A/N- This is a repost of the chapter. I decided to make some changes.
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Chapter 4

“This is it?”
 
“Don’t hold back.”
 
“Sorry, I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. It’s nice, really.”
 
Spike shook his head. “Do me fine. It’s a lot nicer than most of the places I’ve lived.”
 
Buffy and Camilla were visiting Spike’s new apartment. He had managed to find one only a few blocks from where the two of them currently resided. It was rather small, but was all he could afford on his current salary of nothing.
 
It had been almost a week since he’d made the life altering decision to move to New York with the slayer and her daughter. In that time, he had only seen them once before today. Buffy had been catching up on work all week and Camilla had been at day care. But the time alone had given him the opportunity to find a place to stay. When they’d first arrived, Buffy insisted he could stay on her couch until he found somewhere else to go, but he hadn’t thought that was such a good idea. Instead he’d stayed at a motel near the airport. That is, until yesterday.
 
“I like it,” Camilla said coming around her mother. “It’s like a doll house… only a little bigger.”
 
“Thanks, Bit,” Spike said with a small laugh.
 
“You’re welcome, Mr. Spike.” The little girl went skipping into the back of the apartment.
 
“Well, at least someone likes it,” Spike said.
 
“I never said I didn’t like it.”
 
Spike sat down on his couch and Buffy took a seat beside him. She looked over at him and noticed he seemed to be deep in thought about something. She decided to take this time to say something that had been on her mind.
 
“I know I’ve already said this once or twice, but I’m glad that you decided to come with us. And Camilla is happy, too. She can’t wait for her birthday party. She wants all of her friends to meet you. She really likes you.”
 
“Perhaps it’s my boyish charm,” he said rather sarcastically.
 
“I know that’s why I liked you,” she replied.
 
He cast a look in her direction. “Is that right?”
 
“Uhuh. You just always seemed so sweet and innocent. I couldn’t resist.”
 
He laughed lightly. “Innocent my ass.”
 
“Oh, you don’t think so?”
 
“Sure, Slayer. I was the epitome of innocence. Never had a dirty thought in my life.”
 
“We both know that’s not true,” she said, more to herself than to him.
 
After the words left her mouth though, she wished she could take them back. Bringing up the past was not something she wanted to do. And it was definitely not part of the ‘make Spike my new BFF plan she’d developed. He had decided to get an apartment, which meant he’d decided to stay in New York for a while. And whilst she was enjoying his company almost as much as Camilla was, she wanted to make sure they were on the same page about things. They were friends and that was it. And bringing up their past sexual relationship was not adding to a friendly environment. And the way he was looking at her… as if he were remembering…
 
“What’s not true?” Camilla asked running back into the room, breaking the sudden tension.
 
“That tacos are better than pizza,” Spike told her, not missing a beat. “Your mom here suggested we get tacos for dinner, but I thought we could go to that pizza place you like so much.”
 
Her eyes widened. “Pappies’ Pizza Palace? That is my favoratist restaurant. They have games. Can we please go there mommy?”
 
“Sure,” Buffy replied, thankful Spike thought quick on his feet. She was sure that she would have rambled on about something senseless had she been the one to answer the question.
 
“And can I play games?”
 
“We’ll see.”
 
“Yay. We’re going to Pappies’… we’re going to Pappies’,” she chanted jumping up and down. “Can we go now?”
 
“Yes,” Spike said, getting up off the couch.
 
Buffy followed his lead and stood up.
 
“May I get some ciminin sticks too, mommy?”
 
“If you promise you’ll eat your dinner first.”
 
“I will, I promise.”
 
“Let’s go then, shall we?”
-------------------
 
“Can you even eat pizza?”
 
“What? Yeah,” he responded with a look of confusion.
 
“Well, you are a vampire. I didn’t know if all the garlic would bother you.”
 
He laughed lightly. “Old wives tale, luv. Truth be known, it doesn’t bother most of us anymore than it bothers you.”
 
“Oh.” Well, hadn’t she wasted a lot of time and money hanging that garlic on her windows?
 
“Some vampires are more sensitive to the smell than others, but in general, it really has no effect.”
 
“Learn something new everyday.” 
 
“Wouldn’t be worth it if you didn’t.”
 
Buffy nodded in agreement. She looked over at her daughter, who had run to the arcade as soon as they had arrived. She was watching some older kids play a combat game of sorts. How that little girl could be so entertained by such games were beyond Buffy. She then looked back at Spike. He was glancing over the menu trying to decide what suited his fancy.
 
She knew that everyone, with the exception of Dawn, really thought the whole idea of Spike moving back to the city with her and Camilla was insane. Sure, they accepted the fact that he was back, but they had all known he was “alive”. She’d told Willow, Xander, and Dawn soon after Andrew had spilled the beans to her. When she called to confront Giles, he revealed that he already knew. She’d been upset with him for not telling her, but he’d insisted he was doing what he thought was best. Buffy was really beginning to get annoyed at everyone thinking they knew what was best for her. She knew what was best for her… most of the time.
 
Dawn had called Xander’s phone not long after they had found Camilla. She told them Spike was in LA and that they’d better take the time on the way to the city to be unhappy and say bad things about him. She didn’t want them to make a big scene in front of Camilla or Buffy. And they hadn’t. They had both been pretty civil. And though Giles hadn’t said two words to Spike, he had expressed his concerns to Buffy.
 
“I don’t think it’s a good idea that he move back with you, Buffy. You haven’t seen him in years. You don’t know what he’s like anymore.”
 
“He’s the same as he’s always been.” When she realized what she’d said, Buffy quickly amended her statement. “Since he got his soul back. And before you say anything about him killing people, you have to remember that wasn’t his fault. He’s not killing innocent people now.”
 
“And how do you know that? You have only been around him for 24 hours, Buffy.”
 
“I just know,” she replied defiantly.
 
“Well, I’m glad you have that assurance because you’re taking a risk here.”
 
“I am well aware of that.”
 
“You do realize that you’re doing it again,” he said with distaste.
 
“What does that mean?”
 
“You are being careless about your decisions. You always have been when it comes to him.”
 
“I’m not being careless, Giles. And it’s not like I’ve forgotten he’s a vampire.”
 
“No, but you seem to have forgotten that vampires are the enemy.”
 
“And I suppose killing them every other day of my life means I want them to be my pals,” she responded sarcastically.
 
The older man sighed. “You know that’s not what I mean, Buffy.”
 
“Then what are you trying to say?”
 
“Spike is different…”
 
“Exactly. He’s different.”
 
“And that is the problem. He has some sort of hold over you, and it causes you to make irrational decisions like inviting him to live with you.”
 
“I did not invite him to live with me. He’s just moving to New York. He probably won’t even live anywhere near me. And contrary to what everyone seems to think, this does not mean that we’re getting back together. It’s not like that anymore.”
 
“I should hope not; for your sake and for the sake of your daughter.”
 
 
Of course she had expected as much from Giles. It was his job to play the part of the concerned parent, and he’d gotten oh-so-good at it over the years. He didn’t trust her judgment when it came to Spike. And he wasn’t the only one.
 
Xander and Willow also hadn’t thought the idea of Spike moving to New York was such a good one, but had kept their complaints to a minimum for their friend’s sake. The slayer had been pretty upset when she found out he was alive and they hadn’t told her, and they didn’t want to make things worse, now that the two were reunited. Willow had always had a sneaking suspicion that Buffy was in love with the vampire, and Xander had long since learned to stay out of her love life. Willow had received the confirmation she needed from the Coven about Spike. It seemed they had been mistaken about Spike’s death and hadn’t realized until years after battle Los Angeles that he was in fact still among the undead. They hadn’t felt the need to inform Willow or anyone else in case they had to dispose of him their selves, but in the five years since they’d discovered his location, he hadn’t been linked to anything extraordinarily suspicious.
 
Buffy was still a bit hurt that Spike had never cared to tell her that he hadn’t died in Sunnydale. She had been debating on when would be the best time to bring the topic up. He hadn’t mentioned it either. Before she had a chance to speak what was on her mind the waiter approached the table.
 
“What can I get for you?”
 
“What were you thinking?” Buffy asked Spike.
 
“I don’t know.”
 
“Do you wanna just get a large pepperoni and share? Camilla and I don’t eat that much.”
 
He nodded in agreement and Buffy informed the waiter that’s what they would be having. He took their drink orders and left the two alone once again. Spike remained quiet and turned his eyes towards Buffy’s daughter. An older boy had brought a chair for her to stand on and was letting her play a game with him. He smiled when the boy made a face and she jumped up and down with excitement. Seemed the little bit had beaten him at his own game.
 
Buffy’s thoughts had once again drifted in the direction of curiosity at why Spike hadn’t told her what had happened to him. On the plane ride from LA, they had talked a little about how he had spent the last six or so years of his life. He’d been all across the world, “sightseeing” and helping slayers when he could. He’d told her about having a run in with a real life Frankenstein and how he’d seen Oz in New Mexico with his wife. Buffy still really couldn’t believe Oz was married, but Spike assured her that the girl was perfect for him.
 
“She’s kinda like Red, only straight.”
 
Apparently, he’d had quite a few adventures since Sunnydale, but during the whole course of his story, he’d left out the part about crime fighting with Angel for a year and what happened directly afterward, the two things that she most desperately wanted to hear about.
 
“Do you ever get the feeling your being watched?” he asked suddenly.
 
“Hello, slayer,” she said pointing to herself, “Of course I do.”
 
“Right. I mean by humans.”
 
“Why?” she asked slightly confused.
 
“Because that broad over by the window has been eyeing me since we came in.”
 
Buffy glanced in the direction of the window and the lady sitting there quickly looked away. She had obviously been staring.
 
“Maybe she thinks your hott.”
 
“Yeah, or maybe she’s a cannibal who wants to chop me into little pieces and serve me to her husband.”
 
“I’m sure that’s it,” Buffy said rolling her eyes and laughing. “Or maybe she’s jealous cause you’re sitting with me.”
 
“Could be. Or could be that she’s jealous of me because I’m sitting with you.”
 
“Well, I am looking quite ravishing today.”
 
“That you are.”
 
They both shared a little laugh, before falling back into silence. Buffy wondered if now would be a good time to have that talk with him. Here, in the middle of Pappies’ Pizza.
 
“Spike,” she said after a moment.
 
“Yeah?”
 
“I know we’ve been talking and joking like it’s a normal everyday thing, and I like that, but… we still haven’t really talked about what happened to you. After Sunnydale I mean.”
 
Spike sighed. He knew this was coming. It was only a matter of time before she would want to know how he had managed his comeback from the dead, and more specifically, why he hadn’t told her. He still wasn’t sure exactly how he would explain his actions… or lack thereof… in a way that she would understand. He really had had her best interest at heart, but he supposed she wouldn’t take too kindly to that.
 
“I was hoping you would forget about that little detail.”
 
“Sorry to disappoint.”
 
“What’s there to tell? I died, came back, fought some evil, end of story.”
 
“It can’t be that simple.”
 
“What can’t?” Camilla asked as she jumped into her chair.
 
“Checkers,” Buffy told her.
 
“It’s easy, mommy,” she told her. “You’re just not as good as me.”
 
Buffy smiled at her daughter’s innocence. If only their conversation was as simple as playing a game of checkers. The waiter returned with the pizza, and the conversation that may have been was relinquished. Spike tried not to look at Buffy during dinner. She would be giving him that look that he knew all too well. The look that said she would eventually find out what she wanted to know. He could only hope that she would forget about it, but no matter how much he tried to convince himself she would, he knew that the conversation was far from over.
--------------------
 
The door to Buffy’s apartment swung open and she walked in carrying a grocery bag. Following close behind her was Spike and Camilla. She was on his back, but now fast asleep.
 
“I can’t believe she begged us to get ice cream and then fell asleep.”
 
“Think she wore herself out playing those games.”
 
Buffy nodded. “You can go put her down if you want.”
 
Spike carried her into the bedroom, laid her down on her bed and covered her up. He stood there a moment looking down at her. What was it about this little girl that made him feel like he needed to take care of her? Maybe it was because she was her mother’s daughter.
 
He shook his head and walked back into the living room, and found Buffy closing the freezer door.
 
“She still out?”
 
“Like a rock.”
 
“Good. She needs to get some rest. She’s been staying up late the last week or so.”
 
She came over and stood in front of him. “So, can we talk now?” she asked.
 
“What do you want to talk about?”
 
“I think you know what I want to talk about.”
 
“Yeah, right.”
 
Spike sat down on the couch and ran a hand through his hair. He really didn’t want to do this now, but she seemed persistent.
 
“I just wanna know what happened to… you,” she said, sitting down beside him.
 
He didn’t really know where to start, so opted for the beginning.
 
“Well, after everything went down in ol Sunnyhell, I found myself back in LA. I guess the amulet must have been cursed or something. I think it was meant for Peaches. Whoever or whatever constructed the damn thing made it where whoever was wearing it got sucked inside.”
 
She looked slightly confused.
 
“Fred tried explaining it to me once, was complicated and all that. All I know is one minute I’m burning to ashes in the hellmouth and the next I’m standing in the middle of Angel’s office. Apparently, someone fished the trinket out of the hole that was Sunnydale and mailed it to him.”
 
“Okay. You were in LA; I get that. But why did you stay?”
 
“For a while there I was incorporeal; a real live Casper so to speak. And what’s worse, I couldn’t even leave the bloody city. Every time I got close to the city limits, I would pop right back to Wolfram and Hart. I thought I was doomed to haunt the bastard forever, which wasn’t as bad as you might think. Once I got my body back, the first thing I wanted to do was get out of there, and find you.” He looked directly at her as he said the last part.
 
“So why didn’t you?” she asked, trying not to let the look on his face affect her. “What changed?”
 
“I did. Being ghostly gave me a chance to think, and I realized that coming back to you and expecting things to be just as they were, wouldn’t be fair. I figured you had moved on with your normal life, and I couldn’t mess that up for you again.”
 
“Spike, you never messed up my life. A lot of the time, you made it better.”
 
“Yeah, when I tried to kill you and your friends, when I built a robot that looked like you, when I was relentless about a relationship that I knew was hurting both of us.”
 
“No. When you helped me fight demons even when I treated you like shit, when you stayed and took care of my sister the summer I was gone, when you risked everything to get a soul and be a batter man, when you died to save the world.”
 
“You’re making me out to sound like a bloody saint.”
 
“Well, that’s not what I’m trying to do. I just want you to know that you meant a lot to me, and I don’t want you to ever think that you messed up anything.” She reached out and put a hand on his arm.
 
He looked down at the hand. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I just thought I was doing the right thing.”
 
“I know.”
 
He looked up and met her eyes. “I really am sorry.”
 
“Consider yourself forgiven.”
 
A smiled formed on his lips and he couldn’t help but feel that tightness in his chest that he often felt around this woman. There was no doubt in his mind that he still loved her. And he actually found himself wondering if maybe, just maybe, they could be more than friends.
 
“There’s just one more thing I need to ask you.”
 
He nodded for her to go on. Buffy took a deep breath and looked away from him.
 
“What happened to Angel?”