~*~
Chapter 9, Nothing Normal
~*~

“No more than two weeks, you promised,” Buffy reminded Giles. “Go see this voodoo doctor and find out what you need to do to fix me up, and then hop on the next plane home.”


Buffy was feeling happier than she could remember being in far too long. Yes, Giles was leaving to see about those empty places she still had, those numb areas, but more importantly he was coming back! Spike was waiting at home for her and that made her more content than she could have imagined. She had no trouble getting in touch with her feelings for the vampire. She had two men, both dearly loved and neither likely to leave her. ‘If you add in loyal Xander, I’ve got a full set!’

Tara had even said that Buffy’s aura was looking more complete than it had since her return. Evidently the love she was feeling and having that love returned were helping her to heal naturally from whatever connections were lacking upon her return. Where there had been gaps, there were now tenuous threads, as if she were knitting together in spite of the problems with the ritual. She had Spike to thank for that.

“It is remotely possible for that to take place, but it is far too important to leave to chance,” had been Giles’ response when Buffy suggested that his trip might not be necessary after all.

Giles and Spike were both stubborn when it came to wanting to see Buffy whole and happy. “I still think a bit of counseling would do you the world of good.” Spike had not backed down on his urging that she find someone to work on her issues, even though she was gloriously happy with him. “Not just about love, pet. You don’t have the confidence a fine woman like you should have. You don’t see yourself the way you should. Should know you’re a woman worth treasuring, keeping. You need to deal with losin’ your mum too. Had a lot dumped on you in a short time, love. No shame in talkin’ it out with someone who’s heard it all before.”

So she had agreed to see a lady Giles found who actually had an awareness of the demon population in Sunnydale and was a well-trained psychologist specializing in grief counseling.

All in all, Buffy felt she was actually moving in a forward direction for once. Her abandonment issues were flowing in her conversations with the doctor and she was beginning to see that the pattern that had haunted her was not of her own making. Like all children of divorce, Buffy had been convinced that Hank had left because of her, and every abandonment afterward merely added ‘proof’ to that assumption. The doctor was painstakingly helping her examine each incident and the reasons why her assumptions were flawed. She had even admitted that Angel had been a ‘complete and total jerk’ to leave her when he did because they couldn’t be together physically. That was a major breakthrough and Buffy had celebrated with Spike in ways that still made her limp a bit.

The sex with Spike had been beyond good. Best of all, Buffy didn’t have to hold back. He could take whatever she gave and not break. He gave as good as he got too, but what had really surprised Buffy was how tender and loving he was at the core. ‘A regular snuggle bunny.’ She grinned at the memory of waking to find Spike wrapped so tightly around her that it took a good five minutes to untangle their limbs so Buffy could get back in time to see Dawn off to school. They were still trysting at the crypt because Willow’s glowering looks could kill a mood faster than anything.

Willow was still grumbling and shooting dirty looks at both Giles and Spike whenever they were in the same room with her. She was taking their contention that there were problems with the ritual far too much as a personal criticism, in Buffy’s opinion. ‘I’m not making that big a deal about it and I’m the one she resurrected, after all!’

There was something off about Willow and now that Buffy was starting to feel a bit better about her life, it was becoming more obvious on a daily basis. Buffy was pretty sure that Willow was still abusing magic, even though she couldn’t prove it. There was something sly about the way Willow acted when Tara was around, calculated and not natural at all. It gave Buffy the wiggins. Willow went off a lot by herself and Buffy had no idea whom she was with, but it certainly wasn’t Tara. When she came back from her mystery trips, she was in a wired daze. There were vibes that came off her that caused the little hairs to stand up on Buffy’s arms if she were in the same room with Willow upon her return.

Giles’ conversation broke into Buffy’s musings. “I shall do my best to bring that book back for Dawn as well. There is scant information on those monks that formed her, but what the Council has should be accessible.”

“I don’t blame her for wanting some clue about those guys. Now that she’s just a normal teenage girl, it’s probably safe for her to look into it. I guess it’s like being adopted and wanting to know something about where you came from.”

They had a little time before Giles’ flight was to leave and were sitting in the coffee bar making small talk. For once, it didn’t seem forced. Everything had become so much easier since she had admitted her feelings for and to Spike. Life was looking up.

“Did you like Dr. Tanner? She did come highly recommended.”

“She’s nice and really pretty. I think she gets what pressure I’ve been under. Losing Mom so unexpectedly and having to be mom to Dawnie all at once are heavy stressors, she said. Of course I left out all the parts about Glory and dying myself, but it has helped to talk.”

“I must say I am impressed that Spike was the one to think of this need for someone to help you sort things. One wouldn’t expect a vampire to even remember the emotional needs of a human.”

“Spike never stopped remembering what being a human is like; we should have seen that all along. He could see how crushing it all was and instead of that making him do the happy dance, he wanted to help. He loves me and he loved Mom too.”

“Yes, well, be that as it may, it is commendable that this unsouled demon has been this supportive. I really need to think about the implications. In the meantime, as long as he treats you well, I won’t attempt to rain on your parade, as they say.”

Buffy hugged Giles hard and long as he rose to answer the call for boarding. He would come around, she just knew it!

~~~

For once, Xander was happy that Anya loved her job as much as she did. She hadn’t minded the shortness of their honeymoon in the least, being eager to return to the Magic Box and all her customers and their money. “I just know Giles is practically giving away the store. He is a wonderful man but has no real sense of business at all! Why, he was buying newt feet from a G’brinza who was charging him at least four times what they’re worth! I found suppliers that increased his profit margin a good twenty percent. Goddess have mercy, but I just can’t be gone that long, honey.”

The trip to the bed and breakfast overlooking the Pacific had been short and the weekend long. All in all, it was a perfect way to start their marriage. Xander had been expecting to have to use most of his savings for a fancy honeymoon at Niagara Falls, a trip Anya wanted but was willing to wait for until someone she trusted could be found to run the store. Since his new wife didn’t seem to think anyone else had her abilities at money making, Xander was pretty sure he’d have plenty of time to save up.

Now back on the job himself, he was feeling pretty good about things when Willow showed up bringing lunch and a mission.

“It is just disgusting! He’s a mass murderer and he’s hanging around like he belongs there among decent people. She lets him have a say where Dawn is concerned too. He’s a terrible influence on both of them. You remember what happened with Angel. There is just no good to come from this.”

Willow could see that while Xander might agree in principle, he wasn’t planning to interfere with Buffy’s love life any time soon. Taking a breath, she changed course in her argument. “Look, I’ve been a little on edge since everyone started questioning me. As if I’d ever do anything to hurt Buffy! I admit the ritual didn’t exactly go perfectly, with the demon bikers smashing into the circle and all. I’m even willing to admit that there might be a few things that were less than perfect because of that. So if Buffy isn’t really herself, how can it be anything but manipulation on Spike’s part to move in on her now when she’s vulnerable. I mean, do you really think she would have decided she was in love with Spike before she died? If she claimed to love any vampire, it would be Angel. And weren’t we all a little sick of that old song?”

“You have a point, many points even, but what can we do about it? Like Giles said, Buffy’s a big girl.”

“We can have a little talk with Spike,” Willow suggested. “Let him know we’re on to him and that any thoughts he has of this being a long term victory is wrong and not happening. We let him know that Buffy isn’t unprotected.”

Xander thought about that for a moment and nodded. “Okay, can’t fault friends for that. I’m in. When are you planning this little visit?”

“I was thinking this evening while Buffy is at her counselors. Dawn is planning to go to a movie with Tara, and Spike will probably be hanging out at our house.” Her expression was sour at that thought.

“I’ll be there.

‘Good! That will give me a chance to pay another visit to Rack for a recharge before the fun starts.’ Willow smiled and nearly whistled on her way home.

~~~

Spike sipped his warmed blood and glanced at the local paper. “Amazin’ how these morons can take a Grappler demon on rampage and turn it into a domestic dispute! The lot of ‘em are too stupid to live.”

The door creaked as Willow entered, “Gonna need to oil that, I suppose,” Spike complained.
“So you’re the handyman around the house now?” Xander snarked.

“Buffy doesn’t need to keep calling on the happy honeymooner, yeah. Know my way around minor repairs,” Spike glowered at the boy who had been such a thorn in his side over the years but had been relatively silent with objections lately.

“Buffy’s our friend and we’ll take care of her,” Xander postured. “You’re just a short term Angel wannabe.” Looked like the gloves were off.

“That so?” Spike looked as dangerous as he ever had as the Big Bad. “Maybe you should ask Buffy ‘bout that. Seem to me like I’m the one here and the bloody Poof’s in LA being mysterious and brooding. You’re still years behind in Buffy’s maturin’ if you think she’s still carryin’ a torch for my sire.”

“We’re here to tell you that you won’t get away with taking advantage of Buffy like this. She’s vulnerable and not thinking clearly. Giles might be willing to just wait for her to get fixed, but we’re not buying,” Xander was starting to remember how much he didn’t like the bleached wonder.

Spike had the balls to laugh in the boy’s face. “I’m thinkin’ the one not in his clear mind right now might just be you, pup. Buffy loves me. She’s on the mend. Get used to it.”

The quiet witch exuded power and menace but had not spoken until now. “You’re pretty good at moving in and making all kinds of decisions--about Buffy, about Dawn, about my abilities as a witch. You’re just full of opinions, aren’t you, Spike?” In fact, Willow was looking kinda scary with streaks of black in her flame hair.

“As it happens, my opinion’s actually wanted. As for your abilities, I can’t think of a one of your spells that didn’t go balls up at some point,” Spike challenged. “Cookies can’t fix all the messes you’ve made and that’s not my opinion, that’s fact.”

Her eyes became large black orbs and a malevolent sneer formed on her lips. “Send this one to realms away. Leave no trace to find his way. Remove!” Willow’s eyes were ink black and dark veins stood out on her too pale skin as Xander looked on in horror.

Spike had barely vanished before the carpenter broke out in a cold sweat of fear. “Holy Frijoles! Um…Will…this wasn’t what I signed on for. I thought we were just going to talk, scare the vamp. Now I’m kinda the one scared. Buffy’s gonna kill us!”

Willow turned slowly towards her oldest friend and gave him a smile that reminded him of the heart-stealing ghouls from a few years past. “Do you have a problem with my solution, Xander?”

“NO!” Xander wouldn’t have a problem with anything Willow wanted to do or say as long as she was looking like this! “No problems here. We might have some with Buffy later though.”

“Buffy’s used to men leaving her. She’ll deal. She even has a counselor now,” Willow coldly reasoned. “Vampires are fairly fickle, after all.”

Xander was in full panic mode now. Clearly his friend was not the sweet, shy girl he remembered from childhood and where did she get all that scary dark mojo? As touchy as Willow had been when anyone questioned her use of magic, Xander wasn’t about to raise any issues about a vanished vampire. Still, he just knew that it was all going to hit the fan when Buffy found out what Willow had done. ‘Should I bite the bullet and just tell her right away? No, I just got married, I need all my parts, and either Buffy or Willow will remove some if I open my mouth.’

Willow had returned to her normal look save for the Cheshire cat grin that was now plastered on her face. “Well, that takes care of that little problem. I suppose the smart thing to do would be to go by his crypt and move some things so it looks like he’s done what all of Buffy’s boyfriends do and moved on. Moving day, Xan,” she sing-songed.

~~~

“Fuck!” Spike was slightly dizzy and felt as if he’d been pulled several directions all at once.

“Language, William!” For all the rebuke, there was also amusement in the gentle voice.

Once his eyes adjusted, he noticed he was back in the mist again with the ‘Not-Joyce’ being.

“And here we just spent considerable energy diverting you back here!” she chastised. “One would think you would be a bit grateful at least. That was a truly nasty dimension the witch had planned for your destination.”

“Red’s off her bloody rocker!”

“More like not in the driver’s seat,” the being clarified. “You have done well in taking care of your Slayer. Congratulations!”

“Not gonna do me any good here in gauzy land. Need to get back to Buffy,” Spike looked about with slight panic. ‘What if these buggers decide that’s that and I don’t get a third shot at a life with her?’

“We wouldn’t do that Spike. This was to be a hero’s reward, remember?”

Spike jumped slightly when his unvoiced thought was answered.

“There are things you will need to know, however. As you have already surmised, things are different now. New paths are opening and we would not have you make grave errors that would result in tragedy.”

“Wouldn’t want that, no.” Spike was pretty sure he didn’t want to relive the FE or see Buffy so beleaguered as she had been that last year. “What’s up with Willow then if she’s not in control?”

“That is not your mission to fix. The Watcher will sort that out well and then take measures necessary to help the girl. It was his responsibility all along to mentor her gift, especially as he knows full well from his own misspent youth what great power in an immature mind and insecure heart can lead to. He should have been concerned long before now.” The being frowned in disapproval. “No, Buffy is your concern and you have done well by her. She is healing and will be stronger for it.”

“Yeah, makes a difference havin’ that moral compass they always went on about.” Spike admitted. It had been worth those trials in Africa to ensure he would know the right things to do and say where his beloved was concerned.

“You speak of the soul you won back in the first timeline.” Spike didn’t like the slight grin on the being’s face.

“Wasn’t easy winnin’ it, nearly didn’t make it. Me mum used to say anything worth having comes hard. Same with that, I suppose.”

“What makes you think the soul still abides in you?”

Spike blinked rapidly in confusion. Fear began to build a pit of fire in his belly at the implications. “Wanna explain that question? Nice and slow, ‘cause I really wanna follow your answer.”

“You inhabit the physical body of the vampire you were at the time you are now living. That body did not house a soul; neither do you now.”

“Wait, you’re sayin’ I lost it somewhere? Damned thing was supposed to be permanent, not go walkies like the Poof’s!”

“You’ve lost nothing and your soul is far from damned. It resides in a peaceful and safe place for the now.”

“You better bloody well give it back. Earned it, didn’t I?”

“Yes, you did at that, but we cannot allow you access to it now unless you wish to bring about the same horrors that befell your Buffy and all her town the last time.”

Spike was now in a blind panic. ‘No wonder I had so much trouble doin’ what I wanted found it hard stayin’ away from Buffy! God, I could try to rape her again or worse without the bleedin’ thing. What the hell kind of choice is this to put Buffy at risk from me or relivin’ the stuff from the FE?’

“Your fears will be relieved and questions answered. Calm yourself, vampire, and be still.”

“But it was Buffy’s resurrection that brought out the FE. That eyeball demon told the Watcher that was the reason. Me bein’ all soul havin’ won’t hurt that and I can avoid it triggerin’ me this time.”

“I said to be still. Do not make us force your compliance with that. You should learn patience, vampire; you are certainly old enough to have developed that sort of control. Many of your plans would have gone so much more smoothly had you but been patient.” The being chuckled at that thought. “Of course it is to our benefit that they did not.”

“We told you when you were first here that Angel is the vampire with the prophecy for the Shanshu. In the proper time he will have his sins washed clean and will be given life again. As long as he remains a vampire, however, he MUST remain a vampire with a soul. To release Angelus would be to release a maelstrom of disaster upon the world. Only one souled vampire may exist, however, for the balance to be maintained. This balance was lost when you fought for and won your own soul.”

“You see, that was the important part of it--you sought it. It was not a curse that was done to you. For a warrior of evil to CHOOSE to change sides was unexpected and unheard of! Angel fights on the side of good now only because of that soul and a mistake made by Whistler that led him from despair to the hope of salvation. He had spent a century in regret, convinced that one day he would reap the hell he had sown. He avoided humans but did little actual good. The First Evil was not awakened by his actions.

“When he first was brought to the Slayer, he helped but was…shall we say…less than proactive. He delivered information and warnings for the most part. The few battles he engaged in were minor really, even if they did serve to allow the girl to live and grow. Then he lost that soul.

“When he returned, he was more of an active force for good and that finally drew the attention of the First Evil and it was permitted a limited foray into the world. It was allowed to tempt the souled vampire, to try to lead him to destroy himself to prevent harming the Slayer he had grown to love. With help from us, the First Evil failed in that attempt. Angel’s decision to leave took him out of the main battleground and that served to fix the balance again. Then came you….”

Spike ventured a comment, “But I thought it was Buffy’s return….”

“In the sense that her return led to your flawed relationship and that led you to get your soul…yes, her return DID start that mystical ball rolling. BUT the real trigger was a dark warrior changing sides in a permanent way--your soul. Now one souled vampire had already been factored into the balance, especially as the prophecy makes it clear that his ultimate side has yet to be determined. There cannot be two souled vampires fighting on the side of good. The balance is even more precarious with the break in the Slayer line. It cannot hold with more disruption. No, you may not have your soul unless and until Angel Shanshus or dusts.”

“So then I could go back and see Lurky, get back what’s mine?”

“You will not need to fight for it again. It will be returned permanently if you but ask, but NOT until you will be the only souled vampire in the world, not before.”

“What about between now and then?” Spike really was worried. Before the soul, he had truly believed that he would never have hurt Buffy or Dawn, but he had. Only with the soul did he learn to make choices, the right choices.

“You’ve done quite well without it thus far.”

“We’ve all been lucky, that’s all.”

“Luck plays no part in it. You have focused on others rather than yourself and that has helped you make wise choices. You have opened your heart to those other people that surround you and not limited your caring to Buffy and her sister. Your capacity to love was what attracted our attention long ago--you needed no soul for that!”

Spike was speechless. Here was a representative of The Powers giving permission for an unsouled demon to be with their Chosen One! “Still got the chip. Guess that’ll be okay.”

The Joyce-like being laughed, “That bit of hardware served its purpose the first year you had it! You do not need sharp pains to prevent you from resorting to your baser instincts. You always had good control of your demon even before that chip and now having expanded your view of humans and your ability to love them and care about them, the control will be even better. Besides, even the demon loves Buffy and would not wish to displease her!”

Spike knew the truth of that. All that he was adored his Slayer and all that made him who he was would willingly dust before seeing her hurt ever again. Even when she inevitably died, the knowledge that she might be ‘up there’ watching would keep him on the straight and narrow.

~~~

“His stuff is gone! Not the furniture, but all his personal stuff.” Buffy was beside herself.

“What did you do?” Dawn’s voice was harsh in accusation.

“Nothing, I swear. We were happy. He was happy and so was I.”

“Happy guys don’t hit the road. What did you do, call him evil and disgusting again?” Dawn had clearly heard more than Buffy had ever guessed over the years.

“NO!” Buffy was torn between terror that Spike had gone like every other man she had given her heart to and confusion that came from knowing, REALLY knowing, that he had been happy.
Just the night before Giles had left for London, Spike had confided that she was the first. She was the first human he had ever made love to and, more importantly, no other woman had ever actually loved him in return. As a human, his love had been rejected, and with Dru he had always been a pale second choice to Angel. Buffy had spent hours proving that he was not second to anyone with her and was sure she had proven it well. Judging by the look of pure joy followed by utter contentment on Spike’s face, she had confidence.

Coming home from a great session with Dr. Tanner, Buffy had been filled with insights to share with her love, only to find the house dark and empty. She had waited for him for hours before heading to the crypt, convinced that they had gotten their wires crossed. She was sure she had told him that Dawn wouldn’t be home and they could be together at home instead of Spike’s version of a bachelor pad with lots of lawn. But he wasn’t at the crypt either and all of his personal belongings were missing as well.

“This can’t be happening. Not now, not him!” Buffy was rapidly going into meltdown. “He’d never hurt me that way. He’s the one who said I needed the counselor. Why would he pick the one thing to do that would destroy me?”

Willow had been listening from the doorway. “Maybe that was the plan all along, Buffy. Didn’t Angel say he told Spike the only way to kill you was to love you? Maybe he was just waiting to get you really believing he did so that he could pull the rug from under you. He IS an evil vampire and he can’t just kill you--even though the chip doesn’t work on you--without someone staking him.” She shook her head sadly and put an arm around Buffy in false sympathy. “Sounds like the perfect plan to me. Looks like Spike was aiming to get his third Slayer after all.”

“That’s just crazy,” Dawn insisted while Buffy remained silent. “Why would he have stuck around all summer when Buffy was dead if he didn’t love her and me? That just doesn’t make any sense. Of course he loves us.”

Willow had her back to the teen, so Dawn didn’t see the eyeroll and look of annoyance from the witch. “I can’t explain Spike, Dawnie. If you can think of some other reason why he’d leave town, then I hope you’ll share it, because your big sister is really hurting.”

No one had any answers, at least no one who was willing to share.

~~~

“So you see it took me forever to admit I had feelings for him. I was really hateful too, said terrible things.” Buffy had gone through half a box of tissue and showed no signs of stopping soon.

“From all you’ve told me I have to admit that it appears to make no sense whatsoever,” Dr. Tanner handed Buffy yet another tissue. “Are you certain your boyfriend didn’t leave some kind of word, a note perhaps, that might have been misplaced? Maybe a family emergency called him away. You really mustn’t jump to conclusions.”

“But they all leave,” Buffy wailed. “I thought he’d be different. His last girlfriend was a real nut case. She didn’t even love him back, but he stayed with her for a century.”
Dr. Tanner gave her a skeptical look.

“Okay, a real long time…seemed like a century,” Buffy amended. The good doctor might be more supernaturally aware than the average Sunnydale resident, but Buffy wasn’t about to admit her boyfriend was a vampire born in the Victorian age! She’d probably think Buffy needed to be locked up, even if she DID believe her. Vampires were just not good boyfriend material in the eyes of any reasonable person. The last thing Buffy wanted was another forced stay in one of those places.

“You cannot lump all men into the same category. Let’s talk this through, shall we?” Dr. Tanner turned back in her notebook to previous conversations. “Let’s start with this Pike from your high school in Los Angeles.”

“He and I broke up when my parents broke up.” Buffy left out that she had pushed him away rather than see him get hurt in her nightly fights against evil. He had fought well there at Hemery but liked it too much, rather like Owen her first year in Sunnydale.

“I believe you concluded in that session that it was likely the stress of your home life problems that led to that relationship ending, correct?”

“Yeah, stress.” Buffy remembered the bad boy roaring off on his motorcycle, vowing to continue fighting the monsters with or without her. She had not heard from him again and only hoped he was still alive out there somewhere.

“The biggest source of your romantic woes was the next boy, Angel, correct?”

Buffy nearly laughed at Angel being referred to as a boy. “Yeah, Angel. I thought he was the love of my life, all mysterious and handsome and…I don’t know…mature, I guess. He read all these important books and had been so many places, done so many things. He knew so much about everything and was always there to make me feel safe.”

“He was much older? I can’t remember the age difference you said there was.”

“A lot older, yes.” Buffy caught the look on the doctor’s face and amended, “Not ‘creepy old guy’ older, just older. I was fifteen when I met him and he was out of school, but he’d seen me before and fell in love right away.”

“Really?” Doctor Tanner had doubts about his not being a ‘creepy old guy.’ “So he saw you and I believe you said he began to follow you around?”

“You make it sound icky, but it wasn’t like that!” Buffy was suddenly very defensive. “Angel was good! He was watching out for me, that’s all.”

“He had no real conversation with you, didn’t really know you, had merely seen you and was worried enough to follow you about?”

“Wow, you make it seem really perverted. It truly wasn’t!”

“All right. So tell me all about your relationship. How did it develop?”

Buffy was quiet as she thought back to those years of angst. She tried to pinpoint ways that the love had grown and realized how she really hadn’t seen Angel as a love interest until that conversation in the Bronze with Willow.

~~
Willow smiled at the spacey blonde. “You lack a guy.”

“I do,” Buffy replied, “Which is fine with me, most of the time, but….”

“What about Angel?” Willow had noted the looks the handsome older guy had been giving her best girlfriend.

Buffy was startled. “Angel? I can just see him in a relationship. 'Hi, honey, you're in grave danger. I'll see you next month.'” She giggled.

Willow agreed, “He's not around much, it's true.”

She still remembered the romantic haze of youth as she imagined Angel being more than clue-dropping guy. “When he is around…it’s like the lights dim everywhere else. You know how it’s like that with some guys?”
~~

“Sound like a lovely infatuation to me. Many relationships begin that way. Tell me how this love developed beyond that?”

Try as she might, Buffy really didn’t have many answers. There was so much of the yearning and the pain and the forbidden but not much of the learning and growing and accepting. Then there was Angelus.

When Buffy finished talking about those hard years and their few meetings since Angel had left town, she was beginning to wonder just what it was she had been clinging to for so long. Angel wouldn’t even like the person she was becoming, this woman so different from the happy-go-lucky young girl he had known. From the few things she had heard about Angel’s choices since moving to ‘his town,’ she was pretty sure she wouldn’t like some of his changes either. Even if it was a law firm headed by demons, it wasn’t right to lock a bunch of lawyers in with Darla and Dru! That had been a shock when the story got back to her. She was also finally able to see that it was far more than Angel’s unstable soul that had caused them to part.

“I didn’t drive him away!” She looked at the doctor like a deer in the headlights. It was epiphany time. “He chose to leave me for his own reasons, really. He said it was for me, but it wasn’t. He was running away from humanity again, from himself.”

“And what is Spike like? Why would he leave?”

Buffy thought hard, going over everything she knew to be true of Spike. “He wouldn’t! Doctor, you’re right; he wouldn’t just leave. Not now. Something had to have happened and I need to find out what.”