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Of Light And Shadow by FetchingMadScientist
 
Past Participle
 
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Giles held her as she cried, and he hoped he’d done the right thing. The buffer that Willow had added to the spell still had a few hours before it took complete effect. He’d been, of necessity, the last to be affected, and as such, he still remembered some of what had happened.

Looking down at her crumpled face, and hearing the depth of her sadness as she cried, he almost envied her, her ignorance.

Was it only hours ago?

************************************

This was wrong. In point of fact, it was insane, and even though it had been years since he had been her “official” Watcher, he loved her like a daughter and it was his duty to convince her to abandon this course.

She had to stop, before it was too late. “Buffy, you don’t understand,” he implored her to listen to him, “This could…no…” he shook his head, as he mentally went over the grave possibilities of what she was asking, “No,” Giles decided, “it will make you insane. You can’t possibly think that I’d let you…”

He was interrupted by a soft, gentle laughter, and he was shocked to find that Buffy was smiling at him, “Well,” she said, “I can see that the apple didn’t fall too far from the family tree in your case, did it?” her head inclined toward Spike, who was still trying to fade into the background. Giles suspected that was due to his not wanting to tell Buffy of the dangers this plan posed to him, as well as to her. “He tried to tell me the same thing…”

Giles chanced a look in the direction of the vampire standing silently against the wall. His eyes burned with an odd combination of love and loss and certainty.

He seemed lost; terribly, powerfully lost, and it had nothing to do with the incomplete bond; nothing at all to do with that.

Giles knew what Spike was feeling, because he was feeling the same way. He knew it, and he knew it because his Slayer was an unstoppable force. Everyone around her somehow fell into orbit around her, and submitted to her pull; good sense seemed to be a casualty of dwelling within the orbit of the event horizon that was Buffy Summers.

Well, no more. He would make her see what she was doing.

Taking a deep breath, Giles closed his eyes and held the breath within him for a second, before opening his eyes and exhaling slowly. He needed the brief respite from her madness to center him.

“Buffy,” he said, trying desperately to make her see, “Willow and I have done our research. The Ukesolrill is the very essence of the Slayer…”

“Right,” Buffy agreed, “And, it’s a killer,” her voice ebbed as her eyes sought a place off to his left, where he knew Spike stood. When her eyes came back to his, they looked as strong and sure as steel, “I want it gone,” she said again, “If that means that I won’t be the Slayer anymore…”

“That’s not all it would mean, Buffy. There was a Slayer, Willow and I found, who accomplished what you are trying to. Do you know what became of her?”

“No, and I don’t care, Giles…”

“She was a great warrior,” Giles went on; he had to make her see what she was doing. What she would be doing to herself, “She led armies into battle…and those armies won, under her leadership…”

“Rupert,” Spike cautioned softly, “Don’t…”

The pain that he heard in his lost kinsman’s voice, only steeled him. She had to see… “But,” he continued, even though he felt a sudden tightness in his chest, “those battles left her disillusioned. You see, she battled armies of men, not demons. She saw what men could do to one another, while under no undue influence, no demonic sway. She began to see no difference between the two, and she began to wonder…if there was, indeed, a difference…”

“Giles,” Buffy growled, “if you’re trying to talk me out of this,” a slight smirk, a pale imitation of the expression he’d seen on Spike’s face many times, began to play on her lips, “it’s not working.”

“I’m not finished,” Giles said, grimly, “Her Watcher tried to dissuade her. But, to no avail.”

“Uh huh,” Buffy nodded, “Still not working, Giles.”

“The Watcher expelled the Ukesolrill…” his voice trailed off. He did not want to tell her what happened to that poor soul, but she had to see. Perhaps then, if she could truly be made to see, he would not lose her-again, “and, after a time, she began to have hallucinations. She heard voices. Some began to think that she was possessed. Some saw her as divinely chosen. Others…did not. She went insane, Buffy. She was put into prison, and put on trial. When she could not explain her actions, why she chose to wear clothing that women of her day did not, for example, or why she chose to wear her hair short, as some of the males, of her time, did; when she could not explain her voices, and would not denounce her strength or abilities, say that they were demonic in origin, she was burned, Buffy, at the stake. The Council…” he gritted his teeth. He needed strength to finish this. He lowered his eyes, in shame. And, his voice became a whisper as he finished, “had her condemned as a heretic. The Church burned her at the stake. She has since been canonized, considered a saint, but that took hundreds of years. At first, though…

Buffy gasped, “Burned?” her eyes widened in shock, “But, why?”

“People fear what they cannot understand, Buffy. And, not everyone lives in Sunnydale. The Council had to…”

“You’re the head of the Council now,” Buffy smiled, hope in her voice, “You wouldn’t hurt me.”

“No, I would not,” he agreed, “That is why I cannot stand by and watch you do this to yourself. I love you too much for that…”


As the memory began to dim, and her pain began to settle into his bones, he tried to remember what had caused her tears, and why his heart felt as if it would never be whole again.
******************************************

10 FEBRUARY 2008- OSLO, NORWAY-

The voices, the screams were a constant. They were so loud that, at times, it was hard to hear anything else. There was no distinction anymore, no way to pick out the voices from the din. They crawled up his skin and burrowed inside.

They nested, the screams, and became a part of him. They’d become his. They were the only thing he had left-of her.

Sleep had become both a blessing and a curse. There were times when he prayed for silence, for the sickening confusion to end, so that he could finally rest.

But, as he felt Mouse’s gentle hand, and heard his voice calling, he realized that today was not one of those times.

“Simba?” Panya questioned, timidly, “Can you hear me?”

Spike opened his eyes. Another hotel room- God only knows where. Where are you, Buffy? He rolled over. Stared at Mouse and tried to summon enough strength to growl at him, to hate him, but he could not. There was just too much concern in his eyes.

Was the concern for him? “Yeah,” he said, wearily, as he slowly sat up, “I hear you.”

Panya nodded quickly, “Daisy says it is time to move. She says the Synod is closing in.”

Spike lowered his eyes, and whispered, “She calls, and I go. All is as it was before.”
**************************************************************************

FEBRUARY 10, 2008- LOS ANGELES-

Daisy walked into the quiet hospital room where her friend and mentor was lying. Something about the quiet gave her pause, and her mask nearly slipped.

She sat down on the chair next to the bed, and sighed. Daisy knew she couldn’t afford to let the mask slip. She had people counting on her.

Spike was counting on her.

Suddenly, she was struck by the notion that they’d all been through this before- many times, and never got to rest.

Poor Spike…


“Giles,” she said, “I’m taking care of him. I don’t think he really knows…Angel doesn’t seem to have a clue, so that means that Spike still doesn’t know. Doesn’t it?”

She had hoped that he would answer her, but he didn’t. He remained silent. What Angel had done, it didn’t matter that the mystics at Wolfram and Hart had done the actual deed, his hands were dirty, to his mind was horrible. Maybe it was best that he stay silent, and maybe peaceful.

“I’m taking care of him, don’t worry. He’s hidden,” she choked, “I knew there was something I could learn from Rack. He’ll be safe. I promise.”
 
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