“It’s just that… he’s so perfect. I can’t believe I found someone so amazing.”
 
“He sounds great,” Buffy replied.
 
“Oh, he is.”
 
Buffy smiled her enthusiasm. She remembered being so excited about new relationships. “How long have you guys been together?” she asked.
 
“Almost a month; It’s still pretty exciting. And the best part is… he’s a real gentleman. He hasn’t even asked to have sex yet, like most guys do.”
 
“That’s nice. They don’t usually make them like that anymore.”
 
“For real, and guys can’t understand that it takes us longer to be ready. The last guy I dated broke up with me because he couldn’t take it. It had been too long since he’d had sex, all of two months I think. And not that I'm an expert on the subject, but I think people can last much longer than that.”
 
“I haven’t had sex in over five years.”
 
“Damn,” the girl said. And then quickly added, “I mean… that’s not so bad.”
 
“And there’s only so much you can do yourself,” Buffy continued as if not hearing the girl.
 
“I guess,” she said awkwardly.
 
Buffy glanced over at the young girl beside her and felt her cheeks take on a light red color. She really hadn’t meant to say that out loud.
 
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that.”
 
“It’s okay. I know it must be hard being a single mother. You worry about your kids so much you forget to worry about yourself.”
 
“Yeah, I guess.” She looked down at herself. She was wearing sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt. Nope, no worrying today.
 
“Well, what about that Spike guy? I mean you guys have been spending a lot of time together lately. I kinda figured you were dating.”
 
“No. We’re not.”
 
“But you want to.” It was more of a statement than a question.
 
“No,” she answered immediately. After a pause, “I don’t know… maybe. It’s just a little complicated.”
 
“Isn’t it always?”
 
Buffy nodded. Indeed it was. Never in her life had she had a relationship free of drama and complication.
 
“I told him I just wanted to be friends. Besides, I don’t even know if he’s still interested in that way.” Sure, he said he still had feelings for her, but she hadn’t gotten his clarification on what that meant. And he had also said he didn’t come here to get back with her. Maybe he just took pity on her and Cam.
 
“Oh, he’s still interested.”
 
“How do you know?”
 
“It’s rather obvious, Ms. Summers.”
 
“No it isn’t, and I told you to call me Buffy.”
 
“Sorry Ms. S… Buffy. But you can’t possibly think he’s not still into you. He moved half way across the country for you.”
 
“Because he had nothing better to do, and besides… I’m not ready for a relationship right now. And even if I was, I could never make it work with Spike.”
 
“Why?”
 
“Because he’s a va… very busy guy,” Buffy said, catching herself mid sentence.
 
“He doesn’t seem busy. He’s always at your apartment.”
 
Buffy got up off the couch and walked into the kitchen. She was suddenly feeling a bit thirsty. “You want something to drink?”
 
“You have soda?”
 
“Of course we do. With Camilla around here, I’m surprised we have anything else.”
 
Buffy pulled two grape sodas out of the refrigerator and came back to sit beside her newfound friend. “Krista, let me ask you something. Do you think I’m insufferable?”
 
“What? No of course not. Why would you ask that?”
 
“I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like I send mixed signals. Like I don’t know what I want. And I’m bossy; I like to have my way. Not to mention I have slight trust issues. I just think maybe it’s all too much for men.”
 
“All men or just your ex?” Krista knew about Camilla’s father. After what had happened to Buffy, she could understand how she could think she was insufferable.
 
“Exs… plural. Men always leave me.”
 
“Maybe they’re the insufferable ones.”
 
“I’d like to think that, but it’s becoming increasingly harder. And with Camilla, I'm just not sure I want to try dating. If it ends badly, it won’t just be me getting hurt.”
 
“But you can’t be alone forever just because you’re afraid.”
 
“I know,” Buffy replied with a sigh.
 
“Well, if not Spike then some other guy. What about the one you work with? You’ve gone on a couple of dates with him.”
 
“Christian?” the slayer replied. “I don’t know. I mean he’s good looking, and smart, and he has a good job.”
 
“But?”
 
“But… he’s just… he’s not…” Buffy was cut off as the front door opened.
 
“Hey, mommy, guess what we did,” Camilla said excitedly, running over to her mother.
 
“What did you do?” Buffy asked, trying to sound equally as energetic.
 
“We went to the zoo, and saw monkeys and elephants and snakes… I didn’t like those much. And then we saw birds and a zebra. It was so cool.”
 
Buffy smiled at her daughter’s excitement. She had been thrilled ever since Spike had told her he would take her to the new zoo they had recently opened in the area. He had chosen today because it was overcast and there was little to no chance he would spontaneously burst into flames. They still hadn’t told Camilla that Spike was a vampire, so they certainly didn’t want him catching on fire in her presence. They had invited Buffy to come along, but she hadn’t been feeling too well the last couple of days, so she’d stayed home.
 
In the past few weeks the three had spent a lot of quality time together, and Buffy had come to really trust Spike with her daughter. She knew that he would protect her and make sure she was safe. Camilla had really come to trust Spike as well. They had seemed to bond almost instantly. So much so, that it was a little scary.
 
Krista, Buffy’s neighbor and Camilla’s babysitter when Buffy went out, had come over to see if she’d left her favorite jacket, and she and Buffy had somehow ended up in deep conversation. Why did most of her deep conversations end up about her love-life... or lack thereof?
 
“It sounds cool,” Buffy told her.
 
“It was. And look, Mr. Spike got me this stuffed monkey at the gift shop. It’s a girl. I named her Lola. ”
 
“That was very nice of him. Did you say thank you?”
 
“Yes I did.”
 
Buffy looked to Spike for conformation and he nodded.
 
“I’m gonna go introduce Lola to Pete and Sasha,” she said before running back towards her room.
 
“She’s just full of energy, isn’t she?” Krista asked.
 
“Oh yeah, sometimes too much,” Buffy replied.
 
After a moment of silence, Krista stood up. “Well, I’m gonna go home. I’ve got a paper due for school. It was nice talking to you… Buffy,” she said the last word with extra emphasis.
 
“Anytime. And thanks for the chat.”
 
Krista smiled and said goodbye before leaving.
 
“Thank you for taking her today. I’m sorry I didn’t go,” Buffy said to Spike, who was still standing near the door.
 
“No need to be sorry, luv, you weren’t feeling well.”
 
“But I should have at least tried to go, and I don’t feel that bad.”
 
“Maybe you just needed a day to yourself.”
 
“I think you’re right. It was nice being alone for a change. Not that I mind company,” she said quickly, hoping he didn’t take her comment as a hint to leave.
 
“I get that. I like to be alone sometimes, too. That’s when I do most of my thinking.”
 
“That must be some intense alone time.”
 
“Oh, it is. Sometimes, I even get ideas.”
 
Buffy feigned a look of shock, and he smiled at her.
 
“I guess I should go home,” he said. Spike had to admit that he was tired. A whole day of walking around a zoo, even for a vampire, was rough.
 
“Why? Are you tired of me already?” She tried to sound nonchalant.
 
“No, I just figured you’d had enough company today, with you not feeling well and all.”
 
“Actually, I’m feeling better now.”
 
Ever since he had moved to New York with Buffy and Camilla, things between him and the slayer had been hot and cold. One minute it would seem like she was flirting and the next she would be insisting they just be friends. It was all very confusing for him. She seemed to trust him with her daughter, but then again, she had trusted him with her mother and sister a while ago, but never with herself. Sure, she trusted him not to kill her in her sleep those many times she’d stayed at his place, but she never trusted him with her heart, and he didn’t know if he could go through all of this again. He wanted to be happy for once in his un-life, and he didn’t want to play games with the slayer anymore.
 
And he was going to tell her this; until squealing sounded from the back of the house.
 
“Mommy!”
 
Buffy turned her head as Camilla came running into the room.
 
“Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy….”
 
“Yes, yes, yes, yes?” she asked the jumping child.
 
“Mommy, I was watching Sponge Bob and I saw a com-mercial for a fair. It’s today. And it’s where we live, and they have games and rides and animals and cotton candy.”
 
“Really?”
 
She nodded profusely. “Can we go? Please mommy.”
 
“Haven’t you had enough excitement for one day?”
 
“No way, José.”
 
“I don’t know…”
 
“Mr. Spike can come, too. It will be sooooooo much fun. Please, please, please, please, please.”

“I think Mr. Spike is tired.”
 
“No he’s not, are you, Mr. Spike?”
 
And he was stuck in the middle. Again. If he said no, Buffy would probably be mad because she didn’t really want to go. On the other hand, if he said yes, Camilla would be upset and that would be somehow worse. He could handle the slayer being mad at him; that was nothing new. But he didn’t want the bit to decide she didn’t like him because he wouldn’t take her side. Why it was so incredibly important that she like him was a bit of a mystery to him.
 
“Not really,” he said as innocently as he could.
 
Buffy gave him a look that clearly said she was not happy about his decision.
 
“Oh, come on, mom,” he said. “Who doesn’t like cotton candy?”
 
She narrowed her eyes at him. “Fine,” she said, giving in. It was pointless to argue with the two of them. “Let me change.”
----------------------
 
“It’s so beautiful,” Buffy said looking at the night sky. “You can actually see the stars.”
 
The fair was on the outskirts of the city in a small lot. They had ridden nearly every ride Camilla was big enough to get on, and Spike bought her cotton candy, popcorn, and a candy apple. He had also purchased a caramel apple for Buffy. A nutritious dinner of course, but what would it really hurt? Besides, if they wanted, he would take them somewhere on the way home.
 
“Pretty incredible.”
 
It had been a while since Spike had really taken the time to look at the stars. Drusilla used to stare at them, even indoors, but since then the act simply hadn’t seemed appealing to him. But from the top of the Ferris wheel, they were, as Buffy said, beautiful. He resisted the urge to tell her that they were nothing compared to her. That might just make things awkward between them.
 
“I wish you could see the stars from our apartment. That’s one thing I miss about not living in the city.”
 
Spike nodded and they locked eyes for a moment. Suddenly, the ride jerked to a stop.
 
“They’re probably just putting more people on,” Buffy said.
 
Spike nodded again. Of course they were just putting people on the ride. That made perfect sense. But after whole minutes went by, they realized that was probably not the case.
 
“I think we’re stuck.”
 
Spike made a face showing that he was none to happy about the situation. He had never liked the bloody things, and now he was stuck at the top of one. He’d seen a story on the news once about how the fire department had to come in and get some of the people off of a broken down Ferris wheel. It didn’t look to be something he ever wanted to try. He wasn’t afraid of heights, really. It was more the falling part he didn’t care for. He’d done his fair share of falling from high objects, and didn’t fancy doing it again. Truthfully, he was more afraid for the little girl next to him. Unlike him and Buffy, she didn’t have super strength or abilities that would help her survive a fall such as this.
 
A voice was heard over an intercom. “Ladies and gentlemen, please do not panic but it seems that we are having some technical difficulties. We will have them resolved soon. In the meantime, please do not rock the seats.”
 
“Great,” Spike said.
 
“At least she’s asleep,” Buffy pointed out.
 
Camilla had fallen asleep not long after they’d first gotten on the Ferris wheel. She was lying against Buffy, who had an arm wrapped around the child.
 
“Yeah.”
 
They both fell silent. Buffy absently ran a hand through Camilla’s hair and Spike tapped his hands on his legs. Since they’d already had the discussion about what they’d had been up to the past few years, they really didn’t have much else to talk about. Buffy avoided talking about Camilla’s father like it was the plague and he didn’t push her for any more information. Usually it was Camilla who filled these voids with whatever popped into her mind, but with her fast asleep, that left it up to them.
 
A thought suddenly entered Spike’s brain. Something he had been meaning to talk to Buffy about before they’d come to the fair. He wanted to know how she felt. He needed to know. And now was as good a time as any.
 
“Can I ask you something?” Spike said.                              
 
“Sure,” she replied, though she wasn’t sure she wanted to hear his question. She had a strange feeling earlier, like he was about to say something important but hadn’t gotten the chance.
 
“How do you feel… about me I mean?”
 
She looked at him with a cautious expression. “I don’t know. We’re friends, aren’t we?” The words sounded exceptionally lame as they left her lips.
 
“Is that all we are?”
 
Buffy didn’t say anything. What could she say? Was there a right answer to this question?
 
“We already talked about this.”
 
“I know. I hear what you keep saying about being friends,” he said. “But sometimes it seems like you want something else.”
 
Buffy looked out at the lit up fairgrounds thinking about her earlier conversation with her neighbor. Krista was right, she couldn’t spend the rest of her life alone. But she herself was also right. A relationship, a more than friendly one, with Spike would never work. But she couldn’t deny the way she felt when he was around. How did he always manage to get under her skin that way?
 
“I’m sorry,” Buffy said after a moment. “This is all just so crazy. I mean, I don’t see or hear from you in nearly eight years, and suddenly you’re back in my life like you never left. And sometimes I feel…” She broke off, not really sure how to put her feelings into words.
 
“Feel what?” he asked sounding slightly hopeful.
 
“I can’t explain it. And I know I’m being confuso girl; I can’t help it. But I do feel something.” She hoped that small statement was enough for him to accept, at least for now.
 
Spike cocked his head sideways and looked at her “You want me to stick around then?”
 
“Well, you don’t have to. I’m not asking for anything. I just…”
 
“You want me to stay.”
 
“Yes.”
 
It was the truth. She didn’t want him to go anywhere. Having him around was becoming more and more of a necessity, and not simply to help with Camilla.
 
“Then know this,” Spike continued. “I’ve been around for a long time. I’ve seen a lot of things, and been to a lot of places. But until I ran into you a few months ago, I had no idea where to go, or what to do with my life. And being here with you feels right. So I have no intentions of going anywhere unless you ask me to.”
 
Buffy could tell by the look in his eyes that he was serious. A sudden uncontrollable urge surged through her that had her leaning over and placing a gentle kiss on his lips. Almost as soon as she pulled away the Ferris wheel jerked to a start.
 
“What was that?” Camilla asked sitting up straight.
 
Spike and Buffy shared a small smile.
 
“Electricity,” Spike replied.
-------------------------