REPLAY





Chapter 18- Right



The first thing she was aware of was the cold, hard floor. Her eyes popped open and she checked to see if the roof had caved in. Luckily it hadn’t. She abruptly sat up. Déjà vu rushed through her. She half expected to find rubble scattered across the place. The only indication of their rough play was their dispersed clothing, however. She snatched her panties up, finding them ripped.



“Oh my God,” she slowly said.



“Did I do that?” asked a deep, masculine voice.



Buffy’s head snapped over to find Spike. He was propped up on his elbows, examining her with an innocent look on his face. Buffy lowered the ruined garment. That wasn’t the only thing ruined because of their violent nature. How could she have made the same mistake over again? How would she ever be able to fix this?



Buffy spotted her skirt. She picked it up and quickly stepped into it. Then she threw on her blouse. As an afterthought, she stuffed the panties into her pocket. She scanned the room.



“Where are my shoes?”



“What’s the hurry, luv?”



She wrapped her arms around herself. “I can’t stay here.”



His eyes darkened. “So that’s it? You’re going to leave all disgusted because of my evil antics? Newsflash, princess, I’m a ‘vampire’. You knew that when you got into this gig.”



She couldn’t argue there. She knew there was darkness inside him. What she hadn’t anticipated was the darkness that he could bring out in her.



You belong in the shadows... with me.



She briefly closed her eyes and shuddered. She didn’t belong in the shadows, but he could pull her down into them. She’d let him . . . and she’d like it. Maybe this wouldn’t work. She loved him and he loved her, but sometimes there were other factors that interfere. What if she couldn’t be with him without falling into the deep abyss? And what other option was there? It wasn’t like she could bring him out into the light.



“You’re right,” she said. “But if we keep this going it’s going to kill us both. Believe me I know.”



Spike swiftly got to his feet. He stood before her in all his naked glory. She managed to keep her gaze focused on his face.



“What are you saying, luv? That it’s over?”



Her heart broke. She took a shaky breath.



“I don’t know. Maybe,” she whispered.



He stared at her in shock. His eyes lost all life.



Buffy turned. If she looked at him for another second she’d break. She’d stay and bring more destruction upon them.



“I need time to think,” she declared.



She left before waiting for a reply.



+ + +



Work was difficult. She couldn’t focus. She gave a customer Sleepless in Seattle instead of Sleeping with the Enemy. The guy wasn’t pleased and demanded that he receive a free movie, which led to her boss not being so pleased either.



As soon as she came home Dawn met her at the door. Buffy didn’t bother taking off her coat or shoes. She knew from her sister’s expression that something bad was up.

“Willow is gone!” Dawn explained.



“What? Weren’t you home? Why didn’t you stop her from leaving?” Buffy scolded.



As soon as Buffy said that she scanned Dawn for any injury. Flashbacks of the broken arm incident came to mind. What if Willow somehow used magic to harm Dawn in order to leave? She relaxed when she came up with no sign of her worry.



“She went upstairs to take a nap. A couple hours later I went to check on her and found her gone. Apparently she teleported out of the house or something. Or, she could have climbed out the window like you used to do.”



Buffy nodded. She rubbed her temples, trying to think. Work, brain, work.



“You don’t think she went out with Amy, do you?” Dawn asked.



“Oh God,” Buffy said. “That’s exactly where I think she went.”



They were both silent for a moment as that sunk in. Buffy felt like letting herself give out, to just collapse. Nothing she did was making any difference whatsoever. It was times like this that she did shut down in a manner of perspective. She brought forth the slayer hundred percent.



“We have to get Spike.”



“What? Why?”



Dawn gave her a ‘duh’ look. “He’s the only one that can find Rack.”



“No. We don’t need him.”



“I don’t remember the exact location. We need him.”



Buffy sighed. Dawn was right. They needed him. She reluctantly nodded.



They were almost to his crypt when Dawn asked, “Did you both have a fight?”



A fight would have been all right. No, it was far worse.



“Something like that, Dawnie.”



Dawn shook her head. “It’ll be all right. Nothing can be sunshine and roses all the time.”



Buffy stared straight ahead into the darkness.



The slayer stopped abruptly when they reached the stone tomb. She rose her foot to kick the door in without even thinking. Dawn pulled her back.



“What are you doing?” Dawn demanded.



That was Buffy’s breaking point. Tears escaped her eyes as the girl peeked through the slayer facade.



“This is worse than just a fight, isn’t it? Did you two break up?”



“I don’t know,” Buffy choked.



Dawn gave her a hug.



“You wait her. I’ll go get him. Take some time to compose yourself.”



Buffy shook her head. “No, you’re the one that should wait.”



“Why?”



“Because he wasn’t so presentable last time I was here asking for help with Rack.”



At first Dawn didn’t get it. Then a blush spread across her face.



Buffy crept inside. It was pitch black, but she knew the place by heart. She made her way to the trapdoor that led downstairs. She climbed down. The faint light of candles illuminated the bedroom. Good thing they weren’t near wood or it would have been a big fire hazard.



She took a moment to gaze at the pale body on the bed. He was completely uncovered. His face was directed her way, eyes closed. He looked so innocent, like a little boy. She hated to wake him.



“Spike.”



He didn’t even stir.



“Spike?” This time she said his name louder.



Still nothing. She reached out and laid a hand on his arm. His eyes instantly popped open. She jumped backwards.



Spike sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He perched on the end, his head lifted to her.



“You sleep like the dead.”



He raised an eyebrow. “Bit knackered. Had a long night.”



Buffy ignored him. “Look, I need your help.”



His expression darkened.



“Please, Spike. This has nothing to do with us. Willow is in trouble. Dawn and I really have to find her.”



“The bit is with you?”



“Yeah.”



Spike stood up. “Right then.”



+ + +



Dawn trailed behind her two favorite people. The blondes purposely kept their distance. She hated it. They both loved each other. Shouldn’t that be enough? The quiet was really getting to her.



“So, uh, Spike? We should ya know, hang out.”

Spike turned. “What was that?”



“You should come over and have a movie night with me or something. Bandits. Or, hey, Fast and the Furious.”



He glanced at Buffy, unsure. “Depends on big sis.”



Buffy gave Spike a long look. “Spike, I’m not putting a restraining order on you. Come by and see Dawn anytime you want.”



Dawn smiled. Call her miss matchmaker. She knew that she could get them to get over whatever the problem was.



“Anything?” Buffy asked Spike.



“Not yet,” Spike said.



Silence took over again.



Suddenly Spike halted. “Do you see something?”



Dawn searched the street. She couldn’t find anything.



“No,” Buffy said, apparently not seeing anything either.



Spike pointed. “There, comin closer.”



“I think . . . “Buffy began. “Willow!”



Sure enough it was Willow. She stumbled toward them. When she reached them she crumpled to the ground, exhausted. Buffy knelt beside her.



“Are you okay? What happened?”



Expecting black-eyed Willow, Dawn was surprised to see happy Willow. The redhead had a proud smile plastered on her face.



“I got away!” she exclaimed. “I was strong and left!”



“What are you talkin about, Red?” Spike questioned.

“Rack did something to me. I felt . . . It was amazing. But then things got bad. I saw things. Horrible things. So I . . . “ Her smile grew larger. She focused on her best friend. “I rejected it. The magic was so strong but I got away. I knew that if I didn’t I’d lose myself.”



Buffy grabbed Willow and hugged her. Buffy began to cry. Willow’s mouth went slack and tears spilled over. Dawn took a staggering step and then lowered to join in. When they untangled Spike was gone.



+ + +



The next night Buffy found herself on Spike’s doorstep. She knocked and then wrapped her arms around herself. The door swung open after a moment. Spike stood there in a pair of unzipped jeans and nothing else.



“What are you doing here?”



The coldness in his voice startled her.



“I’ve been thinking,” she said.



“About what?”



“About us.”



Without feeling he said,” Thought there wasn’t an ‘us’.”



“I said I needed time. Well I took time and I’ve figured it out. I think maybe it was Willow who opened up my eyes.” She met his intense gaze. His expression didn’t change.



“She made me see that we can fight. Maybe we’re drawn to the darkness but that doesn’t mean we have to let it control us,” she continued.



That got through to him. His blank mask fell away to be replaced by vulnerability. “Maybe you were right, though. The reason I had been avoiding you was because I didn’t want to hurt you. The demon is always there, Buffy. It doesn’t want to kill you anymore, but it bloody well doesn’t want puppies and snuggles.”



“I know that,” Buffy said. She reached out and cupped his cheek. “I also know that you can be gentle. I believe you can be a good man, William, if you choose to be.”



There was that look again. She remembered it down in the basement just before the bringers took him away. It had been so soulful. Wonder filled her that he could appear so soulful now when he very well couldn’t be.



He shut his eyes. “Do you really believe that?”



“Yes. And I also believe that I can be a good woman for you. We can both be deserving of each other.”



Buffy slid by him, grabbed his hand, and then pulled him along. He watched her with questioning as she led him through the dimly lit crypt. She let go of him to open the latch that led below and began to make her way down. She stopped at the top and gestured for him to follow. He complied without a word but she could sense his confusion.



When Buffy got to the bottom she turned. His bed was covered in black silken sheets. She smiled and went to them. She slipped into the unmade bed. Spike stared at her, desire flooding over him, but he didn’t move to join her. She stretched out her hand.



“Come to me, William,” she whispered. “Come make love to me.”



“Buffy . . .?”



“It’s all right.”



Problem solved. Buffy had come to an enlightening solution to their dark nature. The only reason it got out of hand was because when one got violent the other did as well. She could train them to bring out the tenderness instead. If one began to loose it the other could bring them back.



Spike hesitantly sat on the bed. His left hand tangled in her hair. Her eyes fluttered with emotion.



“I love you,” she breathed.



She got worried when he remained still. She looked up and got a glimpse of his wet face. He quickly turned away. She took his head and brought it back to face her.



“Don’t be ashamed to show how you feel, baby.”



“S’ like a dream, pet. I dreamed of this so many times.”



She tugged him down for a kiss. “So have I.”



Their actions were slow and thoughtful. When he entered her it wasn’t about wanting to feel. She ‘already’ felt. It was about manifesting emotions and reinforcing them. She got that now.



+ + +



If you wanted to do something right, you had to do it yourself. That was Warren’s new motto. Jonathan and Andrew were a mistake, only a liability. Sure Andrew could summon demons, and Jonathan . . . What did Jonathan even offer the team? Anyway, he didn’t need them. He was stronger on his own.



It took him forever to move out of his parents’ basement and find a new place. It took him longer to rebuild. Then he had to have a fit of rage thinking about the slayer and tear it up.



He sat in the rubble, his jaw twitching. He had to focus and not let his anger interfere with the mission.





That last part was just to let you know that Warren is still around.