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West of the Moon, East of the Sun by KnifeEdge
 
Chapter 50: I Would Walk Through Fire
 
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Author’s Note: This chapter covers the same time period as Chapters 31 & 32.

Bet you thought we’d never get here, huh? This is the end of Part II. Yes, it’s short. I’m sorry. That’s why I’m posting Chapter 51 today, too.

Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all recognizable characters, locations, and dialogue belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and the various writers. Show writers and any other quoted authors have been credited in individual chapters. I'm making no money from this—it is purely in the name of fun.

Betaed by Phuriedae* and Science
*because Spike is English, I’ve made a rather anal retentive attempt to spell things “properly.” My beta (who IS British), has asked that I include the following disclaimer: “Any Britpicking mistakes are my beta's, because she reads too much fic written by you bloody Americans and is used to your bizarre ways by now."







Chapter 50

I Would Walk Through Fire


15 March 2001 (after midnight)

God, I'm a pillock.

Don't know what I was thinking... no. Sod that. I know what I was thinking. I was thinking that that kiss... meant something. Meant...something had changed, yeah? That maybe she was seeing me, not as an enemy, or a monster... that, maybe she was starting to see me as a man.

Was glad to see her out patrolling again, even if it was half-hearted at best. When she sat there, chatting up that stupid fledge who was too thick to pull himself out of his grave or even figure out what the bloody fuck he was... got a little worried that maybe losing her mum had done more damage than I'd thought. Wouldn't be surprised if the thought of killing anything made her come over queasy.

But she dusted him, easy as you please. Just had to rile her up a bit first.

'Course, that's probably what did it. Was trying to distract her from asking too many questions about that Jack wanker, knowing I couldn't answer even half of them, then I distracted myself. God, she's gorgeous. And the way she was looking at me... couldn't resist touching her.

Served me right, getting burned.

Hate that she pulls away from me, hate the way her eyes fill up with distrust and suspicion, and her hands fist. What the hell do I have to do to convince her I mean her no harm? The opposite, in fact. Would do anything in my power to keep her from getting hurt. She's been through enough.

Never gonna hurt the girl. No matter what. Never want to hurt her.

***


15 March 2001 (6 am)

So fucking close. For one minute there I thought I was going to get to touch the bloody sun. Don't know what brought her rushing over to my crypt this morning, but it was...

When she came to bed last night, she curled up in my arms easy as you please. Like a kitten, wanting to be pet. It’s funny—few months back if she’d come to me like that at night I’d probably have taken it as a chance to shag her senseless. Now... well, can’t say as it’s totally innocent, especially when her warm little fingers start stroking my chest and I feel myself getting hard, but... I love just holding her close, feeling her all warm around me.

Makes... I want to...

God, I’m such a bloody ponce. Make love to the Slayer? Yeah... she’d never.

Still, had a fucking delicious dream last night, after I finally nodded off. Can't remember how it started but... we were somewhere else, away from all this, fire burning off in the corner. Her hot little body under mine, writhing and panting, arching up under me, her thighs spread wide and ready... almost vamped just at the thought of all those hard Slayer muscles wrapped tight around my dick, the scent of her surrounding me, the taste of her on my tongue.

Fuck.

Woke up with an erection that wouldn't fucking die so I hopped in the shower, hoping to cool off. Had just managed to take the edge off when I heard the crypt door squeak over head. Then footsteps over the floor and the slab being moved, quiet as only a little super strong mouse can be. Knew it was her the moment she started down the stairs. Could smell her.

It was only the scent of her fear that kept me silent. Been a long time since the Slayer feared me.

Not sure I liked it.

Crept round behind her as she came in, but she was focused on the bed. Then, abruptly, the fear scent was gone and all I could smell was Buffy, which just about short-circuited every single rational thought in my bloody brain. Only explanation why I spun her around when I didn't have a stitch on. I've got nothing to be ashamed of, but the fucking White Witch has made me a bit leery of having conversations with super powered females when all my kit's on full display and within easy reach.

'Course, it helps to know that the Slayer freezes up when faced with a naked vamp. Or maybe it's just me. Loved how wide her eyes went, the pupils edging out the green. Scent of her arousal wafting up to my old nose like the most luscious bouquet.

Kitten liked what she saw, I'd wager.

Liked it a lot.

Had to tweak her nose a bit, then. It was either that or tackle her to the bed and shag her senseless. I'm not stupid, though. Buffy liked looking at me, no doubt in my mind about that, but having the full monty? Slayer would stake me for sure.

Or, at least, I thought she would.

Couldn't suss out what she was after, not till I caught her as she was fleeing for the door. Thought my bloody heart would start again, when she came right out with it and asked if I were Mr. G.

Bloody hell. She knows.

Or guesses.

Not sure what I did to give it away, even less sure if it's a good thing or not.

If she thinks it's me, she might just try to find out for sure, and I can't tell her. I want to. God I want to, but... this fucking curse, locks my jaw right up if I even think of saying anything definitive. It lets me dance around it, if I'm careful, but... I can't just tell her. Hell, I had her backed up into one of those sodding stupid signs I made a few months back and she never even noticed. So if she's looking for proof... I just have to hope she doesn't start looking for a way to turn on the lights.

On the other hand... her knowing might be a good thing. If she can suss it out, then maybe she can break the spell or the challenge somehow. Something to get me free, yeah?

If she doesn't kill me on general principle. Wouldn't blame her. If I found out I'd spent the last ten months confiding in my worst enemy... yeah, I'd probably be out for blood, too.

But the way she is, at night, how she wraps herself in my arms? And today... the way she looked at me when I had her up against the wall. There's something there. I can't be imagining it. There's something...

She punched me in the nose, yeah? Hasn’t done that in a long time. Maybe that’s a good sign?

Is it wrong for something as wretched as I am to hope?

Sod it. Don't care. Too late to worry about it anyway. I'm thoroughly buggered no matter which way you spin it.

Bloody hell... I want her to want me. Doesn't have to love me. I know that's not likely... not with the great poof still out there, pining for the fjords and all. And her Watcher and her friends always looking over her shoulder and sneering at me like I’m something filthy to be trod down.

Just... god, just let her want me. Let her... trust me, yeah? I don't want to be her enemy. Not anymore.

God, I love her so much. Watching her laugh, watching her smile. Seeing how flustered she gets looking at me. I could sit and breathe in her scent every day, always. Having her like that, almost in my arms while she's awake and staring at me... like a bloody dream come true.

I'm a selfish bloke, I know it. Let me get through these last few weeks. Let me beat this sodding challenge... I'll do whatever is in my power to convince Buffy to give me half a chance. I'd walk to hell and back for her. I'd never let her down. Never leave her. She'd have to dust me first.

END PART II



 
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