This lovely banner was created for me by the amazing Tamakin84!! Thanks so much, love!!!




As Buffy casually beckoned the man who had spent the last few months torturing him closer to where he huddled on the couch, Spike desperately pressed back as hard as he could against the upholstery behind him, sobbing softly, wishing that he could just disappear, to somewhere far away, where the young man now staring at him with veiled menace would never find him.

But he had already found him.

He was here – in the one place where Spike had just begun to feel safe.

And Buffy – Buffy *wanted* him here.

“Spike – Spike, it’s okay!” Dawn’s urgent voice insisted, and Spike felt her arms slide around him as she came to sit beside him on the couch. “It’s all right, he’s okay – he won’t hurt you…”

Spike raised wide, panicked eyes to hers in incredulous disbelief, shaking his head slightly. How could she possibly say that? How could she think that it was *safe* to have this man here, after what he had done to him? But as he studied the young, innocent face of the girl who had already come to mean so much to him, Spike suddenly saw the truth in her crystal blue eyes.

She didn’t know.

The idea had not even crossed his mind. He had just assumed that of *course* Buffy and Dawn knew who had done this to him; it seemed that they knew *everything* he knew, and so much that he did not. In their wisdom, through the awestruck eyes with which he viewed them, he could not imagine that there was any truth that was hidden from Dawn – and Buffy.

Spike raised his eyes to the Slayer’s face – calm and friendly and inviting, as she met the eyes of his former captor – and suddenly, it all made sense.

They trusted this man – thought he was safe – because they *did not know* what he had done – that this was the person who had hurt him so badly.

But as Spike watched the easy manner that Buffy had with the man, he found himself wondering with a sinking heart, if it would matter at all. This was Buffy’s friend – and he had been taught over and over that he was nothing more than a monster, an animal. How could she possibly take his side over the side of someone that she cared about, someone she was close to?

Something deep within him was insisting that he had to try to make her understand – but he wasn’t sure if he had the courage. If he told her…and she took the side of his abuser – it would *kill* him. There was no way that he could stand the pain, the rejection, if that were to happen.

A part of him thought it would be better to never even know.

“Spike?” Dawn whispered, trying to catch his gaze again – but he was looking past her, toward Buffy, who was standing on the other side of the coffee table, smiling at the young man – who had just come into Spike’s line of vision.

Dark, penetrating eyes full of barely concealed malice met his – and Spike instantly dropped his gaze. True, he had never seen those eyes before, even in his nightmares – had never seen the face of his attacker clearly, until this day.

But the scent – the voice – were terrifyingly familiar; and the hatred in those eyes was unmistakable.

“B-Buffy,” he whispered, his voice little more than a soft breath, as he gasped for air that he did not really need, fighting off the panic of knowing that his enemy was so very near – near enough to reach out and touch him if he wanted to.

And he *knew* that he wanted to – could feel the malicious desire rolling off of the young man in waves – could see his hands at his sides twitching slightly in anticipation of what he would do when he managed to get his hand on Spike again.

Spike swallowed back a sob of anguished terror. He *had* to try – he *had* to!

“Buffy – please,” he whispered in a trembling, desperate voice. “Please – please don’t…”

Buffy turned her concerned eyes on him again, motioning for her friend to stay where he was as she moved around the coffee table and knelt down on the floor in front of Spike, taking his hands gently in hers and pulling them away from his tear-streaked face.

He wished that she wouldn’t; he felt so terribly vulnerable, exposed, helpless before the cruel scrutiny of his oppressor’s eyes.

“Spike – Sweetie, it’s all right – I’m right here. What is it, Sweetie? Why are you so scared?” Buffy softly pressed him, trying to calm him, a frown creasing her brow as she obviously wondered what could possibly have him this upset, so much more frightened than he had been even when Giles had threatened him the day before.

She released one of his hands – which he promptly raised to his eyes, in an attempt to shield himself from the piercing, menacing gaze of his enemy – and reached up to gently but firmly redirect his gaze from the man across from them, back up to her face…

…but not before Spike saw him put one finger to his lips in a gesture he had already learned from Dawn – a gesture that was a silent instruction to keep his mouth shut. Dawn and Giles were both focused on Spike as well; so it was that none of them noticed the subtle, silent movement of the young man’s hand.

But Spike could not help but notice it. The menace in those dark eyes was clear, as the young man slightly, almost imperceptibly, shook his head in a warning way. It could not have been more obvious; without saying a word, he was delivering a powerful threat to the traumatized, broken vampire.

*Open your mouth one more time, you little nothing, and I’ll rip that tongue of yours right out of it! Do you understand me?*

Spike shuddered under the weight of powerful memories of past torments – past torments that could be present again, if he made the wrong choice. His panicked gaze met Buffy’s searching, worried eyes, in a moment of desperate indecision.

She was right there in front of him, giving him her undivided attention, patiently waiting for him to calm down enough to tell her what was wrong – and he knew that he *could* tell her. Even if he was not able to find all the words, all it would take was a few – a simple pointed finger, indicating the man who had broken him.

Except – that man was right there, in front of him, glaring at him with a frightening intensity, behind the backs of the attentive little group focused on Spike.

And that man was Buffy’s *friend*.

Spike knew very well what that word meant; it was another new thing that Dawn had taught him. “Friend” was what Dawn was to him – what *Buffy* was to him.

And this man was that to *Buffy*.

He lowered his eyes in despair, full of fresh tears, shaking his head in miserable silence. He could not tell her – not now, with this man right here, watching him, ready to punish him if he disobeyed and opened his mouth. He wanted to hurt him; the only thing holding him back was the fact that Buffy was protecting him.

For now.

Because she had no idea who it was that had hurt him.

If Buffy knew that the one who had done so much damage to him was her own friend – would she still protect Spike from him? Or would she apologize to her friend for her mistake, and turn him back over to him, to be punished for daring to hope for freedom and safety?

Perhaps she would.

Perhaps she would not.

But it was not a chance Spike was prepared to take.

“Spike?” Buffy whispered tenderly, urging him with a gentle hand to look back up at her – but he could not quite bring himself to meet her eyes.

He allowed her to tilt his head back up toward her face, but kept his own face turned slightly away, his eyes closed, swallowing back a fresh sob of anguished despair, just shaking his head slightly in refusal to speak.

“Spike? Come on, Sweetheart, talk to me!” she pushed him, a slight note of impatience entering her voice, that was not unkind, but spoke of her frustration at not being able to figure out what was wrong.

“Maybe I should go,” the young man spoke up – and Buffy turned her eyes to look at him, just in time to miss the flinch of Spike’s shaking shoulders at the sound of his voice. “I mean – this is obviously upsetting him…is he scared of everybody like this – or is it just me?” The anxious, apologetic sound of his voice was very convincing.

*Oh, he’s good – very, very good…* Spike realized, his heart sinking lower in his chest. *She’ll never believe me – never…*

“It’s pretty much everybody,” Buffy assured him, frowning as she looked back at Spike. “At least – all guys, apparently. It must have been a guy that did this to him. But – this seems different. He’s really freaked out. I – I don’t get it.”

*Please, please see it!* Spike thought desperately, his eyes still tightly shut against the panic of the situation he had found himself in. *Please see it, and *care*, Buffy – please!*

But he knew already that she would not. Even if her friendship with this person would not prevent her from keeping her promise to protect him – it *did* prevent her from seeing the truth about her friend. It was obvious that she simply could not even conceive of the idea that someone so close to her could have done such a terrible thing.

“I’ll go,” the young man repeated decisively. “I don’t wanna – make this harder for you guys. I mean – you know I’m not all about this whole thing, anyway, but – if this is what you need to do, Buffy – I don’t wanna make him, like – regress, or something, ya know? I’ll just – go on, and you just – call me when it’s okay for me to come over again. Like, in a few weeks, or…”

“No,” Buffy said firmly, taking a deep breath as she turned her eyes back to Spike – full of compassion, but determination as well. “No, you’re a friend of this family, and I’m not going to have you basically kicked out over this – even if it’s temporary. Spike needs to adjust to normal life – and our normal life around here includes you. Don’t go. Let’s see if we can get this worked out.”

“If you say so,” the young man sighed, his tone making it clear that he was not so sure that her idea was a good one. “Just let me know if you want me to go, Buffy.”

“I could just take him upstairs,” Dawn interjected from her place beside Spike, her sheltering arms still wrapped tightly around him, a pleading look in her troubled eyes. She was not so sure she liked Buffy’s idea, either. “I mean, Buffy, look at him! You guys can talk while I just get him out of here for a while – okay?”

Buffy took in the terrified, panicked expression on the vampire’s face, the way his entire body was shaking with fear, and swallowed back the sick feeling that rose in her throat.

“No, Dawnie,” she insisted, a bit sadly. “He can’t go on like this. He has to know that he’s gonna be safe, no matter who comes and goes around here – that we’re not gonna let anybody hurt him. And I think the only way he’s really gonna get that – is to see it for himself. To *be here*, when someone’s around that he’s a little scared of, and get through it, and realize that he’s okay – you know?”

“Um – this may be a really bad idea, so stop me if I’m out of line here,” the young man spoke up, his voice convincingly hesitant and uncertain. “But – what if we just kind of – *prove* to him that I’m safe. Like – just give me a few minutes with him, just to let him see that I’m not gonna hurt him…”

“Unh-uh,” Dawn immediately protesting, as Spike froze completely beside her, not even breathing for a few moments with the terror inspired by that suggestion. “He’d totally freak out. We can’t…”

“Yeah, he’d freak out – for all of like, two minutes, before you guys came back in the room,” the young man continued his suggestion, apparently thinking it through as he went along, enthusiasm and optimism rising in his voice as he looked at Buffy for her reaction. “And then, obviously, nothing would have happened, and he’d have to know that I don’t want to hurt him – because if I wanted to hurt him, obviously I’d do it while I was alone with him – right?”

The room was silent for a long moment, as Buffy frowned thoughtfully, turning her eyes back to Spike – who was suddenly staring at her, wide-eyed in panic, searching her gaze for what her response would be.

He could not wait to hear her answer.

“*No*!” he could not hold back the desperate, pleading whimper that tore from his throat, as he leaned forward, clutching at Buffy’s arms and dropping his head to her shoulder, begging for her protection in a breathless, sobbing whisper, “No, no, please, Buffy, please, no!”

Startled by the vehemence of his reaction – though she knew that she shouldn’t have been – Buffy wrapped her arms around him, holding him to her as she gently whispered to him, trying to soothe him.

“Um – sorry,” she said aloud, glancing up at her friend over Spike’s trembling shoulders. “Bad idea.”

“Okay,” the young man quietly accepted the verdict with a nod. “Just a thought.”

“Spike,” Buffy said quietly. “He’s *not* going to hurt you. I promise. But we’re not going to make you do that, Sweetheart, okay? I’m not gonna leave you alone for a second if you don’t want me to – okay?”

His entire body shook with relief, as he nodded his head against her shoulder, sobbing openly now as he clung to her.

“Shhh,” she whispered, running her fingers soothingly through his hair, rocking slightly as she just held him. “It’s okay – it’s okay…you wanna go upstairs with Dawn for a little while, Sweetie? Okay!”

Spike hesitated just a moment, craving the safety and security of knowing that Buffy was near; and yet, wanting desperately to be *away* from this man who had wrought such destruction in his life, and clearly was seeking a way to do so again. And if Buffy was down here with her friend…then…upstairs with Dawn should be perfectly safe…

He shakily raised his head, meeting Buffy’s eyes for just a moment before looking down again, ashamed of his own fear and helplessness. He nodded slowly, before looking up at her again through grateful tears.

“Th-thank you,” he whispered, displaying another small bit of knowledge he had gained that day, that Buffy had not yet been aware of.

Tears filled her own eyes as she gave him one more quick, gentle hug, and released him, allowing Dawn to lead him hurriedly toward the stairs.

As they passed the young man – whose gaze never left Spike; he could *feel* it, hot and angry and violent, boring into his back – Spike felt the almost unbearable compulsion to fall to the floor on his face before him. He had never been allowed to stand in this young man’s presence before, not that he could remember.

Only his compulsion to escape was stronger, as he obediently followed Dawn up the stairs, clinging to her hand.

And as she called back over her shoulder with an apologetic smile to the young man who was a friend to her and Buffy – but in no way a friend to Spike – the vampire finally learned the name of his tormentor.

“Sorry about all this – even if it doesn’t look like it, we kinda miss you around here.”

The dark-haired young man grinned up disarmingly at Dawn, a warm affection in his eyes and voice as he replied without hesitation, “Oh, well. Movie night – right?”

Dawn smiled back at him, and Spike kept his eyes downcast, feeling more like an outsider than he had felt since being brought here, as he listened to the girl’s light-hearted response.

“Right. Movie night. See you then, Xander.”