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Not Dead by Herself
Very nice ending. As long as they stay together, Buffy will come out allright. And Dawn will come to her senses too after she's grown up.
fine tale, thank you.
Cas
04/25/2009 03:26 am
16
Sorry its over. Great job!
Confusing chapter. Not very explanatory, it all kinda blurred together. I'm assuming Dawn cut herself with the mirror and taunted Buffy til she attacked her...?
This happened so fast that I got confused. This was a suicide attempt by Dawn, right? Way to go to make Buffy worse than she is but I understand that it adds to the conflict.
03/30/2009 04:54 pm
15
what's with the invisible chappies again?
No idea.
You can read the story at herself_nyc_fic.livejournal.com.
You can read the story at herself_nyc_fic.livejournal.com.
All4Spike
02/17/2009 01:21 am
14
It's beginning to look as if it will work. which means something's going to go wrong. Looking forward to the next chapter...
Good on Buffy, she is really seeing Spike's devotion at last.
fine chapter, thank you.getting them out of angel's will be a step in the right direction. seeing dawn sad, but accepting, makes things easier.
Ah, lovely resolution to this sticky situation. Generous Spike, willing to do what's best for her (what's REALLY best, not what he thinks is best), shaming Angel by making him admit that Buffy was worth the risk of letting her rise. Love that Buffy is realizing what Spike could be to her and what he's willing to do to make her happy.
Thanks for another wonderful chapter. Interesting conversation between Spike and Angel. Of course Spike had it right. Lovely to see how unwavering Buffy is in her choice to remain with Spike.
It was nice that you considered the possibility of Buffy staying on with the team. However, I think it would not have been a good move seeing as she's so new and all. Plus it opens up more Spuffiness.
notwhomever
02/01/2009 09:03 pm
13
enjoying your story, hoping to see a meet between Buffy and the scoobies, now that Buffys death has made her, her own "person" again.
So glad the meeting went well. It lays aside quite a bit of anxious angst.
Pin
02/01/2009 01:45 am
13
Lovely characterizations
01/30/2009 11:58 pm
13
Good to see Buffy going from strength to strength, she handled that brilliantly.
All4Spike
01/30/2009 07:39 pm
13
Very nicely handled confrontation. Not too angsty, not too mushy. I wonder what Angel's planning, though. Is he going to tell the Sunnydale crowd?
eyghon
01/30/2009 05:37 pm
13
loved it! Thanks!
Thanks so much for yet another fabulous chapter. It's great that Dawn's being so grown up about things.
No fair making Dawn to move to Illinois. She'll freeze her buns off.
Laura
01/29/2009 11:06 pm
13
It can't be that easy. As always, looking fore ward to more.
IT
01/29/2009 08:52 pm
13
Just caught up with a couple of chapters. Great work! Angel was a surprise, but Buffy dealt with him well. Thanks.
So glad that Buffy has finally made contact with Dawn and that she is starting to accept her new life - at least she has made the first steps. So interesting to see how her perspectives are changing - this will be one very interesting Buffyverse story. Buffy as a vampire through your eyes will be one splendid reading and thinking Buffyverse experience.
spikestussi
01/29/2009 07:51 pm
13
Thank you, thank you, thank you, for this wonderful update, Dying to know what happens next.
GREAT CHAPTER!!!!!!! Sorry I really dont like the Angel Crew but then I really never did - I liked Wes.... but thats about it
Great Chapter!
Great Chapter!
pearlseed
01/29/2009 07:17 pm
13
You have the most delicate touch, telling a devastating story, with such sweetness. The lobby scene felt so real--could see hear feel the weight of it so perfectly and what a joy--I know it's not over, there's still the LA crew to deal with in about a variety of issues. I get the feeling Angel and Spike will have lots to say. LOVE the new improved Buffy--like I've said before, couldn't have ever imagined being even vaguely interested with Buffy/vampire--til the story decided to be told by you. Thanks for the update--more please.
had to call angel. not the brightest move. good resd, thank you.
Good confrontation scene!
All4Spike
01/14/2009 09:56 pm
12
Tsk Dawn. Of all the people you had to tell...
Typical judgemental Angel.
Let's hope the meeting with Dawn goes a bit better.
Typical judgemental Angel.
Let's hope the meeting with Dawn goes a bit better.
Ooh, very nice. I didn't expect Angel. Maybe I should have, since they're in LA. Hope to see Dawn in the next chapter.
sue
01/11/2009 01:45 pm
12
You've just seriously tightened that screw ......... great!
sin_amatic
01/11/2009 01:38 pm
12
Go Buffy... Go Buffy... It's so sad she had to be a vampire before
she grew a pair. Great chappie. Stupid but predictable Dawn.
Well, where would the suspense be without tall and broody.
Thanks for sharing.
she grew a pair. Great chappie. Stupid but predictable Dawn.
Well, where would the suspense be without tall and broody.
Thanks for sharing.
Cas
01/11/2009 04:51 am
12
Of course Angel hopes that it is true, that she's been turned, but that she's still Buffy. Obviously, he thinks that makes them the perfect pair. And he can have her, because it will never be perfect happiness because she's been turned. He can't conceive of the idea that she might not want him, yet still be Buffy Summers.
Really liked Angel - tough and cool. The way he's meant to be. And, I liked that Dawn was smart enough to call him for protection.
Laura
01/11/2009 02:01 am
12
I expected something to go wrong but I wasn't expecting Angel.
Looking forward to meeting Dawn
Looking forward to meeting Dawn
Ooh that was unexpected - yum! Good to see Buffy holding her own with Angel.
Uri6
01/11/2009 01:07 am
12
This story keeps getting better and better !!!
eyghon
01/11/2009 12:43 am
12
Been waiting impatiently for an update on this story. I'm so mad and sad that Dawn (sneaky girl) went to Angel for "help". Grrrr. Can't wait for Buff to see Dawn, wonder what Cordy'll have to say about the slayer being a vampire.
Oh, that was delicious! Buffy really seems to have her head on straight. Glad she made Spike a little whoozy - he deserves it, and a lot more!
Tamara
01/10/2009 10:04 pm
12
I like that Buffy no longer blindly takes Angel's side. I always hated how Angel was supposed to get away scott free with everything by saying he didn't have a soul but Spike was blamed for everything soul or not even after he willingly got a soul.That double standard should have been addressed in Angel season 5.
Not what he was expecting to hear, was it? Well done. Knew something was going to go wrong. I hope it doesn't get any worse for them, but...
OH MAN~! can't wait for more! stupid Angel!
Great Update - very effective use of sparse words and everything going down to simple equations - Mr. Gordo and her innocence and past with the potential of new understanding and knowledge of what a vampire's life view works - Will be interesting to see what this transformed Buffy becomes.
As always - you have brought another of the best Buffyverse Fan Fictions works for the readers to connect with -
As always - you have brought another of the best Buffyverse Fan Fictions works for the readers to connect with -
Eyghon
01/02/2009 02:06 pm
11
just discovered this story, love it! Thank you for writing such a great piece, I love "buffy's a vampire" stories.
Laura
01/01/2009 10:39 pm
11
It can't be that easy.
All4Spike
01/01/2009 09:13 pm
11
So it's plan B. I hope Xander doen't know... 'cos that would be bad. Somehow I don't see Dawn getting away unnoticed though.
Excellent update - I can't believe things will continue this smoothly though. It's interesting how Buffy's priorities have changed.`
spikez_tart
01/01/2009 03:57 am
11
Description Buffy's room - that was so sad.
I could feel Dawn's nervousness over the phone although she tried to hide it and relaxing once she realized Spike would be the buffer. Hope all goes well.
As always, I'm thrilled to read an update! I'm nervous and excited for the three of them. Looking forward to your next chapter. Hope the new year is a wonderful one for you!
Ah see THAT is vampire thinking of right and wrong.....money was needed for a good cause, to get Dawnie to them, so HOW it was come by was "right" no matter what that entailed. That was the sort of thinking Buffy never could understand before and now shares. Lovely insight there!
Poor Dawn, she has listened to that crap too and it makes sense that she is afraid. Courage is not the lack of fear but the act in the face of fear....she is very courageous to take this leap. She is tossing her fortunes in with a pair of vampires in face of the indoctrination of years listening to Giles, Buffy and the Scoobies. Brave girl.
Love Buffy selflessly (how odd to occur only after her turning LOL) foregoing any request for things belonging to her old life and letting Dawn use the space to pack her own things. There was a time Mr. Gordo would have occupied a slot even if it meant less underwear for Dawnie.
Glad you are posting here too because I am limited in time online today and would have missed it on LJ! Too good to miss.
This was excellent, lots of reveals in a few glipses....Buffy is changing from her core.
Kathleen
Poor Dawn, she has listened to that crap too and it makes sense that she is afraid. Courage is not the lack of fear but the act in the face of fear....she is very courageous to take this leap. She is tossing her fortunes in with a pair of vampires in face of the indoctrination of years listening to Giles, Buffy and the Scoobies. Brave girl.
Love Buffy selflessly (how odd to occur only after her turning LOL) foregoing any request for things belonging to her old life and letting Dawn use the space to pack her own things. There was a time Mr. Gordo would have occupied a slot even if it meant less underwear for Dawnie.
Glad you are posting here too because I am limited in time online today and would have missed it on LJ! Too good to miss.
This was excellent, lots of reveals in a few glipses....Buffy is changing from her core.
Kathleen
oh boy i can't wait till they meet - so many questions - great chapter! Glad Buffy is finally getting it
very good read, thank you.
Really anxious to see what will happen next after the build up.
Lea
12/19/2008 01:38 pm
10
Best Vamp!Buffy story I've ever read. (And I've been readin fanfiction for several years now ;)) Thank you for this! Keep up the good work.
12/18/2008 06:52 pm
10
You have an uncanny way of mixing the downright base ("his slimey mouth") with moments of whispered tenderness ("I never want to leave you,") and because it is he and she, this strange brew works. Buffy has never had to - or been able to - hide her true nature from Spike. With her friends she shows them sides, sides of her that they want to see, can deal with. With Spike, he has always seen beyond the acceptable-Buffy version, which is why for a long time she both ran to him and ran away from him. But now all that, including the tr8cky case of her mortality, has changed. Great chapter.
Laura
12/18/2008 09:30 am
10
Love your story
Spikestussi
12/18/2008 07:00 am
10
This is really beautiful.
My, what a powerful chapter I devoured every word! Thanks for getting another chapter to us so soon!
My, what a powerful chapter I devoured every word! Thanks for getting another chapter to us so soon!
pearlseed
12/18/2008 12:36 am
10
You frame all his fears, his love in the most beautiful snapshots with concise tense little phrases that just rock me to my toes. I'm about convinced Buffy wouldn't know love if it rode up on an ostrich emu.
I'm with him, think it's not gonna be long before the big industrial strength fan and the piles of whoha hitting it. Bummer--hope against hope--more please-=-I so want that vampman to find happiness, even with the little bratty girl. Still, all in all, love them both, love them together and know you'll have us in on it soon as you can.
I'm with him, think it's not gonna be long before the big industrial strength fan and the piles of whoha hitting it. Bummer--hope against hope--more please-=-I so want that vampman to find happiness, even with the little bratty girl. Still, all in all, love them both, love them together and know you'll have us in on it soon as you can.
As I read, I thought the first conversation was incredibly beautiful, and then you went and upped the ante with sensational, adult sex. Amazing chapter.
All4Spike
12/17/2008 07:07 pm
10
Oh, poor Spike, so sure he's about to be rejected yet again, and while Buffy has said she's his girl, she still hasn't said those 3 magic words, has she?
Your style is incredibly moving, and so very true to character.
Glad to see Buffy's decided to be just a bit more cautious.
Your style is incredibly moving, and so very true to character.
Glad to see Buffy's decided to be just a bit more cautious.
you write such heart ache and sorrows for these two - it's such a powerful connection for your readers - everything about them thus far has made me feel such sadness and and a sense of loss.
Again, one hell of an splendid Buffyverse fiction -
Again, one hell of an splendid Buffyverse fiction -
can't say i share buffy's optimistic outlook. very good read, thank you.
Yep! Still the same clueless wanting things to be her way Buffy as if talking to herself will make things a reality.
Pin
12/17/2008 02:25 pm
9
I see a crowd of peasants with torches waiting on Revello Drive! She's waaaay too optimistic. Great story - but I think Spike's idea is the way to go.
sue
12/17/2008 01:56 pm
9
A chapter of few words - just like the stilted 'conversation' between Buffy and Spike about expectations back at Revello. Difference of opinion neither argued or debated. Short, defensive shots at each other and then, nothing. Great. Ups the level of tension.
Thanks so much for posting. I'm guessing the truth of what they'll feel lies somewhere in between. Looking forward to more.
Tamara
12/16/2008 11:32 pm
9
Not irrational. Has she met these people?
Not sure I'd be so optimistic! At least they're not going to just turn up expecting a welcome.
All4Spike
12/16/2008 10:00 pm
9
I admire Buffy's optimism. Not sure how realistic it is though...
The Kid
12/16/2008 09:09 pm
9
oh boy poor naive buffy - in a perfect world it would turn out that way but Spike knows better
Great chapter
Great chapter
Amy
12/13/2008 05:08 am
8
How did I miss this?? I just now found this lovely story and you are already 8 chapters into it. I am thoroughly engrossed!
I must tell you that your stories are ones that I will read repeatedly and never tire of. I am completely in awe of your writing talent (jealous too) and crave your stories...especially the new ones because reading the brand spankin' new ones is like a magical trip.
Thank you for sharing your talent with us. This particular genre of fanfiction and these two characters are all the better with you in it.
I am attempting some hard-to-hold patience for the next chapters. This one sounds like it will be another wonderful addition to your already amazing library of fiction.
~ Amy
sari
12/12/2008 08:04 am
8
Amazing.
pearlseed
12/12/2008 04:41 am
8
She is so fine now, so much more her than ever--boy what a diff a vamp makes. My respect for Spike grows more and more--glad he has found the opportunity to continue loving this woman. Love what you reveal to us and how you craft the story. Thank you.
All4Spike
12/12/2008 03:17 am
8
Yup, time to face the music. So Buffy is recovering her 'self' and has accepted Spike's love and thanked him. That was an important step for her. Now for the homecoming... and the reactions...
lilashannah
12/12/2008 03:08 am
8
Thank God you updated! lol.I love the way you write Spike.He seems more down to earth maybe even deep..It's about time Buffy started treating him right.Shame she had to die (again) for it to happen.Can't wait to see where you take this story.
Thank you so much for the update - I've been waiting. I love how careful she's being with him.
Now they're on their way. I'm afraid to see what awaits them.
Now they're on their way. I'm afraid to see what awaits them.
They are progressing well together, though I dread to think what the welcome home will be like. A cracking read.
I'm so glad that Buffy has reached a point where she at least halfway accepts herself. Looking forward to them facing the music!
how many seconds will it take spike to pack? very good read, thank you.
Wow! The end of this chapter was a shocker. That came out of left field.
WOW I just found this story great job so far! I think you did great with Buffy so far I really dont think she would have done a turn around so fast and other stories have done. Great job can't wait for more!~
sue
12/08/2008 06:30 pm
7
Just like Spike, we wait for the Buffy-of-old/now to emerge - but she doesn't. Through his anxiety, his hesitation, his waiting for the froideur and violence after the passion, he misses just how deep her penitence, how hard a struggle she has with herself and in her trying to convince him. It's a marvellous chapter, right at the heart of them, right at that unbeating heart of them and yet it is full, full of something ...... (sshh ...whisper it so as not to jinx it) tentatively tender and very, very real. I love it.
This was such a fabulous chapter - both of them so vulnerable. I can hardly wait for your next update.
Thanks!!!
FoolForLove
12/08/2008 01:46 am
7
I love this so much. Thank you, dear herself.
Thanks!!!
Buffy has taken huge strides if she's able to empathise. Great update.
Thanks!
Wow! Excellent chapter. Particuarly like the bit with her finger in his buttonhole. Very very nice.
Thanks!
I`m really liking this story.
Scary ending this time, though:).
Scary ending this time, though:).
Thanks!!
This is just what all three of them need - get back together and find themselves, accept what their reality is now and live within that place. My little Spuffy Heart hopes that their place would include a family made up of Dawn, Buffy and Spike - but life sometimes, probably most of the time, does not give you your desires. Unless you try very very hard to make your dreams come to play in the real world.
Thanks so much for this new update -
Thank you!
All4Spike
12/07/2008 08:04 pm
7
Thank goodness Buffy has stopped the 'poor me' for long enough to think of Dawn.
I hope The Return isn't too painful for everyone...
I hope The Return isn't too painful for everyone...
Thanks!!
Spikestussi
12/07/2008 06:40 am
6
I knew I was going to like this. Great visuals. I hope more is coming soon.
Thanks!!!
Love the Out of the Past feel. Good angst and good arguments
Thanks!!
GentleViewer
12/05/2008 12:50 pm
6
A bit of slayage should help solve this indentity crisis. You've written so many permutations of these lovers and they have all been so heartwrenching! Carry on....
Thanks!!!
All4Spike
12/04/2008 10:11 pm
6
Buffy's being even more pig-headed than normal, let's hope a bit of Slaying makes her feel better.
Thanks.
Fabulous chapter, vamped Buffy is even harder work than before she was turned. A good spot of violence might sort her out.
Should do....
Thanks.
Thanks.
more and more surprising. very good read, thank you.
Oh no, Spike isn't really going to find somebody for Buffy to have sex with. Great chapter.
Thanks!
All4Spike
12/03/2008 03:48 am
5
Buffy's trying so hard to be bad. She's not making a very good job of it, is she? If she was really evil she'd have staked Spike without a qualm and gone off to kill someone. Plus, she's still worried about Dawn. Spike is being heroic in refusing to pander to her wanting sex, and she's really going to have to face her feelings when Spike tries to get her laid... with someone else. Tee hee...
Thanks!
Oh, you're weaving such compelling tale! I look forward to each update.
Thanks!
Tamara
12/03/2008 01:20 am
5
I'm thinking Buffy won't want to get laid by someone else any more than she wanted Spike to have sex with that girl.
lynnalso
12/02/2008 09:50 pm
5
This is just so sad.
Li
12/02/2008 05:36 pm
5
AMAZINGGGG story!!!!! great idea!!!1 I just read all the chaps now! I cant wait for an update!
I don't know how Spike has the patience, I'd have put her out of her misery.
Pam S
12/02/2008 04:28 pm
5
He turned her down.. and she is worried he will leave.. Two for Spike and maybe Buffy is seeing vampires do have "feelings" and are not Animals.. without a soul.
Enjoying...
Enjoying...
wonderful piece with the stallion.
Great job, I particularly like the subtle changes in Buffy.
Two great new chapters - so excellent but so sad - you make all his sorrows and her change so painful - especially as Buffy Vamp can still be so confused and cruel.
silver81
12/02/2008 02:24 am
4
really liking this unique story, poor spike, not even crumbs again! Thank you for letting the horse live. Too sad if he was used and wasted. I love your Spikes, thanks for the great read.
Thanks for another fabulous chapter - looking forward to the next.
Thanks!
1
All4Spike
12/01/2008 10:22 pm
4
She's coming around slowly, admitting to being jealous was a big step. Spike is showing the same patience as he did with Drusilla, I hope it is rewarded...
Thanks!
1
Pam S
12/01/2008 09:00 pm
4
I know Spike loves Buffy and will put up with her crap..
But even as a vampire she is still... a .....
Enjoying.
But even as a vampire she is still... a .....
Enjoying.
She, she's still a ....
Thanks for reading!
Thanks for reading!
1
very good read, thank you. loved the ending to the update.
Hm, how terrible for Spike. He's never going to want to have sex with Buffy again. Maybe.
A riveting chapter, I could really feel the tension. Perhaps Buffy can begin to accept her situation now that she's broken down. A great read.
Thanks!
1
All4Spike
12/01/2008 03:27 am
3
Spike is being so wonderfully patient with her. Thank goodness the dam has broken at last. Perhaps they can go home now...
Thanks!
1
Cas
12/01/2008 12:58 am
3
Intersting development. Wonder if their relationship will take a turn now, what with her just wearing a towel and all.
You'll see ....
Thanks!
Thanks!
1
She's still herself. Spike knew it all along, and now she does too. Whether she wants to be herself and feel all the things she doesn't want to feel is something else again. As usual, she is cruel to Spike because he sees her, even when she's trying to hide from herself. This is just beautifully written. Intense, disturbing and heartbreaking.
Thank you!
1
Pam S
11/30/2008 05:51 pm
3
Surprised Buffy could quit.. guess Spike does know her best..
Enjoying.
Enjoying.
Thanks!
1
Liza
11/30/2008 05:09 pm
3
I've been waiting for this development and enjoying wondering where you were headed with the character. I kept thinking that as she wasn't a feral beast then was she still going to be Buffy? I'm glad that some moral force remains in her unlife but gladder still that you chose to blur some edges for us.
Thanks!
1
Oh man, he should stake her.
11/30/2008 01:18 am
2
Wow still a bitch then. Let's hope Buffy learns to adjust to her situation. Great update.
Thanks!
1
This is intense and strangely compelling. It's sort of like stumbling upon the aftermath of a disastrous accident. You simply can't turn your eyes away, even though you know the odds are against anyone surviving intact . So far, this is starting out very differently from any other vamp!Buffy story that I've ever read. It looks as if this could go in just about any direction, and I'm dying to see where you're going with this.
Thank you!
How great to be getting a new work from you - and a Buffy Vamp story, really great.
Great Start to what I know will be a compelling and powerful work.
Great Start to what I know will be a compelling and powerful work.
Thank you!
This is so intriguing - I wonder when, and if she'll start listen to what he's saying.
Me too.
Thank you!
Thank you!
Liza
11/29/2008 07:11 pm
2
It's always a pleasure to read one of your stories. Bring it on!
Thank you!
A don't fancy Spike's chances at convincing Buffy of anything - she's in such a bad way.
We'll see ...
Thanks for commenting!
Thanks for commenting!
All4Spike
11/29/2008 03:04 pm
2
Wow! I've read quite a few VampBuffy stories, but none quite like this one. I think there are immense possibilities! Poor things, they're both so confused and conflicted!
Thank you!
03/30/2009 06:19 pm
1
very good opening chapter. thank you for the fine read.
Spikestussi
12/07/2008 06:17 am
1
I don't normally care for fics where Buffy is turned ,but I absolutly love everything else I've read that you've written, which is pretty much everything I could find. I am not sure I am going to love the story, however I am already enjoying the writting. You have a wonderful "turn of phrase"
Oh, poor Spike. Great start
This must be what it is like to be truly soulless..devoid of any feeling...Scary!
Thank you!
jane
11/29/2008 11:32 am
1
Really good start, keen to see where you take this,
Thank you!
Cas
11/29/2008 04:46 am
1
Ah, but I guess she's been having trouble with feelings for quite a while. Terrific start that'sopen to so many possibilities. Thanks.
Thank you!
Pam S
11/29/2008 02:52 am
1
That was a low-blow letter. Guess she thought it best to have Dawn hate her for leaving.. than knowing the truth.
Poor Spike.. babysitting the slayer.. it might have been best to let her die. I guess when a new slayer appears they will figue it out..
She was cold hearted before.. now a reality and probably worse.
How's the book?
Poor Spike.. babysitting the slayer.. it might have been best to let her die. I guess when a new slayer appears they will figue it out..
She was cold hearted before.. now a reality and probably worse.
How's the book?
Thank you!
The book is proceeding.
The book is proceeding.
Sandra
11/29/2008 02:34 am
1
Another great story from you, that is clear. I love seeing you write and post here. You're so great. Thanks.
Thank you!
I'm so glad to have you back. I'm looking forward to reading more.
Thank you!
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