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Of Light And Shadow by FetchingMadScientist
 
Yesterday's Girl
 
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AUTHOR'S NOTE: Please remember that, earlier in the story, Buffy's heart *did * stop. That is, until Spike did C.P.R....
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31 AUGUST 2002- DEVON, ENGLAND-

Bloody Hell…so small, and I’m over…God…I might as well be a spotty-faced teenager!
“Surely,” he spoke, nodding quickly, “Bit,” he turned his attention back to her, afraid that if he looked at Buffy any longer he would combust from the sheer tension he felt, looking at her. Dawn was much more inviting and safe. He could drown in the warmth of her eyes now, because now there was no judgment. Instead he saw understanding, “you said that you went shopping today?”

She nodded.

“Well,” he smiled in the way that he knew would make her blush, and he felt a strange sort of satisfaction when she did just that at seeing the smile that only they had shared, “why don’t you go down and gather the things. Then after Sis and I talk, I’ll finish that gruesome tale, all right?” he winked at as she got up to leave the room, “Only remember, names have been changed to protect the innocent.”

He could see her rolling her eyes as she left the room, and it was all he could do not to burst out laughing. Oh Bit, I do love you. Everything I am…all I can do is love you. Please don’t ever forget that… “…Oh yeah,” she was saying, “like you’re all ‘Mister Innocent.’ And, I’m not a kid…”

He shrugged and bit his lip as a slow smirk played on them, “Maybe not,” he admitted, “But,” his eyes twinkled at her, “I know where you’re ticklish…”

Her eyes widened and she slowly shook her head, “You wouldn’t…”

He tilted his head and regarded her as she stood next to Buffy in the doorway, “Oh, I don’t know,” Spike drawled with a smirk on his face and in his voice, “I am evil. The urge could just…” he wiggled his fingers as if to tickle her and slowly stood up, moving closer to the door, “…take over, you know. I might not be able to control myself.”

Dawn instinctively stepped back, putting her sister between her and the threat of being tickled until she wet herself. He knew just how to break her. She had this spot, right around her ribcage, that he hit every single time that just made her melt. As an extra precaution, she put her hands up in surrender, “Okay,” she said quickly, “okay I’m going,” she smiled at him, “But if you start glossing over the good parts, like last time…I’ll tell Buffy everything I know about a certain ‘Big Bad’ and a vengeance demon we all know.”

Spike’s eyes widened, “You wouldn’t…?”

She smirked as she disappeared down the hall, her voice trailing after her, “Wouldn’t I? I used to be evil you know…”
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SUNNYDALE- JULY 31, 2002-

He was fuming. How could she just…it made no sense. As Angel walked up and down the familiar streets, he looked at all the people she’d abandoned and he growled in frustration.

He’d heard the rumors, but there was no way that it could have been true. Spike would never be that selfless, it just wasn’t in him- not anymore. He’d made sure of that.

Still, he had been here, and recently. The scent was strongest on Revello Drive; its epicenter was directly beneath the large oak tree in the front of her house. * Further evidence of just how sick and twisted Spike is. He’s obsessed with her. *

Just then, Angel’s demon flashed. He’d heard a noise from inside and his gaze shot to the upper windows, the window to her bedroom, specifically. Something wasn’t right.

Something was wrong. Something about the smell wasn’t human. Angel couldn’t put his finger on it- But, something about it screamed * vampire. *

His words were barely recognizable as the demon took control, “Oh no. Spike, I swear, if you touched her…” he ran the short distance from the tree to the house and stood, for an instant, at the front door, hoping for a barrier. It was then that he remembered that she had rescinded the spell that had kept him out of her house the last time he’d seen Spike, in town.

He ran easily over the threshold and up the stairs. He rushed into the room that held the strongest scent of her- her room- and was confronted with the surprised gaze of another vampire, not much more than a fledgling and a teen when he was turned, judging by the dirty t-shirt and dungarees, that had been sleeping on her bed, “Baby bear,” Angel growled, as his demon raged and he picked the fledgling up by the scuff of his neck, “this is the wrong house. Out!” he forced the sputtering vampire bodily into the hallway and was satisfied when he heard the thud of his body against the wall.

He spun the still dazed vampire around to face him, “How did you get in here?” Angel growled.

The younger vampire blinked, and swallowed nervously, “Hey man, if this is your place…I can clear out. It’s just…this place has been empty for a while, ever since…” Angel shook him again, his eyes burning into him, “I got no problem with you,” the fledgling looked over the imposing older vampire, “If this is your place…you really shouldn’t have…”

“How did you get * in here! *” Angel growled again.

The boy fledgling scoffed, “Come on,” the vampire snarled and pushed away from Angel’s grip, “You’ve been around a while,” the boy’s eyes glowed and glinted with contempt, “I can smell it,” he grimaced, “You smell like mothballs…and rats,” he made a growl of disgust, “I thought you would’ve figured it out by now.”

“Figure what out!”

The boy shrugged, unconcerned, “Slayer’s dead.”

Angel’s face clouded. He knew immediately who had done it, and he would pay.

The stake moved easily to the vampire’s chest, and as it went in, one name crossed Angel’s lips as he was covered in the fledgling’s ash, “Spike,” he growled.

As he left the empty house Angel vowed that before the sun came up, the Hellmouth and the demons on it would tremble because of the Slayer’s death.

**************************************************************************

Buffy looked down nervously, “I’m afraid,” she admitted, her voice barely a whisper.

And there it was, the thing he dreaded she would say. He’d known the forgiveness he’d thought he’d seen had been a lie. Now it was time for truths. He felt his stomach churn, almost rejecting the nourishment he’d blindly taken into himself, he swallowed and steeled himself for what he knew would come. Setting his jaw, he gently drew her gaze back up to his, “Of what?” he breathed.

The shimmering blue gaze that refused to relent reminded Buffy of what Willow had helped her see, and she knew that, beneath the sapphire shield lay the man. The insecure, and yet completely brave, man he’d always been. The one she knew was waiting to be rejected.

She knew what hid behind those eyes, because she was hiding too, “That I was wrong?” she said softly.

Spike closed his eyes and released the tension with a shaking breath. This was not what he’d expected, “A Slayer who’s unsure doesn’t live long,” his mouth quirked; it was an attempt at a smile, that he didn’t quite manage to sell convincingly, “I know.”

“That’s just it, Spike,” she shook her head, trying to force the words she needed off of her tongue, “I’ve been wrong so many times…” Buffy looked up and took comfort in his shining, steady eyes, “…I’ve died so many times,” she saw his gaze falter, and she cupped his cheek in a gesture of reassurance, and was surprised to feel him lean into her touch, “No Spike, that’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?” Spike asked, his voice wavering despite his great effort to keep it steady.

“He lied to me,” she gulped, “He said he loved me, and yet he knew. A hundred years, you have to know something…” Spike could feel her anger rising, could hear it in her voice; her skin vibrated because of it and he had no idea how to calm her, “…He let me give him my most precious gift…”

“Buffy…” Spike said softly.

“….And I gave him my heart. He told me the soul was what made him good, and I believed him,” she took a deep breath, “He stole them from me, both of them. I can’t get them back. He lied. I know that now.”

As she spoke, Angelus’s voice came back to him, in a blinding flash: “To kill this girl…you have to love her.”

He may have tried, but I can still see the fire in her,
“What do you know now, Love?”

“I know you helped…when my friends wouldn’t. When I wouldn’t. I know about Cousin Ian. You didn’t have a soul then, and you still helped,” she looked at the shock evident on his face and in his expressive eyes, and she smiled, a bit sheepishly, “Talking to Giles has really opened my eyes, Spike. I want to give you…so much. Give you what you’ve given me…and I can’t, because he stole it…”

For a moment Spike couldn’t speak. Is she really offering…? No. No, she couldn’t be. Not to me. “Well,” he spoke breathlessly as he watched the prisms of light that danced in her eyes, “I can’t do anything about the one gift,” his jaw tightened and ached at the thought of what Angelus had; something she could never take back, and he didn’t deserve the privilege of having, “…I can’t do anything about the one- much as I’d like to. But the other…Buffy, you can take that back. And give it to whomever you wish.”

Her eyes shone as she asked, “Will you help me, Spike? Help me to take my heart back?”

He nodded, speechless once more.

The beautiful silence between them was broken by a familiar, roaring voice that boomed up the stairs, “Giles, don’t try to hide him. You’re not getting rid of me. I will come back, night after night. I’m not going away- until I see him. I will see Spike, and you won’t stop me,” Angel’s voice held a tone of command in it that Buffy hadn’t heard before; and she felt Spike stiffen a little under her hands at hearing it, “Do you hear me, boy!” Angel shouted, “You will pay for what you did!”

 
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