REPLAY





Chapter 17- Wrong



Tara had never thought of Spike as a monster. She had never seen him without the chip, which may make her opinion bias, but she couldn’t imagine him as a ruthless killer. Coming to her for help made the view that he was more than a demon under house arrest even stronger.



“I suppose I could look inside your head?” she said.



Spike looked a little weary. “Inside? Better not go poking about. Had enough of that.” He lifted his hands and wiggled his fingers near his temples. “Can’t you just use your enhanced witchy senses to see if somethin’s off?”



She did have enhanced senses when it came to auras. But that wouldn’t help him out. His color had always been red and still was, although ever since he had gotten with Buffy there were glimmers in it. The chip had nothing to do with his personality.



“I-I won’t literally stick my fingers inside your brain,” Tara softly assured him.



“Oh, right, good. Get to it then,” he said.



“Are we going inside to do this?” asked Dawn.



Tara glanced at the house. It was dark except for a light on upstairs. She recognized it as the master bedroom. Willow’s room.



“That’s not a good idea, Dawnie. Sorry. We can’t expose Willow to magic right now,” Tara objected.



Dawn frowned, clearly disappointed.



“The Magic Box?”



Tara glanced at her watch. “It’s late. The shop is closed.”



“Spike could break us in.”



Spike smirked.



“No,” Tara said.



Spike shook his head. “Can’t you at least let me be a ‘little’ bit evil?” He sighed. “Fine. We’ll meet up at my crypt. You’ll get the stuff round, yeah?”



“Sure.”



“Right then.” He dug into his duster pocket for a cigarette. Lighting up he turned. “See you both then.”



On their way to Tara’s dorm, they were silent for a long while. Dawn was the one to break it.



“I don’t think Spike’s chip is bad,” she said.



“It’s a piece of hardware. Things don’t last forever.”



“I know, but it di- Um, the Initiative seemed pretty confident it would last.”



“I think Spike was a beta-tester.” Tara glanced over and smiled. “Don’t worry, sweetie. Spike puts too much credit on the chip. I’m sure even if it is bad he won’t hurt us.”



Dawn nodded. “Buffy wouldn’t like it.”



“He loves you too, you know? Why else would he ba. . . watch you all summer? ” She had almost said baby-sit, which she knew would annoy Dawn.



“Because he promised my sister,” Dawn muttered. “But you’re right. I think he does love me. But I’m not like Buffy.”



Tara grabbed Dawn’s hand and squeezed it. She got the impression that Dawn felt a little jealous.



They arrived at Tara’s dorm and gathered the ingredients needed for the spell. Luckily it was simple and didn’t require much. Neither had any trouble carrying the small amount of candles, incense, herbs, etc. on the trek over. Tara had never been to Spike’s crypt, but Dawn knew the way by heart.



Tara expected to find a dirty, cold, dark, and empty place. It was cold and dark. There weren’t any cobwebs in sight, though. And . . . furniture? She blinked in surprise.



She set up quickly. Spike sat in the circle, dubiously. Dawn hovered nearby. The spell was supposed to detect what was wrong with something so it could be fixed. She found nothing. She was pretty confident that meant the chip was in ship-shape. It could also mean that the spell didn’t work. But seeing as the spell was ‘extremely’ novice . . .



“What’s the verdict, sprite?” Spike leaned back on his hands to examine her.



“There’s nothing wrong,” she said.



“How sure are you bout that?”



“Uh . . . Nine-Ninety-nine percent?”



There was a moment of silence. Then he nodded. She let out a breath.



“All right. Fair enough.” He took a moment to ponder the results.



Dawn moved closer. “This is good, right?” she asked.



“Okay, maybe the chip was affected while under the spell,” he rationalized.



“No,” Tara said. “The spell didn’t have a physical effect, only mental.”



Spike’s head shot up. He got to his feet. He stepped over the candles and began to pace, running his hand through his gelled hair. He mumbled to himself.



Dawn gave Tara a questioning look. Tara honestly didn’t have an answer. Was Spike disappointed that the chip still worked fine?



“Bloody hell,” Spike said, his voice raising. He halted and turned toward the girls. “You know what this means, right?”



Tara shook her head. Dawn said ‘no’.



“If nothing’s wrong up here. . . “He tapped his temple. “Then . . . Then there must be something wrong with her.”



“Her?” Tara questioned.



“Buffy.”



“What?”



“I hit her. During Red’s spell. I hit her and there were no blasts. That means Red musta done something wrong when she brought the slayer back. There’s always consequences. Always.” He said the last part mostly to himself.



“I-I don’t think. . .”



Dawn looked stricken by the implication. She shook her head. “No, I refuse to believe that!”



Spike directed his gaze on the teen. “Think about it, bite size. I can’t hurt humans. If I hurt Buffy . . .”



“No!” cried Dawn. “Maybe Buffy is different, but she isn’t . . . wrong.”



Tara inwardly shuddered. What had Willow done? She felt her heart sink. Spike was right. There were always consequences, may them be good or bad. Some people called it karma, or the three fold law. There was no way she could accept all of what Willow had done. Her girl- ex girlfriend had fallen too far into the darkness. She feared that Willow had fallen too deep to ever climb back out into the light.



“I’ll look into the spell Willow cast,” Tara offered.



This seemed to calm Spike down. He gave the witch an appreciative smile. “Thanks, Glenda.”



+ + +



Buffy hadn’t seen Spike in four days. She had been busy with work, talking things through with Giles, and dealing with Willow. She was surprised that he hadn’t dropped by. That wasn’t like him. Even when they weren’t together he had purposely run into her.



On the fifth morning she couldn’t stand it anymore. She set her coffee down on the counter and faced her sister. She realized then, with a pang of guilt, that she had barely seen her sister in four days either. Dawn glanced up from her Coco-Puffs.



“Have you seen Spike recently?” Buffy tried to make it sound nonchalant.



Dawn munched away. With her mouth full she said,” Yeah, the other day.”



“Is something wrong? Is he avoiding me for some reason?”



Dawn dropped her spoon. “He’s probably still dwelling over the fact that he can hurt you.”



The slayer’s eyes widened. “Hurt me? When did he hurt me?” Then she remembered. “Oh.”



“Yeah.” Dawn paused. “Tara’s looking into it.”



“Good. Then he’ll find out all that’s wrong is a really bad suntan.”



“Huh?”



“I never told you about that? Tara said my molecules got heated or something. I never really got it; but the point is that I’m okay.”



“I know you’re okay. But Spike is not quite so sure.”



All of a sudden there was a honk. Buffy knew it was Xander. Dawn quickly slurped down her bowl of milk. She grabbed her coat. Buffy was disappointed that their conversation had to be cut short. Dawn gave her a parting hug.



“Go see him,” Dawn said.



“Did you pack a lunch?” Buffy asked.



“I’ll get something from the vending machine.”



Buffy was ready to protest but her sister hurried out of the room. “Gotta go, can’t be late! Bye!”



She sighed. “Bye.”



+ + +



Following Dawn’s advice, Buffy went to see Spike. She found him in his favorite chair (his only chair), sipping on a mug of blood and watching TV. His eyes might have been glued on the soap, but she got the impression that his attention was somewhere else.



“What brings you by, luv?”



She could have laughed.



“What brings me by? Oh, I don’t know Spike, maybe I was bored and decided to waste some time.”



He didn’t reply.



“That was sarcasm,” she said. “My time with you isn’t a waste. I thought you would be aware of how relationships work, you being one hundred and fifty-“



“One hundred and forty-six.”



“What?”



“’M one hundred and forty-six.”



“Whatever. Point is you’re old. You should know stuff. You should know that girlfriends visit their boyfriends.”



He was silent. Seconds ticked by and with each one she grew more frustrated.



Finally he spoke. “Is that what we are, pet? Girlfriend and boyfriend?”



She rolled her eyes. “Well, duh.”



Her frustration had grown into anger. He had yet to face her. She stomped over and switched off the television. “Will you look at me?”



His blank gaze landed on her.



“Why are you being like this?” she demanded. She knew she hadn’t done a damn thing. “Wait, I know what this is! You always get like this when you have to deal with something. You hide your feelings by acting all dumbass. Well, I’m not going to take it.” She crossed her arms. “Tell me straight up why you’ve been avoiding me.”



“Haven’t been avoiding. Just been busy is all.”



Gesturing to the TV screen, she said, “Watching shows?”



“Is it any of your business?”



Fire touched her eyes. “God, Spike, sometimes-!” She let out an ‘eeeer’ sound. She wanted to punch him. She wanted to make his nose bleed. But she knew that wouldn’t solve anything. She struggled to calm down.



“You think you know me, slayer? You think you’ve got me all figured out, don’t you?”



Her face hard, she said, “Better than you think.”



He stood up. His movements were fluid, catlike. “Think again. You have ‘no’ idea what I’m feelin right now.”



“So tell me! Explain to me what the problem is!”



He took a step toward her. “The problem is that I could knock you to the floor right now. I could rip the clothes from your body and screw your brains out. I could make it hurt real good, baby.”



That was the turning point. In that moment Buffy made a mistake. She knew his reference collided with his future attempted rape act. She knew it. But that didn’t change the fact that she was turned on. The heat had seeped through her, igniting every nerve. Most of the attention was focused between her legs. Oh how she wanted him.



She could have prevented it. She should have cleared her mind and shook off her desire. Instead she fell, as if in a trap.



“Why don’t you?” she seductively asked. It was a challenge, an ‘I dare you to’.



Never dare a vampire. More importantly never dare a vampire without a soul. And even more essential, never dare a soulless vampire with issues.



At first Spike was stunned. Then something came over him. He smirked. “Would you like that, baby?”



And Buffy smiled. “Maybe.”



Later Buffy would remember this with disgust. Honestly this wasn’t her. Something else was controlling her. Some primal part of her that was usually hidden down deep. Possibly the same part of her that had been attracted to Dracula, and lured her from bed at night to the graveyard. The slayer part. And she got off on pain.



What Spike did next wasn’t him either. It was his primitiveness acting as well. She couldn’t really blame him. She had taunted him, driven it to the surface.



Spike pounced.



She hit the stone floor, her head banging against it. Spike grabbed hold of her clothing and tore it off. She reiterated the act, her hands frantically impatient. His cold, naked body smashed against hers. He pounded into her with no restraint. She cried out as he rode her to oblivion.

This would have been exactly how the bathroom scene played out if he had succeeded, if she had let him get away with it.



He had not failed in his promise. It hurt real good.



And she enjoyed it.



______________________________________________



Okay, you are probably gaping at the computer screen and shaking your head. What the heck have you done? you are wondering. You ruined Spuffy! Well, uh . . . Originally I planned on having this sweet love scene where they had their first time (all over again), but then this came into form. It may be brutal and very dark, but it is very powerful. And if you feel uncomfortable about it- Good. That was what I wanted. It is ‘supposed’ to make you not like it.



Don’t worry, I’ll make it all better. But I did do this for a reason. It made a few things known: Spike may love Buffy and want to be treated like a man but he is a vampire and can let that control him, Buffy has a violent slayer side that is fighting to come to the surface, and ‘the biggest thing I wanted to get across’ SPUFFY CAN’T BE FLUFFY ALL THE TIME. Spike and Buffy are warriors, and to be able to be so they have to have a dark side, and it has to come out sometimes. Well, it came out.



And this turned into a long rant, didn’t it? I’m shutting up now.