AUTHOR'S NOTE: Events of World War II mentioned here. The chapter title will be explained. ;-)
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KENYA, AFRICA-

“William?” he questioned, as Spike continued to blink at him. He was clearly stunned, and not just by the news of Buffy.

Rupert Giles had never had a child, but he supposed that this is what a child’s eyes would look like. The eyes that stared back at him were questioning. They were fearful and awestruck at how big the world was, and how small he seemed to be in it. His eyes seemed impossibly old and shining new all at once.

Giles tried again, “William, did you not hear me?”

There was no response, just a blank expression. It was as if he couldn’t take it all in. Then he shut his eyes and Spike began to sway his body back and forth as he sat on the cavern floor where he’d taken refuge after the Council’s intrusion. Giles could hear him muttering under his breath, some nonsensical syllables, perhaps from childhood, meant as a comfort. They made no sense to him, but they seemed to keep Spike calm, so Giles ignored them, preferring to address Panya, “You say you found him here a month ago,” Giles gritted his teeth before continuing. In spite of how he appeared outwardly, Spike’s befuddled state was worrisome to him, “Has he been like this since you found him?”

Panya shook his head, clearly concerned for his new friend, “At first, all he did was weep. But he was doing well. He was shy and afraid. He would not tell me what happened. I asked but he would not tell me. When I first found him, he was very badly injured. But he had started to recover. That woman,” Panya spat in distaste, “ She must have caused this. I have not seen him like this. Have you?”

Giles shook his head. Listening to the soft mumblings Spike was making as he shut his eyes and hugged his knees, Giles found himself searching for a glint of the vampire he knew. He knelt in front of him, and as Spike continued obliviously rocking his body in a sad parody of time spent in the womb, he tried to dislodge the stone from his throat before he spoke, “No. No I have not,” he lied.

The sound of a familiar voice seemed to ground Spike. The movement stopped and he looked at Giles as if he’d only just realized he’d been there and asked through narrowed, incredulous eyes, “Rupert, what…?”

Despite knowing that he should be clinical and wary of the vampire before him, Giles found that tenderness was somehow easier. Looking at Spike’s eyes, Giles was reminded of the bond, a kinship of sorts, that the two had built that summer; was it just a year ago? They had forged a bond in their grief that was enduring despite itself and despite his knowledge of Spike’s true nature, “Hello, old man,” he said tenderly.

Giles nearly sighed with relief when he saw the strangely comforting mannerism of a raised eyebrow, “Have you seen a mirror lately, mate?”

“Not of late. You?”

The mirth of a private joke was quickly swamped by the sadness that had taken hold in his eyes and the slight chuckle that had started in Spike’s throat became a deep sob. Spike could no longer hold his head up, under the sorrow’s considerable weight, and looked at the sand of the cave floor, “No,” he whispered, “ but I can see I see.”

“See what, William?” Giles asked softly.

“The things I…the things it did. The blood,” Spike’s voice changed gradually as he spoke. It became frantic and more and more unhinged as he rambled on, “No.. oh God! I can’t,” Giles saw terror in his eyes and felt it when Spike grasped his forearms in his despair. It shot through his body like an electric current and the contact completed the circuit, causing him to shudder, “You have to leave, Rupert. Take Mouse and go. It mustn’t be…it can’t be let out! Please go, Rupert. Now.”

Giles only shook his head, knowing that a steady presence would calm him eventually, “I doubt you would harm the boy, or me.”

Spike continued, misreading the expression on the man’s face; mistaking sympathy for wrath, “ This isn’t like before. That, I could take. But this…the pain. It’s total devastation, Rupert. There’s nothing. Nothing, but me. Me, and the beast. This is war. I remember war. The Blitz. All the churches gone. Everything gone. Nothing but rubble. It’s all rubble.”

Giles tried to ignore the crushing pain in his forearms, as he stated calmly, and with an air of growing admiration for this vampire’s strength, “And yet, England endures. As do you.”

Giles could see that he did not comprehend. The train mustn’t jump the track. He understood. It didn’t matter, the seed was planted.

“ … I promise. I can keep it at bay long enough for you to get away,” Spike released his clenching hold, and put his hands to either side of his head and pressed his fingers deep into his temples as though he were trying to contain some hideous thing inside of him, and all the thing wanted to do was bore its way through his temples to the outside of his skull and be free, “It’s so deep inside now. If I stay here, no one gets hurt. It can’t… it can’t hurt. The blood, Rupert it…” a fisted hand slid down and stopped in front of his silent heart, and he touched his chest. Giles could almost hear the echo even as he listened to the vampire speak, “…killed. I know…the boy is gone. He wanted to live! Oh God, Rupert,” tears of loss were running slowly down his face as he tapped his chest once again with a shaking hand, “He’s gone. And, I killed him. I killed him. Oh God. I killed him,” Spike’s eyes went wide as his words failed him. They begged him, implored him to understand. Please, you know. You understand. Don’t make me say it. Please…Don’t make me look. I know what I’ve done. Don’t make me look.

Giles did understand. He was himself almost undone by the power of Spike’s torment. Grasping for purchase against the sorrow, Giles spoke to Panya again, “Is there some kind of medical aid station or hospital nearby? I noticed a game reserve about two kilometers back. That would mean there would have to be some kind of medical facility, for the tourists, would it not?”

“Yes,” Panya said.

Giles wanted to send the boy away, if only to protect him from Spike, “Go there and get supplies, bandages and the like. Meet me here, just after dawn.”

“Surely you do not mean to stay?”

Spike nodded in tacit agreement with the boy as he wiped viciously at his tears, “But Giles…Rupert you can’t mean to… You’re not? ”

Giles nodded, “I am. Go get those supplies, Panya,” his eyes softened as Spike shook his head emphatically, “I’ll be safe as houses. Go now, Panya. See you in the morning.”

Panya nodded, “Then you will also be in need of blood, yes?”

Giles’s eyes widened at the boy’s question, “You know…you know of his,” he nodded toward Spike, “condition?”

Panya nodded, “Yes. He is Marehemu. I will also see what can be done about contacting loved ones,” he said, and scurried off into the dusk.

When Panya’s footsteps faded into the coming night, Giles looked back at Spike, “Bright boy.”

Spike nodded, “Has to be, to survive here,” his gaze hardened, “You are daft, do you know that? I could kill you.”

Giles nodded, “You could. But, you won’t.”

Spike shook his head, dismayed, “You don’t know that.”

“I do,” Giles’s voice held no hesitation.

“How?” Spike asked. The tremor in his voice told Giles just how strong the bond they’d made still was. It told of how much he cared, even if Spike could not voice his concern on a conscious level.

Giles sighed and said kindly, “You said it yourself. This is war,” he looked into Spike’s eyes and saw understanding begin to dawn in them.

That summer. Oh yes, Rupert. I remember. I remember too well.

Giles smiled a sad smile, “I’ve been there too.”

Giles felt his heart squeeze a little, in empathy, when he saw a slow tear begin in Spike’s right eye and roll down his cheek.

As the water escaped and exposed his pain and his sorrow, Spike closed his eyes and whispered, “Thank you.”
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SUNNYDALE, CALIFORNIA-

The last week had been a whirlwind of emotions. The highs and lows were worse than a ride on a roller coaster. First, she hears from Willie that Spike’s gone. And, not just not-in-Sunnydale- gone, but gone as in off the planet. Buffy had no idea how much that would hurt until she heard the words coming out of Willie’s mouth. And they did. They hurt so much she thought the bottom had dropped out of her world. Suddenly nothing made sense.

Buffy could remember thinking: Isn’t this what I wanted? Didn’t I tell him, over and over again, that I wanted him gone? Off of the planet?

As she walked back home, she could remember feeling weightless, on autopilot. It couldn’t be true. It wasn’t true. He was a constant, always there.

Spike. He was annoying, that was true. But he was always there. Always. Like she was.

Buffy.

Spike.

Buffy.

Spike.

Buffy and Spike. Spike and Buffy.

They went together. They did. Like peanut butter and jelly, or crackers and cheese. Just what is it with cheese and me anyway? That’s not the point. Was there a point? The point is, they fit. They did.

She could remember thinking it. But he was gone. It was done.

Then the message came from Giles. There was still hope. And she was flying again.

Until Dawn.

Buffy had gone to pick up Dawn from the Penshaw house in a giddy mood. Spike could still come back. She had been so sure that Dawn would find that to be good news that she had offered to take her to Africa with her. After all, she had promised to show Dawn the world. Why not start with Africa?

Buffy’s elation and euphoria came crashing down quickly. All it took was a short walk across the street she lived on.

A short walk, and one sentence.

“I don’t want to go.”

She was stunned, “You can’t mean that. Dawn, he could be hurt. He could be…”

“Good,” she said grimly, “Let him stay away. Let him be…gone. I don’t care.”

Buffy’s throat suddenly felt tight and her eyes blurred with tears at the bite in her little sister’s voice, “But Dawn, he’d want to see you.”

“I don’t want to see him.”

Buffy felt a desperation creep into her heart, “Dawn, how can you say that? He took care of you when I…wasn’t here. He loved you, Dawn. I know he did,” her voice became a whispered benediction, “I know he does.”

“He said he loved you too, Buffy,” Dawn’s voice was hard and empty, “What he did to you, Buffy, it was awful.”

Buffy shook her head. When did things get so messed up? When had the world turned upside down? “You don’t know the whole story, Dawn. You don’t know…what I did.”

As they came in the front door, Dawn became a blur of angst as she stormed up the stairs and into her room, “I don’t care Buffy. He left me. Now I’m leaving him! I’m not going.”

Buffy froze watching her sister run away. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Time to call Aunt Darlene, in Florida. She would take care of her.

Dawn was running. But she wouldn’t. Not now. Not anymore.

Buffy knew she had to stop running. She needed him.

Buffy needed Spike; like peanut butter needed jelly.

That was a week ago. And with the help of her father’s credit card, if he can’t or won’t be here, at least his money can be, Dawn was now in Florida, and she had a passport. The doctor told her that she would need a wardrobe of long pants and long-sleeved shirts and some good hiking boots. So, she raided the sporting goods store.

Daddy’s last little gift to her was her plane ticket to Africa.

She was now winging her way across the Indian Ocean, hoping she wasn’t too late.

Because peanut butter really was better with jelly.
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