~*~
Chapter 16
~*~

Spike finally broke down and dropped by Willie’s
for a long chat with his old buddy Mr. Daniels.
Bourbon was a very forgiving friend. It was odd to feel the pain he was feeling. Sure, he’d known it would cut deep if Buffy turned from him as she seemed to be doing, but much to Spike’s surprise, having the humans that he had come to care about likely turning from him as well hurt more than he wanted to admit. As he raised his glass, he remembered one human had come to his defense. The gypsy teacher had even tried to talk some reason into the group. Maybe all wasn’t lost yet.

He took his bottle to a sheltered booth and sank in for a planned mind-numbing. Suddenly, the small sprite of a demon who was responsible for this time-travel thing sat down across from him.

"You gonna pop up every time I open a bottle of Jack, demon girl?" Spike determined he’d have to remain sober and in close guard of his tongue unless he wanted to land his arse in an even bigger mess thanks to this miss.

Fuamnach tittered shyly and ducked her head. "No, I’m not a genie. I’m a fairy, or I guess I’m a demon now. Maybe that’s my problem, I’m really not sure what I am half the time." She sighed then shook herself before continuing. "That’s not important. Look, I messed up
with your wish. The Slayer’s still alive as ever
and no one’s pleased."

Spike’s head shot up at the implied threat against Buffy. "No one hurts the Slayer, got that? I’m not above pullin’ the wings off a fairy. Evil here."

Fuamnach drew back sharply, more than a little afraid of the distraught vampire across from her. "Hey, I only grant wishes. You’re the one who said that was your plan, not me." She chanced a look and was relieved to see that Spike had settled back in his seat. "Anyway, the S’Gampos widow whose pain cried out for me finally wrote out her request and she’s not
that interested in having the Slayer die. I’m working on how to fulfil her wish now, ‘cause I REALLY don’t want to try to figure out how to refund those sacrifices!"

"Assumin’ I had a clue about half of that little
drama, what’s it to do with me? Spike was interested in spite of himself. "So, Tinkerbell, what do you want with me?"

"Look, D’Hoffryn doesn’t know I’m here." She leaned forward and spoke in a low tone, afraid of
eavesdroppers. "I feel bad about how things went with you. I used you to make my job easier and now you’ve landed yourself in a world where your sire is gone and you’re more alone than ever. You still have that chip. Please believe me, I had NO idea about that or I would have made it part of the wish to just put you in your older, chipless, body instead of replacing
it with the no-kill version."

"Pet, you’re babbling." Spike was amused.

"I can undo it," Fuamnach offered.

"Undo what? My bollocksing up my one chance to have an unlife worth living and people who care about my stupid existence? Make Buffy understand why I was bein’ careful how much I told her and when?" He noticed the sad shake of the demon’s head and snorted. "Didn’t think so."

"I can send you back, just like none of this ever
happened. You’ll have the memories, of course, but they won’t. Everything will be just like it was." Fuamnach looked at the vampire hopefully.

Spike thought about it, what it would be like. He
wasn’t sure he wanted to remember how sweet Buffy had tasted, especially willing and in her own mind, not under a spell. He didn’t know if he could stand the pain of loving her when she was as closedhearted as she was in his own timeline. This was the point in time when Buffy was being formed. The Buffy he had known had
come through the emotional fires hardened and unwilling to love or be loved. This Buffy was still able to let herself be all that she was born to be. This Buffy hadn’t been left behind by every man she counted on, every man she loved--her daddy, Angel. This Buffy had yet to meet Angelus. With that last thought, Spike knew the only answer he could give if he were true to himself.

"NO. Gotta stay the course, yeah?" He continued talking, even as he took in the look of shock on Fuamnach’s face. "Even if Buffy doesn’t forgive me, gotta stay and make sure that bloody bastard doesn’t rip the heart out of her. Gotta make sure Dark Eyes doesn’t star in one of Angelus’ works of art. Gotta watch Buffy’s back when the big bads come her way. It doesn’t matter if she never loves me again. What matters is makin’ sure she lives to love SOMEONE again. Can’t do that if I turn tail and leave. I’m not leavin’ the girl."

Fuamnach sat silent, humbled in the face of a love strong enough to be self-sacrificing from a creature that wasn’t supposed to be able to love at all.

"Thanks for the offer though, right nice of you. Now fly on back to your boss and do your wish fulfillin’ somewhere else, ‘cause I’ve got fences to mend and things to do. Bloody Master’s still out there plannin’ on killin’ Buffy. Soddin’ Angel’s makin’ moves on my girl and I need to do more than whine about it." Spike looked at Fuamnach and smiled with a bright, genuine smile of appreciation. "Glad you came by. Put things in perspective. Was gonna crawl into a bottle and throw a pity party when I need to be out there dealin’. You’ve shown me the way. Now get lost."

Spike stood and headed for the door and wondered if 10 p.m. was too late to pay a call on the gypsy.

~~~

Deep beneath Sunnydale, the old Master sat with his protégé Colin, The Anointed One. "Fear is a wonderful thing. It is the most powerful force in the human world. Not love, not hate…Fear!

The boy looked up I awe at his master, his teacher. Surely all the wisdom of the ages was encased in one so old.

"When you were a mortal boy, what did you fear?" The Master looked at Colin as if the boy’s
answer would solve some great cosmic puzzle.

"Monsters," the vampire boy said quietly.

The Master nodded sagely, as if well pleased by his answer. "We are defined by the things we fear." The Master walked to the large cross buried in the ruins with him and pointed. "This symbol, these two planks of wood, it confounds me. Suffuses me with mortal dread. But fear is in the mind." He put out his clawed hand and touched the cross, not flinching as it began to burn. "Like pain, it can be controlled. If I can face my fear, it cannot master me."

As the boy nodded at this imparted wisdom, the Master turned his face upward with a raptured look on his face. "Something is happening above. Some new, powerful, psychic force. Do you feel it?"

Colin reached out with his mind and could feel…something. "I feel change."

The Master seemed to return to awareness of his
surroundings. "Yes, change. For the better or the worse." He smiled his grotesque smile at the young vampire. "My time draws near."

The gathered clan members began to chant in a demonic parody of ancient monks. It was a near religious sound of supplication to whatever gods demons and vampires turned to in such times.

"When I rise, the Old Ones will walk again and the humans will be what they truly are…." The Master locked eyes with the boy. "Meaningless."

~~~

Jenny was pleased to see Spike at her door. She worried that the heartsick vampire might have fallen into mischief after the way the scene had played out in the library.

"Spike, come in. I can’t offer you any blood, but I can brew a real cup of tea," she offered. "One of the side benefits of dating Rupert."

Spike smiled sheepishly and mentally kicked himself for having forgotten the acceptance and friendship of this woman. He felt as if he had taken something precious for granted. "Guess you already know I’m not too sure what to do now, yeah?"

Jenny guided the vampire into her small kitchen and motioned for him to sit. "That’s not because you’re a demon, Spike; that’s how we all feel when our intentions don’t seem to matter in the long run. You never intended to deceive Buffy, but that is how she’s taking it right now."

Spike looked dejected as he nodded in agreement. "Never meant to hurt her. I really was goin’ to tell her. That’s why I was there at the bleedin’ library. Didn’t want to wait for Friday." His face hardened as he remembered the scene. "Just my luck for Peaches to be there and move in like that."

"About that, Spike…I tried to impress on Rupert how dangerous it is to let Angel use this breach between you two to move in on Buffy. As wary of you as Giles may be, he DOES know that Angelus is the greater threat." Jenny moved to the cabinets and pulled out the necessary ingredients for a proper cuppa.

She worked on the magic elixir of comfort as she
continued to fill Spike in on what he had missed.
"Rupert and I are… well, not exactly fighting, but not on the best of terms at the moment. I am really disappointed in his inability to look beyond what he’s been taught and believe what he sees. That’s bigotry and my people have born the brunt of that sort of thinking for centuries. It rankles."

"Don’t want to be the cause of trouble between the two of you," Spike began apologetically before Jenny cut him off.

"It isn’t you, Spike, although this situation with you has brought it to the forefront. No, Giles needs to get past all that propaganda and deal with reality if he and I have a chance. This time it’s you that revealed his attitude, who knows what it would be next." Jenny sat across from Spike and waited for the tea to steep properly.

"I’m a modern woman in a modern world, but I’m also Romany. My people are ancient in our ways and wisdom. Our wisdom comes from observing and passing on the knowledge gained. We’ve traveled the world, always seeing--not just with our eyes, but with our hearts as well. You don’t get that from books." Jenny sighed her disappointment. "Rupert is a good man and I would love a future with him. But if he cannot look past his books, his wisdom that isn’t, to see what’s before him…." She stopped with a catch to her voice that spoke of the pain she was feeling.

"For what it’s worth, he has it in him to be what you need. I know for a fact that losin’ you was when he lost a big part of himself. Seein’ things here I can tell where the old sod started to tweed himself up and shove that stick up his ar….well, you get the point, no pun intended." Spike would have blushed if he could. "Be in his best interest if you didn’t give up on him yet."

"Oh," Jenny laughed, "I’m not giving up on a
thing….just having a healthy pout. Let him stew in his juices for a bit, realize what he has to lose.
How about you, Spike. Are you giving up?"

Spike shook his head firmly, "No. Can’t just walk away. May not do any good, but I’m in for the distance."

"I thought so. I for one think you’re good for
Buffy." She smiled at Spike’s surprised look. "The Armaya my ancestors put on Angelus wasn’t thought out well enough. The human Liam was bi-lacio--sorry, no good--and the soul isn’t strong enough to totally control the demon. Still that soul, even as weak as it is, is the only thing that protects the world from the far greater evil of Angelus. I don’t have to tell you any of that."

Spike knew that any of the stories he could tell Jenny would be accepted as gospel because she knew the important issue: the character of the being. That was enough without the details of actions being spelled out. "The Poofter still hovering ‘bout Buffy offerin’ to help?"

"You don’t know, do you?" Jenny poured out tea for them both. "The boy in the coma was the source of the nightmares and when he woke up, Buffy was back to her normal, non-vampire self."

"Glad to hear it." Spike was surprised at how
strongly he did feel that way. "Funny, you’d think I’d welcome Buffy being an eternal undead, if only for the company. Don’t want her changed though. Love her like she is. Who knows what she’d be like with a demon in her."

"As for Angel, I really don’t know anything for
certain. He avoids me for rather obvious reasons." Jenny chuckled at the discomfort she always noted in Angel when he was in her presence.

"I’m planning to do a ritual to anchor that soul of
his," she confessed. "The stars will be properly aligned day after tomorrow and I’m going to do it then." Spike nodded his understanding of the importance of the ritual. "It won’t stop his making moves on Buffy, but it will keep
him from becoming Angelus with no brakes at all. I wish it could be more, Spike. Just give her time and don’t stop trying to make her understand."

"Think the Watcher’ll try to stake me now that I’m all vulnerable and allergic to the sun again?" Spike looked at the bare finger that had sported his safety insurance prior to that afternoon.

"I wish I could say with certainty. You do need to be careful, especially around Angel." Jenny thought about the situation for a moment and then continued. "Willow is on your side too and she’s spending the night at Buffy’s. Maybe Buffy will be open to a conversation tomorrow. You’re supposed to have that dinner with her mother and Buffy never told you not to come. Why don’t you show up? Take flowers, be on your best behavior. I doubt Buffy will have the nerve to toss you out in front of her mother; too many explanations if she does."

"Well, no one’s ever denied my cheek," Spike laughed. "Might as well twist her knickers a bit more and give it a shot. You will make sure my dust gets properly scattered instead of ending up in a Hoover, won’t you?"

~~~

School had returned to normal. The nightmares
returned to the average ‘didn’t study for my test’ and ‘my boyfriend is cheating’ variety for most of the students. Buffy and Willow were waiting in the lunchroom for Xander to join them.

"So what do I tell my mom? She’s been planning this dinner all week and I just know she’s gonna think I’m some easy ‘ho to be all in love with this guy one day and not wanting to see him the next." Buffy looked at Willow in panic. "I can’t say that he shouldn’t come because he’s a vampire and I just found out! Mom would have me locked up."

Willow commiserated with her friend’s dilemma. "You wouldn’t be a ‘ho, Buffy, just a normal sixteen-year-old girl. You hear everyone at school talk about the ‘great loves of their lives’ that change every couple of days! Your mom will deal."

"So you think I should just say that we broke up and dinner is off?" Buffy asked. "She’s gonna be
disappointed. Spike’s the first guy I’ve actually
invited over to meet her. I think she was more
excited than me. She bought me this beautiful dress for the dance that I was going to ask Spike to take me to. Told me this long story about her big Homecoming dance of fate where she met my dad. That should have told me I was jinxed right there." Buffy nearly cried at the memory of her last meeting with Hank Summers.

"Buffy…," Willow hesitated slightly, not wanting to open wounds. "You know Billy’s nightmares may have been part of all that, right?"

Buffy let out a disgusted snort. "Yeah, my first
thought too. Nope, I called dad to check on this
weekend and he just asked what part of our
conversation I’d missed."

"Oh." Willow swallowed the lump in her throat. Really, Buffy had had major bad happen this week and Willow wished she knew how to make the pain go away.

It was clear that Buffy was not so much angry with Spike as she was feeling stubborn and hurt. Part of her wanted desperately to just ignore all her training, to take Spike for the hot, sweet guy she knew him to be and not worry about whether he had a heartbeat or not. Even the Slayer part of her didn’t seem to have a problem with him. Still, he had lied, kept the most important piece of information about himself away from her. She was going to have to work on those vampire tinglies Giles was always talking about before every guy she liked sprouted fangs and surprised her.

"Can I just say how glad I am this is Friday,"
Xander chirped as he joined the girls. "This has been one messed up week in a series of messed up weeks. Bronzing tonight?"

"I don’t think so. I’d better be there to help eat
the roast mom bought for tonight’s dinner. She went all out with the home cookin’ and I think she’ll be more mad at me for all that work going for nothing than for my change of heart." Buffy looked glum. She hadn’t looked this unhappy in all the time since her friends had known her.

"Maybe you could still do dinner and then break up later," Willow suggested. "No reason to get your mom all in ‘concerned mother’ mode."

"Wait!" Xander looked at his oldest friend in horror. "You did NOT just suggest that the Buffster still break bread with the lying vamp, did you?"

Willow glared at Xander, her lips pursed in a flash of anger. "I’m suggesting that Buffy think about having dinner with her mom and SPIKE, whom you liked perfectly well just a couple of days ago, and decide what to say to her mom later! Buffy’s had a really bad time and
having her mom all questiony wouldn’t be loads of puppies and giggles."

"I haven’t seen Spike since…," Buffy trailed off.
"Not like he’ll just show up on my doorstep."

~~~

Spike looked from one arrangement to another. The Victorian poet that still lived within wondered what response he might get if he ordered up an odd bunch of botanicals to say what he wanted to say. Sadly, the language of flowers was lost to this age. Buffy would not understand the collection of tree branches, leaves and unusual wildflowers that might spell out how sorry he
was for lying to her, how he vowed to never betray her trust again and how he longed for reconciliation.


Instead he settled on a more normal-looking bouquet that still had meaning. The florist put together the red and white chrysanthemums that spoke of ‘truth’ and ‘I love’ along with the cedar leaf greenery that pronounced ‘I live for thee’ in the dead language William still spoke fluently.

He selected a bunch of daffodils for Joyce to express ‘regard’. Spike had liked the woman’s spirit since his first real meeting at the business end of her axe at Buffy’s school. The woman had a warrior’s heart.

He dressed carefully, laying aside his black denim for navy cotton twill slacks and a soft, sky blue button-down shirt that any mother would approve of. He decided to forgo a necktie and left the top two buttons open, exposing his neck and giving him a casual air.

Bouquets in hand and the steel of determination
guiding him, Spike headed towards Revello Drive, not certain at all of his welcome. He really wished he still had that Gem!