Disclaimer: The characters belong to Joss Whedon.
 
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Spike awoke the next morning to find that, as predicted, his ribs were mostly healed. He was still sore, bruised, and not exactly ready to run a marathon, but he could move without wincing. He got up carefully, so as to not wake Buffy, and went out to find water and another toad to cook. Buffy awoke to the not altogether pleasant smell of roasting toad and wrinkled her nose. “What in the name of all that is holy is that?” she inquired.
 
“It’s about all there is for a human to eat around here,” Spike answered. “It tastes like chicken, but it isn’t particularly attractive to look at, I’ll grant you. However, you’ve been eating it for a week now, so I guess it won’t kill you.”
 
Buffy sat up and brushed her hair out of her eyes. “What is on the agenda for today? Well, besides toad a la mode. ”
 
“Well,” Spike began, as he started peeling the skin off the toad, “After we eat, I want to go do some more hunting for the amulet. Sooner we find that thing, the better. Other than that, I don’t have any grand plans.”
 
“What does this amulet do?” Buffy took the proffered meat, sniffed it experimentally, then tasted it carefully. He’s right, it does taste like chicken. She shrugged and dug in. She was so hungry she probably would have eaten it if it tasted like shoes.
 
“It opens an interdimensional portal back to our world,” Spike explained. “Willow cooked up the spell. She sent me here, but they didn’t want to leave an open portal hanging there for the nasties to go through. The theory was I find you, say the spell, and pop right back.”
 
“What happened?” Buffy asked with her mouth full.
 
“It all went ok at first, I guess. Landed in an area with some rocks to hide behind. Oh yeah, I should mention that the sun here doesn’t seem to fry me. Which is good, since I landed in broad daylight.”
 
Buffy nearly choked. “The hell? Your rescue could have been over before it began!”
 
Spike nodded saying, “Yeah, don’t remind me. Anyhow, I snuck in, and found you, but you were completely out of it. Before I could say the spell, one of those demons came in. I killed it, but I figured we shouldn’t hang around there. I got you out of the fortress, but then the game was up and I had to run for it. I guess the amulet got caught on a branch or something in the woods.”
 
In a quiet, slightly hurt voice, Buffy asked, “Why did it take you so long to come for me?”
 
“It only took eight days our time, love,” he answered softly. “We didn’t know that time was running so much faster for you.”
 
“Only eight days??” Buffy sputtered. “What I went through… all that… only eight days of our time?” She shook her head again and again, not quite able to grasp what had happened. “Spike, it was…“ She couldn’t seem to find the words. She shuddered and curled up again, shivering.
 
“It’s okay, pet,” said Spike gently. “If you don’t want to talk about it… “ Spike touched her shoulder gently, hoping to keep her grounded, keep her here with him. He was so afraid she would disappear inside her head again.
 
“I need to,” Buffy interrupted. Her eyes filled with tears again, but she somehow found her voice. “I don’t… I don’t think I could ever tell the others. But I need to tell someone. I can’t… can’t bear this alone. I need someone to understand.” She looked him in the eyes then, quietly begging for that understanding.
 
Spike moved around behind her and gathered her into his arms, so her head could rest on his chest. He rested his cheek against her hair and quietly stroked her back. “I’m here, Buffy. I’m listening, and I’m not going anywhere. I’m listening.”
 
Buffy leaned gratefully against his chest, closed her eyes, and began, “When I got here, they threw me in a cell. I fought them tooth and nail every time they came near me. Eventually, one of them clubbed me good. I came to and found they had taken my clothes and chained me up to the wall in some temple or something. They left me there for a couple of days. They gave me water, but nothing else.” She paused in her tale, and frowned. “There were, obviously, no bathroom breaks.” She grimaced at the remembered humiliation.
 
“Shh, it’s alright, love,” Spike soothed. He was doing his best to remain neutral and supportive, but the details of her imprisonment made him want to cry or destroy something. If she hadn’t been depending on him, he would have gone straight in the main door of the fortress and ripped apart every demon he could find with his bare hands until they were dead or he was. As it was, he fought back his demon and waited.
 
She swallowed and continued, “After a few days of chanting and torches and I don’t know what else their king or ruler or whatever arrived. He… umm…“ She couldn’t bring herself to say it.
 
“Mated with you,” he said, quietly. She nodded, covered her face with her hands and buried herself in Spike’s chest for a few minutes. Spike held her, murmuring soothingly as he kept stroking her back.
 
Still half sobbing, Buffy took up her story again, “It took me a day or two to recover from that. It hurt so much – I can’t even describe it. I must have passed out in the middle, because when I woke up again I was back in the cell. I was still trying to fight at that point. I went after every guard who got too close. A couple weeks in, I almost escaped entirely.” She stopped again, shuddering.
 
“What happened?” Spike asked quietly. He was not entirely sure he wanted to know, but he recognized her need to get it out of her system.
 
“They took what looked like a sledgehammer to my leg,” Buffy said finally. “It… it was horrible. The pain was pretty indescribable. I tried to set it straight somehow.” She stretched out her leg and looked at the crooked, twisted shape of her left shin. Spike’s heart sank at the sight.
 
“It never really healed right,” Buffy continued. “Made further escape attempts pretty difficult – I can still hardly use it. They stepped up their efforts to put me in my place after that. They pretty much beat me every time they opened the door for a while. Another couple weeks and I realized I was pregnant. I tried to make myself miscarry, somehow. But they just chained me up and whipped me. Turns out you can whip the legs and arms of a pregnant person all you want, no problem,” she added bitterly. “I stopped eating after that.”
 
“Why was that, pet?” Spike inquired.
 
“I thought maybe if I starved myself that the… thing inside me would die,” Buffy answered. “After a few days of not eating, they gave me the choice of eating or losing something. I didn’t think I had anything to lose. That was when they cut off my finger,” she finished in a near whisper.
 
Tears welled up in Spike’s eyes at the thought. “Oh God, Slayer,” he murmured. He held her tighter and closed his eyes.
 
Tears started running anew down Buffy’s cheeks. “After that, I just checked out. The pain was so bad, and the fear. I just decided it was easier to not be there, you know? I just existed. I ate whatever they gave me, and just waited for whatever was to come. After a while, I just lost it, I guess. I don’t remember huge blocks of time. I’m not sure how long I drifted until you came. I thought you were another dream or hallucination or something.”
 
Spike was speechless for once. He didn’t know how to respond to all this at all. She wept, soaking his t-shirt, and he just held her, silently reassuring her with his presence. On her part, Buffy was once more grateful for this creature who would just listen. Not judge, not tell her what she should or shouldn’t do, but just hear what she said, and really understand it. She realized at that moment that she truly considered him a friend. Not a reformed enemy or occasional muscle but someone she could trust. She wasn’t sure where to go with this realization, but for the moment, it comforted her.
 
After a time, Buffy grew uncomfortable in her position and sat up. Spike wiped the tears off her cheek with his thumb. “I’m gonna go find some more wood, ok?” Spike said. They did need more wood, but he also just needed a bit of time to process all she had said. Buffy nodded, and leaned back against the wall. She felt exhausted all of a sudden.
 
Spike scanned the area carefully before leaving the cave and setting off into the now familiar woods. For what had to be the fifteenth time that day he craved a cigarette, but his pockets were still empty. The nicotine always calmed him down, and right now he was just inches away from losing it. Christ, what they did to her. His heart ached for the girl. He was beyond worried. He had to find that goddamn amulet. In the process of holding her he had felt the muscles tensing and a few early contractions rippling through her. She was probably only days away from giving birth to whatever was inside her. This birth could kill her, he realized with sickening certainty. He still vividly remembered the days when women had routinely died in childbirth. It had happened to a cousin of his – she had died bringing her third child into the world after an agonizing 2 days of labor. His cousin had been well fed and reasonably healthy, and had still died because the child was just too big. Buffy was such a little slip of a thing. The thing inside her had to be huge. How could she survive this? She might be the Slayer, but she had been starved and ill-used for months. If she hemorrhaged or needed a caesarian there was nothing at all he could do, except watch her die.
 
He cursed under his breath, collected a few more branches, and returned to the cave. Buffy had her eyes closed, but opened them and gave him a small smile when he came near. He built the fire up a bit, then said, ”I’m going amulet hunting. Will you be alright here?”
 
“I’ll be fine,” she said. “Go find that thing so I can get home and take a bath. I must look like a demon myself at this point.”
 
“Far from it, love,” Spike said warmly. Then he left to return to the search.
 
Buffy leaned against the wall and rubbed her stomach. The muscles kept tensing painfully from time to time. She forgot the name for those, but remembered some Lifetime channel show about pregnancy she had watched once. Some preliminary contractions that were a prelude to the main event. Buffy was much more worried than she let on. What is this thing in me? How am I going to get it out? How bad is this going to hurt? These questions and more kept running through her head in an endless loop.
 
She really wished Spike was back from his search. Part of her was still reluctant to rely on him.Relationships with vampires, not of the good, remember? But the larger part of her was grateful it was him who had come for her. Angel would have pitied her, treated her like a child. Xander would sputter and fuss, and in the end do nothing in particular to help. Willow would probably try to fix it with magic, again, and end up turning her into a toad or something. But Spike was truly there. He let her be upset without denying her ability to cope. He didn’t try to undermine or deny her strength, he reinforced it. He seemed to instinctively know what she best needed at the given moment, and tried his best to give it to her. Buffy thoughtfully ran her hand over her bulge again. If I survive this experience, I’m going to really need to figure out how I feel about him. Sighing, she closed her eyes and rested once more.
 
**********
 
Spike was gone for hours. By the time he finally returned, Buffy was near frantic with worry. “Where the hell have you been?” she asked in a tone both furious and relieved.
 
“Sorry to worry you,” Spike apologized. He bent to the task of roasting yet another toad for her to eat while he spoke. “I searched nearly all the way back to the fortress. Had to hide for a while from a patrol of demons near the edge of the woods.” It drove him out of his mind to have to stay hidden and not get into fights with the demons. He wanted to go out, fists and fangs flying, and tear these bastards limb from limb. But with Buffy depending on him, and with no source of blood, he was forced into an unaccustomed prudence.
 
“So no luck on the amulet thing?” Buffy sighed.
 
“No,” Spike sighed back. “I searched just about every inch of ground between here and there. I can’t find the bloody thing. Like looking for a needle in a haystack.”
 
“So what do we do?” Buffy fought to keep the panic out of her voice, but Spike could sense it in her heartbeat. He moved over next to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulder again. Buffy found to her surprise that she was really beginning to like the comfort his arms gave her. Item number 25 on my list of things to ponder later.
 
“Not sure, pet,” Spike responded truthfully. “Right now I’m hoping that Willow will think something is wrong and find a way to open a portal where we are, or where you are at least.”
 
“What do you mean?” Buffy was puzzled.
 
Spike looked her in the eyes. “I mean that if I am outside, and you see a big shimmering doorway, you need to go through it immediately, do you hear? Don’t wait for me or hesitate for an instant. Just get the hell out of here.”
 
“And leave you here?” Buffy asked, astonished. “I couldn’t leave you in this place!”
 
“You can and you will if you need to, you stubborn bint,” Spike barked, making her jump a bit at the harshness of his voice. “Dawn and the others need you. I’m expendable.”
 
“Not to me you’re not!” Buffy snapped back. Spike’s eyes widened – what was the girl on about? Buffy went on, “Since my friends pulled me out of heaven you are the only person I feel I can actually talk to. I would still be catatonic, or dead if you hadn’t come for me. You took care of Dawn all summer – I know you did. I don’t know why you do all this for me, but I can’t… “ She faltered. She just didn’t know what she was feeling or how to voice it. “I don’t know what we are Spike. Friends? Battle buddies? But I do know that the idea of going back without you is just not something I want to think about, ok?”
 
Spike was stunned. In her roundabout rambling way, Buffy had just admitted that he meant something to her. Don’t fuck this up, Spike, he thought to himself. He ran his hand through her tangled hair tenderly. “Buffy,” he began, “You’re the best thing I’ve ever encountered in 120 years on this planet. I’ll never leave you if I have any choice in the matter. But I won’t have you putting yourself at risk for me. Besides, I know that you would find a way to bring me back. Nothing stops you from doing what you want. You just have to keep yourself alive, alright?”
 
Buffy bit her lip while she mulled over his words. Finally she said, “Ok, I guess I will put on my own oxygen mask before assisting others. But don’t you ever call yourself expendable again, do you hear me?” She fixed him with the Resolve Face to end all Resolve Faces.
 
“Yes ma’am,” Spike replied meekly. She smiled a little at that. The smile turned into a grimace as her body tensed again.
 
“You ok, Slayer?” he asked, noticing her discomfort.
 
“Yeah, just keep getting all these muscle cramps and stuff,” Buffy admitted. “I’m more than a little nervous about the whole labor and birth thing.” Especially given that I am not sure what is exactly growing in there.
 
“’S not something I have a lot of experience in either,” Spike replied. “Guess we’ll just have to figure it out when the time comes if we’re still here.”
 
“Not much else we can do,” sighed Buffy. Spike leaned over to test the doneness of the roasting meat. He busied himself with skinning it for a while, then handed the edible bits over to the Slayer. “If I EVER complain about something someone serves me back home, you have my permission to kick my ass all over Sunnydale,” Buffy added as she eyed what constituted dinner.
 
“I might take you up on that,” Spike replied. “Although I wouldn’t turn down a pizza myself at the moment. Or a pizza delivery man, truth be told.”
 
Buffy looked at him searchingly. “How are you doing, hunger wise? You’ve been going without for quite a while.”
 
“I’m surviving,” said Spike, shrugging slightly. “The broken bones have healed at least. Still wouldn’t want to take on a horde of those demon guys right now.”
 
Buffy finished her dinner in silence, while Spike cleaned up the bones and wiped off his pocketknife. When he sat back down next to her, Buffy hesitated for a moment, then offered Spike her wrist. “Spike, if you’re hungry, drink.”
 
Spike backed away a bit. “Buffy, no, I can’t,” he pleaded. “I don’t want to hurt you. I feel bad about having done it before but I was so desperate… “
 
“Don’t be an ass,” Buffy interrupted. “I need you strong. I know you won’t take a lot – you said yourself it was pretty potent. But I need you to be at full capacity, or as close as possible. Please.” She held her arm out again.
 
Spike was astounded. The Slayer, his Slayer, was freely offering her blood. Spike took her wrist and rubbed it gently, sending an electric current running up her arm to her very core. How can he make a simple touch feel so good? she wondered. He vamped out and delicately sank his fangs into her wrist.
 
She had expected pain, but other than a small prick, it didn’t hurt at all. She shuddered involuntarily at the heat that flushed through her body at his touch. If being bitten by a vampire always felt that good people would be throwing themselves in front of vamps left and right, she decided. She also marveled at how readily he accepted her gift. Angel had to be nearly beaten senseless before he would take a drink to save his life, and then he nearly drained her. Spike agreed with her reasoning, and kept in complete control the whole time. She was intrigued by this creature.
 
He took three pulls as before, then tenderly licked the wounds shut. “Thank you, love,” Spike whispered. He kissed the back of her hand in a gentlemanly fashion, tenderly pressing his lips to her mangled finger. “Quite a treat, you are.”
 
“As long as you don’t go on a major binge, just let me know when you need some,” said Buffy. She released his hand then and reached for the flask for a drink. Spike didn’t know what had just happened, but something seemed different between them. They were partners in this. Freely giving and accepting each other’s help, without suspecting ulterior motives and without any hidden plans. It felt like the first time they had really looked at each other with complete honesty. He regarded her for a few long moments as she drained the flask, then shook his head. Not the time and place to work this out.
 
“Feel like getting a bit of kip, Slayer?” he asked.
 
“Yeah,” yawned Buffy. “This… parasite seems to suck all my energy.” She lay down on her side, and Spike spooned up behind her.
 
“Is this alright, love?” he inquired. He was a bit afraid she would say no.
 
“Feels nice,” she mumbled. Within a minute or two she was asleep. Spike listened to her breathing and her heartbeat as he lay there. Don’t know if there is anyone out there who listens to the prayers of vampires, but please, let her live, he prayed silently. Don’t want to lose her again. Don’t think I could survive that again. Please let her live. He felt the movements of the demon within her, and it kept him awake with fear and worry for a very long time.
 
TBC