He didn’t know when it happened, but suddenly he found himself shaking; holding onto them as if he never wanted to let them go. Then, he felt himself sinking, and they were sinking too. Why are they sinking…? What…?

“…Giles!” Buffy’s voice echoed, and he tried to focus, to make his head clear, but he could not, “…What’s wrong with him? Dawnie…watch his head…!”

I’m so tired…haven’t eaten in…Oh, right… “Nothing wrong, Love,” he whispered up at her even as he felt himself being lowered to the carpeted floor, and he sank- finally- to safety, “…Just…hit the wall, is all.”

Everything around him went grey as he slipped into sleep.
*********************************************************

Buffy left Lois’s room and sighed as she shut the door. She pressed her back against the door and closed her eyes. She didn’t want to leave him, but Spike had already gone through most of the blood that Giles had brought back from the butcher during the brief periods he was conscious.

She doubted he was even aware of anything but the blood, if he was even aware of that. She had never seen him like that before. He reminded her of Angel after he came back from Hell.

She was tired, and she could not understand why.

Buffy went slowly down the stairs, and found Giles and Panya waiting for her at the bottom of the staircase. She didn’t have to ask if they were worried; it was clearly written on both of their faces, “Giles, can you get more blood? I’ve never seen him like this. He’s almost…” she shook her head, completely at a loss for words.

Panya’s dark eyes shone up at her with compassion that seemed beyond his fifteen years, “Shujaa, he is a warrior, not an animal.”

“I know, Panya. I’ve known for a long time.”

Panya’s eyes were lowered in a respectful gesture, “Please,” he said softly, “call me ‘Mouse.’”

Buffy gave a little smile, wondering why she hadn’t seen it before. Spike…even crazy and half starved you’re smarter than the average bear. Maybe that’s why Angel hates you so much… “He calls you ‘Mouse?’” she asked the boy, “And… Simba means lion, doesn’t it? A big cat?”

“Yes, but…” Panya murmured.

Buffy laughed; and the shocked look on Giles’s face only made her laugh harder, “Giles, don’t you get it…? ‘Cat and Mouse’…? That’s all we’ve ever done,” she shook her head, “Never mind. I just need sleep. I think I’m a little bit punchy,” her eyes focused again on her Watcher’s face, “Can you get him more? He needs it.”

Giles nodded, “Yes, of course. I’ve already seen to it.”

At that moment the front door opened and Dawn came cheerily through it carrying a paper sack, “Giles, I got more blood, and I went shopping,” she bounded in from the foyer, “And, I can tell you that Dad’s gonna blow some kind of gasket when he gets the bill!” she shouted joyfully as she handed Giles the sack and hugged her sister, “And, you know what? I don’t care. How is he, Buffy?” she asked.

“Very tired, and very hungry,” she smiled at her sister, “And I think I need to talk to Giles. Can you sit with him for a while?”

“You don’t even have to ask!” she said excitedly, grabbing a pint out of the sack in Giles’s hands and rushing up the stairs.

Giles watched, bemused, as Dawn rushed up the stairs and then turned to Buffy again, “He’s doing well, yes?” he asked as they walked to the kitchen, and he put the remaining pig and cows’ blood in the cottage’s icebox, “Well enough to return to Sunnydale soon, I hope?” he asked, turning to face her.

Buffy blinked in disbelief, “I don’t know, Giles. If he never wants to see that place again,” her voice was becoming strident with frustration, “I wouldn’t blame him,” her eyes narrowed in suspicion, “Why are you asking me? Shouldn’t you ask Spike that question?” Buffy remembered that she had asked Giles to make a phone call; it seemed days ago now, “Ugh,” she moaned, rolling her eyes in disgust, “He’s not going to help, is he?”

Giles shook his head, grimly, “No, he is not.”

She sighed and pursed her lips in a scowl; her hands went to her hips in a way that spoke of her readiness for a fight. In that stance, her whole body said “Slayer” to anyone who knew how to read the signs. Her voice was slow and controlled, “What did he say?” she demanded.

Giles sank into his chair, “We must have a bad connection,” he simply could not believe his ears, “Say again?”

The thinness of the voice as it came through the receiver made the words seem even colder, “I said, he’s on his own.”

“Perhaps you misunderstood. You are the only other he can turn to,” Giles could feel his ire rising, “There is no other. You…are his family.”

“I understood perfectly,” Angel said coolly, “and I said, he’s on his own.”

“He’ll most likely die if you do not help him. He won’t feed…and he has a soul. Surely you can understand. He needs your help. You must know that he will not ask for it directly…”

“Then he doesn’t get it,” the response was clipped, “A soul doesn’t erase the evil he’s done.”

“No, it doesn’t,” Giles agreed bitterly as his mind took him back to his torture at Angelus’s hands.

“If he’s looking for forgiveness, he’s looking in the wrong place. He won’t get it from me.”
***************************************************************************

Dawn sat quietly, waiting for him to awaken. He’d been sleeping since the wee hours of the morning, and according to Buffy, waking up just long enough to eat before falling back into sleep again. That was fine with her.

He sat silently by her side while she grieved last summer, giving her his strength when even speaking was painful- for the both of them.

He sat silently, not expecting her to speak. He held her, sometimes for hours. Now, it was her turn.

“Hey, Nibblet,” his gruff voice breaking her thoughts, “They’ve made you my sitter, huh?”

She looked into his hazy, sleep- riddled eyes, as they shone softly at her, “No one made me, Spike. I wanted to,” she looked down at the packet of blood in her hands, “Breakfast is served, Sir,” she said, affecting a French accent as she handed it to him, “Pity it is not warmed but, I will not go down there,” her eyes widened in mock fear, “It is too dangerous!”

Spike nodded as he sat up in the bed, “Ah, I heard the rumblings. What’s going on?”

“Well,” Dawn smirked mischievously, “Giles tried to call Angel…”

Spike’s eyes widened in commiseration and his eyes roamed to the ceiling and the walls, “And the house is still standing?”

“Uh huh, just barely. The phone call didn’t go well.”

“Yeah,” Spike snorted, “could’ve figured…”

Just then, Buffy’s voice could be heard, “Ugh!” she groaned, loudly.

Underneath Buffy’s voice, Spike could hear Panya muttering a gentle expletive, “Buku!” and Spike couldn’t help but laugh.

Dawn, caught up in his mirth, asked, “What is it?”

“They have to be talking about Angel,” he bit his lip, trying not to laugh.

Dawn was interested in whatever could make Spike smile, “What does it mean?”

“Buku?” his eyes twinkled at her.

She nodded.

Spike smirked, “It means…” he trailed of as laughter took him again.

“Well…?” she prodded impatiently, “Come on…tell me!” she teased.

“It means…” his eyes twinkled again, “ ‘giant rat.’”