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Business as usual by Lilachigh
 
Chp 21 A Cottage in the Country
 
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Chapter 21

A Cottage in the Country


Agnes smoothed her skirt down over her knees and gazed nervously at the man sitting opposite her. He had politely accepted a cup of tea and she’d served it in one of her best china teacups. His dark gaze met hers over the brim of the cup and he smiled. “Delightful drink. I appreciate it, Miss Pringle. It is a dry drive from Los Angeles.”

“Should I take something out for your chauffeur?”

“Oh no! He doesn’t – well, let us put it this way. His tastes run for substances you probably do not have in your – ” he gazed round the room, his expression never changing – “ quaint little premises.”

Agnes sat up straighter, wishing she didn’t feel quite so much as if she was sitting in front of her old headmistress, about to be punished for some misdemeanour. “This is my home,” she said softly. “And although you know my name, I’m afraid I didn’t catch yours.”

The dark haired man carefully put the cup back on its saucer. He pulled a sheaf of papers from his briefcase – and Agnes felt a slight queasiness when she realised exactly what sort of skin it was made from – and lined them up in front of him. “I didn’t give one. But here is my card.” He produced a small white square and Agnes took it gingerly, aware of the odd smell coming from her visitor. So not vampire, not demon but definitely not human.

“Wolfram & Hart, Los Angeles Branch. Mr Nicholas Elder. How do you do, Mr Elder?”

“I do extremely well, thank you, Miss Pringle. Now, after the welcome tea, perhaps we can move on to what brings me to Sunnydale.”

Agnes nodded nervously and gulped. Could there be some demon law she’d broken? Did she perhaps need a licence to sell cakes to vampires? It didn’t seem likely, but she would be mortified if she discovered she’d been a criminal all these years!

“You are Miss Agnes Kathleen Pringle, formerly of Winchester, England?”

“Yes.” Her voice had become a mere whisper and she wished will all her might that Spike was somewhere nearby. But he wasn’t. He’d driven off in the old van without a backward glance. Gone to save the world, or the Slayer. She wasn’t exactly sure. But it had obviously been important.

“Do you have any proof of your identity? A passport, perhaps? An old driving licence?”

“No. My handbag was stolen several years ago in Hollywood when I was – “

“Turned. Yes, we are quite aware that you are of the vampire persuasion, Miss Pringle.”

“Not by choice.”

Mr Elder raised an eyebrow. “I don’t imagine there are too many people who become one voluntarily, although I suppose I can think of a couple – but that is by the by – I must not digress and take up any more of your valuable time than is necessary.”

“Have I done something wrong?”

“Wrong?” Mr Elder sounded puzzled, as if he didn’t quite understand the meaning of the word, his eyes very black in his pale face. “This is not about anything you have done, Miss Pringle – or may I call you Agnes? Oh no, I am here because we, at Wolfram and Hart, have strict instructions regarding you.”

“Me?”

Mr Elder sighed and consulted his notes. He blinked and pulled a pair of spectacles from his pocket. “I have here a document, signed and sealed with the seven blood oaths, which as you know, includes the actual blood of seven species and so is binding throughout the whole demon world. Would you care to read it?”

Agnes shook her head, staring at the sheets of heavy cream paper as if hypnotised. “No, just tell me what it says. Wait – “

She took a deep breath and pulled her faithful cardigan tighter around her shoulders. There was something about Mr Elder’s expression that she found extremely alarming. She had the oddest feeling that she was standing at a crossroads and that at any moment now she would have to choose which way to go.

“Please continue,” she managed at last.

Mr Elder cleared his throat. “It states here – and do stop me if I am reading too fast – ‘If I should in any way cease to exist in this universe and be unable to contact my lawyers, Wolfram and Hart, the following instructions must be carried out. Failure to do so will result in the listed punishments - Appendix A, sub section 1. I trust that I shall soon be in a position to rule the known world, but as I have always said, a stitch in time saves nine and there’s many a slip between cup and lip and so I am making sure the said Miss Agnes Pringle is taken care of in the unlikely event of my being unable to do so myself.’”

Mr Elder stopped reading and glanced at her over the rim of his glasses. “Our client was always a little, shall we say verbose, but we were honour- bound to write down exactly what he wanted.”

He smiled reminiscently and Agnes could see that his shining white teeth were all pointed. She had never met anything quite as terrifying as Mr Elder in all her years as a vampire.

“And we were extremely scared, too, I remember! Well, well, I will continue – ‘Apocalypses are like taxis, you wait for one and then two come along together. Wherever and whatever Agnes is doing when the next one arrives, I instruct Wolfram and Hart to find her and make available to said Agnes Pringle the means of leaving the country and returning to England where a cottage in the country should be purchased for her, preferably in a deep wooded area. Cost of cottage should not exceed amount stated in Appendix A, sub section 2. I am also leaving a substantial amount of money – see Appendix A, sub section 3 – which I trust she will accept in the spirit in which it is given. That is – love.’”

Agnes tried not to squeal, but it was very difficult.

Mr Elder frowned and went on, speaking faster and faster, “‘I would like to take this opportunity of thanking Agnes for her friendship, for her companionship and her recipe for genuine Yorkshire pudding. I hereby forgive her for not agreeing to marry me, but hope she will always remember the happy times we spent together playing Scrabble. I hope that one day she will learn to play golf and she must never feel regret for the priceless chandelier she smashed when I was attempting to show her how to chip out of a bunker.

“Wherever and whatever I am, I want her to know I will always be watching over her.

“Signed in the blood of seven unwilling species, Richard Wilkins III.’”

Mr Elder shuffled the papers together and slipped them into a folder. “There is also a private letter, addressed to you from Mayor Wilkins.” He handed her an envelope and Agnes felt her heart flip as she looked down at the neat, black, upright handwriting spelling out her name.

“Do you have a bank account, dear lady? No, I didn’t think so. Well, well. That much cash could be inconvenient. Paper is so heavy. I will have a word locally. I’m sure a note from my Head Office will smooth away any difficulties you might have in that direction.”

He glanced at Agnes and frowned. “Oh dear, you seem very pale. May I get you a glass of water, perhaps? Or a little blood? My wrist is perfectly clean, if you wish to imbibe, feel free to do so.”

Agnes shook her head, speechless.

“I do understand that news like this can come as a shock. We would have liked to have given you more warning, but we didn’t realise this particular apocalypse was so close. Right – “ He stood up, towering over the plump little vampire. “Here is a plane ticket for London – a private jet will fly you out of Sunnydale directly to England. A limousine will meet you at the airport. Please don’t worry – we have friends on the ground who will deal with the officialdom. The cottage has been purchased in your name. We chose the New Forest as a suitable site as that will give you easy access to some large towns should you need to – well – feed.”

Mr Elder lifted his head and sniffed the air and all Agnes could see was a great bird of prey searching for its kill. “Yes, I think you only have a day or so. The Key is found. The end is near. America will fall. What fun it will be! A pity you cannot be around to see it, but Mayor Wilkins was quite explicit about that and we would hate to offend him – wherever he is!”

He picked up his briefcase and strode to the door. “It has been delightful to meet you, Miss Agnes Kathleen Pringle. Delightful. Who knows, one day our paths may cross again. Death has a way of bringing together the strangest of bedfellows! No, please do not get up. I can see myself out.”

He paused in the doorway and looked back at her – a dumpy little vampire with a face that had once perhaps been pretty. There were a thousand questions he wanted to ask – starting with “What on earth did Richard Wilkins see in you?” But she raised steady grey eyes to his and for the first time in a million millennia, Mr Elder felt the slightest touch of shame. And left.


tbc








 
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