AUTHOR'S NOTE: Tissue warning!
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Dawn tried to sit quietly beside him. She tried not to cry. Spike had been through enough. He didn’t need her to be a spoiled brat. Not now- and not ever again.

“Spike,” Dawn breathed, hoping he could hear her, “I don’t know what that man did to you, but I do know that Buffy and I…we need you here,” she grasped his hand in fingers she wished weren’t trembling, and held on tight, “Buffy and Giles found out what he’d planned to do,” Dawn couldn’t be sure if she was shaking because of the horrible things she was imagining that Quentin Travers had done him, or for the things that she knew had been done to him, “If the Ukesolrill is in there- if it’s inside with you now, we’ll get it out,” she promised, “I don’t know how. But, Buffy and Giles will find it. I know they will.”

She knew that Spike could hear her. Or, at least, she hoped he could. But what she wondered was this- would she be able to hear him, if he needed her?

Was he trying to find his way back?
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In his dreams, they touched him-spoke to him. Rupert…? Buffy…? Dawn? Oh God…You’re here? You’re…real?

It feels so real. I can’t feel. I can’t let it have them.

He didn’t want to breathe. Didn’t want to hear. And, he heard everything. Felt…everything. He knew that they were worried. He could feel it in the air.

No…No…insane. I need…help. Help… He could taste the salt, and hear the sobs, but he didn’t want to.

Can’t let it see…Can’t let it have the tears…can’t.

He felt like he was drowning. But that wasn’t possible, was it? He didn’t need to breathe.

Can’t feel. Won’t let it take them. I’ll die without them. I have to protect them. Can’t let them go.

He wanted to tell them how he felt. But, if he felt…if he cried out, it took more and more of his strength.

He knew what it was trying to do. It was slowly robbing him of all the things that were precious to him.

No. He tried to stop, but it wouldn’t let him. He tried to starve it out. Don’t think…don’t think...be still. Don’t move. Don’t listen…just... be still.

Spike could feel the thing suffocating him when he thought about them. But when he didn’t…think, there was a void that gnawed at him. It fed on the void too, and grew stronger.

I’m dying…without them. I won’t let it take them. Do you hear me, you ugly, bloody bastard! I don’t care how long I have to wait, or how deep I have to go, I’ll die before I let you have them! They’re my life. I won’t let you take that from me. Didn’t let Angelus…can’t let you. Tired. So tired. I…need to…sleep. No. Oh God…no…no…no.

Just…hide, until I’m strong enough. If I go down deep enough, I can find the space that it won’t follow. The place within that even it won’t dare to touch.

He wanted to hold them and tell them all that had happened to him. He wanted to ask them, beg them, to help him. He wanted to. But, he was so tired.

The ache of loss was growing, pulling all he knew down with it.

Buffy…if you are here…if…please help me. Please, don’t leave me here! Please hear me. Please…

The sorrow and frustration he felt only added to the void. He could feel it draining him- wanting to take control.

It wants to take all that I have, and all I have is you. It wants to take you, and I won’t let it. I get stronger if I don’t dream. But, the dreams have you…and Nibblet, and I miss you so. I need them.

I need you.

I’m dying. I know I am. Because, I can’t be… without you. I can’t. I can’t- don’t you see? Please…hear me. Don’t leave me here? Please…
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All Buffy needed to keep her motivated was the remembrance of his bruised face. Right now, Spike was upstairs with Dawn, unable to defend himself. Right now, he was counting on the Slayer, one who had been trained to kill him, and creatures like him, without a second thought, to defend him, and she was going to do it, because he was defenseless. And because, he was unlike any she’d ever known.

And because he would do it for me. And, because I owe him my life so many times over that there’s no way I could possibly pay it back.

She ran her hands nervously through her hair, “So, let me get this straight. This Ukesolrill thing was used to create the very first Slayer?”

“Yes,” Giles said, “That’s the myth.”

“But you think it’s true?”

“Quentin did,” Gile’s tone was bitter and hard, “So much so that he became obsessed with the notion. His writings alone,” he said as he held up a small leather-bound volume, “say that he was in contact with nearly every known mystic, reputable or not, from here to Nepal, in his quest to conjure, and hold one…” his eyes were downcast and his voice hitched with unbidden emotion, “…for transfer.”

Buffy stared at him, in shock. Her eyes widened as the implications of what he said began to sink in, “What is this Ukesolrill anyway? You said it’s an emotional leech,” she stopped to take in Giles’s slumped shoulders. She had never seen him like this before. No, that wasn’t true. She had seen him like this…once before, “There’s more to this…isn’t there?”

Giles nodded, unable to speak.

“What?”

Giles’s voice was barely a whisper, “The Ukesolrill is more than just a leech, although that is how it survives- off of the emotions of its host being- literally translated- the Ukesolrill is a… ‘soul killer.’ It seems the Unhesines have a prophecy concerning a demon that…may play a pivotal part in brokering a kind of peace between the human and the demon worlds.”

“You mean- this prophecy says that Spike might be able to bring about some kind of…truce between demons and humans? Or at least a cease fire, for a little while?”

Giles’s silence told Buffy all she needed to know.

Buffy’s voice shook with a barely controlled rage, “And the Council couldn’t have that…because a truce would mean that…they all would be out of a job !”

“Please,” Giles spoke quietly, in a tone that spoke of a deep hurt, “do not count me amongst monsters the likes of Travers. You know me Buffy,” he whispered, afraid to look at her face, “I know that I’ve done some hurtful, foolish things. But I would never do that to this world. I would never willfully take away the world’s, and possibly your, chance at true peace and happiness.”

Buffy sighed, “I know that Giles, and I’m sorry,” her hand flew to her mouth, as a thought struck her. She shot an anxious look up the stairs, “Oh…my God!” Buffy looked back at her Watcher with tears in her eyes, as it all began to make sense to her, “That’s what they needed Spike for. To stop the prophecy. And, I led him right into their hands!”

Giles rose from his seat and moved to comfort her, “Buffy,” he murmured, “there was no way you could have known.”

“But I should have, Giles!” she cried, “I should have. I should have saved him!”

“And you may yet still,” Giles soothed her. Buffy looked up into the face of her Watcher, and saw an expression that at once brought her comfort, and sent a chill directly to her spine. It was a very familiar, very cocky, smirk, “Buffy,” he said, “I have an idea. And we must work quickly if we’re to save him.”

“What do we do, Giles?” she asked.