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A/N: Computer is sorted! Well, not really but Word is working! So here's the next chapter. Still unbeta'd cos I'm an unbeta'd ho these days.



The walk home seemed shorter than usual and she had turned into Revello Drive before she even realised it. Her mind was occupied on other things. Namely on Spike. On whether she was right to give him this chance. She could be endangering people’s lives. The chances of Spike actually letting his victims live was extremely small. And, even so, he’d killed a lot of people. He more than deserved to meet the pointy end of a stake. He wouldn’t reform, he didn’t want to. She began to feel ill, knowing that she’d probably let Spike go again and that someone else would pay for her misjudgement.

It wasn’t only Spike that was playing on her mind. There was also Jeremiah. She didn’t even know him and she’d let him go too. If she wasn’t careful she’d get the reputation of being a vampire sympathiser. As well as being vamp-whore. Buffy cringed. The whole demon underworld knew about her relationship with Angel and now her tryst with Spike. Were they all going to try chatting her up now instead of killing her? She wasn’t trained to deal with that kind of shit. It used to be so simple. Vampire Slayer slays vampires; not sleeps with them.

Angel. Spike just had to mention him, didn’t he? She’d done her best to stop thinking about him and she’d done pretty well, too. Now, though, she couldn’t help it. Buffy wondered what he was doing in L.A. Probably being noble and gallant, saving the damsels in distress and never faltering. Not like her. She was more screwed up than she had ever been. It made her jealous that Angel, who was technically dead, was having more of a life than she was. That he was better than she was. At the job, at life as a whole. She felt all kinds of useless.

He didn’t know about her, either. Angel probably thought she was doing fine, slaying, going to college, having the life he had so desperately wanted for her. Buffy laughed bitterly to herself. He had been so self-sacrificing, hadn’t he? Leaving her for her own good, supposedly. It hadn’t felt so damn good at the time. Still didn’t. She had no doubt that if she called him up now and told him about her scars that he would come running. He’d probably try to hold her, console her and apologise for not being there. The thought made her shudder. She never wanted Angel to know. She wanted him to still have this idealised picture of her in his head. If she were to come face to face with him now, she would probably just break down. He’d never just think of her as Buffy again, she’d be Buffy – his mutilated ex.

Angel had called a few times quite soon after leaving, just to check in on her. After she got burned she stopped taking those calls. Giles and Willow offered to tell him, to get him to come and see her in the hospital. She had practically begged them not too. Angel had stopped calling, eventually. It had been easier then.

And harder.

Buffy sighed to herself as she unlocked her front door and entered the house. She shrugged off her jacket and placed it on the coat hook. She fully intended on going straight to bed to get some much needed rest and she was half way up the stairs when a voice called out to her.

The Slayer froze on the staircase and turned to look into the living room. It had been Giles’ who had spoken but he was not alone. He’d brought the whole gang with him this time. Buffy cursed inwardly and backtracked down the stairs, coming to stand in the doorway of the living room.

For a few moments she just let her eyes glance over her friends. Xander sat on the couch giving her a friendly smile and a small wave. Willow was next to him.God, Willow…it had been so long since she’d even laid eyes on the witch. Too long for best friends. Her hair was shorter, in a cute flicked up style and she seemed to be going for a sort of bohemian look. Noticing Buffy’s attention was on her Willow gave her one of her brightest smiles that faded considerably when the Slayer did not return it.

Next to Willow was Oz. Buffy had never exactly taken the time to get to know the werewolf too well but she knew she had liked him and in a strange way she felt close to him too. He was so monosyllabic and closed off about his emotions that she felt they had more in common now. Oz acknowledged her with his eyes only, not unfriendly, just casual. She preferred that to the beaming smile her mother was giving her from her position in the armchair.

“Buffy!” Joyce came to stand next to Giles “Look who came to see you”

Buffy felt like rolling her eyes. It wasn’t as if she was blind, she had already seen who was here. And she hated it. Not because she hated them, not by any means, but because she now felt wholly uncomfortable again.

“Why are you guys here?” Buffy asked sounding a little more annoyed than she had intended.

Giles stepped up to her, removing his glasses and polishing them with the bottom of his sweater “We came to see if you succeeded in ridding Sunnydale of the latest vampire threat?”

The wave of guilt flooded over her again, this time stronger as she saw her friends’ expectant looks. She hadn’t even told them about Spike. There would have been a time that she confided everything to them and now she was keeping the secret that one of the most vicious killers they had ever faced was back in town and that she had just given him a free pass at murdering more people. Not to mention the small fact of sleeping with him.

She nodded, swallowing hard “Yeah, I think so. I slayed a couple. I’m pretty sure they were the ones causing the increase in bodies”

“But we should all be on the lookout just to be safe?” Giles questioned.

“No.” Buffy shook her head “I’ll be on the lookout. You should all just get on with your lives”

Xander sat up straighter “This is a part of our lives, Buff”

“No, it isn’t. I’m the Slayer. It’s my life”

“You make it sound like that’s all there is,” Willow frowned, clutching Oz’ arm “like that’s your only purpose”

Buffy wanted to turn away and go upstairs to bed. She didn’t want to get into an argument about her life or lack thereof. This was exactly why she had been avoiding her friends. It was easier if she was alone because then she could just get on with her job, without being distracted. Buffy was aware that thinking of her friends as distractions was a terrible thing to do but that was truly how she felt. Before she had the time to speak up Oz did it for her.

“This isn’t what we came here for” He reminded Willow, before turning to look at Buffy.

Giles nodded “Oz is quite right. We’re not here to make you feel uncomfortable, Buffy. We’re just here to offer our support and help should you want it”

“I don’t want to go against the plan or anything, but come on! Since when did we need a plan to talk to our friend?” Xander stood holding his hands out in a gesture of disbelief “This is Buffy, guys. And Willow has a point. We can go on pretending like we’re not being ripped apart but that won’t solve anything”

Willow nodded, her eyes sad “We can’t carry on like this. I don’t know how we let it get this bad to start with. Well, yeah, actually I do. We were all scared. We couldn’t deal with this. And Buffy shut us out because of that. It’s our fault. It’s my fault that I can look at my best friend and not even recognise who she is anymore”

Buffy felt the skin on her face heat up as everyone in the room turned to stare at her. Her mother looked like she might say something but quickly closed her mouth when she saw the stare her daughter gave her. She felt herself take a step backwards into the hallway. Her mouth felt incredibly dry like she needed a cup of water.

Willow” Oz said with a slight warning in his voice.

“No, I’m sorry. I know I said I’d try and be strong about this but…” She stood, taking steps towards Buffy “But being strong isn’t about brushing this all under the carpet. It’s about getting it out in the open. I want my friend back”

The Slayer took another step away and her back hit the stair railings “I don’t have time for this, Willow”

“You never have time for us anymore,” Xander replied angrily, also coming towards her.

Buffy couldn’t help it; she snorted “Who abandoned whom, Xander? I know it wasn’t me who was too busy fucking Anya to visit me in hospital”

That shut him up. And everyone else in the room. She didn’t know if it was the use of expletives or because it was the stone cold truth. Buffy regretted it almost as soon as she said it, mostly because she knew it would result in more confrontation. She had let slip that their absence had bothered her and now she knew they would not let it go. She should have just stayed cold but that time had passed. If they really wanted to know who she was now, then they damn well would. It was their problem if they didn’t like it.

“That’s not true, Buffy” He replied finally, shaking his head and a blush coating his cheeks “You made it pretty clear you didn’t want me, or any of us, around”

She folded her arms “Then what makes you think I do now?”

“Buffy!” Her mother scolded her.

The Slayer shook her head “You all come here to ambush me into some, what, intervention? And you expect me to just stand here and take it when you tell me it’s all my fault.”

“That’s not what we were saying at all, Buffy” Willow took another step towards her.

Buffy put her hand out “Don’t”

“This was not intended as an ambush” Giles told her, wearily “But there are issues that need addressing”

“Right. I can’t see where I got the ambush idea from!” She spat, turning on her heel to leave.

Xander grabbed her arm to stop her. Buffy froze, staring down at the hand gripping her. She looked up into his eyes, her face a mask of complete and utter anger. He didn’t even have the sense to let go of her. She felt her hand tighten into a fist. She was going to punch him, every Slayer urge in her screamed at her to do it. The blood in her veins felt like it was boiling, her heart pounding. Her rage was a live, tangible thing.

“Enough”

That one word broke her out of the spell. She might have expected it from Giles, but not Oz. They all turned to him – the short werewolf standing slightly behind Xander, looking her in the eyes. She felt her fist loosen slightly and sucked in a deep lungful of air.

Oz reached over and took Willow’s hand “I think we should go. Give Buffy some time.”

“Not to sound like an asshole or anything, Oz, but we’ve known Buffy longer –” Xander started.

“Let go of me” She seethed.

His eyes locked on her. She saw the sadness behind them. He really did miss her and she missed him too but now was not the time for a heartfelt reconciliation. Not that it had looked like it was going that way. Xander’s hand dropped from her arm and he took a step back, shaking his head.

“Fine,” He shrugged “I guess there’s nothing more to say”

Buffy watched as he grabbed his jacket and stormed out the front door leaving it wide open. She didn’t mind, though, because the breeze was effective in calming her down a little more. However, when she turned to face Willow she felt instantly worse again. The redhead’s whole face had wilted, her eyes filling up with unshed tears. Oz’s arm slid around her shoulders but she shook it off.

“I’m sorry, Buffy” She whispered before following Xander out of the door.

Oz barely glanced at the Slayer before he went after his girlfriend. Buffy turned to face Giles. His expression was unreadable as he headed for the door. Before he left he turned back and looked her square in the eyes.

“They all care for you, as do I. We are still your friends.” He spoke softly “It’s time you started treating us as such”

And then he was gone. She gave her mother a look that told her not to even bother trying to speak to her right then. Buffy turned and walked up the stairs, sighing audibly. She wondered how badly they might have all reacted to her news regarding Spike. And, despite the seriousness of the situation, she found herself laughing at the visual as she trudged to bed.

+ + +

Spike drained the very last drop of blood from the girl he held tightly against his body. When he was sated he let the body crumple to the floor. The vampire wiped his hands across his mouth then licked the fluid from his fingers.

Sighing, he scooped the girl’s body up into his arms and walked over to the edge of the quarry. He tossed her over the side and watched as she tumbled down further and further before the darkness swallowed her whole.

Spike turned and walked away, lighting a cigarette, the sound of the body hitting water barely reached him before he was gone.



A/N: Thanks for all reading and reviewing, guys. And if you fancy voting for me and this fic at the VK Awards Reader's Pick then I won't stop you :)
 
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