Chapter 3

AN* Thanks to everyone for the wonderful reviews. I promise they will meet up soon – maybe this chapter, maybe the next.


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Read on to find out……


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A Summers woman under each arm holding tightly to his sides, Spike felt himself dragged into the living room. It was not an unpleasant feeling, and the love he felt from both Joyce and Dawn helped to ease the pain of being so close to Buffy. He was in her home, sitting on her sofa being cuddled by her sister, whilst her mother made him hot chocolate just the way he liked.

Contentment poured through his being, making him feel totally calm.

As Joyce handed him his chocolate, he noticed that she had used his ‘Kiss the Librarian’ mug he had stolen from the watcher. A smile at her thoughtfulness brightened his face as he sipped the delicious brew. The best whiskey money could buy had never tasted so good.

With Dawn to his left and Joyce to his right, he waited for the questions to begin. He had never hidden his feelings for Buffy from Joyce, and he hoped she would not ask the questions he was not ready to answer. Sipping his warm chocolaty beverage, he turned questioning eyes on Joyce.

A thousand questions ran through Joyce’s mind, but she started with the simplest one he could answer.

“Spike, it’s so good to see you again after all this time. You left without saying goodbye, and I felt kind of hurt. After all the times we had talked and shared things, I really thought you would have waited and let us know where you were going. We worried about you for three years. Where have you been?”

Staring down at the now empty mug, Spike thought about telling her a lie. He could say he had lived the high life anywhere in the world, but this gentle woman deserved only the truth.

“I had to leave, Joyce,” he said in a small voice, his answer directed at the empty mug he held in his hands. “I loved Buffy with all my heart, but all she ever did was treat me as her punching bag when she needed to vent some spiel. I told her again and again how I felt, and she just laughed in my face telling me that I didn’t know how to love because I didn’t have a soul.”

Looking up at Joyce’s compassionate face, he halted in his tale to put his mug on the coffee table in front of him. As he sat back, he turned his eyes to the ceiling, not able to stand the look of pity in her eyes.

“I left here and went to see Peaches in LA for a while. Don’t even ask me why, because I don’t understand myself what made me want to see him. Maybe it’s a family thing, I don’t know, but I just know I had to talk to him. We talked for days and days and got a lot of things straightened out between us.” Turning his eyes to Joyce, he smiled as he continued. “Did you know he has a son called Connor, and he’s living with Cordelia?”

At Joyce’s shocked look, Spike laughed. “Yeah, I bet he’s kept that quiet from the slayer. I won’t go into the details of how he became a father, ‘cos that’s even too much for me. Suffice to say, they live a happy little life taking care of his son and acting so much like a married couple it almost makes you sick.”

Joyce, loathe to interrupt him, felt compelled to ask. “If he’s happy with Cordelia, why does he still have a soul?”

Now that was a question he could easily answer. “They found a grand wizard in South America that was able to do a spell to anchor his soul for eternity. No matter how happy he gets, he will still have the soul.” Looking thoughtfully at the coffee table, as if it held all the answers, he continued. “I’ve heard over the years that he’s lost it now and again thanks to some demon witchcraft, but Cordy usually finds a way to get it back before too much harm’s done.”

Mouth open in astonishment, Joyce stared at Spike. “Buffy knows nothing of this, Spike. Are you sure?”

“As sure as I am that I’m a vampire, Joyce. I’ve never seen him so happy.”

Dawn, who had said not a word since Spike had entered their home, could hardly contain her excitement at the news. “So,” she started. “Tall, dark and forehead will never come back into our lives again?”

“Dawn Summers” her mother exclaimed. “There’s no need to talk about Angel like that.”

Dawn smiled benignly at both her mother and Spike. “Yes there is, mom. I never liked him, and he was soooo bad for Buffy.”

Joyce could only laugh at her daughter’s statement. Although true, it was strange hearing her daughter refer to Angel by the names Spike had often called him.

“I have to agree Dawn, but don’t let Buffy hear you call him that,” her mother smiled in reply.

Spiked winced internally at Joyce’s words. It was as he thought, Buffy still held a candle for Peaches and always would. He would get the job done with Dawn and leave this place forever.

Noticing the deflated look on Spike’s face, Joyce knew she had said the wrong thing. She was worried he would think Buffy still had feelings for Angel; she had to fix this quickly.

“You can’t call him tall, dark and forehead when all she calls him is pompous, self-righteous ass.”

Spike visibly brightened at her words. “She does?” he asked, a smile in her voice.

“All the god-damned time.” Dawn agreed before ducking her head at her mother’s evil look. Profanity was not allowed in the Summers’ home.

Laughing out loud with joy, Spike cuddled the two women towards his shoulders. “You have now idea how happy that makes me, nibblet. No idea at all.”

Dawn snuggled closer to her best friend, holding him tightly. He had always been so charming and handsome in her eyes, but she knew that he only had room in his heart for Buffy. She believed he loved her as a sister, otherwise he would not have come back to Sunnydale to help her fight the prophecy, but she also knew that his life belonged to Buffy.

Her stupid sister was just too stubborn to admit that she had missed him too.

Cuddled up against her favourite vampire, Joyce resumed her gentle questioning. “Dawn told me you travelled half way across the world to come back, Spike. Where do you live now?”

“Iceland, Joyce.” Extricating herself from his arm, Joyce sat up and stared at him

“Iceland?” Incredulity in her voice. “Why Iceland?”

Smiling at her, Spike said simply. “It’s dark there for six months of the year, Joyce. That appeals to someone like me; and there are plenty of demons to kill. It’s the perfect place for a vampire to live.” As his smile faded, he continued. “When the daylight comes, I have to move on for a while. Sometimes I go back to England, other times I just roam the planet killing demons and fighting the good fight.”

Joyce felt she had to ask the burning question. “Do you still have feelings for Buffy, Spike?”

Spike let his girls go. As his hands returned to his lap, he pondered how he was going to answer that difficult question. If she had asked him two hours ago he would have said that he thought of her fondly, but no longer loved her. His reaction to her scent and her closeness just a short time ago had both stunned and shocked him. All kinds of thoughts rolled around his head as he tried to formulate a reply. He had never been able to lie to Joyce, but he thought he was going to have to start.

“You’re taking a long time to answer, Spike.” Joyce said softly. “I take it that you do still love her but don’t want her to know.”

Sometimes he hated how perceptive this woman could be. Yet other times he relished in her way of stating the obvious. Only the truth would help him now.

“I don’t think I ever stopped loving her Joyce, I’ve just managed to control it over the years.” Spike looked pleadingly at Joyce as he continued. She deserved to hear everything. “I had to move on, no matter how much it hurt. She would never see me as anything but a monster, and I think I deserve better than that. I kept up the fighting all over the world, and helped rid this sorry planet of some of the nasties that would hurt her if they ever found their way to Sunnydale. I even got in touch with the Council of Wankers and offered my services as a freelance demon fighter for a while.”

He paused in his rhetoric for a moment, memories of Traver’s face as he had laid out his terms passing through his mind.

“Eventually they agreed, and I spent a year in London ridding it of demons.” Smiling at both Joyce and Dawn, he winked and carried on. “There were some good times to be had ‘round the East End of London, I can tell you.”

Dawn, unable to keep silent any longer, interspersed his tale with some questions she wanted to ask. “Is that why you kept changing your cell number, so I couldn’t track you down?”

Giving her a quick hug, Spike dropped his hands to his lap and carried on with his tale. “I couldn’t tell you where I was nibblet, in case you let it slip to Buffy. I had to make this journey on my own, and I didn’t want her to know what I was up to.”

Joyce looked pointedly at her youngest. “Don’t think we won’t be talking about that later, Dawn. You knew how to get in touch with Spike, yet you didn’t trust me enough to tell me.”

Spike, knowing his nibblet was in deep trouble with her mother, spoke up in her defence. “I asked her not to, Joyce. I’m sorry you feel a little betrayed, but if I asked you to keep a secret, would you have told Buffy or Dawn?”

Staring at Spike for a few seconds, Joyce thought about his words. Finally she shook her head as she answered. “No, Spike. I don’t think I would have told them.”

Inwardly sighing with relief that he had saved his nibblet from a lecture, he smiled at Joyce. “I know you wouldn’t Joyce, and I had put all my trust in Dawn. I knew she wouldn’t betray me, or judge why I didn’t come back.”

Joyce could see the point of his argument, but she still felt that they both could have trusted her more. Spike, noticing the look of consternation on her face, thought it best to continue.

“Anyway,” he sighed. “While I was in London, a demon friend of mine told me about Iceland. The pleasure of living in the dark for a few months of the year really held some appeal, so I moved there about eighteen months ago.”

Dawn, desperate to find out more, asked another question. “Do you live in a crypt there Spike, or do you have an apartment or something?”

Laughing, Spike cuddled Dawn towards him and gently stroked her hair. The next part of his life history might not go down well, and he wanted the comfort of his friend.

“I live in a house in Reykjavik. The house has three bedrooms, two bathrooms and a great big basement I can work out in.” Squeezing her tighter to his side, his lips brushed the top of her head. “I like it there, nibblet. I saw no reason to come back before now.”

Joyce watched the show of affection the blonde vampire bestowed on her daughter. It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him how much Buffy had wanted to see him tonight before she had been banished from the house, when Spike started to speak again.

“There’s something else I need to tell you both.” Pausing slightly to take an un-needed breath, Spike seemed to draw himself up as he continued.

“I have a wife.”