Setting the Stage




Sunnydale, CA
Spike POV:

Bloody Bitch! I can’t believe she actually left me there to fry. Sure… I can accept that she doesn’t love me. She feels something for me all right – not that she’ll deign to admit to even that – but it’s not love. But does she actually think that little of me that she could leave me bloody, bruised ‘n’ unconscious (by her hand, no less) in an alley to greet the rising sun. She never even came back to check on me. I know, because I’ve been here all day.

Woke up just in the nick of time, too. Few more minutes and the sun would have made a dusty end of ol’ Spike. But I managed to stumble to my feet and found a broken window in this old building that I could crawl into relative safety. Even managed to drag my weary bones up to the top floor where I could see out this window without frying m’self. Been laying here drifting in and out all day, but I’d know if she was here. I’d sense her, hear her, smell her…feel her. And I know damn well she hasn’t been anywhere near this alley since last night. Fuckin’ bitch might as well have staked me herself. Left me to die all right, and my heart sure hurts enough right now that I can’t imagine stakin’ could feel any worse. Matter of fact, maybe it’s better. Least then the pain stops for good.

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Clem found me earlier tonight. Good friend, that one. I swear he has a sixth sense about these things. When I didn’t show up for kitten poker, he came lookin’ for me. Don’t know how he found me, but he did. Wanted to go for help or take me back to the crypt, but I wouldn’t hear of it. Told him I just needed some blood and smokes and some more rest. Then I’d be right as rain again. He finally agreed although he didn’t understand why I wouldn’t let him get the Slayer. As if! In the end, he ended up bringing back some comforts for me along with the items I requested – pillow, comforter, bottle of Jack Daniels, and some hot wings to boot. Prince of a guy.

It’s been two days now and that bitch still hasn’t come ‘round to see if I made it out okay. Time to face up to the fact that not only does she not care about me…she must downright despise me. So I’ll be damned if I’m gonna to be waitin’ at the crypt for her next time she needs someone to help the soddin’ Scoobies or a shoulder to lean on or even a good shag. I’ll be damned if I’ll let her use me anymore…even if sex with her was the best I’ve ever had…no, don’t think about that, Spike. There’re other things more important than a good shag…like respect. She doesn’t respect me – never has, never will – no matter what I do. Doesn’t matter how hard I try, I don’t get any credit for anything I’ve done or try to do – ‘cept the bad stuff, o’ course. I get plenty of blame for every evil thing that’s ever been done by anyone. And they all side with her there. They’re all alike in the end… all except Dawn. Niblet’s always in my corner. She’s the only one that treats me with any respect at all or listens to what I have to say. I’ve been around for 127 years now and I do know a thing or two. My words are generally worth listenin’ to, but no. Can’t pay any heed at all to that evil soulless thing.

And that’s really the crux of the matter, isn’t it? I don’t have a soul, so therefore I’m evil…can’t love…can’t feel…can’t be good. Can do good things, but can’t be good. Must be somethin’ in it for me – some ulterior, evil motive. Yeah, right. That’s why I hung around last Summer watchin’ over the Scoobies and fightin’ the good fight. Because I’m so evil. Bloody hell. What am I goin’ to do now? Buffy’s been the center of everything for me for so long…even before I realized I was in love with her. Even back when I was with Dru, the Slayer always demanded my attention, whether as a potential ally or a potential kill or even just for a good fight. She was always there in the middle, and now I don’t want her there anymore. Bugger! That’s a painful epiphany. She’s supposed to be the good and almighty Slayer – a being of purity and light and all that rot. Yet she’s treated me worse than many an evil thing ever did – including Angelus – and that’s saying a lot. Even he would have come back to check on me rather than leaving me to dust. He might have waited till the last possible moment just to scare me, but he would have saved my hide in the end if for no other reason than that we’re blood…family.

Strange word that – family…implies love, doesn’t it? What’s that really mean anyway? Is it a sick mother that you spend every waking moment worrying over and then some? Is it your sire and her sire and his sire that you travel with and indulge in all sorts of vices with for a decade or two? Is it the woman you loved with all your heart and committed yourself to for over a 100 years who turns her back on you in favor of the prat who deserted both of you years ago and then can’t find it in herself to forgive you for making a deal with the enemy to save her? Is it even a beautiful blond that you fell deeply in love with and tried to change for, only to lose her to death, regain her in life and have her finally give herself to you, only to lose her again to anger and hatred, and only to then realize that you never really had her at all? So, other than my mum who’s been dead over a century now…did any of them ever love me? And if not, then why? What’s so basically unlovable about me anyway? Bloody hell, but I’m miserable. Might as well finish off the rest of this bottle while I’m waitin’.

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All right, it’ll be sunset in a few hours and I’ve come to a few decisions over the past few days. First, I’m not stayin’ in Sunnyhell. No way in hell am I going to be anywhere near this place come dawn. And speakin’ of Dawn, that brings me to my second decision, which is to stop by and see my Niblet before I leave. She’s the only one of the lot that I truly care about and she deserves a proper goodbye and to know what’s goin’ on. Got to be careful what I tell her though. My bit deserves to maintain a few illusions. She’s still somewhat innocent after all, and I intend to keep it that way. Third decision was where I’m goin’ and what I’m goin’ to do next. I’ve got to check out a few facts first. Got a pretty good idea of what I’m getting’ myself into and I know I’m probably crazy to even think of this, but somethin’ Buffy said to me the other night stuck in my head and got me to thinkin’ of consequences. Didn’t near like the path my thoughts were takin’ me along. So, I decided to do somethin’ about it.

Sunset’s here and I’m ready to put my plan into action. I’ve said goodbye to Clem already. Explained as much as I could to him and he agreed not to say a word to anyone – especially the Slayer and her gang, although I told him he could trust Dawn if it was something she needed to know, but none of the others under any circumstances. He brought me the few supplies I’d need from the crypt and gassed up the bike for me, so I should be able to see Dawn and make it to L.A. before sunrise easily enough. Now, if I can just manage to hold my tongue when I see the Poof and not get myself thrown out into the sunrise as a result, I should have some pleasant enough accommodations at that hotel he’s stayin’ in these days. Wouldn’t of considered going there except that he has what I need and he is after all, my family. Don’t reckon he’ll turn me away if I show up seekin’ help. Just got to remember to not taunt him too much. It’s just difficult, that’s all…what with all the raw material he gives me to work with – the hair gel, the brooding, the “Champion”, and the list goes on. Oh, bugger, I’ll never be able to keep my mouth shut if I keep thinkin’ like that. Might as well resign myself right now to getting’ my ass whupped before he’ll talk to me or listen to me. Have to remember to let him win so he’ll be in a good mood, but that doesn’t mean I can’t get in a few licks m’self in the meantime.

So, sunset’s in a few minutes and I’m on the stairwell by the roof just waitin’ for it. I decided to travel above tonight to make certain I don’t run into a certain self-righteous Slayer on my way out of town. Still got a bruised face – pretty nasty too, I reckon – but the bones have knitted up well enough that I can get around. And in a few minutes I’ll be on my way toward freedom. And…what’s this? I hear…I smell…I sense…HER. Can’t believe what all my senses are tellin’ me. Got to see with my own two eyes, so I glide out on the rooftop as soon as the sun isn’t a danger anymore and peer over the edge. And sure enough, there’s the little bint now. Finally – after 5 days she comes looking for me. She’s got a flashlight and she’s actually peerin’ all around for me down there and callin’ my name too. What a stupid bitch. Like there’d even be dust left by now if I had been caught by Mr. Sun. I don’t know whether I’m more surprised that she actually did come or more disgusted by how long it took her. Either way, it’s too little too late. I’m out of here now, before I have any more wounds to show from this rather unlovely tryst of ours. Sayanora, Slayer. Would say it’s been nice knowin’ ya, but actually, it hasn’t been. I turn away for the last time and head into the night to see Dawn and get on the road.

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Los Angeles, CA
Hyperion Hotel
Angel POV

I don’t know what to make of any of this, so I offer him another drink and tell him to get some rest and we’ll talk more in the morning, er…evening actually, but morning for us. He says all right and heads to bed, but before he closes the door of the bedroom - I assigned him one next to mine so I can keep a close eye on him (this is Spike, after all) - he turns back to me with the most vulnerable expression I’ve seen on him in a long time and says that he really does appreciate my help and addresses me as “sire”, before shutting the door to leave me alone with my thoughts. I stand in the hallway with my mouth open for some time before coming back to myself and realizing that I’m still standing there like a bump on a log and I really need to get Connor to bed. Looking down at my precious son brings a lump to my throat as I realize how close I came to losing him tonight. And if it weren’t for Spike, of all people, I would have.

It started out as a normal enough day, or night, in my case. Got up, spent some time with Connor, reviewed cases with Wesley and the crew, spent a few more minutes with Connor before heading out on a job with the gang leaving Connor in the able care of Lorne who adores every hair on my son’s head. Came home about 3AM to find Lorne unconscious and Connor missing. My whole world stopped at that moment and if I’d had to breathe, there’s no way I could have. It was like someone reached inside me and grabbed everything and twisted it all painfully tight. It hurt that much. We got Lorne to come around and found out they’d been assaulted by what appeared to be some common street thugs. That took me off guard because I had just assumed it was Wolfram & Hart and I was ready to head out after them before I got that piece of information. After getting a pretty clear description of them from Lorne (who had put up a decent fight before they knocked him out, judging by his injuries), we all headed out to look for Connor. I wanted to leave Fred behind to tend to Lorne, but he insisted he’d be all right and to get out of there and find Connor. I was able to scent him to a point, but then they got in a vehicle and I lost the trail. I was scared and angry. We split up from there: Wes and I went one way and Fred & Gunn another. We searched till I had to head back to the hotel to avoid the sun. Figured I’d grab some blood and hit the sewers to get around. I had to find Connor. But when we got back, Lorne had the strangest expression on his face. Told me Connor was back and that he was safe in the kitchen, but that it was the oddest thing that had happened… I didn’t really get that at the moment because I took off at a run for the kitchen after Lorne told me that. Imagine my surprise – no, shock – when I rounded the corner only to find my son being held and sung to by none other than my grandchilde, William the Bloody.

My first reaction should have been fear that Connor was still in danger, but there was something about the way Spike was holding him that told me otherwise. And the way Connor was looking at Spike, it was odd – almost like he could sense the physical connection between them. When Spike looked up, I was shocked by the state of his face. It was a mess. He had obviously been worked over by something fierce and I assumed it was in the process of retrieving my son. He smiled a genuine smile that lit up his face – even with the condition it was in currently – and handed me my son with a little bow and a snide remark about Connor being lucky enough to take after Darla in the looks department. I was so overjoyed to have Connor back that I didn’t even respond. When I was able to speak again, I asked him what had happened. He explained that he had been coming to L.A. to see me, but had to stop to get directions to the hotel. While parked, he had seen a man get out of a van with a baby and hand him off to another man and his partner who immediately walked away without a word. They had to pass right by Spike and he’d gotten one whiff of Connor’s scent and realized the baby belonged to me, so he followed them and jumped them from an alley a couple of blocks away. They turned out to not be human, so he was able to subdue them easily enough. (Not sure what that meant, but I didn’t think to ask him just then. Figured I’d get the details on that later.) He had wanted to question them, but was in a bit of a hurry to get to the hotel before sunrise, so he settled for rifling their pockets after he killed them and headed off with Connor. The wallets he gave me told me everything I needed to know. They had business cards belonging to Lilah Morgan and that was enough for me. I would most definitely kill that bitch for this.

I wanted to ask Spike more about what he was coming to see me for…figured I owed it to him to hear him out, but I couldn’t talk after that. All I could do was clutch my son tightly and plan Lilah’s very painful death. Spike sensed that. He always was pretty good at knowing what people were thinking. He asked me if he could crash here and I could maybe give him a few minutes tomorrow. Well, of course I can. He saved my son after all. So, we headed back out to the lobby where the others were anxiously waiting on Lorne’s recommendation. Oddly enough it was Wes who seemed the most emotional. Everyone was thrilled to see Connor and effusive in their thanks to Spike. He tried to brush it off, but I swear he actually got embarrassed by all the attention. He did thank Lorne for not shooting him when he walked in carrying Connor and asking for Angel. Lorne simply smiled beneficently, called him cupcake, and said goodnight after kissing Connor’s forehead one last time. The rest soon followed suit and only Spike and I were left in the lobby. We sat up a bit longer in amicable silence. Spike seemed fascinated by Connor and I even let him hold him again. He seemed pleased, but surprised that I trusted him, but why should he be? Spike may be many things – most of them bad – but he’d proved himself trustworthy where my son is concerned earlier this evening. He saved Connor from his abductors without knowing anything about him other than that he smelled of me, and then brought him straight to my hotel to return him to me. Why’d he do that anyway? Why did he save Connor? Why didn’t he then try to ransom him to me? He had to know that I’d give anything to get him back. The Spike I knew wouldn’t have done something so selfless unless there was something in it for him. I guess I’ll find out tomorrow what’s up with him. I need to get to bed now and so does Connor, so we head upstairs where Spike will surprise me one more time this night with a sincere expression of gratitude. I truly wonder what tomorrow holds.

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Okay, I thought Spike couldn’t possibly surprise me after last night, but boy was I wrong about that. He just laid a doozy of a tale on me that was chockfull of surprise after surprise. I wasn’t really surprised when he hesitantly told me about himself and Buffy. I know he was waiting for me to whale on him, but there’s always been something between the two of them. Some kind of kinship or connection or something that allowed them to work together against Angelus, to not kill each other no matter how many opportunities they both had... I’m not totally surprised that it eventually evolved into something else, well, exploded is more like it to hear Spike tell it. Not that I doubt him. Buffy can be very explosive when she wants to be. And Spike is a powder keg waiting to be lit most days. So, I listened calmly to his tale of all that had transpired over the past couple of years. We both got choked up when he talked about the Summer after Buffy’s death. I hadn’t realized that he had remained in Sunnydale to look after the Scoobies and Dawn. His affection for Dawn was obvious and that gave me pause. I never really paid that much attention to Dawn or any of the others except when I needed to and in conjunction with Buffy. Spike had friendships of his own with both Joyce and Dawn, even if he didn’t care that much for the others. Except that I got the impression that he cared more than he wanted to or was willing to admit when it came to the Scoobies. I also got the impression that they had hurt him by all their snubbing, which I totally understood. Buffy’s friends are both protective and possessive when it comes to her. They really don’t care to share her with anyone… particularly anyone who happens to also be undead. So I understood what he was up against there better than anyone else ever could. And yet he stayed and protected Dawn and the rest of them after Buffy’s death, while I spent that time in isolation. Who really cared more for her – Spike or me?

When he reached the part about how Buffy had been acting since her return, I was caught off guard. She never mentioned a word of it to me when we met a few months ago. She trusted Spike with the knowledge that she’d been pulled out of Heaven, not me. She turned to Spike for companionship and understanding, not me. That hurt, but surprisingly it hurt more to hear about how she had used him. His genuine feelings for her were so apparent to even a casual observer… but she used him for sex and help with patrolling, rejected him when they were around her friends, cut off his contact with Dawn, and made no effort at all to include him in any way. Now, to be fair, I know Spike and I’m sure he only exacerbated the situation by his attitude and nasty remarks that I know were consistently there. And he admitted that readily when I questioned him about it. But like he said, his only real experience with relationships before that was with Dru and what he saw with me and Darla, so what did he know about how to court a human or how to win her heart. When he confessed how he’d actually chained Buffy up last year in an attempt to get her to admit to feeling something for him, I was torn between indignation on her behalf and hysterical laughter at my mental image of that scenario. When he added Dru and Harmony to that mix, the humor easily won out and I couldn’t stop laughing. He was insulted at first, but soon gave in and we both howled until tears ran down our faces. After all, can I really judge him when it comes to screwing up things when trying to get with a girl? Look at my clumsy attempts with Cordelia? At least I didn’t totally humiliate myself, but that’s Spike for you. He never does anything halfway. It’s all or nothing with him. Which is why his reason for coming to see me didn’t really surprise me in the end. He’s actually crazy enough to do something like this - and actually might succeed at it.

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Sunnydale, CA
Spike’s Crypt
Dawn POV

I’m skipping school again, which I will most definitely get in major trouble for if anyone catches me, but I don’t care. I need to know what’s going on and there’s only one way to get answers. So, here I am outside Spike’s crypt with my trusty flashlight and a stake and some holy water in my jacket…just in case. Spike’s not here, so I can’t be too careful. Some other vamp or critter may have gotten wind that he left town and decided to camp out here. It is a nice place - for a crypt, and he hasn’t been here in almost two weeks now from what I gather. So, I take a deep breath and push the door open. I don’t know who screams louder – me or Clem. I so was not expecting to see him here, but it does make me feel more comfortable knowing he’s here while I explore. I told him flat out why I was there and he told me to go ahead and look around to my heart’s content. Said that Spike told him I could be trusted above all others, so he was sure it would be okay for me to poke about. My heart swells up in my chest to hear what Spike said about me. I know how he feels about me, but it’s always good to get that kind of confirmation. So, I shoulder my bookbag and head down the ladder to the lower level. I instinctively know that whatever it is I’m looking for is down here. I have a few vague ideas, but I’m not positive exactly what it is yet. I’ll know it when I see it.

Spike was very careful to guard his words when he snuck into my room that night to say goodbye. I was so shocked to hear him say he was leaving that I didn’t pay much attention at first, but then the moonlight caught his face and I stopped listening totally. His face was a mess. I wanted to at least patch him up some, but he wouldn’t hear of it. I tried to get the truth out of him, but all he would say was that it was a fight, it was over and done with and that he was pretty sure the other party was hurting more than he was. I understood more than I wanted to admit. It was the way he said it that clued me in. He sounded sympathetic toward whoever had beat his face in, and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was Buffy who had done that to him. I didn’t find out why she did it or anything. He simply shushed me when I tried to ask and told me not to worry about things that weren’t any concern of mine. But he doesn’t get that he is a concern of mine. And so is whatever happened that would cause him to leave town. Spike’s stubborn and he doesn’t give up or in easily at all, so it had to be pretty drastic. And I’m going to find out what it was.

He said he’d be back some day and that he’d be in touch with me when he could. He has our phone number and address, so I gave him my e-mail. He smiled when he saw my address was lilbit@yahoo.com and I was glad I could make him smile when he was obviously in pain and trying to hide it. We hugged and talked a bit more before he left. He made me promise to be good and to stop the shoplifting before I got caught and got into loads of trouble. I didn’t think anyone had noticed, so I was a bit embarrassed by that. I should have known that Spike would see. He always sees me when no one else does. That’s why he’s my best friend. I sat up the rest of the night after he left – just thinking and missing him. Of course, I hadn’t seen much of him lately and I just know that Buffy’s responsible for that somehow too. I don’t know how I know this, but I do and I just know I’m right. Spike had asked me not to say anything to anyone at all about him coming by, so I didn’t. But I watched and I listened and I paid attention. I put two and two together. So here I am in his crypt to find out the truth about what happened with him and Buffy. And I think this lacy pair of underwear that definitely belongs to Buffy answers part of that question. I suspected as much based on what I’ve been noticing now that I’m watching everyone so closely, particularly her. I’m close, but I think I’ll need to talk to Clem before I leave to confirm a few things. And after I get all the facts, I’m going to have a talk with that sister of mine and get a few things straight.

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Los Angeles, CA
Hyperion Hotel
Angel POV

This has been a surreal experience these past two weeks. Spike has been staying with me this whole time and it’s actually been very pleasant to have him around. Wasn’t exactly expecting that when I told him he could stay here till he healed up enough to start his journey. He, of course, wanted to leave almost immediately after talking to me and Wesley, but we convinced him he’d have a better chance at success if he was in top physical form and he agreed. Only Wes and I know the truth of where he’s going when he leaves here and why. And only I know the truth of where he’s been and what drives him. I was both shocked and saddened when I realized that it was Buffy who had given him the bruises that adorned his beautiful face. Okay, I’m a guy, but I can admit that Spike has great facial structure. I always thought he was too pretty to be a man, if the truth be told. Anyway, the fact that Buffy had beat him senseless was the only part he hedged on when we were talking that first day he was here. I had to literally drag it out of him, and when I did, it was like opening the dam. All his frustrations and fears just poured out. He didn’t even really care about the beating if it had helped her, but he was so hurt by what she had said and the fact that she left him there to die. I couldn’t blame him there. What she did was pretty harsh, but I take offense at the beating even if he doesn’t. I was angry when I thought about how she thrashed him when he couldn’t even defend himself, but when he explained that he had been able to hit her since she came back, I nearly lost it. He didn’t raise a hand to defend himself and he could have. He truly is love’s bitch. I don’t think I would have done that. No, I know I wouldn’t have taken a beating like that for something I didn’t even do from the person I was trying to protect no less. That says a lot about him and where he is these days, and even more about Buffy and where she is emotionally and mentally. I don’t know what to do about that or even if I should do anything at all. After all, it’s not like we’re really a part of each other’s lives anymore. So, I guess I won’t say or do anything unless I run into her, which is unlikely but could happen. And if I do see her, she’ll probably be very surprised by my take on all this.

Spike will be leaving shortly and I think we’ll all miss him. Me and Connor most of all. Connor has grown very attached to his Uncle Spike and that affection is definitely reciprocated. I overheard Spike talking to Connor last night when he thought he was alone. He promised my son that he’d always have his back and always be there for him because they were family. That hit me hard. Spike and I are also family and it’s time we both acted that way. He’s proved himself several times over to me between saving Connor, how he’s interacted with everyone here, and the things he’s shared with me about his actions the past couple of years in Sunnydale. So, I’ve got some things to give him before he leaves. Things that I truly hope will help him in his quest. There’s a part of me that still can’t accept that he’s going off to willingly seek this out. But that’s the difference between us. I would never freely have done so. Then again, I’m not him and we are motivated differently. But we understand each other better now and I support him in what he’s doing. I hope he is successful and I will be here for him if and when he returns from this journey. Hopefully we’ll be able to spend some more time together exploring this concept of family – me, Connor, and Spike.

I don’t think I’ve ever managed to make Spike speechless before today. When I gave him the plane ticket and cash, he was grateful. When I gave him my favorite broadsword, he was pleased with the weapon. But when I gave him my family ring to wear, he actually teared up. He knows what this ring means to me and how long I’ve had it, so for me to give it to him really floored him. He even tried to say I should save it for Connor, which makes sense, but Connor won’t be old enough to wear it for years to come, so he can wear it till then and we’ll make a big deal of giving it to Connor when he does something we can both be proud of to earn it. That gained a snort and a muttered “or something just as bloody stupid” as Spike put on the ring and bashfully grinned up at me. But I had one more gift, so I offered him my wrist and he was truly shocked into solemn silence as he took my wrist and kissed it reverently before allowing his fangs to descend and taste sire’s blood for the first time in ages. Being bitten by family was just as good as I remembered it being, and his expression showed he was in ecstasy at this unexpected offering. After sealing the bite marks for me, and a brief period to regain his equilibrium from the heady draught, Spike gathered up his gear and we walked downstairs so he could say goodbye to the others. Everyone seemed sincerely sorry to see him go. He’s made friends in the short time he was here. I wonder if he even realizes that. Speaking of friends, I need to speak with Wesley. He’s been on edge for some time now and I thought it was just stress from trying to figure out these prophecies regarding Connor. But Spike told me it was pretty serious and I needed to talk to Wes before he’s pushed over the edge. I couldn’t get him to explain it any better than that – just that Wes is walking a thin line and is about to do something he’ll regret. Don’t know how Spike got all that out of a few brief conversations, but Spike has a real gift for reading people – their emotions, motivations, etc. So, I’m going to trust his judgment on this and talk to Wes…as soon as we take care of the client who just walked in, that is.

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Sunnydale, CA
The Magic Box
Buffy POV

As soon as she opened the door, I knew a fierce storm was brewing. I just didn’t realize it was aimed at me. That knowledge would literally slap me in the face moments later, when Dawn marched over to the table and threw something at me. I was so stunned that I didn’t grab the offending article until after it hit my cheek. Then I saw what it was and I knew this was going to be bad. I started to stand up, but Dawn screamed at me to stay right where I was and called me a bitch. That got everyone’s attention immediately, especially when we all discovered that we were literally frozen in our respective spots. We couldn’t move from where we were – not even Tara or Willow, which seemed to alarm both of them judging by their expressions – and I didn’t want to know how Dawn was doing this, except that I don’t think she even realized what was happening. Green energy was literally crackling all around her and she didn’t seem to notice it. I was numb with sheer terror…terror at another “key” situation, terror that she wouldn’t be able to control whatever this was, but mostly terror at what I knew was coming next. I recognized the panties she threw at me as my own and I knew that my secret was out. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. All I could do was stare at Dawn as she openly glared at me.

Willow tried to get Dawn’s attention, but she told everyone to shut up in such a fierce voice that no one else said another word. Then she looked me in the eye and said that she knew what I’d done…and there was such incredible contempt in her voice that I died inside. This was what I had feared – my family and friends hating me, judging me, rejecting me for sleeping with Spike. I sat there dully while she screamed at me and gave away all my secrets. What surprised me was that she wasn’t angry at me for sleeping with him, but for using him knowing that he loved me, and for beating him up the other night. How could she know that? No one knew about that. That must mean he was still alive. She must have seen him. How else could she know? A wave of tangible relief swept over me at the realization that he was alive after all, but I pushed it away like I do everything these days. I sat there and watched my friends’ expressions change as they took in what Dawn was saying and that I wasn’t denying it – any of it. Dawn finished off her rant with the heavy arsenal when she told me that she wished Spike had taken her with him when he left town, because she didn’t want to be with me anymore. She then turned to a speechless Willow and informed her that the cold heartless bitch she brought back from the grave wasn’t the loving sister she had lost and that they all would have been better off if she hadn’t messed around with things. I had to agree with her there. I am a cold, heartless bitch. Why else would I act the way I do? And how many times had I wished that Willow hadn’t meddled since I’d been brought back?

It wasn’t until after Dawn stormed out of the Magic Box and slammed the door shut that we were all released from the grip of whatever magic had been holding us immobile. Xander and Anya both started talking at once – Anya about the power coming off Dawn in waves and did we all see it, and Xander about how Dawn shouldn’t go about making ridiculous and unfounded accusations. Only Tara and Willow were silent – both staring at me worriedly – although I’m sure they were worried about different things. Tara knew the truth, but Will didn’t and was probably reacting to that final comment Dawn made more than anything else. When Tara reached over and took my hand and squeezed gently, I totally lost it. Tara was immediately by my side and rocking me gently and from what I managed to sob out to her, the others all clued in to the truth of what Dawn had been saying. I’m not sure how they reacted exactly, but Anya actually closed up early and took Xander home to give us some privacy. Willow seemed torn between wanting to stay and feeling enough like a third party that she should be leaving. When I reached out and grabbed her hand, her decision was made and she stayed by my side as I experienced the most extreme catharsis of my young life.

I cried until there were no more tears left and I had gone through all the tissue in the Magic Box. I actually managed to produce a small smile when I reached for more Kleenex and encountered the roll of toilet tissue that Willow was handing me. That broke the ice enough so that I could actually look them in the eye for the first time since I had broken down. The three of us sat there most of the night talking. Willow was shocked by everything that had been going on, but she didn’t seem so upset by the fact that it was Spike as she was by the fact that I had been so unhappy because she brought me back that I would be driven to do that with anyone. On some level, her inward focus did bother me, but at the time I was just glad that she didn’t seem to hate me for sleeping with Spike. Tara was supportive and caring as always and she was my rock throughout that evening, and I knew I could count on her in the days to come also.

Once I actually started talking, I couldn’t seem to stop. I told them all of it – how it had been when I first came back, how I hated all of them for bringing me back, how Spike was there for me when no one else was, how gentle and caring he had been with me, how I had treated him in response, how he had gotten frustrated with me, the discovery that he could hit me, how I literally jumped him and the hateful things I said to him the next day, how I had stopped him from coming round to see Dawn, how I had not been there for her and she had every right to be angry and hate me, how I had continued to use Spike for sexual comfort but push him away again afterward, how he had tried to stop me from turning myself in the other night when I thought I had killed that girl, how I beat him to a bloody pulp in return, and how I left him there and didn’t bother to check on him till several days later. My voice shook when I told them how his crypt had been deserted and I had been convinced he had dusted in that alley, and then again when I confessed how relieved I was that Dawn must have seen him since then.

Tara and Will were both great that night. Neither of them judged me for any of it, although they were obviously shocked by my rage which I took out on Spike and how he accepted it without striking back. They both acted pleased that he was still alive also, and that actually made me feel a tiny bit better. No one ever really includes him and I’m a large part of why. I know I’ve got a lot to make amends for here, but I don’t want anyone to blame Spike when he’s actually faultless in this. Dawn, too, for that matter. And speaking of Dawn, I needed to get home and check on her… apologize to her if she was still up. The three of us headed home only to discover a note from Dawn that she couldn’t stand to be there at the moment and was spending the next couple of nights with Janice and would go to school from there also. I was a bit disappointed, but not terribly surprised. I hadn’t been there for Dawn, so why would she want to be there with me when she was so angry and hurt. I was so exhausted physically and emotionally from everything, that it never even occurred to me that Dawn might go after Spike.

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Los Angeles, CA
Apartment of Wesley Wyndham-Pryce
Dawn POV

I’m not sure exactly how I got here. I was so angry at Buffy the other night that I didn’t stop to think. I just left a message at the house to delay the inevitable search party and gathered all the money I had been stashing away (knew that shoplifting would come in handy after all) and headed out the door to the bus station. My biggest fear was that one of them would come after me and find me before I could make my escape, but they didn’t and the bus ticket was in my hand easily enough. The other people on the bus left me alone, and no one even looked at me when I arrived in L.A. After all the stories I’ve heard about young runaway girls being accosted by strange men in bus stations, it was almost disappointing in an odd sort of way. Anyway, I got a taxi to the hotel that Angel owns and that’s when things got weird. I walked in to encounter a green- faced demon with red horns in a bright yellow suit and royal blue dress shirt talking on the phone. I could see some sinister pentagram-like markings in the middle of the lobby floor, and you didn’t have to be psychic to pick up on the vibe that something bad had gone down.

No one else seemed to be around, so I waited for the green guy to get off the phone. He was actually very sweet and informative. He tried to explain some of what had happened to me, but it was very convoluted and confusing. I did gather that Angel somehow had a human son with Darla who was dead…again, that Angel was raising the boy by himself, and that Wesley had stolen the baby to protect him from some prophecy. (Stupid prophecies. Hate those things.) Wesley had been attacked and nearly killed by some renegade vampire hunters, the leader of whom disappeared into a portal with the baby. Now, I know from experience that portals are bad news, and I guess my face reflected that, because Lorne actually paused in his tale when he saw my expression and asked me if I was hungry or thirsty or wanted to sit down. Well, food actually did sound good, so we ate a brief meal together while we talked. He seemed to cue into my inherent keyness and asked me to sing a short tune. I did and he gave me some advice about some latent abilities that are apparently part of my genetic make-up. How about that? They actually sounded pretty cool and I got kind of excited thinking about how Spike would react to some of these powers. And that reminded me why I was really there. Lorne confirmed that Spike had indeed come here after leaving Sunnydale, which I knew already. He also told me that only Angel and Wesley knew exactly what was going on with Spike. From what I gathered, Spike only had a few days headstart on me. Maybe I could catch him. But I didn’t see Angel helping me in that regard, even if he had helped Spike. Because: a) Angel always takes Buffy’s side in anything, and b) Angel’s got to be torn up with this whole mess about his kid, so I probably would be bothering him for nothing in the end.

So, I decide Wesley is my best bet and I head over here after getting directions from Lorne and a box he asked me to pass along. I tentatively knock on the door, then more firmly when there’s no answer. I continue to knock without saying anything until the door finally cracks open and I see Wesley peering at me over the chain. I hold out the box and tell him it’s from Lorne. I think he might turn me away regardless, so I blurt out that I need to talk to him about Spike, and he pauses and asks me if I’m Dawn. We never actually met in my monk-made memories, so that’s a fair question. He lets me in then and I’m shocked by his appearance. Buffy had always described Wesley as being prissy, but the man in front of me was rugged and handsome with a dangerous air similar to Spike’s. He looked like he knew how to handle himself in a fight, and he had a nice lean build that I took a moment to admire. When I noticed the gauze covering his throat I paused in my perusal and frowned. He grimaced and commented that he guessed Lorne hadn’t told me the extent of his injuries, and proceeded to explain that his throat had been slit. I was totally horrified by this. I mutely handed him the gift from Lorne, which he took and looked at for a moment before setting it aside unopened. He invited me to sit and offered me a drink. After we were settled, he smiled and said something to the effect of me getting here quicker than Spike had estimated. That made me proud and ended any awkwardness between us. The next few hours passed easily as he filled me in on the state of affairs. I was shocked, to say the least, but so full of pride at what Spike was doing and what he had shared with Wesley about me. Of course, his news and the letter & gift from Spike brought all my plans to follow him to a very abrupt halt, and I fell asleep on Wes’s couch wondering what to do next.

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Los Angeles, CA
Apartment of Wesley Wyndham-Pryce
Wes POV

I wasn’t surprised when I saw Dawn standing in front of my door. Spike said she would show up (although he allowed a full month for her to put things together and get the money to get over here, and it’s only been a couple of weeks) and Spike is very astute. He picked up on what was going on with me after only one conversation although my friends (former friends, that is) and colleagues (former colleagues) never picked up on it at all. I could tell from the way he watched me that he knew, just not the details. And he did try to help me before he left. We had a long talk about decisions and he strongly advised me to seek counsel with Angel or one of my other friends before I did anything I’d regret. And I’m pretty sure he said something to Angel before he left, but neither one of us ever brought it up and now it’s too late for that. Connor is gone – taken by Holtz through a portal to the Quortoth dimension – and that door is forever closed. I am so lost without my friends, so racked by guilt and failure. This is ten times, no a hundred times, worse than Sunnydale. That failure was a result of arrogance and ignorance and being blinded by the Council. This failure is a result of my thoughts, decisions, and actions. I am completely at fault and I can never make it right. I don’t even know where to start trying. I feel such a profound sense of loss in my soul.

Having Dawn here is a blessing. It gives me someone and something to focus on other than my own problems. Angel probably never realized how close Spike and I became during his short visit with us. Even though he is a vampire, he and I are still fellow Englishmen and were raised with certain similarities in our education and upbringing. I doubt he would have admitted that to me without the aid of a case of genuine English brew that I happened to possess. That same night he also told me of Dawn and Buffy and all that had happened in Sunnydale. I’m certain he edited quite a bit of his tale, and for that I am grateful. I got enough to understand that although he still loves Buffy and likely always will (and don’t I understand unrequited love better than anyone?) he has decided to move on and live for himself. I can’t say I blame him. A heart can only handle so much pain in the end before it breaks completely apart. He’s smart to walk away now while he still can before it has the chance to totally destroy him. And I was impressed by his devotion to young Dawn and how his concern for his influence and impact on her life directly prompted him to pursue this goal. I can think of no one else who has ever attempted this before. Nor would most even consider doing so. The redemption of one’s soul from the ether is not a trivial matter and should only be attempted by those who are truly committed to such a formidable task. Spike, I am certain, will be successful. I told Dawn as much and she seemed comforted by these words. I gave her the package from Spike before she went to bed and left her to read his letter in privacy with the promise that we would speak again in the morning. She has to head back to Sunnydale, after all. I don’t know exactly what Spike said to her in the letter, but I got the impression that he thought it would make an impact on her. And I imagine she will be very pleased by the gift I have for her…but I guess that can wait till tomorrow.

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Sunnydale, CA
1630 Revello Drive
Tara POV

I’m concerned about Buffy. I think it’s been good for her to get things out in the open regarding her relationship with Spike. No one knew other than me beforehand, and I understand why she was worried about everyone’s reactions. But the others have been too concerned about her to pay much attention to that aspect. Xander has been unusually quiet on the subject these past few days, only making light conversation with Buffy. However, I overheard him and Anya and Willow talking and it made my blood boil. Xander has convinced himself that Spike took advantage of Buffy somehow and is determined to stake him should he return. As always, he holds Buffy blameless of any wrongdoing. Not that she actually did anything wrong by being involved with Spike. Anya doesn’t really see why anyone is upset or surprised that she was sleeping with Spike. According to her the UST between the two of them the past couple of years was large enough to be seen by anyone with half an eye. (Leave it to Anya to make that point.) But Willow’s take really grieved me the most. She was once again focused on the resurrection spell and that she didn’t do anything wrong and she didn’t understand why Buffy wouldn’t register on Spike’s chip (and didn’t that little tidbit throw Xander for a loop), and she was searching for a spell to make this better. Goddess, more spells!

I thought she’d learned her lesson. She’s been doing so well with the magic – not relying on it for everything. But here comes the first big thing she can’t deal with and she turns right back to it once again. Why does she keep doing that? Will she ever stop? She and Xander are both reacting to the same thing – guilt. Guilt from tearing Buffy out of heaven, but rather than accept the guilt and do their best to make amends, they both look for other things to blame or to focus on fixing. And in the end, none of this helps Buffy. What good does it do her if her friends treat her no different now, but really are judging her internally. And if Xander were to actually speak with her and hear the details that Will and I know, he would look down on her. He avoids having that talk with her so he doesn’t have to be confronted by any knowledge that would knock Buffy off the pedestal he has her on. And Buffy lets him avoid it because she doesn’t want an ugly confrontation. She’s just glad her friends don’t hate her. What none of them realize is that she doesn’t want to be on a pedestal. That only makes things harder on her. And Willow is just blithely assuming that’s not even part of the equation at this point because Spike left, so she doesn’t have to deal with it either.

I don’t think any of them realize that despite appearances, Buffy does have strong feelings for Spike. I can read it in her aura whenever she talks about him. I don’t think she knows what to make of these feelings. I guess they scare her, so I haven’t brought it up with her yet. I don’t believe she’s ready to deal with it just yet. She’ll have to some day though. She can’t continue to live in denial indefinitely. Speaking of dealing, it’s about time she and Dawn talked and cleared the air. I understand why Dawn was so angry. She adores Spike and he’s been very good to her, but Buffy is her sister and they need each other. So, I think I’ll go by Janice’s house and talk to Dawn tomorrow if she hasn’t come home by then.

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Los Angeles, CA
Apartment of Wesley Wyndham-Pryce
Dawn POV

I slept surprisingly well last night on Wesley’s lumpy couch. I expected to have trouble falling asleep. Between all the emotional stress (of the past few months – not just the past couple of days) and the adrenaline from running away from home and then finding out that my plans to follow Spike were a bust because of what he’s gone off to do…well, I was on edge. After making up a bed for me on the couch, Wesley gives me this box and says it’s from Spike. I sat there alone staring at it for several minutes before getting up the nerve to open it. I gasped out loud when I recognized Spike’s duster. Further exploration revealed that it had been carefully folded around an ivory envelope with my name on it in elegant handwriting – Spike’s handwriting, which I recognized immediately. I tore open the card and devoured the words. I already knew from Wesley where Spike had gone and why, but seeing it in his own words just affected me so strongly. The letter wasn’t too long, but it hit all the pertinent points…even my recent foray into juvenile crime. Leave it to Spike to still see things even when he wasn’t here to do so. He addressed several items and admonished me on my behavior while he was gone, promised to return after he had successfully completed his quest, and entrusted me with the care of his precious duster until then – signifying both his faith in me and his faith in himself. I couldn’t help the tears that flowed then. I ended up falling asleep with his duster clutched to my chest and all kinds of thoughts swirling about my head.

Waking up this morning was like suddenly waking up to a new life. I had slept heavily, but when I opened my eyes I felt refreshed and energized. I had not felt this good about myself since before Mom got sick and I found out I was the key. I have a definite purpose and I know what I had to do next. I just don’t know exactly how to accomplish this. I wonder if Wesley could help me. I’ll talk to him about it this morning. But first a shower is definitely in order after that bus ride yesterday.

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Wesley POV

I didn’t know what to say or think. I had expected to have a brief conversation with Dawn this morning, give her the necklace, and make arrangements to get her back to Sunnydale. Instead she sits me down and proceeds to tell me what she’s got in mind to do next and I find myself speechless before her determination. I know she’s serious and if I don’t help her, what kind of trouble could she get up to her on her own, I wonder. Spike had regaled me with tales of some of her more audacious adventures, so I knew she’d find a way to make this happen. After she had explained to me exactly why she wanted to do this and reassured me that this was not a hasty decision she made last night as a reaction to what was going on with Spike…I realized that she was as lost and alone as I am. I had to admire her for what she had planned and I was determined to do my part to help her for several reasons… Because I never had that help when I was her age, because maybe I could actually protect this child instead of endangering her, because I knew Spike would appreciate my looking out for her, and also because it occurred to me that just maybe she and I could help each other out. I was just reaching for my phone when there was a knock at the door. Speak of the devil.

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Dawn POV

I guess it was fate or some other strange coincidence that brought that lawyer lady to Wesley’s door just at that moment. Not really sure there, but I certainly had a new appreciation for Wesley after she left. Lilah was her name and she was like steel. Even I could tell at a glance that this woman was a stone cold bitch and totally heartless. She was there to offer Wesley a job apparently, but her method of guilting him into working for her by rubbing it in about his mistake with Connor was nothing short of cruel and tacky. She didn’t seem to notice me, and I think Wesley actually forgot I was there at first. I could tell that she was getting to him, so I walked over to him, squeezed his hand firmly and stood by his side. He shot me a grateful glance and seemed to visibly grow and tower over her somehow. He put that Lilah lady in her place pretty quickly after that, and can I just say ewww, but I think she was turned on by that or something. She had been looking at him like he was a lamb about to be slaughtered before then, and now she was staring at him like a side of beef she wanted to eat. Gross metaphor, but you get it. Anyway, he then surprised both of us by asking for her help with my situation. She not only agreed to help me completely on Wesley’s terms, she also offered to waive any fees for her services. I wasn’t sure why she’d do that and I didn’t get the impression that she was someone I should trust, but Wesley seemed to think that she would keep her word for some reason. Anyway, he outlined all the terms and conditions for her and she promised to be back later today with the documents for us to review.

After she left, Wesley and I both collapsed on the couch and heaved a joint sigh of relief. I complimented him on how he handled himself with her and he seemed both surprised and pleased to hear me say that. Then he totally overwhelmed me when he gave me the necklace and told me what its purpose was. I clutched it wordlessly and then fumbled to put it on. I couldn’t see through my misty eyes and he had to help me with it, but in the end it was around my neck and I swore I wouldn’t remove it till Spike was back home safe with me. Then, Wesley asked me if I would be interested in living and working with him on a more or less permanent basis while things sort themselves out. I had figured I would need a place to stay and a job once the papers were approved by the judge, so this solved a couple of problems. Also, I wanted to be where Spike would be sure to show up…which meant here or at Angel’s, and I definitely preferred Wesley’s company. He was easy to be around – to me anyway. I recognized in him a lot of symptoms of what I had experienced with Buffy and her gang and it occurred to me that when Spike returned, maybe the three of us could be a family of sorts. The two of them had done more to make me feel valued and welcome than anyone since Mom. Tara was the only one of the Scoobies that treated me like a person most days, but even she didn’t treat me like an adult. Spike had though. And now Wesley. So, I think that I will stay here. And I think that Wesley and I can help each other through this adjustment period. And when Spike returns, the two of us will be stronger by then and we can be there for him. Because he will return. That I’m sure of. And when he does, he’s going to need us.

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Los Angeles, CA
Apartment of Wesley-Wyndam Price
Wesley POV

Well, Lilah pulled through for me in a surprisingly efficient and effective manner. I was pretty sure she’d try to sneak something past me, but the papers were in perfect order and I could find no fault. I knew it wasn’t wise to go through Wolfram & Hart, but I had no one else to turn to – no Council contacts, no family, no Angel Investigations, and no friends. Lilah showing up at my door just when we needed a lawyer seemed like fate. And she appears to have honored all my wishes with these documents. I was suspicious at first, reading everything over several times while Dawn sat nervously at the table and watched us both. I was nervous too – scared that I would miss some small clause and endanger another precious person. Lilah seemed to pick up on it and let me sweat for a few minutes before revealing her motive. Seems she recognized the last name Summers, knew about Buffy’s connection to Angel, and figured that anything that hurt Buffy would inadvertently cause more grief for Angel. Since she was prevented by the firm from out and out killing him, she would take any opportunity that came her way to stick it to him and cause him misery. While I do not share her desire there – even though this man, rather vampire, that I have considered to be my friend these past 3 years did try to kill me recently – I only want to do what’s best by Dawn, and I believe this is the best avenue open to me. Although I’m sure there will be some fallout from this action, I am not concerned about those consequences affecting Dawn or myself. Although I would have to insist that I bear the brunt – not Dawn. Not after she put her trust in me like this. So, I will look out for the two of us and not worry greatly about the effect this might have on others. I have no loyalty to anyone in Sunnydale, nor apparently to anyone at Angel Investigations now that they’ve turned me adrift. But I bear Spike no ill will and Dawn is important to him…and is becoming so to me too, for that matter. I like her. If I’d had a younger sister, I think I should like her to be like Dawn – brave, caring, smart, and purposeful.

So, I read over the contracts one last time and we sign them. Dawn gives a video testimony that she wants delivered to Sunnydale along with the legal notice of her action. I thank Lilah for delivering so promptly regardless of her motive, and she leaves after making a rather suggestive remark to me. Surely she didn’t mean that the way I took it. Apparently so, however, since Dawn throws up her arms and bitingly refers to her as a “two-bit skank-ho trying to disguise her innate trashiness with Louis Vitton” after she leaves. While I’m not sure I got all those references, her outburst serves to loosen the tense atmosphere that had pervaded while Lilah was there and we fall on the couch laughing. We end up ordering pizza and discuss the details of what we’ve decided to do. It’s both risky and daring and could possibly cause quite a bit of grief and trouble for both of us. It could also be one of the most rewarding ventures in either of our lives and we’re both excited about it. We stay up later than intended making plans for the future and specifically for the next few weeks and months. When we finally call it a night, I actually tuck her in on the couch and can’t help but be gratified by the smile gracing her face tonight as compared to the tear-streaked countenance I saw last night. I head to bed with a lighter heart than I’ve had in some time and the knowledge that tomorrow is going to be a good day.

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1630 Revello Drive
Sunnydale, CA
Buffy POV

I think this might possibly be the worst day of my life…and I’ve had quite a few to compare it to, but this one takes the cake. It beats out running a sword through Angel’s heart. This feels like someone ran a sword through my heart. It beats out the day I died. Now I just wish I could die. It even beats out the day that Mom died. She didn’t leave me deliberately. She didn’t have a choice, but my sister did, and she didn’t choose me. And that is the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced by far.

I so wasn’t expecting any of this. I hadn’t heard from Dawn since the note saying she was going to stay with Janice for a few days. I’d thought about calling her, but wanted to give her time to cool off while I tried to figure out what I could possibly say to her to make her forgive me. How could I make her understand when I don’t even understand. I did horrible things to someone who I claim is an evil, soulless monster. And he did nothing but love me and try to be there for me. So, who’s really the monster here? Anyway, I had woken up feeling brave and optimistic, thinking that today I would call over to Janice’s after school and make the first overture to at least get her home where I could talk to her. She can’t stay with Janice forever, after all.

First clue I had that something was wrong was when I picked up my phone and nothing happened. I really thought I had paid that bill, but apparently I set it aside because I didn’t have enough money just then. Of course, it didn’t help that I found the disconnect notice sitting in a stack of mail over a week old that I hadn’t bothered to go through yet. I so suck at running a household and being an adult. I know that, and everyone says they understand, but no one tries to help me with the day-to-day things that I can’t keep up with between slaying and working full-time and everything else. I had to call in to work so that I could go take care of that mess, so there goes another chunk of my paycheck. Although maybe I can pick up a double-shift and make it up. I really hate being at that place. I’m beginning to think Spike was right when he said it would kill me slowly by draining the life out of me. Bad brain, no Spike thoughts allowed, must be pushed back to deal with at a later undetermined date. Hey, I’m trying, I really am, but it’s all I can do to get through each day. When I think of Spike, it literally takes all my energy and focus, and I just can’t muster that right now…because if I do, then I’ll have to confront too many demons that I’m not ready to deal with yet.

So, I manage to borrow some money from Xander and take care of the phone situation, only to leave their office and find that I had parked by a fire hydrant and been ticketed. Just great. There goes another chunk of money I don’t have. Leaving there in a foul mood, it just continues to get worse as I run out of gas and have to push the car to a service station. Sure, I’m the Slayer, so it wasn’t like I couldn’t do it, but it was a rather long trek and it started raining along the way. By the time I made it home, wet and weary and wanting nothing more than to take a hot bath and crawl into bed for a nap, I really just wasn’t up to anything else. So, it didn’t surprise me when a lady I didn’t recognize was standing at my door. Didn’t know what she wanted, but knew it couldn’t be good by the way my day was going. What did surprise me was why she was there. Actually, it didn’t just surprise me, it knocked me for a loop and then came back to slap me around again. She was a lawyer and she was serving me with papers that said Dawn was petitioning to be emancipated as a minor. That was how I learned that Dawn had been in L.A. the past few days. Once the initial shock wore off, I was actually able to form a few coherent sentences. I learned that I could sign the papers that Lilah (that was the witch’s name) would then return to the judge and he would apparently make all this legal and final. My other option was to appear before the judge in court (in L.A., no less) to argue against this petition. My first thought was that this couldn’t be right and that Dawn was obviously being controlled by someone evil. No way would she do this, no matter how mad she got at me. Then Lilah handed me this video tape and suggested I watch it before I made my decision.

Dawn had so much to say on the video, and she was so firm and logical about everything…and let’s not forget cold. No emotion there at all. And I knew that it was really her talking of her own free will and that she had really done this. And I was completely devastated by her decision and the reasons behind it. I don’t know how long I sat there before Lilah started talking again. Seemed like forever to me although it was actually only a few minutes. I don’t know exactly what she said. I think she implied that if I tried to fight this, I would have a difficult time explaining all my late night forays in cemeteries to the judge. The fact that she knew I was the Slayer didn’t even register as a blip on my radar by that point. I was completely numb. How can you fight a battle that you’ve already lost? I simply signed the papers and gave them to her. I guess she saw herself out, because I didn’t move from that chair when she got up to leave or when the phone rang or even when I started shivering from being in cold wet clothes for so long. I just sat there staring blankly ahead as Dawn’s words echoed in my mind repeatedly.

Willow found me hours later still in the same spot. When she couldn’t get a response from me, her investigative instincts kicked in. She took the videotape and watched it. I vaguely registered sounds: the TV going on, the tape playing, Willow running back to the kitchen, vomiting in the sink, harsh jagged sobs - mine or Willow’s? I don’t know. I wasn’t sure what was happening anymore. And I no longer wanted to find out. At some point Willow pulled herself together enough to get me upstairs and into a bath and some warm clothes. She was trying to reassure me – telling me that the video had to be a fake, someone had taken Dawn, we’d find them and get her back, and everything would be all right. That’s what finally broke me out of my trance-like state. That ridiculous statement. Everything wasn’t all right and it never would be again. Ever.

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Los Angeles, CA
Hyperion Hotel
Spike POV

Everything was a mess. I had returned to L.A. – the weary, exhausted and rather haunted owner of a shiny soul – only to find that everything had gone to pot in my absence. I went to Angel’s first and was shocked to learn that Connor was gone. Angel didn’t seem surprised to see that I had succeeded in my quest. We talked quietly and he apologized for not being more openly proud of me. He said that he had planned to have a party of sorts for me when I returned, because Lord knows I’d need to get drunk with my past accusing and convicting me every step of the way. I could certainly appreciate the sentiment there, and the thought was actually touching, but the man was understandably numb at the loss of his son. I got him to open up and tell me what had happened…the whole sordid story.

I blame myself to a certain extent. I don’t think that’s totally because of the soul either. I knew something was going on with Wes – something big. I should have pushed harder. God knows I’m a right pushy bastard most of the time anyway. But no, I was too wrapped up in my own troubles to pursue things like I normally would. I tried to explain to Angel how this was my fault and apologize to him, but he would have none of that. After he got me to stop crying (that part was the soul, I’m pretty sure…I seem to be a fountain these days) and wiped away his own tears, he grimly informed me that he blamed Sahjan and Holtz and all his vampire hunters and Wolfram & Hart – especially Lilah Morgan – and the Powers That Be for allowing this to happen…but most of all, he blamed Wes, because the others were all against him anyway. Only Wes had betrayed him. And here I thought I was the only one that was the constant butt of cosmic jokes for the PTB. Apparently ol’ Angel shares that sentiment pretty regularly, but especially now. We broke out a bottle of GlenLivet and talked all night… about all that had happened to each of us, about how we had probably brought it on ourselves by our past sins, about how innocent people around us were paying for our mistakes. We were a maudlin pair by the time the bottle was empty, let me tell you.

Part of me wanted to stay and try to help Angel, but I didn’t have much to give at the moment. Dealing with my soul was the most draining experience of my life, and I really didn’t want to burden Angel with that on top of his loss of Connor. Besides which, Angel still had Lorne, Gunn & Fred, and Cordy (and some bloke called Groo – and what kind of name is that, I’d like to know) when she returned from her vacation. I was more concerned with Wes. Apparently everyone had cast him aside because of this. And, while I understand their anger and shock and disappointment (not to mention a certain amount of guilt for not picking up on this sooner), I also understand that this was not a rash decision on Wes’s part. It’s not his fault that the prophecy was a fake. He did try every avenue to disprove it from what I gather. And I believe that, because he didn’t make that decision overnight. I hurt because Connor’s gone. Turns out I’m right fond of the little nipper. Apparently I have a soft spot for kids. First Dawn, now Connor. Who would have guessed? But I wasn’t here for all the melodrama, so I’m coming in with a clearer head and a more detached focus on this issue. And I know that no matter how many contacts Angel has in the community, Wes is his best bet for getting Connor back. I also know that Wes needs a friend right now. Well, so do I. Maybe we can help each other out. I didn’t go into all that with Angel, but he seemed to pick up on some of it when I told him I was going over to see Wesley. When I left, he was still staring at the empty crib with the most hangdog expression I’ve ever seen. I felt my heart clench up a bit at that, and I decided then and there that I was going to do whatever it took to return Connor to his dad – for both their sakes. So, here I stand at Wes’s door knocking, but out of all the surprises awaiting me in L.A., this was the biggest. I was definitely not expecting the person who answered the door.

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Los Angeles, CA
Apartment of Wesley Wyndam-Price
Dawn POV

Since meeting Spike, I’ve said and done several things for shock value. I always figured that if I could get a reaction out of him, then I’d outdone myself. Well, this time I really did, judging by his expression when I opened the door to Wesley’s apartment. After we both stopped crying – but not hugging, I’m not letting go of him again any time soon – we managed to move out of the hallway. I detached myself from his side long enough to go fuss over his blood. I know exactly how he likes it and I made Wesley buy wheatabix in anticipation of this day. I know Spike will be touched that I remembered. Wes has come out of his room in the meantime and he and Spike greet each other like warriors after a battle. I don’t know if that’s a good analogy or not, but it’s the best I can do at the moment. They both stand there looking so solemn for the longest time, then Spike reaches out and clasps Wesley’s hand and pulls him in for a hug. I almost drop both their drinks at that. I’ve never seen Spike hug anyone before except me. This is so surprising to me, but apparently it’s just what Wesley needs, because when Spike hugs him fiercely and tells him that it was an honest mistake that can’t be undone but doesn’t change things between them, Wesley relaxes for the first time since I’ve met him.

The three of us sit down at the table and Spike fills us in on what’s happened with him since he left for Africa. I’m sure he edited quite a bit of the details because I was there, but even so it was a gory tale. Bleahh. Flesh-eating scarabs. Beyond gross. Most definitely a shudder-worthy tale. And I sit there positively beaming with pride the entire time. Spike holds it together pretty well until I tell him that I never took the necklace off once Wesley gave it to me and explained what it was for…then he gets all choked up and the tears flow again. He complains about the soul making him a big bloody blubbering fountain, but I can tell he’s pleased by my gesture.

We’ve each got a tale to tell here, so I go next and fill him in on the doings that prompted me to end up here in L.A. He’s genuinely surprised, and says that was one move he didn’t figure on me making. Spike tells me he’s proud of me being so strong and independent. Then he grins and comments that he would have loved to see the collective reaction from the Scoobies when they learned about it. Bloody group of wankers! That sentiment was actually echoed aloud by all three of us, and the shared laugh eased the emotional tension a bit.

Then it’s Wesley’s turn to talk and things are a bit more low-key. Wes is still dealing with a lot of guilt, and I don’t think I’ve been a huge help in that area. Maybe he and Spike will be able to help each other out there. Wesley fills Spike in on exactly what transpired and how things turned out so badly. He expresses regret and we all readily recognize that emotion. Spike points out that no one is perfect and that at least Wes made an honest mistake for the right reasons – trying to protect an innocent child. Then Spike thanks him for successfully looking out for another innocent child – me – and Wesley actually brightens up some at that. So much so that I don’t even mind that Spike referred to me as a child. Spike’s mouthed “thanks” to me acknowledging that I didn’t ruin the moment with Wes is more than enough for me to understand he was just making a point and not looking down on me.

After that, we decide to order Chinese and then get down to business. Spike is very interested to hear what Wesley and I have been up to in his absence and what we propose to do next. He’s onboard with us starting our own business, and even offered to talk to Angel about it so there wouldn’t be any waves from that corner. What a relief, since neither Wes nor I wanted to take that on. Spike is adamant though that our business venture will have a primary focus – rescuing Connor. What surprises me is not how readily Wes and I agree with that, but how honestly hopeful we all are that we can accomplish this. We agree that this mission should be kept among the three of us for now. We don’t want to alert anyone to what we’re doing who might seek to block this effort, nor do we want to raise false hopes with Angel and his crew. But as we talk about ideas, it occurs to me that we might be the only ones who honestly have a chance at saving Connor. Between Wesley’s knowledge, Spike’s single-mindedness, and my own “keyness” we could have a real shot at making this happen. Wouldn’t that be something?

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