I loved Spike for saying that for once it was about what he needed and not about Buffy. He has spent a remarkable amount of time worrying about her, and it's good that he's going to focus on himself after all that has happened. He should come first. And I'm glad Anya and Giles were able to make her understand that she should give him some space to heal his own issues. That it isn't just about what she wants, but what everyone needs. Interesting to see the dynamic between Spike and Angel now that Spike has his memories, but still is feeling a desire to be comforted by his sire. They seem better abled to handle themselves and their relationship even if it is unsure, because they are being honest rather than just snarking at each other

your anya is a bright light in a very sad tale. very good chapter, thank you.

And... Can I just apologize for my supreme bitchyness in the review I left last night? Seriously, sorry about that...

This is a great story, very well written. I think perhaps you have a very good insight into Buffy. She's as insecure as Spike is - she wants it both ways (Xander really isn't the awful person everything thinks he is and Spike still loves her). But that's normally not how life happens.

I also appreciate the Dawn and Spike relationship. An ageless spectre of energy that has watched the world grow, plus the emotions of a teen-ager, loves the vampire. She's the only one who truly appreciates and loves him for what he is. That type of love you should never reject and Spike doesn't.

Good for Giles that he finally tells Buffy to stop thinking about just herself. That's probably one of life's hardest lessons as we're all taught its all about us.

Anya is blunt, but could actually be blunter. I've always liked Anya and you portray her well.

Very good story.

GO Anya for putting things bluntly. This is something that Buffy really needed to hear. I am glad that he at least right now has Angel. He has his memories back but he has to get through the trauma that Xander put him through. Am I a bad person for not really caring what happens to Xander? He has just caused so much for them all.

Great chapter. I feel kinda sorry for Buffy, but I agree with Anya and Giles that they should wait.

Wow! Wonderful chapter. Really like all the insight from Anya and Angel. Both so dead on in their assesment of everyone's feelings and needs at the moment. Bravo!

Wonderful settling down chapter. Yes, Spike needs time to get it together. And Buffy NEEDS to feel the guilt fully!

Awesome job of portraying Spike and Angel's relationship in just part of a chapter, hon. And Spike is so right, for how he sees who he trsts more at the moment. This is an actions speak louder than words moment, and Angel did come through in the end much more than Spike would ever have expected had he been fully himself. Those two have always been brutally honest with each other....

I love seeing Spike say "It's about me for a change". Any story where he finally decides to choose what's healthiest for himself just makes my day.

Grrr...Thanks, Anya..and Giles. God, Buffy...this is the last moment you need to be freakin' self-centered! I'm so glad they were blunt and made her see reason. And Giles is finally sticking up for Spike. :) I knew Spike wouldn't take off without speaking to Dawn, either. He's enough of himself that he wouldn't do that...not now, after she's been so supportive, especially.

What Spike needs is a good long break from the lot of them to convalesce physically and mentally.

Why do I think that when she's finally allowed to contact him, he's not gonna be there anymore? Looking forward to more, including Xander's final fate.

“No, for once – it’s about *me*.”

Exactly why he needs some space. If he stuck around it would be about the other's guilt. And the guilt of someone he doesn't particularly like would be a lot easier to deal with that of the ones he loves. Add to that people freaking out about Xander and the way Buffy treated him before Xander tortured him and he defiitely needs to get some space and pull himself together.

wow, good chappie. i'm sick so sorry this is so short.

Thank you. thank you. thank you for calling Angel out. I am also glad that Anya and Giles told Buffy to give Spike some space. I do however hope that Spike really thinks about Buffy and how she has been the last few weeks. I am really tired of his insecurity about Buffy and doubting her feelings for him. she did after all save him. Angel should not get all the props. I knhow that Buffy let Spike down because she didn't protect him as she promised but I hope he realizes that if these things didn't happen he may not be as strong as he is now. Good chapter.

You know. I just simply can't keep my mouth shut anymore - I have to say something. Let me start out by saying I think you're one of the best fanfic writers I've ever read, anywhere. The way you explain things without cluttering us in details and how portray such stirring emotions are amazing, this story included. Secondly, this is not a flame, or at least I hope you don't take it as one. I simply don't understand.

No writer has ever made me completely abhor Buffy so greatly as you do. In my opinion, you really might want to seriously consider adding a warning to your fics about all of the Buffy-bashing they contain. In this story she is portrayed as an incredibly selfish, self-centered, stupid, horrible person. You chew her up & grind her down to this sniveling, 'me-first', moron who I can barely stand to read about. It shocked the hell out of me when you said you do, in fact, like her. It truly blows my mind. What I really don't understand is if this is really how you see her, how can pair her with Spike? He of course has own problems, but is obviously a favorite of yours. So then, if he, although imperfect, is such a 'good person', WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING WITH THE BUFFY YOU WRITE?' She is a wretched person who in no way deserves him. WHY would he possibly like her?

I think I might actually break down and cry if this fic does end with a Spuffy pairing. If he does for some stupid reason take her back, he will be just as stupid as her.

I guess what really bothers me is how you've turned absolutely everything against her. Other than possibly Xander, every single other person in this whole story is better than her & it simply kills me to see every last shred of her dignity to just be stripped away like it has been. I have afeeling after this is all said & done she'll never recover to who she was, or at least, she shouldn't.

At this point the only way I can see to end this is to have Buffy die defending Spike somehow. It's the only way she can ever gain back even a smidgen of the amazing person she used to be. But then, the rest of the gagng would probably just barely bat an eyelash & forget her in a weeks time, so then whats the point of that? Unless that's your plan? Break her down into nothing but a dead, vile creature with nothing worth rememring except for her life pre-Spike?

And Dawn? When I read the part about how Spike stopped by to say goodbye to her, *I* felt like slapping him around! And that is so not of the good - he's a victim! lol! But seriously, Buffy has already been sabbed repeatedly - why not twist the knife just a little bit more?

Am I the only ones who thinks any of this?

Anyway - I'm really sorry if I've offended you with this, I didn't mean to. Maybe I'm just extra emotional right now or jealous or possibly pms-ing. But this little story of youre has gotten me so sompletely rilled up I can barely think straight! And as much as I do complain, I do like most of it. I'll admit I honestly couldn't finish reading the last few paragraphs, for fear of *actually* flaming you - lol. But I've never regretted reading the whole thing. Yeah, some of the stuff you've done has pissed me off, but I tend to jump on the bandwagon when it comes to the Slayer in question - so take all this with a grain of salt please & don't hate me.

Like I said, I simply don't always inderstand. :)

It's sort of strange to hear Giles taking up for Spike, but it's very nice and very much in keeping with his growth in this story. And Anya is turning out to be very much the voice of calm practicality and reason. And I just knew that Spike wouldn't leave Dawn without a word. I'm really liking the relationship between Spike and Angel here. I don't know that either one of them will ever be able to put their past history aside completely, but it's like they're finally really starting to see each other clearly without all the competitiveness and one-upmanship that is usually there between them. As for Buffy, I think she's finally starting to see that both she and Spike need a little time and space. All in all another great chapter in this wonderful story. Anxious to read more - soon, please? :)

Excellent chapter. They both have a lot to think about and healing to do but I wouldn't wait for weeks before I contacted him. I'd at least let him know that I'm thinking of him, that I understand why he left but that I loved him. I think he needs to be reassured of her feelings about him, that they are real and she want's to be with him when he's ready. If she doesn't, he may just think how he's been programmed to, for their whole relationship. Which we all know, wasn't very good. Besides Angel just might encourage Spike in leaving for good. He still loves Buffy after all. Thanks, DOS.

I liked this very much. It was very poignant. ^_^

I really love the line that Spike recited to Dawn being thrown out in the Angel conversation. Good Job.

I(because it is really ALL about me :) ) need to see the conversation with Dawn. Need to believe that Spike left and Dawn agreed it was best for him. Whether. it is a phone call once he gets there or a phone call later after he BEATS the HELL OUT OF ANGEL!

Excellent chapter! Really well done. I like the way you sorted out their feelings and the fact that taking Spike from Buffy is the perfect splution - at least for the moment. Really nice. thanks!

I meant to say as well that Spike loved/s Buffy not because she is perfect and makes perfect choices but rather in spite of her imperfections. He sees her at her core as a decent, well meaning, loving woman (not through things she has done or said to him....but his observations of her with others). He sees the woman she can and will become. That was canon and it fits here too. On the show his tender speach to her covered it all...he saw those traits in her even though she never treated HIM properly. He saw the coal and knew the diamon she would become.

Kathleen

How wonderfully wise Giles is here! Yes it is not a matter of making Buffy "pay" for her mistake....they really need time. Spike has so much to process. Not just the awful things that happened over those terrible months but memories of his entire life history with Buffy! That tangled mess would need time for anyone to process.

It is also fair to expect all the Scoobies to have loving memories of the Xander they knew (and thought they knew). It's not like he was a Warren or even Riley (who was only part of their lives for a short while and only on the fringe). This is one of the first friends Buffy made...a brother in arms....one who just saved the world from Willow's rage. This is the donut boy always willing to rush into battle even though he was never a match for the monsters. It is human nature that there is love there for the boy he had been. In Willow's case more than the rest even.

The only worse situation would be a parent having to deal with one child having hurt or killed another of their children (not by accident but intent). One one hand they can not be "forgiven" in the sense of ever holding the same place in the family....yet they must be "forgiven" from the love they earned prior. The "choice" would be more than Solomon could deal with.

To expect Spike to sit amid people grieving the "loss" of Xander, the love they can not help but feel for the boy they knew would be wrong and impossible. Still Spike is the wronged party without question and deserving of the love and support of these people. Buffy DOES love him and her mistakes were typical of her not due to lack of love. They need time to heal and process before they can come back together in love.

Wow....I'm wordy again....you are just such a powerful writer to grapple with issues like this so beautifully. I am so impressed. Excellent update and perfect way to showcase the complexities these events have created for these characters. I've said it before, this is a masterwork, kiddo.

Kathleen

Excellent update. Glad Buffy didn't go scurrying after him and she's going to let him heal in peace. Go Anya! with the harsh truths. Can't wait for more.

OK, Angel, who hated Spike, didn't answer Spike's cry for help. Buffy, who used, abused, and discarded Spike, knew he had gone missing, knew that Dawn was worried about him, but did nothing to try to find him. Then Angel, who has made no profession of love, sticks up for Spike resolutely throughout the rest of the crisis. Buffy, on the other hand, professes her love, but then doesn't care about subjecting him to the trauma of having to be alone with his abuser, let alone the risk of him being further harmed by his abuser.

Still seems like a no-brainer to me. Once Angel came around, it was clear that his number one priority was protecting his Childe. Buffy is still (!!!) not treating Spike as family or as beloved. She's still not thinking about his well-being. I'm glad you show Spike sticking to his choice to leave with Angel. But it bugs me that you depict him as missing her. What, exactly, does he miss? It's easier to buy Spike accepting her mistreatment when (as in canon) she's refusing to love him because he's a vampire, etc. etc. He can believe that deep down she really does love him. But here, what is he holding on to? Sorry to beat a dead horse, but seeing Spike still wanting Buffy after all this just makes me think less of him -- and I like to think well of Spike!

But lots of other good stuff in this chapter. Thanks!

You are so SMART - you're handling this just the way it should be. Yay you!
I'm glad you sort of let us have a "breather" before things (probably) ratchet up again...

Too mean of Spike, to say goodbye to Dawn and not to Buffy. And, Angel leaving Spike for 3 months. Bastard.

I'm glad that Spike got some distance, and that he isn't letting Buffy walk all over him. I thought Anya saying "bloody" was hilarious. But I still hope Xander dies.

maybe it is the best for spike to leave.. hmm.. buffy needs to chill out.. Great update hun :D

Normally i don't do reviews, prolly just because i'm lazy, but i love your work. I've read alot of your fanfiction and have followed you here from fanfiction.net to read more of your work in it's full glory and i have to say, you're one hell of a writer.
You're the one...

lol. God I'm an idiot...

Go Spike! Yes, it is all about you this time! Buffy needs to realize that before she screws it up more!

Great chapter, honey! Go Spike for ripping into Angel! He TOTALLY deserved it!

I feel bad for Anya. Really really reall bad for her.

Excellent chapter! :)

GREAT CHAPTER!!!!!!!


WOW I mean WOW I guess i should have known you wouldn't just END it like that but i was worried you know? LOVE this story! Glad Buffy is finally getting it to give him some space!