Thank you to Enigmatic Blues and Brooke for betaing


As she ran through the darkened cemetery Buffy’s frustration mounted. She knew Spike lived in a crypt at Restfield, but everything had changed so much that she felt as if she were walking in circles. She was about at her breaking point when she noticed a large crypt she had not yet checked. Bursting through the door, she felt a wave of relief when she saw Spike sitting in a tattered chair in front of an old television.

Spike jumped out of his chair startled at the slayers abrupt entrance. “Well some things never change,” he smirked walking towards the blond.

Buffy launched herself at the blond vampire as tears of frustration flowed down her face. Spike held the crying girl rubbing her back silently cursing his insensitivity. Pulling back he took her face in his hands, gently wiping her tears with his thumbs. “Pet, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…”

Buffy shook her head sobbing. “It’s not you…its them. They just don’t understand.”

“Aw sweet, don’t let them get to you. They’ll adjust.” Spike smiled.

“I told them about the chip…and they just freaked out.”

Spike’s smile instantly faded as he released her running a hand through his hair as he began pacing. “Bloody hell Buffy you could have warned me. The boy…is just itching for an excuse to off me.”

Buffy furrowed her brow, “Xander was upset…and Giles but…”

Spike’s eyes widened, “Your watcher knows? When did he get back?”

“Today,” Buffy mumbled, “but Spike they won’t bother you. I told them if they did they would have me to deal with.”

Spike stopped pacing and looked at Buffy. The look of panic was quickly replaced by one of complete awe, as a smile tugged at his lips. He cocked his head to the side, “You told them that?”

Buffy blushed but maintained eye contact, “Of course I did. I told you, Spike…I trust you.”

Spike closed his eyes feeling torn between being utterly amazed that Buffy had taken his side with her friends and the absolute terror of knowing that it could all change in a heartbeat if she knew the truth about him. “Love, if you remembered…”

“Remembered what…how you protected my sister? That you patrolled all summer with my friends?” Buffy answered walking over to take his hands.

“How ‘bout the fact that I tried to kill you…many times.”

“But you didn’t. Why do you think that is?” Buffy smiled mischievously.

“Um…because your mum hit me in the head with an ax?” Spike chuckled.

Buffy stopped her look suddenly solemn, “Y-you knew my mom?”

Spike closed his eyes briefly remembering how raw the pain must still be for her. Bringing his hand up to cup her cheek he smiled. “She was a nice lady. Always had an ear to lend and cuppa for a bloke. And she was proud of you.”

Buffy’s eyes glistened with unshed tears. She felt herself drowning in an ocean of blue as she slowly leaned in and brushed her lips against his. She sighed letting the kiss linger waiting, hoping for some kind of response. She was about to pull away when she felt his hand move from her cheek to tangle in her hair.

Spike knew he should pull away, but having her so close, so in need of comfort before he could even think he was hauling her flush against him. Buffy gasped feeling his tongue stroking her lips and then gently enter her mouth. She heard a low growl rumble in his chest as the kiss deepened. Then suddenly she felt herself being shoved roughly away as he abruptly broke the kiss.

“Buffy…Oh God, I’m so sorry.”

Buffy was dazed. The kiss had left her gasping for breath. She looked to Spike confused and hurt. “You’re…sorry you kissed me?”

“Buffy, pet, you have to understand…”

“Understand what? It was beautiful.” Buffy smiled approaching him.

Spike held his hand up, “no…I-I can’t do this.”

“But…why?”

Spike could see the agony in her eyes. He could feel his chest tighten knowing he was the cause of it. How long had he wished for this…dreamt of it. Now here she was standing before him like an angel offering deliverance. But Spike knew all too well the cost.

Before her death, he’d grown accustom to the disgust in Buffy’s eyes. Sure there were flashes of tolerance even bordering on acceptance at times, but never trust and certainly never desire. Spike closed his eyes longing to force back his inner turmoil and accept whatever the goddess before him would offer a soulless demon such as himself. But he knew one taste of her salvation would never be enough. Somehow, some way her friends would make sure she remembered. The mere thought of tasting heaven only to have it all ripped away, was enough to stop him in tracks. Losing Buffy to death almost ended him; he could not stand to come so close only to lose her in life.

“Love, you just…you don’ remember.” Spike whispered bowing his head as tears threatened to spill down his cheeks.

“Oh my God,” Buffy covered her mouth as she slowly backed away. “It’s because of her! You love her. I’m so stupid. How could I have thought you were any different?”

Before Spike could even answer he turned and ran out of the crypt. His heart ached to follow her to somehow make her see, but he knew if he followed there would be no going back. Grabbing a bottle of whiskey he slumped down in his tattered chair.


********************


Buffy climbed the tree outside of her bedroom window. She was pretty sure everyone was asleep, but she couldn’t bear to face them at the moment. Crawling through the window she wandered towards her bed. She felt utterly alone in the world. Collapsing on her bed the tears finally came. Huge wracking sobs consumed her as she curled into a ball and clung to her small stuffed pig.

She wasn’t sure how long she was there, it felt like hours. Suddenly the bed dipped and long thin arms wrapped around her. “Ssshh” her sister whispered stroking Buffy’s hair, “don’t cry. Everything will be ok.”

Buffy’s voice was cracked and shaky, “no, it won’t. Not now.”

“Buffy I know it’s been hard…”

“Spike hates me.” Buffy sobbed.

Dawn snorted, “you’re joking, right?”

Buffy sat up abruptly turning toward her sister, “no…he really does.” she insisted.

Dawn looked unconvinced, “Buffy what could he have possibly done to make you think that? Spike loves you.”

Buffy shook her head, “he loves her. I kissed him and at first it was like…wow amazing and then he pushed me away.”

“He pushed you away?” Dawn looked amazed. “Let me get this straight, you kissed Spike, our Spike, and he pushed you away?”

“Yeah,” Buffy whispered as hot tears ran down her face. “He said something about me not remembering.”

Dawn took hold of her sister’s shoulders and looked her in the eyes. “Buffy listen to me. I don’t know what Spike said or why he pushed you away, but there is one thing in this world I’m sure about. Spike. Loves. You. Now, let’s get some sleep.” Dawn smiled lying down on the bed. “And no hogging the covers.”


********************


Spike was awakened by a large object hitting his chest. Blinking open his eyes he was faced with an angry teen. “What the hell is your problem?”

“Oi, watch the language, bit.” Spike slurred trying to sit up knocking the empty bottles off of his chair.

“No, this time you are gonna listen to me. You made my sister cry, you big jerk.”

Spike closed his eyes remembering the night before. “Dawn, it’s complicated.”

“No it’s not! You’re making it complicated. Don’t you see we could be a family? Just the three of us. Don’t you want that?” Dawn’s voice cracked as tears slid down her face.

Spike was out of his seat in a flash, comforting the girl he had come to love as his own. “Bit, of course I would wan’ it. God, you don’t know how much.” he closed his eyes whispering into her hair.

Dawn pulled back seeing the tears in his eyes, “Then why are you pushing her away? She wants to be with you.”

“Maybe, but what about if she gets her memory back?”

“That’s what’s holding you back? A what if. Spike don’t you remember what it was like when she was gone? Don’t you remember how we wished for some glimmer of hope? How can you just throw it all away because you’re scared?”

“It’s not that simple.” Spike tried to pull away, but Dawn held his arms.

“Yes it is. What if she never gets her memory back? What if we could have a real chance at being a family? Could you really live with yourself if you just throw it all away?”



********************


The room was eerily silent as the Scoobies sat around the large table at the Magic Box. Buffy hadn’t even wanted to come to Giles’ emergency meeting fearing it was going to be about Spike, but she knew she had to at least hear him out.

Giles’ walked through the front door looking even older and more stress than he had the day before. “Good, I see you all are here,” he said looking directly at Buffy.

“What’s up G-man?” Xander smiled.

“Yeah is the world ending again because I was just about to write some check and if it is…”

“Anya!” Xander snapped.

“What? I was just saying if there was going to be an apocalypse…”

“There is no apocalypse.” Giles said solemnly taking off his glasses.

“Oh but he’s cleaning his glasses, so this can’t be good.” Willow noticed.

“I got a call from Wesley last night.” Giles started.

“Who’s Wesley?” Buffy chirped thankful this apparently wasn’t going to be about Spike’s chip.

“He was your watcher for a short time when Giles got canned.” Xander announced his smile quickly fading when Giles shot him a stern look.

“He’s informed me that Faith has lost her slayer powers.” Giles continued.

“Who is Faith?” Buffy said looking confused.

“She’s the bad slayer.” Anya smiled.

“Wait…there are two slayers?” Buffy’s eyes widened.

“When The Master…killed you even though it was only momentarily, a new slayer was called, Kendra. Kendra was killed shortly after being called and the next slayer in line was Faith. However, she chose a dark path and is currently incarcerated.” Giles said rubbing his temples.

“So, that is what the big meeting is about, Faith has been stripped of her powers? What did the counsel find a way to do it?” Willow asked.

“I’m afraid not. After Wesley’s call I contacted a friend of mine who is a member of a coven.” There was a long pause Giles sighed and continued, “Apparently the counsel was not responsible for Faiths loss of powers.”

“Who was?” Willow asked.

“You were.” Giles said simply.

“What? What do you mean?” Willow’s eyes widened.

“Apparently when your spell split Buffy’s essence it broke the slayer line.” Giles said looking towards Buffy.

“But that doesn’t make sense I still have my powers.” Buffy frowned.

“The slayer line ceased to run through you when you were killed. Even though you were still the slayer, the line ran through Faith. When your essence was split and you were returned, apparently it broke the line.” Giles explained.

“And when I die?” Buffy asked in a small voice.

“Then there will be no more slayers” Giles sighed.

The room once again fell deadly silent. Buffy felt a small tingling on the back of her neck only seconds before she heard his voice.

“Then it looks like we better make sure our slayer stays alive.”