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Real Me by CG again
 
Chapter 21
 
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I had learned a lot from my first night out, and it carried me through for almost a week. I learned to be discerning about whom to kill, about self-control (though I still wasn’t very good about that), about hiding my tracks. Angelus was there with me the whole time, teaching me, rebuking me, making love to me…

Love. I had been so obsessed with it when I was human, finding it and winning it and keeping it. Love had been a sacred word to me, one I only associated with my closest friends and family and…the vampire Angelus wanted me to forget. Now, though, I was a vampire, a sensual being who had no use for that kind of love that I had once desired. The only person I could love now was my Sire, and that wasn’t love in a conventional way, anyway. That was lust and pain and family.

He lay asleep underneath me, his fingers wrapped in my hair. I wondered if he was trying to keep me imprisoned with him. The concept hurt me. I was his; I wasn’t going anywhere.

I asked him as much when he woke up, an hour or so after sunset.

He laughed. “Buff, you’re not going to run away. You’re my Childe.”

I pouted. “Then how come you always come with me hunting? How come I haven’t been alone since I woke up?”

My Sire shrugged. “Go ahead, go out, have a good time. I’ve got some things to do, Slayers to harass- well, just one, now...” We laughed together. “Just stay away from Dawnie, and don’t get yourself staked, okay? I still have plans for you.”

I nodded eagerly, ready to try a test run on my own.

Angelus watched me leave, a thoughtful look on his face.

The Bronze was dead tonight, literally. There were probably more vampires hunting there than actual teenagers. So I headed for the college campus, where I knew from personal experience that there were always parties.

As I left the party, sated and a little sleepy, I saw a flash of red hair in the distance that made me smile.

Willow! I quickened my pace.

From the Xander debacle, I knew that there wouldn’t be much of a thrill to biting her. But still… The image of Willow, Angelus and me, travelling the world together, flashed through my head. Willow would make a great vampire. She’d be super-powerful, what with the whole magic thing, and now that my inhibitions were so low, I wasn’t averse to trying out another girl…And I’d missed having a girlfriend around these past few days.

“Will!”

She turned, frowning. “Yes?”

“Will, it’s me!” I grinned, pulling her hand so that she could face me.

“Bu-Buffy?” she asked disbelievingly. “But you’re…” Her eyes widened and she ran.

I caught up to her in seconds. “Hey, wait up! Why are you so afraid of me?” I grabbed her tighter, backing her up against the nearest wall.

“You’re a vampire!” she whimpered. “Oh, god, Buffy! First Miss Calendar, then Xander, and now-“ She stopped short. I could practically see the gears turning in her mind. “Oh, no. You killed…”

“It was a mistake,” I said apologetically. “Well, kind of. But I’m not going to kill you!” I said cheerfully. “I’ll turn you! We’re going to be best friends forever.”

“Oh, no,” she moaned again. “Please…”

I furrowed my brow in confusion. “Look, I know the idea of dying is scary, but it’s totally worth it. When you wake up, you’re going to be stronger and faster and more alive than you’ve ever been before! And yeah, blood- gross, but it’s actually really good once you’re a vampire. Especially Sire’s blood. And I’ll take care of you!”

Willow was turning gray. “I-I don’t…” She started muttering words under her breath, and I clapped my hand to her mouth.

“Oh, that’s not nice, doing a spell on me,” I scowled. “I thought that we were friends.”

I’d have to move quickly, or she’d work some mojo on me. I vamped out and bent to her throat, letting the hand covering her mouth go.

Willow screamed.

And a blur of black and blond slammed into me, shoving me far away from Willow.

I bared my fangs and jumped at the new threat, but he was too fast for even me. I was on the ground in seconds, a stake descending toward my chest…

And then the enemy finally looked down at me and froze. “Buffy?”

My face lit up. “Spike!”

He looked even worse than Xander. I’d never seen him this pale, nearly translucent from lack of blood. He stank of alcohol and tears, some of which were shining in his red-rimmed eyes as he stared at me. “Buffy?” he repeated, sounding more vulnerable than he ever had before.

“Angelus must have sired her,” Willow said timidly.

Spike didn’t even look at her. “Willow, go back to your dorm. Tell…tell Tara about this. Don’t tell the Slayer or any of her hangers-on.”

I could hear her receding footsteps, but I didn’t turn to watch her go. I was fixated on the man crouching above me.

He finally stood, his eyes never leaving me. “Come on.” He grabbed my hand and helped me up. “We’re going back to my place.”

I walked beside him, nervous at the silence but warmed by his hand in mine. Angelus was not going to be happy about this.

And a little, rebellious voice inside of me was telling me that as long as I had Spike, my Sire didn’t matter.

We reached the crypt, and I followed Spike down to the basement. I hadn’t spent much time there, but I did remember one night spent entwined on Spike’s bed. I inhaled and caught the faintest whiff of the two of us.

He hadn’t changed the sheets.

I slunk over to him, licking my lips. “Spike,” I breathed, wrapping my arms around his midsection from behind. “I missed you.”

He reacted violently, shoving me away with a grimace. “You stink of Angelus,” he growled with disgust.

I reeled. I’d never felt Spike’s disgust before. It wasn’t a nice feeling. “He’s my Sire,” I said plaintively.

Spike looked away. “That’s how it always is.”

I fought my lust to understand that comment. And when I did, I was angry. “I’m not Dru.”

“No. You’re worse.” Spike sat on the bed. “I never really had Dru, and I knew it. I knew Angelus came first. But you…”

I moved to sit next to him, but he turned away. “I really don’t want to be smelling that.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered mournfully. Struck by an idea, I moved toward the back, where I remembered a water pipe. I scrubbed until my skin was red and raw and I could barely smell Angelus at all.

“Spike?” I called, heading back toward the main area of the basement in the fully nude. “Do you have something for me to wear?”

His eyes raked up and down my naked body, and I felt a frisson of lust pass through me. But instead of jumping me, like I’d hoped, he pulled off his shirt and tossed it to me. “Here.”

I sighed at the scent. “Mmm…” He smiled faintly at that. Encouraged, I climbed onto the bed beside him again, and this time, he let me sit with him.

I laid my head on his shoulder. “I’m not going to leave you,” I reminded him, feeling him tense.

“And if Angelus calls?”

“I don’t know,” I said honestly. “He’s my Sire. We have…a bond. You remember.” I thought of Dru, and Spike staking her for me.

He sighed heavily and turned to meet my eyes. “Yeah.”

I gazed into his eyes and realized that I’d been wrong all along. I’d thought that I couldn’t love, since I’d been unable to love the only person I’d felt close to since I’d been turned. But I still loved Willow enough to want to spend forever with her. And now I knew that I still loved Spike.

“Your Sire has a certain hold over you. You can’t resist him. Like Dru and Angelus. Or me and Dru,” Spike agreed blankly.

“But you broke yours,” I protested. “You staked Dru.”

“Because you were in danger,” he countered. “And I love you more than Dru.”

“Well, I love you more than Angelus, so that should be fine, right?” I retorted.

He gaped at me. “Y-You what?”

“I love you, you dope.” I poked him. “I’ve loved you for ages. Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed.”

In response, he grabbed me by the arms and pulled me onto his lap, kissing me hotly with joy and ferocity. I matched his passion with my own, knocking him onto his back on the bed and wrapping limbs around him.

His eyes gleamed. “You’re strong!”

I laughed, pulling his head down to my neck. “I had a Slayer this week.”

He frowned worriedly. “Not your sister!”

I shook my head. “Kennedy.”

He laughed and kissed me. “My little Slayer of Slayers.”

“Well, I had help,” I pointed out.

His eyes darkened and he pulled away. “Angelus.”

“You’re better than he is,” I noted. “He won’t even let me say your name.”

His eyes glinted with mischief. “Think he’s jealous of me?”

“Definitely.” I nipped at his pulse point and he gasped.

“God, Buffy…”

“Two of my many names,” I quipped.

“Missed you so much…thought you were dead…thought I’d lost you…” He yanked off the shirt I’d been wearing. “Oh, Buffy…”

I kissed his bare chest, frowning at how pale it was. “When’s the last time you fed?”

He gave me a pained look. “Buffy, is now really the time?”

I wagged my finger at him. “You are not wasting away on my watch!” I scratched a thin line across the skin above my breast. “Go ahead. I’ve been doing nothing but feed for the past week. I feel like I’m going to bloat from all this blood…”

He suckled at the cut in long, slow pulls that affected my libido more than my strength. I climaxed in moments and collapsed on top of him. “Wow. That was…”

He chuckled. “Outstanding? Incredible? Spike, you are a bloody sex god?”

I mock-glared. “Maybe I should leave and give you some time alone with yourself,” I suggested.

“Nah. I’d probably just think of you, anyway.”

I kissed him again. “We need to get you more blood.” He wasn’t quite as translucent anymore, but still dangerously pale. “I can’t have you fade away next time I leave.”

It was the wrong thing to say. He switched to game face and flipped me over onto my back. “You’re not going anywhere!” he growled. “If you want to hunt, you hunt with me! Not Angelus or anyone else!”

I pushed him off me. “Spike, relax.”

“No.” He sat up. “We need to set some ground rules.” He raised a finger. “First. We hunt together. Second.” He raised a second finger in the British style. I raised an eyebrow and he smirked. “No hunting your friends. I’m rather fond of the witches, and even that Janice bird. She’s got spunk.”

I pouted. “But I want to turn Willow. She’s my best friend.” An idea occurred to me. “Hey! I could turn Tara, too! Then they could be together, also!”

Spike shook his head. “Buffy, not everyone turns into the same person.” He stroked my hair. “I never told you that I turned my mother.”

I wrinkled my forehead. “Freud would have a field day with you and your families, you know that?”

He kissed the tip of my nose. “Tell me about it, Auntie Buffy.”

I screwed up the aforementioned nose. “Eww…”

“Anyway, my mother turned was…not my mother.” He looked down. “I had to stake her.”

“No!” I wrapped my arms around him comfortingly. “What happened?”

He shrugged, looking away. “Doesn’t matter. Point is, Red and her bird are two of the best people I know. And if you take away that goodness, they’ll be completely different people.”

I frowned. “I don’t want Willow to die,” I whispered.

Spike pressed his lips to the top of my head. “Shh, kitten. S’ our curse and blessing, and why so few vampires make human ties. You have to say goodbye eventually.”

I tightened my grip on him. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Spike murmured. “I was going to kill myself, you know. After you’d been avenged…”

“No!” I kissed him desperately. “Don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t.” He pulled me back down onto the bed. “We go together, from now on. Feel how strong we are together?”

We made love until just before dawn, and I felt the tugging of my Sire’s call, wondering where I was and what I was doing.

Spike understood what was happening. “Fight it,” he murmured, pressing his forehead to mine. “Feel me, not him.”

With time, I was able to ignore the sensation of Angelus’s call and immerse myself completely in Spike. But I knew it wouldn’t last. And, as reprehensible as the idea was to me, I knew that I had only one option if I wanted to spend forever with the man I loved.

I would have to kill my Sire.
 
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