Thanks to Enigmaticblues and Brooke for beta-ing.




Buffy tapped her pen on the table as she absentmindedly turned the pages of the large, old text. She sighed, glancing at her friends. Everyone else was diligently researching, but she had never been research girl. So much had changed. Looking around the Magic Box, she silently pouted. She missed the old school library, and she missed Giles.

She had been up talking to Dawn and Willow until the wee hours of the morning. The news of her mother’s death had hit her hard. She had cried in her sister’s arms as the redhead assured her it had been quick and painless.

She had felt an immediate bond with her sister. They cried and laughed like they had known each other all their lives. She couldn’t quite shake the feeling that Willow had stayed awake more to control the direction of their conversation than to actually be involved in it, however.

Willow’s clipped tone and subtle reprimands had come to as a surprise to Buffy. Her friend had always been so sweet and accommodating, and the witch before her was anything but.

She watched the redhead, who was sitting next to her girlfriend. There’s one I didn’t see coming, Buffy thought. But she had to admit that she had immediately liked the soft spoken Wicca. Her eyes drifted to Xander; the skinny teenager now almost resembled a man. But he too had changed…hardened.

Buffy noticed that all of their eyes were suddenly focused on her pen. Buffy blushed, realizing she was annoying her friends.

“I…I’m going to go get some air,” Buffy announced, rising from her chair. Walking out the door and into the alley, she let out an aggravated grunt.

Buffy heard a low chuckle come from the corner of the alley. Walking back towards the sound, she saw the familiar blond vamp through a haze of cigarette smoke.

“Rough day with the Scoobies?” Spike asked, giving her an encouraging smile.


He looked different in the light of day. His loose curls were gelled back, giving him a more dangerous edge. He was wearing a long, flowing black leather coat that made him appear larger than he actually was.

“Is it okay for you to be out…during the day? You know…” she asked shyly.

His smile instantly faded. He shouldn’t have been surprised that one of the Scoobies had been quick to inform her of his undead status. Probably the whelp, Spike guessed.

“I’m fine. I just stay in the shadows and travel through the sewers,” he informed her, pointing to the manhole cover behind them. “So, big meeting going on in there?”

“We’re just doing some research.” Buffyexplained.

Spike raised a scarred brow “ You were researching?”

Buffy shuffled uncomfortably like a child getting caught in a lie, “I research…well, I would if I knew what they are researching.”

Spike furrowed his brow, “They didn’t tell you what they’re researching?”

Buffy sighed, walked up to where Spike was standing, and hopped up on the crate beside him.

“Can I ask you a question?” Buffy asked, turning towards him.


Spike looked up at the girl beside him. She seemed so open and relaxed. There wasn’t the slightest hint of disgust or irritation in her voice. He could have never imagined her looking at him with those big innocent eyes…Spike was jolted from his thoughts by her hand waving in front of his face.

“Hello…earth to Spike,” Buffy giggled.

“Sorry, luv, what were you saying?” Spike turned his head quickly, looking down at his boots.

“I was asking if you knew what happened to me,” Buffy asked.

Spike’s head snapped up. She didn’t know that she had died. Bloody wankers! he thought as he started pacing the alley. Running a nervous hand through his hair, he sighed. Should he be the one to tell her? Why hadn’t her friends told her? He was beyond annoyed and more than a little suspicious of their motives.

“Spike, are you okay?” Buffy asked. The blond vampire was pacing like a caged animal. She thought maybe she had done something to anger him. “Did I…say something wrong?” she whispered.

Spike suddenly stopped, looking at the small blond and sighing. “No, I’m just a bit surprised they didn’t tell you anything.”

Buffy bowed her head. “They told me…stuff. They told me about my mom and how my dad just stopped talking to me. They told me Giles left and went back to England.” Buffy voice cracked. Spike could see the unshed tears in her eyes. “Dawn told me how Angel turned evil and that I killed him. And that now he’s some detective in L.A.” Buffy shrugged.

“But they didn’t tell you about you?” Spike asked softly.

“No,” she whispered, looking up as the tears began to fall. “Will you…tell me?”

Spike sighed, closing his eyes. He walked over, sitting beside her on the crate.

“You died,” he managed to choke out.

“I know the Master…Xander saved me blah blah.” Buffy waved her hand.

Spike let out a dry laugh, “No, I mean…again.” The last part was barely audible as he felt his chest tightening at the mere mention of her death.

“How?” Buffy breathed.

Spike let out a long unneeded breath, “Well, your sis, she’s…”

“A big ball of green energy made of my blood. Sent to me by the monks to protect?” Buffy smiled, but he could clearly see the smile did not reach her eyes.

Spike chuckled “Yeah, well…there was this hell god that wanted to use Dawn’s blood to open some portal to her hell dimension.”

“A hell god?” Buffy looked at him skeptically.

“Glory. I…we…tried to save the Nibblet, but…I really tried…” Spike paused as his eyes fell shut.

“But apparently we did save her,” Buffy offered.

Spike looked up at her. “No, you saved her. You jumped in the portal in her place. You saved the world…and died doing it.”

A cold shiver went up Buffy’s spine. She had died twice. Why was Willow trying to keep this from me? she wondered. “How long was I…”

“One hundred and forty seven days. Would have been One hundred forty eight today, but…today doesn’t count, does it?” Spike smiled.

Buffy hopped off of the crate and turned to the vampire. Taking his hands, she felt them tremble. She looked into his eyes and couldn’t help but feel drawn in. He was looking at her like that again. It was the same way he had looked at her last night, when she had walked through her front door. Like nothing else in the world mattered, and in that moment she understood why.

“Spike…what were we to each other…before I…”

Her words were interrupted by the alley door swinging open.

“Buffy?” Willow called in a panicked voice.

Spike abruptly pulled his hands back, stuffing them in his pockets. Buffy turned toward her friend and stepped out of the shadows.

“I’m right here, Willow,” Buffy announced, slightly annoyed by her friends interruption.

“Oh, Buffy, you were gone for so long. We were starting to worry.” Willow furrowed her brow.

“I was just talking to Spike.” Buffy said turning around just in time to see the lid slide back over the man hole. Spike was gone.

“What’s going on?” Xander appeared at the door.

“Buffy was out here talking to Spike,” Willow replied.

“What is Captain Peroxide doing here in the middle of the day? Listen, Buffy, you have to watch out for him. He has some kind of…weird obsession with you.” Xander scowled.

Buffy walked to the door narrowing her eyes at Xander. “Well, that sounds kind of strange coming from you. ”

Buffy walked back inside hearing her friends scramble in behind her.

“I mean it, Buffy…he’s dangerous,” Xander warned.

Buffy whirled around. “Oh, really? Tell me this Xander, if he’s so dangerous, then why is he the only one willing to tell me the truth?”

“What do you mean, tell you the truth?” Willow asked, wide eyed.

“That I died…again. Why wouldn’t you want me to know that? Did you somehow bring me back? What happened?” Buffy looked to her friend, confused.

“Buffy, I wasn’t trying to keep it from you. It’s just…something in the spell went…kind of wrong,” Willow confessed.

“Wrong?” Buffy asked.

“N-not really wrong, wrong…j-just kind of…not exactly as planned wrong,” Tara jumped in.

“We were just trying to figure out what happened,” Willow said quickly

“I can tell you what happened,” Anya announced, walking into the Magic Box.

“Please, An, this isn’t the time,” Xander snapped.

“Wait…I want to hear what she has to say,” Buffy said, defending the pouting blond.

Anya flashed her a quick smile “Well, I’ve been thinking about the spell and the part where Willow said, ‘Planto is sic is eram nunquam mortuus’, which loosely translated means ‘make as though she were never dead’. Now, in most cases that wouldn’t be such a big deal, but Buffy had already died once…”

“Are you trying to say the spell kind of…changed time?” Buffy asked.

“But that doesn’t make sense, because it didn’t erase the past four years. We’re all still the same,” Xander said, frowning.

“B-but what if created some kind of dimensional split?” Tara offered.

“Like two Buffy’s?” Anya asked.

“In a sense, that’s exactly what it would mean,” Tara said solemnly.

Buffy’s eyes widened as the group went deadly silent. For a long moment no one moved, and no one spoke.

Willow walked numbly away from the others to face the front of the store. “That means our Buffy could still be trapped in some hell dimension,” she mumbled.