giles gave a sigh as he saw both of them staring at him intently, neither one of them looking as if they were going to drop it. He heaved another sigh before answering them.

“Angel knows.”

“Excuse me?” exclaimed Buffy, Spike’s voice raising an octave.

“Just how did the Poofter find out?” asked Spike.

“Wesley told him,” Giles stated, trying his best to remain neutral and calm.

“Wesley is your expert!” shouted Buffy, starting to pace.

“It seems that Wesley has recently been working with Angel and Cordelia in LA.”

“Oh god, I need to sit down. This day just keeps getting worse,” muttered Buffy heading for the couch. “I so don’t want to deal with Angel right now.” Buffy sat Spike’s body down and put his head in his hands.

With a glare at the watcher, Spike sat down beside his Slayer and began patting her back.

“You don’t have to see hair gel boy if you don’t want to Slayer,” said Spike in a soothing tone.

“No he’ll find me,” she moaned, resting Spike’s head on her shoulder. “He has a habit of doing that.”

“Let’s go kill some nasties,” he offered. “That always makes you feel better.”

Buffy nodded and stood up from the couch to face her mother and Giles who were decidedly staring at them.

“What?” spat Buffy.

Giles immediately shook his head and muttered that it was nothing, while Joyce promptly decided that they had been very cute together.

“Huh?” asked Buffy for clarification.

“You and Spike on the couch, you two are very cute together,” reiterated Joyce.

Buffy gave a confused look to her mother, before Spike caught his arm and led his body out of the house.
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“...Always interfering in my life, thinks he knows better...gah! Why can’t he just stay in LA like he wanted?” ranted Buffy, waving Spike’s hands about in the night air.

Spike followed behind letting her rant into the empty cemetery, knowing full well that if she continued there was likely to be no nasties to kill.

“First, Riley going all bonkers about the switch and hitting you/me, with the guilt and the loathing, he hit me! You are supposed to walk away at the first sign of violence, right? I mean that’s how it’s supposed to work.” Buffy turned suddenly to face Spike, his long duster fanning out behind his body.

“And now Angel’s coming.” she continued. “And my mom’s all flirty with you and I just want to beat the crap out of Riley for touching you! Me! Gah!”

Spike smirked at her inability to process all the craziness of her day. Not like he wanted to be her therapist, listening to her rant about the other men in her life, but it might just clear up what was going on between the two of them.

“When you get all switched back what are you going to tell the soldier boy then?” prodded Spike.

Buffy sat down on a tombstone and sighed, Spike’s shoulders hunched over. “What would you do?” she asked.

The shock at her sending the question back at him and the idea that she even would respect his opinion if he gave it caused him to pause a moment longer than he intended.

“It would be all ‘kickin’ him to the curb’ wouldn’t it?” continued Buffy.

Spike nodded Buffy’s head in agreement.

“You are one smart vampire you know,” she confessed. “You tell anyone I said that and it’s the ash tray for you buster,” she said pointedly.

With a chuckle, Spike put Buffy’s hand on her heart. “Wouldn’t dream of it pet.”

“If you think about it, breaking up with Riley is gonna be so much easier than trying to explain to him why I know what it feels like for a guy. It’s like Madonna, but gender reversed,” she mused.

The pair sat and stood in silence for a moment.

“I scared all the vamps away didn’t I?” she finally admitted into the night air.

“One notable exception to that statement...”

“True,” she admitted. Buffy hopped off the tombstone. “You wanna go back?” asked Buffy.

“Sure, luv, I’m having this weird feeling, maybe I shouldn’t have eaten that cheesecake for lunch?” he laughed.

“You had cheesecake?” she whimpered. “Please tell me you ate something healthy?”

“Ya I ate something healthy,” he replied.

They fell instep with each other walking out of the cemetery.

“Is your mum really acting flirty around me?” asked Spike out of blue.

“You just noticing this?” observed Buffy, Spike’s hands buried in his duster’s pockets.
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As they traveled back the house Buffy became increasingly aware of the need to get her body back home. Spike was still oblivious to it, but she could smell it with Spike’s enhanced vampire senses that the need to get to the bathroom was a very good idea right now.

She didn’t even let him greet her mom as they returned to the house, merely urging her body up the stairs and into the bathroom. Leaving her body sitting on the toilet, Buffy went in search of supplies.

“Buffy? Is everything ok?” asked her mother who had made her way up the stairs concerned. “Does your body need first aid?”

Buffy shook Spike’s head. “No he will be ok. It’s all going to hit him at once but he’s gonna be fine.”

“What’s going to hit him?” asked Joyce.

“Spike’s just got my period,” said Buffy with an evil tone in Spike's voice.

Leaving her mother at the doorway, Buffy entered the bathroom, pile of supplies in hand, to see the vampire in her body sitting, pants around her ankles.

“I hope you have a good explanation for this one Slayer. It’s all well and good to get your pants off but this doesn’t promise a good time.”

“Oh you won’t be having a good time for a couple of days Spike,” warned Buffy.

“Bloody witch warned me about this...Just thought we’d get all switched back and I’d get to drool over your incredible smell instead of getting the cramps and the back pain and the mood swings.”

“Willow. Smart girl,” agreed Buffy. “But it looks like you’re stuck with it. Pants off,” ordered Buffy tugging at her boots and removing the bunch of cloth at her ankles.

Squatting on the floor in front of the toilet, Buffy tossed aside the pants her body had been wearing and picked through the pile of stuff she had carted into the bathroom with her. She picked up a pair of white bikini briefs and applied a pad to the crotch.

She held the pair of undies out so Spike could step through them. “Step in please,” she asked. Tentatively, Spike lifted Buffy’s legs up to step through the underwear. Buffy reached up and handed Spike a wad of toilet paper. “Wipe,” she ordered.

Feeling like he was being treated like a baby, Spike did as he was asked anyway and then stood up, only to have Buffy slide the underwear up her legs.

“I’m not a bloody child Slayer!” he protested.

“Fine, put these on,” she said throwing her yummy sushi pyjamas at him. “Then come down stairs.”

Buffy grabbed the pants and thong before heading out of the room.
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Buffy was down stairs watching tv with her mom, when Spike finally came down to the living room, clad in yummy sushi pyjamas and looking miserable.

“Oh Spike,” cooed Joyce, “You need drugs.” In an instant, Joyce was offering him a glass of water and two pills.

Downing the pills, Spike flopped on the couch beside his body.

“Hot water bottle?” asked Buffy holding the object up for view.

Spike nodded Buffy’s head and reached out for it.

“Blanket?” asked Joyce.

Before he could nod the blanket was wrapped around him and he found Buffy’s body snuggly against his own.

“Do you do this every month?” asked Spike curious.

“No, we did this special for you cause it’s your first,” said Buffy.

“My Spike’s a woman now!” laughed Joyce.
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tbc...