Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns all. I just borrow a bit.

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Chapter 10 – Closer
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Two more nights passed in the same vein. Buffy checked in at home and found that the latest locator spell showed no change in Drusilla’s whereabouts. Willow still sounded doubtful and apprehensive, but Tara assured Buffy that Willow was keeping the magic under control. Since there wasn’t anything Buffy could do about Willow from a distance, she decided to trust Tara to keep her reined in, and then put it out of her mind. Dawn missed both of them, and asked for daily updates on Spike’s condition.
 
Each night found Spike a little bit better, although still completely dependent on Buffy for getting in and out of hotels. Colorado, Nebraska, and Iowa rolled by. He was perfectly happy that he was not seeing some of these states in the daylight, because from what he could see there was not a damn thing going on. Endless flatness, far as the vampire eye could see.
 
Buffy on the other hand, was grateful for the straight roads with little traffic. By the fourth night of driving she could almost be said to be relaxing behind the wheel. She still tensed whenever a truck passed her, but at least she only tensed, rather than jumping in her seat. I may almost be getting the hang of this whole driving thing, she thought as she passed the sign that said ‘Welcome to Illinois’.
 
“How can they tell when another state begins?” Spike grumbled. “All looks the same. Makes me wonder why the bloody hell we fought you guys for this place.”
 
“I think it was because we had all the spicy buffalo wings,” Buffy quipped. Spike gave her a dirty look, then snickered. They had been chatting about all manner of things while they drove, although they had steered away from their relationship issues by silent mutual consent. Spike had kept her spellbound with tales of his exploits in Europe. Buffy had talked about her early days of slaying, her dreams of being a figure skater, the first boy she had ever kissed. Spike had watched her, intrigued, imagining her as a flat-chested, skinny little thing whirling on the ice. He realized he probably knew more about Buffy’s childhood after this trip than he did about Dru’s. Dru’s past had come out in bits and snatches, pieced together from her ravings and Angelus’ dark insinuations meant to keep her under his thumb. Other than her torture and her turning, Spike knew next to nothing about her childhood, except what she told her dolls or whispered to the fairies. He was pulled out of his thoughts by Buffy saying, “What I always wondered is why we don’t all talk like you.”
 
“Pardon?”
 
“I mean, we were British colonies, right? So when did we lose the British accents?” she wondered idly.
 
“Well if you had paid attention in your own history lessons,” Spike said. “You would have learned that there were Dutch, French, Spanish, all sorts of folks here. No wonder your accents got all warped.”
 
“We’re warped? Have you listened to yourself lately?” Buffy said. “I mean, half the time I can’t figure out what you’re saying.”
 
“How’s that?” Spike asked with a cocked eyebrow.
 
“Everything’s ‘bloody bollocks’ and all that. What the hell is a bollocks anyway?”
 
Spike laughed. “If you can’t figure it out, then I’m certainly not going to enlighten you.”
 
Buffy stuck her tongue out at him and drove on. After a couple more hours, they finally started to see signs of civilization. “We must be hitting the outskirts of Chicago,” she remarked.
 
“Haven’t been there since the ‘20’s,” Spike mused. “Wild time that was.”
 
Buffy’s curiosity was piqued. “Were you there when Al Capone and all those guys were running around?”
 
“Yeah. Total playground for vamps. There were so many bodies being dumped by the gangsters that no one noticed a few extras with holes in their necks,” Spike reminisced. “Used to have fun grabbing gang members, eating them, then dumping them where the other gang members would find them. They’d think some other gang did it, various gunfights would ensue. Good times.”
 
“Your definition of good times needs some serious work,” Buffy said.
 
Spike said nothing as he watched the city lights slowly get closer. He pulled out the map and studied it. “If you see a sign for Interstate 55, take that east,” he said.
 
“Okay. But I thought we were supposed to stay on Interstate 80,” Buffy questioned.
 
“Little detour,” Spike said. “Trust me.” Buffy shrugged and kept driving. The traffic got heavier as they approached the city, and Buffy got more and more nervous. “Relax, Slayer. Just follow my directions and take it easy.”
 
“Easy for you to say,” Buffy muttered. “I’m the one behind the wheel.” Spike continued feeding her directions, and she grimly made her way through underpasses and exit ramps. She barely noticed the scenery, so intent was she on the road and the other cars. Under Spike’s guidance she turned onto Lake Shore Drive, winding her way along the lakefront.
 
“Turn right here,” Spike said. Buffy noticed a sign that said ‘Planetarium’ and wondered what Spike could be getting at. “There. Park next to that wall,” he instructed, pointing at a parking spot next to low wall separating the parking lot from Lake Michigan.
 
Buffy parked and looked at him. “What are we doing here?”
 
“Help me out of the car,” Spike said. Puzzled, Buffy did so, supporting Spike until he could sit on the wall. “Now sit next to me and look,” he said quietly.
 
Buffy sat next to Spike and looked, then gasped at the sight. The moon was full and glowed white, glistening over the lake. Light from thousands of windows danced on the water. The skyline went on and on, and every building was different from the next. “Wow,” Buffy said, impressed. “I mean, it’s like LA without the smog.”
 
“So different than when I last saw it,” Spike said. “It was… smaller. But still had this view. Wanted to see if this view was still what I remembered.”
 
“And is it?” Buffy asked quietly, turning to look at the pale vampire beside her.
 
“It’s even more striking than I remember,” he said, still drinking in the skyline. “Dru and I drained some guy and left him on the beach not far from here. Danced on the beach in the moonlight. Thought I could never be happier in all my days.”
 
Buffy turned her gaze back to the shining city in front of her. “She really hurt you,” she observed.
 
“Yeah,” Spike agreed. “Had some good times though.”
 
Buffy bit her lip and turned to Spike once more. “I… you know we can’t let her go. After we cure you, I mean.”
 
“Figured that you’d probably feel that way,” Spike sighed. “Guess I can see your point.”
 
“You’re not…” Buffy began. He wouldn’t fight me to save her, would he?
 
“Won’t stop you,” Spike said quietly, turning to meet her eyes. “Don’t know if I can help you. Sire bond’s a pretty strong thing. Hard to fight that. But I won’t stop you.” They held each other’s gaze for a long time, then wordlessly Buffy stood up, took one last look at the city, and helped Spike back to the car.
 
********************
 
They spent the day in a hotel in South Bend, Indiana. Buffy called to check in, found that the latest locator spell had placed Drusilla still in the Boston area, and hung up the phone.
 
“Still bound for New England, then?” Spike inquired.
 
“Looks like it,” Buffy answered. “How much longer do you think it will take?”
 
“Probably another two nights,” Spike estimated. “It would probably be about eighteen or twenty hours straight through, but that would involve a little too much sunlight for my tastes.”
 
“Guess we should head out then,” Buffy said. She was tired. Although the days of sleep and the Slayer healing did help her recover from the daily bloodletting, she still felt weary from the long nights of driving. “Can’t figure out why driving is more exhausting than fighting vampires,” she said aloud.
 
“No idea, but I’ll grant you that it does wear you out. Last time I left Drusilla I ended up driving to LA from fucking South America. Never in my life wished more that I could take a bloody airplane.”
 
“Still say we should have shipped you in a box,” Buffy said, earning a two finger salute from Spike. “Alright, vampire. Up and at ‘em.” Buffy helped him to his feet. His legs could just about support his weight now, and although he leaned heavily on her it was much closer to him walking than her dragging him. “Glad all my blood seems to be going to good use,” Buffy commented as they reached the car.
 
“Don’t think I don’t appreciate it,” Spike said as he settled himself. “Would have been a pile of bones by now without it.”
 
“Well, don’t get too proud of yourself yet. You’re still not back to fighting weight yet,” Buffy observed. She closed his door, double checked the room for any stray belongings, and then got underway. After a stop for dinner at a little mom and pop diner, she got back onto the interstate to keep hauling east.
 
Looking out the window, Spike remarked, “I see we’re still in Flatsville.”
 
“It’s like they used up all the scenery on the west coast,” Buffy agreed.
 
“Should get more interesting as we get closer to the coast,” Spike said. “Haven’t been back to the east coast in quite a while. Was in New York in the ‘70’s, then wandered Europe some more with Dru. She must have been part gypsy or something. Never could get her to stay still.”
 
“What was it like when you were with Darla and Angelus?” Buffy asked, voicing a question that had been brewing for a couple of states.
 
Spike blew out a long breath. “Total baptism by fire into the world of vampires. Or baptism by blood I guess. They were both sadistic fucks. Darla had a near permanent case of PMS far as I could tell. She was a tough little whore when she was alive, and a tough little whore when she was dead. I liked a good brawl, but they liked a long drawn out death for their victims. Got old, quite frankly.”
 
Buffy thought back to what she had read about Angelus. “Did Angel, I mean Angelus, did he really kill his whole family?”
 
“Slaughtered the whole bloody village more like it,” said Spike. “Hated his father with a passion, on the grounds that his father thought he was a total wastrel, which he was. No real difference between Liam the human and Angelus. Angelus was just Liam with the brakes off.”
 
“Then what is Angel?” Buffy asked.
 
“Angel is Angelus with a shitload of guilt stapled on. He’s still a selfish bastard. Just kills people less and broods more,” Spike replied.
 
“He’s not… what you said,” Buffy said, although she wasn’t entirely sure why she was defending him.
 
“Then why did he ditch you?” Spike challenged. “Why did he leave you to carry on alone after your mum died? Where was he when Glory was gunning for you? He decreed that you were better without him without so much as a by your leave so that he could go off and seek his precious redemption. Never did ask what you wanted.”
 
Buffy was stunned. She tried to come up with a decent comeback, but she couldn’t think of a single argument to counter what Spike said. “We couldn’t be… together. I was mad at the time, but he was right. We can’t really be together.”
 
“Can’t say I want the fucking poof around, but still want to bash his humongous forehead in for leaving you in the lurch like that,” Spike said, shaking his head. “You deserve better, Slayer.”
 
She had no answer to that one either. Trying to redirect the conversation she said, “So Angelus ate his village. You never did say what happened to your mom. Did you…” She left the obvious unspoken.
 
Spike took a deep breath. He looked out the window and spoke in a low, quiet voice. “I loved my mum. Hated to see her suffer. When I became a vampire I wanted to save her. So I turned her.”
 
Buffy turned to stare at him open mouthed for a moment, then jerked back to attention as she started drifting into another lane and a truck behind her laid on his horn. “Shit!” she exclaimed as she got the car back where it belonged. After the adrenaline rush subsided somewhat her brain returned to their former topic. Tentatively she said, “Why did you..? It just seems like…”
 
“Like nothing you would want to do to someone you loved?” Spike finished bluntly.
 
“Yeah,” Buffy said. “What happened next?” she added, unable to contain her curiosity.
 
“She wasn’t… my mother, after that,” Spike said with difficulty. “She tore into me, said some terrible things. I ended up having to dust her. One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.” His voice trailed off at the end of the sentence as he fought with his emotions.
 
The pain in his voice touched Buffy deeply, and she found herself reaching over to squeeze his hand. “I’m sorry,” she said softly. “I didn’t think… I shouldn’t have asked you about her.”
 
“Never really told anyone,” Spike muttered, squeezing her hand in return. “Drusilla didn’t ask when I came back without her, and I hadn’t told Angelus or Darla where she lived. Didn’t want them to find her.”
 
“I don’t think I could have done what you did,” Buffy said. “If my mom somehow came back as a vampire, I don’t think I could…” Her heart seized at the idea of having her mom back, in any form, and having to watch her die again, turning to dust in front of her. “I couldn’t do it.”
 
“It all happened so fast,” Spike said over a lump in his throat. “After that, I just let Drusilla lead me. Didn’t want to think about it. Immersed myself in the crunch and the rush of a good fight, let Angelus teach me the finer arts of torture, and otherwise tried to turn into something else. Didn’t want to be William anymore.”
 
“You still are though,” Buffy pointed out. “That’s what makes you different. William’s still in there. Not that I understand why or how, but you’re… odd, as far as vampires go.”
 
“Thanks, I think,” Spike said with a frown.
 
Buffy blushed. “I didn’t mean… I meant that…” she stuttered.
 
“No worries, Shakespeare,” Spike said. “I know you and the English language don’t get on well. I get your meaning.” He paused, looking at the hand still clasping his. “Feels good to get that off my chest after all these years,” he murmured.
 
She squeezed his hand again. “Glad I could be here,” Buffy replied. She clasped his hand once more, then put her hands back on the wheel as she drove on.
 
******************
 
They found Indiana and Ohio to be similarly uninteresting to drive through, with endless stretches of farmland in between brief but annoying maneuvering through cities. They stopped outside of Erie, Pennsylvania for the night. Buffy found a decent place for dinner, but passed motel after motel with ‘No Vacancy’ signs. “What the hell is everyone doing in Erie?” Spike asked after a while.
 
“Some religious convention or something,” Buffy said. “The waitress mentioned it in the restaurant.”
 
“So no room in the inn for us demon folk then?” Spike mused.
 
“Look,” Buffy said, pointing. “There’s one with a vacancy sign.”
 
“Looks like the bloody Bates motel, but it will have to do,” Spike said. They pulled into a shabby one story motel. The clerk was clearly a member of the sleazy creep breed of hotel staff, and Buffy’s skin crawled as he looked her over.
 
“I need a room for the day,” Buffy said.
 
“Well my room’s available,” he leered.
 
“Look, we’ve been driving all night, and my boyfriend and I need some sleep. Are you going to give us a room or not?”
 
He frowned at the mention of the boyfriend, but when a glance outside confirmed the existence of a glowering male in the car, he rolled his eyes and got a key. “I’ve only got a couple of rooms left. You can have number 8 on the end.”
 
“I’d like a room with two beds, if you have one,” she said.
 
“What, you don’t want to share a bed with your boyfriend?” he emphasized sarcastically. “Anyhow, all I have left are rooms with one bed. Take it or leave it.”
 
Irritation, apprehension, and exhaustion fought for supremacy in Buffy’s head, but in the end exhaustion and concern about the approaching dawn won out. “Fine, I’ll take what you have,” she grumbled. She got the key, paid for the room, and returned to the car.
 
“Problems, love?” Spike asked, noticing her irritation.
 
“The guy was another creep, and they’ve only got single rooms left,” she sighed as she drove the car down to the end room.
 
“Oh,” Spike said awkwardly. How is this going to play out? he wondered.
 
Buffy parked the car with a jerk and got out. Wordlessly she came around to the other side and helped Spike out. With his arm over her shoulder they lurched their way inside. Spike stumbled over the threshold, nearly sending them both to the ground, but Buffy caught him and guided him to sit on the bed. With her exhaustion showing in every movement, she dragged herself back to the car, grabbed the essentials and tossed them on the room’s one chair, closing the door behind her.
 
“I can sleep on the floor, pet,” Spike began. “More comfortable than the sarcophagus.”
 
“No,” Buffy said distractedly. Without any further elaboration she kicked off her shoes, took what she needed, and went into the bathroom to change. Spike stared at the closed bathroom door, puzzled, but spent the time tugging off his shoes and coat while he waited to see what she would do. Buffy came out dressed in the sweats and tank top she usually slept in and climbed into the bed next to Spike. He stared at her, searching her face intently to figure out what was going on. Buffy sat there, looking back at him for a long moment before she said, “We both need to rest. We’ll rest better in a bed. I know I can trust you.”
 
Spike’s mind flashed back to a night in his crypt. He had dangled handcuffs in front of her and asked “Do you trust me?” Her answer at the time had been “Never”, although he later did get her to try it. But do have her say it out loud, without being asked set loose a flood of tenderness toward her. He reached over and tucked a stray lock of her blonde hair behind her ear as he said, “Can’t tell you how much that means, Buffy.”
 
His eyes overwhelmed her, sapphire blue and filled with devotion. You’re not going to hurt him like that again, she told herself. He deserves better. Smiling shyly, she moved her hair away from her neck. “Here,” she said. “My wrists are getting sore.”
 
The blue eyes widened. “Are you sure?”
 
“Like I said. I trust you,” she answered. She turned so they were facing and tentatively put her arms around him, resting her head on his shoulder. Spike cradled her close with hands that shook from both weakness and excess of emotion. He vamped, closed his eyes, and bit her as gently as he could. She closed her eyes as well and relaxed into the sensation as Spike drank, slowly savoring every drop. The erotic heat that spread through her when he fed was somehow intensified when he drank from her neck and she moaned out her pleasure softly into his shirt. As he continued to feed the sensations spiraled and built until she found herself shuddering in an unexpected orgasm. She gasped and vibrated against Spike as he sealed the wound slowly with his tongue and slipped back into his human face. He looked down into her face as her eyes flew open, startled and sated at the same time.
 
“You alright, love?” he asked quietly, bringing a still shaking hand up to stroke her face.
 
Buffy’s mouth was moving, but no words came out for a moment or two. Finally she gasped, “Oh God. That was...” She suddenly sat up, blushing and ashamed. “I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have…”
 
“Shh, Slayer,” Spike soothed, grasping her hand and tugging until she looked at him. “Nothing to be ashamed of.”
 
“But I don’t want to start this again,” she cried. “Using you. It was wrong, and you don’t deserve it and…”
 
“Buffy,” Spike broke in, his voice both firm and gentle. “You gave me your blood. You bared your neck to me and trusted me. How exactly is that using me?”
 
“But I…” Buffy was too embarrassed to finish the sentence.
 
“Just a side effect, love,” Spike said, his thumb stroking the back of her hand, willing her to listen. “I’m glad you got off on it. Don’t want to cause you pain.” He picked up her hand and kissed the back of it to emphasize his point.
 
Buffy searched his face again and found nothing that belied his words. “The last few days have been… I don’t remember the last time I felt so close to anyone. I don’t want to mess it up.”
 
“You won’t,” Spike assured her. “Neither will I. Now let’s get some rest, yeah?” Buffy met his eyes once more, then nodded. She got under the covers and after a moment’s hesitation, rested her head on Spike’s t-shirt covered chest. Spike coiled his arms around her protectively as they drifted off together.
 
TBC