REPLAY



Author: Heather Martin (SinisterChic)

Rating: PG13

Spoilers: Season 6, Season 7, Angel season 5

Summary: S/B, Learning of Spike’s resurrection Dawn and she venture to LA in search of him. But they are too late. . . Or are they? Is there a way to fix things before they began to get dark?

Archive: Just let me know where





Sorry, guys, all these mind games are due to my philosophy class. It gives you nasty evil ideas.



Chapter 25- Losing Substance



Spike resembled a little lost boy. Buffy wanted to wrap him in her arms and comfort him. She couldn’t help but compare him to the souled basement vampire. He was so confused and frightened.



“I just got here, Spike,” Buffy repeated.



“You mean you didn’t break up with me?” he whispered.



“What? No! God, Spike, I came here to make up with you.”



Spike wildly looked around. “I don’t know what is real anymore.”



This sounded familiar.



“You aren’t hearing voices that say ‘From Beneath You it Devours’, are you?”



He shook his head. “No. I’m getting the loony combo of hearing, seeing, and touching.”



“Spike, what happened exactly? What happened that didn’t really happen?”



Spike leaned against the wall, his knees up to his chest. He had stopped crying but wetness still lingered on his face. He gazed up at the ceiling.



“I hurt you.”



“I gathered that much. But how?”



“I forced you. I got you down on the ground and tried . . .”



The air felt colder all of a sudden. “Oh.”



There was a span of silence.



“Spike, it didn’t happen. You wouldn’t do that again?”



“How do I know that, huh? How do I know that wasn’t reality and this is the phony?”



Buffy took his hand. He flinched. She shushed him and brought his palm to rest on her heart.



“Feel that? I’m real.”



He let out a sob.



“Buffy, what is happening?” he asked.



“Something is playing with us. The time shifter. The same thing that made me believe you were dead and Angel had turned human.”



Spike snatched back his hand. “Sounds like bloody paradise to me.”



“It wasn’t. Spike, I love you. You have to believe that if not anything. I want you and no one else.”



“Wait, did you say again?”



“Huh?”



“I hurt you before?” Spike banged his head against the wall. “Was this part of the past you had to change?”



Did it matter? It hadn’t happened in this time. He hadn’t really tried to rape her. It was all an illusion created by this time shifter to rattle them around a bit. Apparently it was working.



Buffy spoke slow and soothingly. “We both hurt each other the first time around. It wasn’t just you. Actually I think it was mostly me. I messed with you so much. No meant yes. And when I finally did mean no. . .” She shut her eyes. “But you don’t have to worry about that. I love you, so you don’t have to worry about hurting me again. I’m all yours willingly.”



She sensed movement and opened her eyes. Spike hovered over her, his expression hard.



“Not that simple, pet. I believe you love me. But what if you didn’t? What if someday you decide you don’t want to be with me?”



“But I won’t,” Buffy protested. “This is a forever deal.”



“How do you know that? People change, luv. People feel different as time passes.”



Yes, people did change. Her perspective on him surely did. She couldn’t argue with him. Her heart squeezed as he inched further and further from her.



“If things weren’t the way they were I’d do it. I’d try and . . . I’d force you. How can you live with that?” Spike touched his chest. “How can I live with that?”



Tears escaped her eyes. She stared up at him through her blurry vision.



“So, what are we going to do? You’re just going to stay away from me because of what you would do if things ‘weren’t’ the way they are?” Buffy spat.



Spike formed a fist and smashed it into the wall. It left an indent and bloodied his knuckles. He laughed without humor at his actions.



“I don’t know,” he said. “But I can’t go on knowing that I’m not what you deserve.”



Buffy picked herself up. “And what is it I deserve Mr.? Shouldn’t that be for me to decide?”



His electric eyes stabbed into her. She had never seen them so piercing with emotion. He gestured toward the door. “You deserve someone who could take you out anytime of the day. Somebody who could give you babies. Somebody who could grow old with you.” He paused. “But you also need somebody with a little monster. Somebody who could fight by your side, be your equal. But somebody who wouldn’t let that monster take them over.”



“There isn’t anyone like that!” Buffy screamed. “I admit your qualifications sound pretty damn good, but there isn’t anyone who falls under them. No one can be part vampire and part human at the same time.”



Spike slumped against the wall. “I wish I could be.”



“But it isn’t possible. When you accept that I’ll be waiting.”



She turned and left.



+ + +



Willow scrolled through her results. 1-10 of 416,000. This could take awhile. She heard footsteps near and turned away from the laptop. Her eyes went wide.



“Tara?” She sat up.



“I’ve been thinking about what Buffy did. You can’t expect to turn back time every time you make a mistake.”



Willow scooted to the end of the bed. “Are you all right?”



“That means you should make things right the first time, don’t you think?” Tara asked.



Willow nodded.



“So, I’m going to do something that I think will lead in a positive direction,” Tara went on.



Tara stepped over. She pressed Willow flat against the mattress. Willow gasped in surprise as Tara kissed her deeply.



+ + +



The boy was weak. The time shifter liked weak minds. They were easy to take hold of, easy to control.



This Warren didn’t even attempt to fight him. Maybe he liked what the time shifter had planned.



+ + +



Buffy took a deep sigh before knocking loudly on Xander’s door. It didn’t take long for him to answer. He looked out at her. She was glad to see that his gaze didn’t hold hostility.



“I need to talk with someone,” Buffy said. “I tried Willow but she was . . . preoccupied.”



He held the door open wider. She took that as an invitation and went in. She glanced around the apartment. It was sparkling clean except for a single beer bottle on the coffee table. Xander sat down on the couch and Buffy sat nearby on the chair.



“First off, I’d like to apologize. I should have told you guys what was going on.”



Xander grabbed the beer and took a sip. “I understand why you did what you did.”



Her lips tugged up slightly. “Thank you for understanding.”

“I’m not mad,” he added.



“Oh, good. I was worried. So, we’re good? Can we move past the me apologizing?”



He set the beer down. “I’m all ears. You’ve helped us all out, now it’s time for us to lend a hand for you.”



Buffy folded her hands in her lap. She looked down at them. “Spike sorta doesn’t want to see me anymore.”



“Are you for real? Spike, the guy who stalked you? Who chained you up to a wall? Who risked his life against a hell god?”



She nodded. “He’s scared he’s going to hurt me. The time spinner made him believe he did. He won’t even touch me now.”



“Buffy, don’t beat me up for saying this but maybe he has a point.”



She turned her head to face him. “What?”



“Spike’s a vampire, Buffy. He doesn’t have a soul. Just some leash they jammed in his head. You think he’d be all snuggles if that chip ever stopped working? I have to give him some credit for realizing that he’s no good for you.”



Buffy jumped to her feet. “I can’t believe I came to you for advice! I thought you’d be a friend about this. But you can’t see past your demon bigotry!”



“Your feelings are clouding your judgment, Buffy. Everyone else knows what he really is. You’re the only one that seems to have forgotten.”



“Ugh, I can’t deal with your issues! Goodbye, Xander.”



Buffy stormed out, slamming the door on her way.



________________________________________________



That’s just Xander for ya.