Dear Diary by LiquidVamp
So Long Gone
K folks, it's not some cutie little fluff fic. I'm sure that's what most would want for Valentines, but well I wasn't feeling fluff at the moment. So you get angst instead.
Um k on with the show.
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Dear Diary,
I don’t know how to begin. It’s been so long since I poured my soul out to you.
Diary, how do you let go of someone? Someone you loved with your whole being, mind, body, and soul, for so long. I tried, really I have, but I just can’t let him go. Everywhere I go, I see him. I feel him. I hear him. I smell him.
How do I disassociate the smell of worn leather and cigarette smoke from him? How can I not hear his voice when someone curses with that same British slag. That sound of warm honey, even when he was mad. How can I convince myself that every bleached, blond man walking past isn’t him? How do I tell my heart that those tingles down my spine will never be caused by him? It will never be that singular feeling that only HE could cause.
Diary, I moved to Rome to be away from all the things that remind me of him. But it didn’t work. I saw him everywhere. Saw something he would like. Something I was sure he has already seen, visited, been near…
Still, I move back here. Back to London where I know he’s been. To a place where the buildings hold within their silent walls memories of him. Where I know the streets have been stalked by him.
Dairy, I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to forget. Never forget. But I don’t want to hurt anymore. I miss him. Every cell in my body misses him. So long gone, yet still I miss him.
How do I love without the pain? How do I move on without letting him go completely?
What I wouldn’t give to have him here with me. To hold me. To kiss me. To make love to me. To love me.
My Spike is gone. So long gone. And I don’t know what to do.
Buffy Summers
London, UK
Feb. 14, 2006
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Remember muses live off of reviews and caffine. Give the first if not the second please.
Special Thanks to 2zen2 for betaing for me.
Um k on with the show.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Diary,
I don’t know how to begin. It’s been so long since I poured my soul out to you.
Diary, how do you let go of someone? Someone you loved with your whole being, mind, body, and soul, for so long. I tried, really I have, but I just can’t let him go. Everywhere I go, I see him. I feel him. I hear him. I smell him.
How do I disassociate the smell of worn leather and cigarette smoke from him? How can I not hear his voice when someone curses with that same British slag. That sound of warm honey, even when he was mad. How can I convince myself that every bleached, blond man walking past isn’t him? How do I tell my heart that those tingles down my spine will never be caused by him? It will never be that singular feeling that only HE could cause.
Diary, I moved to Rome to be away from all the things that remind me of him. But it didn’t work. I saw him everywhere. Saw something he would like. Something I was sure he has already seen, visited, been near…
Still, I move back here. Back to London where I know he’s been. To a place where the buildings hold within their silent walls memories of him. Where I know the streets have been stalked by him.
Dairy, I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to forget. Never forget. But I don’t want to hurt anymore. I miss him. Every cell in my body misses him. So long gone, yet still I miss him.
How do I love without the pain? How do I move on without letting him go completely?
What I wouldn’t give to have him here with me. To hold me. To kiss me. To make love to me. To love me.
My Spike is gone. So long gone. And I don’t know what to do.
Buffy Summers
London, UK
Feb. 14, 2006
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Remember muses live off of reviews and caffine. Give the first if not the second please.
Special Thanks to 2zen2 for betaing for me.