Rating- NC17. I am sure now

Summary- The Buffy we saw in The Girl in Question wasn’t the Buffy we know. She’s a visitor from another dimension. Spike must play hero once again to rescue his lady love and maybe even help her counterpart as well as his.

Disclaimer- I once thought I owned Buffy but I’ve had countless sessions with my doctor to help me realize Joss Whedon has copyrights


Chapter Four

Three Months Ago

The time after was filled with bitter-sweetness. The knowledge of her pregnancy was a blessing, but yet awoke loss as well. She spotted families while she was out that threw in her face a future that she would never have. It became so bad that she stayed mostly in doors to avoid them.

Willow stuck around for awhile. Buffy knew she suspected something was wrong despite her attempt to hide it. Every smile was tinged with heartache.

This is wrong, Buffy kept telling herself. I shouldn’t be selfish. The Powers gave me a miracle. Why do I want more? But she couldn’t help the longing.

“Bring him back,” Buffy begged. She was ready to fall to her knees before Willow if she had to.

Willow parted her lips.

“Please,” Buffy added.

“I can’t. You know I can’t. I learned my lesson, Buffy. I can’t mess with that kind of power. It’s playing God,” Willow said.

She’d been the slayer for so long, strong, always making the hard decision. Now it seemed that all the weakness that she’d been bottling up came shooting out. It was time for her to think about herself and her baby instead of the whole damn world, or even the universe.

“He’s a vampire. What if he is in hell? It wouldn’t be wrong to save him from torment.”

“He died a hero, Buffy,” Willow reminded.

“Can we check?”

Buffy hated herself then. A small part of her wished that he was in hell. I’m horrible. Horrible, bad Buffy.

Willow did check. She set up a circle and sent her mind into the fiery realms, scouring for Spike. But she didn’t find him. Which meant he had to be in heaven, right? Which was good. Yes Good. Buffy kept reminding herself this as the days passed. What has happened to myself? she wandered. She’d been okay before the discovery of her pregnancy. She was ready to start a new life. The complete 180 of Rome was a symbol for her wiliness to change. And now . . . All she could do was desire the past. She feared it might even grow worse after the baby was born. She didn’t know if she could handle seeing his blue eyes everyday when they didn’t belong to him. A glimmer of his presence, that was all they would be.

She hardly slept at night. Instead she stayed up and daydreamed. She let the ghostly figures pass before her eyes in the shadows. Distant conversations filtered into her ears.

‘Every night I save you.’

I should have saved you.

‘I’d do something different.’

Oh God, I’d do everything different.

‘You’re the one.’

I should have realized you were the one sooner.

‘I’d do it. For someone I loved. I’d do it.’

I’d do anything for you, Buffy thought. Just about anything right now.

I have to remember everything, Buffy vowed. I have to tell the baby everything about him. It’s going to be so painful to do it, though. All her thoughts were contradictory anymore. She wanted to do what was right for her baby, but she had all these dark feelings mixed in.

Somewhere Buffy knew she was loosing it. Maybe it was the slayer part. It yelled at her to pull herself out of this hole she’d crawled into. I’m going to be a psycho Mom. Buffy laughed in her head at that, which proved she was crazy.

“She’s pretending to sleep again.”

Buffy opened her eyes. Dawn underestimated the power of slayer hearing.

“This so isn’t good for the baby. Is there anything you can do?” Dawn asked.

There was a sigh. “I could make her tea,” Willow answered.

“She doesn’t need tea! She needs Spike.”

Buffy sat up and swung her legs over the side of the mattress. She crept over to the closed door and pressed the right side of her face against it. She waited, her heart squeezing with suspense. If anyone could persuade Willow into bringing Spike back it was Dawn. The girl knew the tricks to manipulate. She’d been the recipient for many beggings to visit friends.

“He’s not in hell, Dawnie. The only other dimension for the dead is heaven. And you know that would be wrong,” Willow said.

The magic word had been spoken. A spark lit and for the first time in weeks Buffy smiled for real. Her hand roamed to her stomach. It was mostly flat still but if she touched it just right she could detect the slightest curve.

“I’m going to bring Daddy home,” Buffy whispered.

A tear rolled down her cheek. Even if he isn’t the one I fell in love with, she silently added.

She stood there for a few moments until it was all worked out in her head. She grabbed hold of the doorknob and turned. She walked into the living room. Dawn and Willow sat on the couch in silence, seemingly deep in thought. Their heads rose abruptly at Buffy’s entrance.

“Buffy?” Dawn eyed Buffy uncertainly. “Are-Are you okay?”

Buffy smiled. It was the same smile that appeared in the bedroom.

“Here me out, guys,” Buffy said. “I have an idea.”

Willow flashed Dawn a look.

“Don’t interrupt until I’ve explained it all.” Buffy took her leader stance. “Spike is in heaven and we can’t bring him out. I get that, really I do. But what about another Spike? One who isn’t in heaven?”

“Uh, Buffy, I don’t-“ Willow began.

“Don’t interrupt!” Buffy snapped.

Startled, Willow shut her mouth.

“There are countless dimensions. Ones with shrimp, ones without.” She met their gaze with confidence. “Ones with undead Spikes. I can go into one of these dimensions and snatch him up to bring back home. Wallah, happy little Spuffy family.”

Willow slowly raised her hand. Buffy nodded her head for allowance to speak.

Willow leaned forward. “The Spike won’t be ‘your’ Spike, Buffy. Each one of these dimensions stem from the choices we make. And our choices form our experiences, which form who we are. Get it?”

“Huh? Kinda,” Buffy said.

“Okay, let me explain. Spike came back to Sunnydale to kill you but got taken by the Initiative. If he hadn’t chosen to come back that never would have happened.”

“And no chip,” Dawn added. She bit her lip.

“Exactly,” Willow said. “Which means he never would have come for sanctuary, moved into the crypt. . . “ She sadly turned toward Buffy. “Fell in love with you.”

And wouldn’t have gotten the soul. A hard piece of ice froze around Buffy’s heart.

“Besides, there are other Buffies too. You can’t steal a Spike from them just so you can be happy.”

“Then we’ll make sure I’m not around. We’ll find a dimension with a different timeline. One that is in the distant future,” Buffy blurted.

“Buffy. . .”

She was winning. All she had to do was keep pressing.

“You don’t know what you’ll find. What if you go into a cave man dimension with dinosaurs?” Willow was really searching for excuses now.

Buffy went over to the arm of the couch. She sank to her knees before Willow. Soft brown eyes met determined green.

“I have to do this, Willow. At least I have to try. You’d do the same for Tara. I know it’s impossible, but what if you discovered you were having her baby? And you are so unimaginably happy about it. But you want to share that happiness with her as well.”

Willow’s eyes swam. She nodded.

There were no words, but Buffy knew she’d won the battle.

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