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Of Light And Shadow by FetchingMadScientist
 
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The four of them gathered in the room that served as Giles’s office in the coven house. Dawn had protested, but knew that, right now, she couldn’t be near Spike. There was no telling what he would do, so maybe it was right to stay away from him.

It didn’t mean she had to like it.

Buffy was up and pacing again. Dawn knew she only did that when she was nervous and needed something to do.

“Okay, Giles,” she sighed, “You said that you can tell me what this thing that has Spike looks like?”

Giles cleared his throat nervously, “Metaphorically speaking, yes.”

Buffy stared at him, “What do you mean?”

“I mean that the Ukesolrill has no physical form to speak of. It exists psychically, feeding off of its host- growing ever stronger until it overpowers the host, and uses the host to manifest itself into being.”

“So,” Buffy spoke slowly, the implications turning in her head, “this thing is the Slayer, in its purest form. No teenage angst to complicate things. No broody vampire, ‘I’m- not-evil-except-when-I-am-evil’ boyfriend to cloud things up. It only knows the kill… Giles, this thing is even more brutal than the first Slayer, right? The one who tried to kill us all in our dreams after we conjured her up to help fight Adam?”

Giles nodded, “Yes. It has no conscience, Buffy.”

Her voice was barely a whisper as she tried to fight her way through a fog of clashing emotions, “All it knows is the kill. It’s brutal,” Buffy’s mind rocketed back to the alley behind the Sunnydale police station. Saw his face, his human face, staring up at her through eyes that were rapidly swelling to blind him, because of her abuse.

In the midst of her abuse, his demon had retreated. At some point, she was no longer in danger, yet she still beat him, to the point of near unconsciousness.

And, left him to the sun’s deadly rays.

Buffy looked up at her Watcher with glistening eyes, “Giles, I’m the Slayer. That means that this thing is a part of me, too?”

“Yes,” Giles said gravely, his eyes downcast, “Buffy, the Ukesolrill is a very strong, very…bloodthirsty entity. Without the host-the Slayer- the Council would have had no control over their…creation.”

Buffy shook her head vigorously, her eyes widening, “Frankenstein’s monster finally found a way to be free of its creator,” her eyes darkened with anger as she turned her eyes to her Watcher, “Giles…I don’t even know… How? How could they do this? Giles, do you know what I did? The things I…I couldn’t stop myself.”

Giles sighed, himself beginning to feel a sense of dread, “Buffy, if the Ukesolrill has managed to gain control…”

“It hasn’t,” Buffy said sharply.

“The Ukesolrill is designed to be a killer,” Giles closed his eyes, trying to gather the fortitude he needed to say the words he no longer wanted to say. He did not want to see it happen to this particular vampire any longer. He wasn’t sure what that meant to him; he only knew that he couldn’t see it happen, not now. If that made him, and the Council, obsolete then so be it. Giles took a deep breath and looked unflinchingly into his Slayer’s eyes, “…of vampires. Spike may be beyond help, even if we manage to remove the parasite.”

“No! Spike is still in there. I’ve seen him Giles. And, so have you. You know- he won’t go down without a fight,” she smiled a sad, knowing smile, “And if he has to go down, you know he’ll take it with him. Or, he’ll make it hurt, and hurt bad, before he…” she stopped, her voice thinning out as the horror of what Travers had done began to set in, “Giles, Spike is a vampire, whatever that means, now,” her hands fisted reflexively as she paced; going over it in her mind. Her eyes found her little sister’s, “soul or not, to the Ukesolrill, Spike is a vampire. It’s black or white. There is no grey,” her eyes settled on Giles again, “Oh God, Giles, it’ll kill him,” her voice was barely a whisper,” You have to show me what this thing looks like. Once I’ve seen it, I can fight it.”

As the reality of what was happening began to take hold in her mind, Dawn started to realize how stupid and childlike she had been. And how stupid she was for believing Xander.

She knew it wasn’t black and white. She’d known it for a while now. Dawn was starting to realize how much she liked grey.

Rupert Giles was never prouder of his Slayer as he saw the steel determination in her eyes, “Quite right,” he nodded, turning his attention back to the books and parchments that were strewn about his desk, “Willow and I may be able to help you to ‘see’ it, using ancient meditation techniques…”

Buffy’s eyes grew large, “To meditate you need to be calm, right?”

“That does help,” Giles said softly.

“Well, I’m not!” she hissed, “All I want to do is kill Travers over, and over, and over again for what he’s done!”

“I know that feeling,” Willow muttered. It wasn’t until seconds had passed in stunned silence that Willow noticed that three pairs of eyes were staring at her, their mouths agape; “What?” she shrugged, “It’s the truth,” she looked sheepishly at the floor, “Sorry.”

“Don’t be, Willow,” Giles said, “you may have just given us the key to defeating this thing,” he looked at some of the scrolls that had come inside the parcel that Lydia had sent, his fingers rapidly skirting over the soft, warn linen, “Ah yes,” he whispered excitedly, “here it is. Willow?”

Willow stood next to Giles and looked over his shoulder at the parchments. Her gaze followed his and she nodded quickly, “Okay, it should be easy,” at the Watcher’s sidelong, cutting glance, she shrugged, “Well, not easy, but you know…not evil. It looks like all I’ll need is something common to both the Ukesolrill and its current host. Something they touched or…or handled?”

“But there isn’t anything…” Buffy started.

“Yes, there is, Buffy, Giles said, as he reached into a desk drawer and pulled out the remnants of the manacles that had held Spike, and clanked them on the desk in front of him.

Buffy couldn’t help but feel her stomach turn at the sight of them, “You kept them?” she was completely disgusted by the thought, and tried to shake off her revulsion.

Giles looked askance in shame, “Lydia’s notations indicated that a catalyst might be needed…in the event we wished to…locate and possibly remove the Ukesolrill from its current host. So, I kept them.”

Buffy swallowed the bile that had risen in her throat, “Do I have to be in the room with him for this to work?”

“No,” Willow said, “It works better if you’re not. And besides, the binding spell that I put on the room wouldn’t let you in, or him out, anyway. We’re not trying to take it out, if we can, right now. Just want to see what the Ukesolrill looks like. Once we do that, then we can send it packing,” Willow smiled a nervous smile, “Don’t worry, Buffy.”

“Do I look worried?”

“Well…” Willow shrugged, “You ready?”

Buffy nodded, taking a deep breath.

“Good,” Willow said gently, “Let’s get started.”
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LONDON, ENGLAND- 17 DAYS PRIOR-

Travers had to be certain he’d spoken the incantation correctly; if something were missed the bond would be incomplete. He had painstakingly pieced together the translation from the original Sanskrit. He was reasonably certain he had it correct.

Even so, his voice faltered as he spoke the final words of the incantation, “Let the warrior, harnessed for the forces of light, purify this impure vessel. Let the warrior dwell amongst the living once more, and gain strength.”

As the words were spoken a great red light flashed and encompassed the chamber that held the subdued vampire within it. The air cracked with electricity and burned with the smell of sulfur, then quieted to an unnatural stillness.

Now all that was left was to wait.
*****************************

The Ukesolrill was aware again. It remembered the pain of the birth, and every death thereafter. Each birth was painful, but it was again. And it could grow here, and grow strong. So much feeling in this one…but danger too.

It sensed the overwhelming presence of its prey trying to dominate. This one was strong, and…something had weakened it.

The births had done that. For millennia it was so.

It would wait, and grow stronger. This one was a pure source. A source of power like no other it had felt, in all of its existence.

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DEVON, ENGLAND- 12 AUGUST 2002-

Buffy could hear her slow, regular breathing as she traveled deeper. At first she could feel the overwhelming confusion. It was so oppressive that she nearly turned back. But she knew that she had to find this thing, so she pressed on, despite the fear.

Everything around her was black and cold. And, it was so hard to see. It was like traveling through a dense fog on a night when it was so black that there was no way to see three feet ahead.

Still something pulled at her, slowly, like she was floating in water, further and further inward.


She heard Willow’s soothing voice urging her on, “That’s it, Buffy. Don’t stop now. Keep going.”

Buffy was crowded by feelings of anger and grief, and sadness she had no words to describe. But she continued, straining to see through the dark.

Just when she thought the darkness would never end, Buffy saw a flash of white. It was so intense, that it was painful to look at, like staring straight into the sun. She wanted to look away.


“No, Buffy, don’t look away,” Willow’s calming voice again, “Do you know what that is? Oh, it’s so warm, Buffy. Don’t you feel it?”

And she did. The warmth shot through her like a jolt of electricity, making her tingle from head to toe. She felt the warmth of love. But, she also felt…fear. And it was growing.


“Buffy, the color of purity in auras is white,” there was a smile in Willow’s voice, “Buffy, I think that’s William. That’s his soul.”

But where was Spike?

Down further she went.

And encountered something beautiful, and heartbreaking.

White swirled around a pale, sapphire blue. And the blue was becoming more and more pale, almost nonexistent now.


“Oh my God, Buffy…I never expected…Buffy, blue represents balance and peace with oneself. Buffy,” Willow sounded awed and saddened, “this is…Buffy, I think that’s Spike!”

Spike?

The blue flickered strong for a moment, in time with the white flare, but it was quickly overpowered by the black anger that Buffy had come to see as the Ukesolrill.

The blue was pale, but it refused to be overtaken by the blackness.

Yep, that’s Spike.

Love? The blue flickered briefly. Help me, please?

I said I would, and I will.


Buffy shook herself back to consciousness. She opened her eyes to see Willow, who had served as her anchor, then looked down at her hands, that were resting in her lap, with the manacles that once held Spike, loosely within their grasp.

Buffy didn’t even notice the tears she was crying as she spoke, “I can’t let him go through that alone. Willow, I’m going to see if this thing will recognize me, and see reason. Lower the spell, once I’m ready. I’m going in, and I’m not coming out until it’s given up its hostage; given up Spike.”
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