:-)
06/03/2010 06:41 am
09/07/2008 02:47 pm
Interesting set up.
whiff of her sent. - s/b scent
This would be better if you "showed" Buffy and Spike being bored instead of just telling that they are. Also, Spike talks to himself a lot - you could change some of his thinking to talking. If you had somebody - Willow or Xander with Buffy, she could talk to them about being bored. Dialog is usually more interesting.
whiff of her sent. - s/b scent
This would be better if you "showed" Buffy and Spike being bored instead of just telling that they are. Also, Spike talks to himself a lot - you could change some of his thinking to talking. If you had somebody - Willow or Xander with Buffy, she could talk to them about being bored. Dialog is usually more interesting.
Thanks for the advice! Keep reading, there's Spike/Buffy dialogue about the boredom and antsyness in the two next chapters.
05/28/2008 01:46 pm
Ah the summer doldrums - surely they can come up with some suitable pastime!
05/28/2008 02:54 am
Great start to the story. You've got their voices down. : )
05/25/2008 09:50 pm
You definitely got the lingo straight! Great start.
05/25/2008 02:50 am
good beginning, thank you.
duke6665
05/20/2008 09:59 pm
great start.can't wait for more.
Thanks for my first review on BSV! More to come shortly.