Buffy’s body tensed, and her heartbeat quickened. Spike had never looked this menacing to her. But then, what was looking back at her, it wasn’t him.

Was it?

The visage was familiar and was made more horrifying by the bruising that still marred the jaw that was once again home to a very deadly pair of fangs.

Buffy knew that the reemergence of the fangs would have been very painful, and it was this, and the rush of emotions that must have followed the pain, chief among them fear and anger, she decided, that must have caused the Ukesolrill to dominate. That was what was looking at her now; the Ukesolrill.

Buffy took a deep breath, and looked into deadly amber eyes, eyes that were his-but weren’t, “That is none of your business,” she said coldly.

Familiar eyes narrowed, “I know you, don’t I?” the eyes roamed slowly over her body, and she felt a chill of terror rush through her. The deep throaty laughter that issued from his body was a pale imitation of what she had heard, on the nights she’d allowed herself to hear what she’d really meant to him when they were together. Even as he spoke, Buffy knew, it wasn’t him. She hoped he was in there somewhere, “…yes, I do know you. In fact, I’ve been inside you,” the tongue darted out to touch the tips of the fangs, “Haven’t I…” his lips pulled into a sneer, and his amber eyes shone with the kind of power she had never seen in Spike’s eyes.

This was the glint of true evil she was seeing.

Was this what he saw? Did they put * that * in me? Was that…me?

Buffy opened her mouth to speak, but what she saw stopped the words in her throat. His steps faltered, he stepped back, as if he was trying to maintain his balance. It was as if something had caught him unawares.

Buffy’s heart leaped into her throat. Was Spike still there? Was he still fighting, or was he gone? Oh, Spike…don’t go there, please. Don’t make this thing stronger!

He stared at her with glazed eyes; eyes that seemed drunken and hazy with power, “…Yes,” the voice was slow and deliberate, seemingly thickened by the power within that was fighting to be free, “I have. And it…it remembers,” as suddenly as it appeared, the demon mask melted, leaving in its wake dark, unfocused eyes, “This thing…that was…it’s tasted you,” the eyes were dark and sharp with hate and horror, “It’s been let in. Allowed to defile! The stench!” it shook with rage, “You let it crawl inside and weaken your purpose. The purpose- divine and holy- that I gave you ! It is I that pulled you from the muck that you dwelt in. It is I that gave you meaning!” his voice was rising, and Buffy was sure she heard her friends rapping uselessly on the door, asking if she was all right. She couldn’t be bothered to answer. It was all she could do to keep her face passive and unchanged as Spike’s voice rose in her ears; his words were scalding. And they were true. That she could no longer deny, even if it was the Slayer, the evil that the Council had kept chained for longer than she could imagine, that was the one speaking the words; they were still true, “…Without me, you would never have been the warrior you were. You would have been just another of this,” the voice stopped, and became a whisper. Buffy couldn’t be sure if it was from shame or disgust, or perhaps both, “… monster’s victims!”

Buffy stood, speechless as the words stung her. And, she let the tears of fear burn her eyes. She could not let them fall. She would not give it that power; didn’t want to believe what she knew. What she felt as strongly as anything, as if she’d held the wood in her hand and felt the flesh beneath it give, just as she had a thousand times before.

Spike was gone.
***********************************************

Outside the room, Willow tried to block the pain of the words and focus on the friend she hoped was somewhere beneath all the hate that was trying to overpower her.

She saw a sliver of blue, and dove deeper. She had to get to it before the darkness shrouded it. She sent out her yellow, healing light, gently enveloping the vampire she had begun to see as one of her truest friends. She felt his pain and her head rang with a sound that could only be his tears.

Oh Willow! It knows! It…knows what I did. And, I can’t…not feel it. I can’t ignore it! The sense of his sobbing was stronger now, it was so strong that Willow felt herself beginning to shake from the force of his emotions, I hate what I did. I hate it! Maybe I should…go. It hurts too much. Tired of fighting…tired of it all. I am a monster. I should…go. Tell Dawn…tell her I love her…always…

Willow saw the blue start to recede. She could not let that happen.

Oh, no Spike! She watched with her inner eye, as her healing yellow energy stretched to pluck the blue ember out of the black, You’re not doing that! You’re not making me explain to Buffy why you’re gone! You think you’re a monster? Wanna compare? I tried to destroy the world- a few months ago. When’s the last time you did that?

The blue flared strongly within the yellow, sending sparks of green shooting out from the center of the black.

Willow! I told you, magic can be dangerous! You could have killed Buffy and the Nibblet, or yourself!

I know… I killed Xander. Buffy’s kicked my ass. Giles too.

Willow could feel the strength of Spike’s sadness, and his anger. She felt warmed by it. She hadn’t felt this loved since Tara.

Good old Ripper. It’s no less than you deserve, Red. You can’t just…oh Willow…

I know, get in line. Don’t hide. Don’t let this thing beat you. Please Spike, we need you.
********************************************************************

Buffy’s voice shook, “You’re right,” she admitted, “And you’re wrong. Without him I would never have been as strong as I am. Without him ,” she pointed a shaking finger at the thing that had taken his body, “ you wouldn’t be as strong as you are,” she slowly advanced, closing the gap between them, until they were nearly nose to nose. She stared into the dark eyes, “You and I,” she said slowly, her tone falsely sweet, “we are the same. You know that. So do I. I will not allow you to use him again. Do we understand each other? It’s over! I will not” she spat, “allow you to torture him anymore. You won’t do it. Leave. This one. Alone! I will find a way to make you leave. Until I do, I don’t want to see you,” she blinked; was that fear she saw in those dark eyes? “again!”

Dark eyes hid behind pale eyelids, and the neck bowed. The tense stance relaxed, and a guttural sound escaped. It was almost a sob; shoulders began to shake, bringing the entire towering frame down under its power and weight.

Buffy could feel the tears stinging her, and this time she let them fall.

As Spike’s body fell under the weight of the struggle, she looked on in awe. She knew what she was seeing. And, she could barely believe her eyes.

The beautiful sculpture had finally broken free of the stone that held it captive.

Fathomless, wonderful blue came out from behind the pale shutters. His voice broke over her in soft waves, and she let herself drown, as he sighed, “ Shujaa. Oh, Buffy!”