The question took her breath away it was so enormous. Buffy could feel her heart quivering in her chest.

How do you answer something like that? Does it even have an answer?

She looked at his face, his eyes searching; always searching for the truth. His eyes hid nothing from her. There were no mysteries there.

What was there was both heartbreaking and wonderful. And, she felt her heart swelling within her. It hurt so much she thought she would die.

Buffy could see the pain flare briefly in his eyes as his head tilted in an achingly tender gesture, and he reached his hand out to catch a tear that was falling down her cheek, and he lowered his head, as though he were shamed. As though he’d hurt her.

It was then that she realized what it was that was making her heart ache. It was what she’d seen in his eyes, and in the question he’d asked.

He’d never felt love before, not really. And the thought nearly killed her.

His tender caress made her want to swoon, and her breath shuddered as she whispered the words, “Spike, what does it feel like?”

With those words, the bottom dropped out of his world. If even she didn’t know, then how could he tell her? How did she expect him to think, or even speak, when all he wanted to do was touch her? Oh God, Buffy…I’ll do anything just to be near you. I just * need * to touch you… “I don’t…” he shook his head, suddenly awash in sensations and feelings the poet inside of him had no words for. He felt as though he were drowning. I didn’t know…How * could * I…? He took a deep breath and looked at the ceiling, as if to call on the heavens for help. His gaze returned to hers, and his voice was a rasping murmur as he tried to use language that felt so inadequate to describe what he felt, “It’s like…” he stuttered, suddenly feeling small, and nothing like the “Big Bad” at all, “I feel like I’m drowning,” he closed his eyes, trying to center himself; breathing in her scent, “I’m dying…and I’m alive…" The fire inside…it burns me now, but it would be so much worse if I didn’t have you. It’s so warm. So warm that I think I’ll die. But it’s just too bloody cold here, without you. My chest aches when I remember how empty I was before, and now my heart…I didn’t think it could…but now…now I think it might…It’s so full now that it’s breaking my ribs, ready to burst because of what you put inside of me, Love. There’s no way I can tell you… “I’m so alive! Does that make any sense?”

Buffy nodded because words had failed her, again. She was amazed at what she saw. His face…it was exquisite, so much so that she couldn’t speak. She could see all of his emotions. Emotions that were still so close to the surface. Not even the Ukesolrill had beaten them down.

She smiled a little at the myriad of emotions she saw churning in his eyes. She’d seen them all, at one time or another. Hell, I’ve even felt them myself. The thrill of the hunt, a good fight. It’s amazing how fast the blood can rush; make you warm, so warm you think you’re on fire.

This isn’t so new after all, is it Spike?

Buffy could see the flame spark in his eyes, and she moved closer. She couldn’t resist, “It makes perfect sense,” she whispered, her head spinning, “I feel like that, too. And, when you left…”she bit her lip, feeling the tears stinging her eyes, her breath caught on the jagged ice that she hadn’t realized was in her heart until he left, “…I felt cold. So cold that I didn’t think I’d ever be warm again. Not like before, when I came back from Heaven…”

“Buffy don’t…” Spike choked, he could feel her pain, and taste the hurt that was in her heart. He didn’t want to cause her any more pain, “Don’t…” he begged; his heart breaking for her, “You don’t have to…”

“But you helped me. You made me warm again,” the words tumbled out of her mouth in a rush to erase the shame that she could see in his eyes, “Don’t you see that? Everyone else…Willow…Giles…” her eyes were downcast and her voice shook as she remembered that time, and friends that were no longer with her, “Even Xander and Dawnie. They all cared about how they felt. But not you,” she took his hand and felt him shudder and heard his sigh of longing and relief as she melted into his embrace. His back stiffened, as though the slight movement was a great shock, but then she felt safe as his arms enfolded her, and she whispered, her head pressing into his quiet and calm chest, “You cared about how I felt…I tore your heart out, again and again, and still you cared. You gave me your heart,” she sighed, stifling a sob that wanted to tear from her throat, “because I’d left mine behind. I didn’t even know it was missing until Clem told me you were gone, and I was cold again, like before. I was so cold that I thought I would die. And, I wasn’t warm again until I saw you.”

This is it then? It has to be. The world’s ended…and no one told me. Thought it would be a bang, but it’s not…It’s a bloody whisper… “Buffy…” Spike rasped, as the power of what she had told him began to manifest itself, making him weak and helpless against her.

The light that shone from her eyes now, was blinding, but he would not look away. She was so beautiful. And he wondered if her light would allow him to touch it, and her.

She looked so vulnerable. As though she would break into shards and cut him if he kissed her. But, he had to kiss her. His heart would burst open and kill him if he didn’t.

Her fire would kill him.

He could feel himself trembling, even now. And, his heart fluttered a little when she smiled. Her eyes twinkled at him, and she winked. Did she just…?

Buffy’s heart filled to the brim with a joy she thought she’d lost when she heard his deep and hearty laughter coming from deep within him. The sound was new, and crisp, but it was an old friend too.

And, as his lips met hers, she kissed him as though it was her first time.

He was new. And now, so was she.
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