So easy for her to choose when Xander is brain dead with no hope for recovery. Pretty convenient for her, no?

Bet her choice would have been different were he still conscious and not rotting in prison for his crimes.

Yup, goodbye for good xander.

Buffy is just too dumb sometimes. But I am glad that Angel didn't take this opportunity to throw it in her face that Spike left with him. But I am glad that she finally said goodbye to Xander. Sometimes people grow up and a part. Buffy has always had people walk out of her life, I can see her not wanting to see the bad in someone who has meant to so much. But it was time. He was not the boy she met the first day of school and he had not changed for the better.

Maggie2, you just summed up everything I've been trying to say over at Spuffy Realm. I usually review over there but I read the comments here as well. And I agree, I don't see that Buffy will be called on that behavior, which is sad given all that Spike has already endured.

Wow, Maggie, that was so well explained....I'm basically leaning the same way. I think Buffy has to own up to that behavior as part of making it up to Spike.

And so much more...I'd like to get to Spike and Angel's story of the past couple weeks, too, please?

Buffy was convinced that the two situations were nothing alike.

They seem pretty similar to me - Willow takes revenge on a couple of people and so does Xander.

Loved the part where Buffy visits Xander to say goodbye. Spuffy now, please?

Replying to Nebula: I'm one of the reviewers who as of now is still not convinced that a Spuffy outcome is good here. But that doesn't mean that I hate Buffy or am unsympathetic with her. It just means that I don't think she deserves Spike. Let me explain.

I totally agree with you that insofar as Xander had been one of her best friends for six years, Buffy was understandably relunctant to believe he had turned into a monster. I would have thought less of her if she didn't have those feelings for Xander. It's just that for *me* she should have experienced the situation as a dilemma. She wanted more proof (understandable). But she should have also not wanted to put Spike through more emotional upset by exposing him to Xander, and she should have been concerned about the risks of her plan. She should have felt like she was between a rock and a hard place. But this never happened in this fic. She jumped straight to the plan -- one which forced Spike to confront his abuser alone (emotionally traumatic, and as it turns out, quite risky). When Buffy is confronted with bad choices (kill your sister to save the world) she rebels against the choice and finds another way. Not here. We don't get a sense that she even hesitated and thought "well, I love Xander, but this plan is really bad for Spike -- how do I weigh this conflict?" It's hard to see that she has any real feelings for Spike given that in confronting this stark dilemma she never once even sees it as a dilemma. She jumps to the choice which reflected her over-riding concern for Xander without even regretting (at the time of making the plan) that it was going to be hard on Spike.

And then, for me, she added a huge exclamation point to this whole non-concern for Spike when she USED his love for and trust in her to manipulate him into agreeing to this plan. The scene at the end of chapter 42 is where I really lost the Spuffy feeling in this fic. He was obviously afraid. He obviously felt vulnerable. She played on his love for her, his desire to please her to get him to do what she wanted. It was the manipulation that an abuser would use. I'm not saying Buffy IS an abuser -- but the echo of that abuse in everything she said and did made me feel sick to my stomach.

So, I'm against a Spuffy outcome here (at least as of now). I don't want Spike to be in a relationship with someone who is capable of using him that way -- especially when he's vulnerable. I don't see any sign that she's going to get called on that behavior.

Anyway, as written, I dont' think she loves Spike. I don't hate her for this. I really feel sorry for her now that she has permanently lost one of her best friends. But not sorry enough to wish her on Spike.

Just from reading the comments, I have to wonder if anyone actually cares about Buffy or Xander at all. *wonders*

Xander was her friend for SIX YEARS, her best friend, her brother, the one she could turn to. If someone came and told me that my brother was out torturing people, I wouldn't believe them either. This had to be tough for her. I'm glad she made the distinction between the man he used to be and the man he shot that day in his parents' house.

I love this story. It's not canon-wise in the slightest, but that's why it's fan-fiction, and in that world it reigns supreme. Buffy AND Spike both need to do some thinking, and I'm glad that Spike's mad now about not being able to talk to her as opposed to his anger at her. That means they're progressing. That means they can move forward.

Wonderful story yet again.

~Nebula

I really wanted to smack Buffy for asking for Angel rather than just talking to Spike, even if I understand that she did so out of fear. She really runs hot and cold with him and that has to be confusing and hurtful. Thankfully her talk with Angel was able to help clear up some things so she could let Xander go, and hopefully focus on what she needs to do, and who she needs to be, for Spike.

Really liked the interaction between Giles and Anyanka. How he not only accepts, but also appreciates her for who she is. She needs to learn comfort in her own skin and understnad that who she is matters, not what she is. That relationship seems to be getting off to a wonderful start.

poetic justice, nice fit. but tecnically xander is brain dead, which means he's dead. that's how one of my uncle's died. he had a blod clot that traveled to his brain, resulting in an aneurism. once the brain stops to function (ie. breath on its own, regulate body temp, etc.) you are dead.

Buffy letting go, I think was a good touch, but still a little to late. I mean the man is dead, not much to let go of. Ok, maybe I'm giving her a hard time, but still. I understand that he was her best friend, but if the man I loved came to me telling me that my bestfriend did this to him. i'd believe the lover not the friend. bad buffy. lol

buffy's "now that I know what the choice really is," speech leaves me hoping spike's response is "too little, too late." fortunately, for myself and the many other readers, this fine tale is in your excellent hands. good chapter, thank you.

I know you will receive lots of flames over this but I think it was appropriate and understandable. Buffy was really talking and kissing the Xander she knew from before. The game boy who stood at her side and fought the good fight. The boy she thought he was and the man she thought he would be. It makes perfect sense to me and I am just glad to see that Buffy has the blinders off and knows THAT Xander is well and truly gone. No holding out hope for a cure and return to good guy status. This is maturity.

I even understand her fears in talking to Spike. She has no idea how Spike feels about her now that ALL his memories are back. She treated him poorly to put it mildly and now he remembers. She failed to protect him recently and knows he has to feel betrayed to a degree or at least not too important to her. She has reason to be afraid.

Glad Angel is there for Spike and also to make Buffy see more clearly. I think this healing time is perfect.

As for Xander's punishment....happy sigh.....
Xander was trapped in a world where he could not move, could not speak, could not communicate or act on his environment in any way – with only the murmurs and memories of his own mind for company…for the rest of his life. could there ever be any more poetic justice than this????? PERFECTION! Especially the fact that he WILL be aware in his coma world.....as much a prisoner as Spike ever was! May he live LONG!

The Ganya was a treat and the commentary on the Harris' funeral spot on.

You continue to excell. I can not say how much I adore this story and your characterizations. It is perfection.

Kathleen

First of all - Thank you for not havong Buffy try to go find or talk to Spike!!

And secondly - The fact that Spike was mad Buffy didn't talk to him completely made my day!!!

But, are we sure Dawn doesn't have a freak accident with a hair dryer & a tub somehow? No? Darn...

Great chapter - good resolution of her ambivalence toward Xander. Thanks!

I really hope you don't have Buffy and Spike falling into each other's arms. I also think Dawn's about face on Buffy's action is a little quick. Buffy talking to Angel because she's afraid is probably the most truthful thing you've written about her. She's just not ready for real love, as evidenced by her running to Angel to make it easier for her. Even though Spike is 'love's bitch,' I don't think he could trust her enough at this point to actually accept her words. Spike has been around for a long time, he's seen a lot and in his heart he may want Buffy to love him, he knows she really still can't. Sometimes that just happens.

Also, where is Drusilla? I would have thought his calling out for help would have gotten to Drusilla, too. I would think that she would be incredibly angry that anyone would dare to hurt her Dark Prince. Especially Daddy failing to act on behalf of their family.

Absolutely amazing chapter!

You're right, Xanders condition now is a fitting punishment for his crimes, to remember everything but not be able to do anything. Best of all, none of the blood spilled is on any of the scoobies hands.

Although I think buffy made so huge steps into maturing in this chapter I still want to smack her. Glad she finally came to some realizations about Xander.

The part between Giles and Anyanka was simply beautiful. I always felt Xander was too immature for anya, but this proves it. Thank you for writing anya and giles so wonderfully :)

I loved Dawn in this chapter too, it's good to see her maturing.
Angel's words were great and just what Buffy needed to open her eyes. I really like Angel in this 'papabear' rol you've put him in :)

I know that this act was hard for Buffy. You walked her through what she had to examine in order to get to this point. Very beautifully written! Especially glad to see the blinders come off and have Buffy admit the obvious truth.

Is it possible to have a brain injury that leaves you in the state Xander is in? Unable to interact with the world, even to hear, but with all your cognitive faculties intact?
I'm sort of surprised Willow hasn't tried doing a spell to heal him. Then again, if you healed his flesh, would you be able to heal his mind as well? And after all he did, what would happen to him then? A trial for the death of his parents, and likely a long stint in jail.
I still don't see how Willow's vengeance on Warren and Rack are _that_ much different from Xander's murder of his parents. I always thought she should have to face the real-world authorities for killing them, particularly Warren. Buffy was determined to confess to killing Warren's girlfriend, when she thought she'd accidentally killed her. She wanted to do the right thing, even if she had to go to jail for it. Willow seems to feel little remorse for murdering 2 people. She's just upset that she freaked out on her friends and that they won't forgive her, let her back into the inner circle. You say that Buffy is convinced that the 2 sets of killings (I just typed "likkings" - a WORLD of EEW!) are nothing alike, but I strongly disagree. Both were done in vengeance, anger, pain and a sense of entitlement - that the killers had the right to take these people out of the world, for their own reasons.
I hope Angel conveyed to Spike that Buffy was actually scared to talk to him, so that he understands what was going on in her head.
OK, I think I've probably rambled on enough! Thanks for the update! I really liked Buffy's goodbye to Xander. I wonder if the docs are wrong, and he really CAN hear, just not respond.

I forgot to mention, there are still several storylines that need to be paid off: Buffy's use of violence against Spike in the past and Dawn in this story (I really want to see the showdown over how she is little more then an abusive husband at times...a Mr. Harris if you will); the question of why they needed to do the plan, and if it was only because Spike was...well, Spike; Riley (The biggest hole right there. Introduce him as a red herring, then he never treturns. He's suppose to want to help Buffy...but no mention of him?);

Biggest of all, I really, really wish we could see the reaction from the demon community over Spike. I imagine the word would have gotten out by now, and while some demons may say Spike got what he deserved, others I can see believing that this was a huge trick by Buffy, making her life a living hell. I'd love to see Clem mad, but more then that...

...I want to see Drusilla finally arrive and beat down Buffy for hurting her Dark Prince.

An interesting chapter...but I get the strange feeling it was rushed. Don't get me wrong, it covered alot of stuff...but it still seemed like you are trying to cram 3 chapters into one, just so you can get to the Spuffy.

I notice that in Blood Bound, you rang up this huge debt with the readers. Set up all this angst and torture and prepped us for huge confrontations...only, when it came time to pay up, you did it too fast. What should have been 20 chapters became 10, if you follow my metaphors.

I just hope you aren't doing the same here. All your other stories, you pay back the reader 10 fold. You draw out the journey back. This chapter has me worried you are just trying to wrap this story up quick.

I namely say that because o Spike. I think you are moving much to quickly with his accpetance and want to be back with buffy. it doesn't seem natural to me.

I only hope I am wrong, and that you have alot more planned.

WOW great chapter LOTS AND LOTS of growth on Buffy's part. I wonder what will happen next??? Can't wait for the next chapter!

FINALLY! It took her long enough to realize what he had become. I hope she is able to put hersefl together and move on with Spike. I hope that he can forgive her.

Wonderful chapter. Nice to see that Buffy has finally made up her mind. I hope Spike and her will have a chat soon,they both need it.

Excellent chapter, taking care of the practicalities. Maybe now Buffy has cut the ties with Xander, she'll be able to begin to mend fences.

Great Ganya in here, why oh why didn't they give us this in canon?

There really is a great difference between what Willow did and what Xander did and the sooner Willow realizes that the better off she'll be.

I hope Xander is completely aware of his surroundings and feels utterly helpless.

Of course Bufy still has to make up for the things she did to Spike.

For someone who's spent most of these last six years living in the land of black and white, now she see the gray in the world. What a hypocrite. If Spike didn't love her so much, I'd wished that he'd tell her go screw herself. I'm sorry but she just doesn't deserve him. Would love to see Dawn at least slap some sense into her. It shouldn't of been Angel to make her see the light, though I see the irony in it but now Spike's got to be grateful to him for one more huge thing and Angel doesn't deserve that either. This is one instance that I would rather see Spike to go on without her, he's still got Dawn. He'll survive, Buffy's already done the worst to him, things can only get better for him. I know that's not where you are going with this but it's the way that I feel about it. Still love your story DOS, thanks for the update.

I loved Buffys speech to Xander, it was just great.
Angel was great to explain things to Buffy, nice Angel *pats head*.

Oh, and I hope Xander's medical bills aren't going to be left with the survivors. Bastard's racking up thousands of dollars.

About frickin' time she figured it out...I know, I know...

Love Anya and Giles' blossoming relationship. Dawn's chilled out just like I thought she would, with tat big heart of hers. And Angel is continuing to be a pretty good mediary. He can explain these things to Buffy without emotion getting in the way.

Are we going to see any of Spike's 3 weeks in L.A.? I'm very curious about how he's been spending the time..what he's been up to.

On a happier note, GO ANYA AND GILES! WooHoo!

Now for the rest. :P

Buffy needs a slap to the head. Asking to talk to Angel first only confirms Spike's opinion that she doesn't really love him.
Dawn's "Dummy" was a bit too tame.

As for Xander, he so got what he deserved! :)

Great update and I'm looking forward to what happens next.

Xander's punishment could not be more fitting. Loved Buffy's speech to Xander - great to see her verbalize her choice.

::deep, satisfied sigh:: Beautiful. I'm so impressed with Buffy for having the courage to face that knowledge and accept it, even if it took her a bit.

And I think it was beautifully poetic for you to invert for Xander what he did to Spike.

goood now go tell spike that you love him.. now now now!!!

As Buffy finally gets it. Let's hope it's not too late. Really enjoyed the Giles/Anya interaction--nice to know that Xander didn't leave her too bitter to try relationships ever again.

I liked this, you seem to be tying up all the loose ends, and you've done so very well :)

Yay for Ganya!

And yay for Xander's coma.